Todd McFarlane is a mega-millionaire with success undreamt of. I’m just some guy. But as I’ve been buying and reading – and enjoying! – Gunslinger Spawn, I’m struck with how the dialogue and captions are something of a mess. Hence, here’s my attempt to copyedit Gunslinger Spawn.

After a fight, the Clown offered Gunslinger a deal. If Gunslinger helps Clown defeat the Al Simmons Spawn, then Clown will send Gunslinger back to the Old West. It seemed like a done deal, but issue #5 continues the conversation.

The issue begins with Clown lording over an unconscious Gunslinger.

Breaking up these sentences into shorter ones helps with readability and flow:

“I thought he might die too, my pet. I would have crippled my plans if he had. I’ve been waiting too long for that to happen.”

–

This next passage has some awkward wording.

You can almost always remove “So” at the start of sentences. Is “like a hooked fish” a cliché? Is it meant to be a joke? I say it can be cut. And the repetition of “this one” is odd, making Clown sound like Mantis from Marvel Comics. My suggestion:

“Give him some space while his body resets. This one’s weaker than I thought. But, unfortunately, my pet, we need him alive for a while longer.”

–

Gunslinger wakes, ready for a fight. Clown laughs at him.

Again, just some small edits could make a big difference:

“I’m still waiting for an answer to my offer. Though, I’m beginning to have doubts. I need someone strong by my side.”

–

Time for more action as the two duke it out:

We’ve got more overwriting, with potential cliches like “going down without a fight.”

“Gunslinger knows he can’t win, but he’ll be damned if he’s going down like this.”

–

More fighting:

What on Earth is that comma in the first sentence? Delete it. I’m not sure about the “two titans” line. I get that Todd and co. want to make this huge and epic in readers’ minds, but is now the moment for this? Why not instead continue to emphasize how Clown is more powerful than Gunslinger?

“Clown is ready for this fight, but Gunslinger rages on!”

–

Then we see how outmatched Gunslinger is.

Is it important for the reader to know that Clown is two thousand pounds? I guess Todd is telling us that Clown’s power is not just demonic hellfire, but also Hulk-like physical strength. Is the third caption needed at all? Perhaps the visual says it all. My suggestion:

“Gunslinger holds his own against his two-thousand-pound enemy. But, after mustering everything into one last blow…”

–

Clown has a “Hulk smash” moment, hitting Gunslinger so hard it leaves a crater.

Just some small suggestions for this caption:

“Ground fissures snake out a quarter mile, attesting to Clown’s new power.”

–

We get this exchange between Clown and Violator. Remember that they’re two distinct characters now.

I wonder if we could replace the caption with more dialogue from Clown. Something like this, maybe:

“Want to join the fray, Violator? I appreciate your concern, but I’ve got this handled.”

–

Another display of strength.

For these panels, I suggest deleting the first caption, which is unneeded info, and moving Clown’s dialogue to the first panel.

–

Gunslinger’s back on his feet.

Again, the caption is unnecessary information. You could delete it to Gunslinger’s line more of a dramatic impact.

–

Clown ends the fight by being cordial. He laughs and says to Gunslinger “I’m beginning to like you!” And that’s where we’ll leave it this week.

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