Reading the entire dictionary front to back! It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. Somehow, the letter H has been one of the weirdest, most varied parts of the book so far. What… horrors… does it have for us this week?
Things start out spooky this week with horror, defined as “painful and intense fear, dread, and dismay.” But it’s also “intense repugnance.” Not sure where handsome shirtless vampires fit into that.
The horror!
The dictionary loves animals! A horse, of course, is “a large, solid-hoofed herbivorous domesticated as a draft and saddle animal.” This leads to almost an entire page of words with “horse-” as a prefix. Notable ones are horsehide, “dressed in the raw hide of a horse,” horse latitudes, “two calm regions near 30-degree north and 30-degree south,” and horsewoman, “a woman skilled at riding horseback.”
She earned her spurs.
Hot is obviously “marked by high temperatures,” but it’s also where the dictionary gets into its criminal side with “recently and illegally obtained” with “jewels” in parenthesis, followed by “unusually lucky or favorable” with “dice” in parenthesis. How is it decided which specifics go in the parenthesis?
The Nevada Hot Dice!
Then there’s house, “a building for human habitation” and the like. This is followed by a whole page of “house-” prefix words. A housefly is “a dipteran fly that is common about human habitations.” I flipped back to the Ds, and dipteran is just “relating to, or being a fly.” Kind of a tease on the part of the housefly, there.
Those green eyes, though…
Got a new one here. A huarache is “a sandal with an upper made of interwoven leather strips. A quick Google search shows that the Nike corporation has used this word as a brand for a whole bunch of different running shoes. Is… that okay? I don’t know if these things are okay or not.
What is googling shoe pics going to do to my algorithm?
Just what is the nature of humanity? It’s “the quality or state of being human,” which doesn’t tell us much, but it’s also “the branches of learning dealing with human concerns (as philosophy) as opposed to natural processes (as physics).” That’s a place to start, I suppose.
Somehow hunky-dory made it into the dictionary, defined as “quite satisfactory.” I imagine you’re a person who uses one of those two terms, but never both.
Bowie is undefinable.
Here’s a weird one, and it’s another animal one. The dictionary says a hydra is “any of numerous small tubular freshwater coelenterates that are polyps having at one end a mouth surrounded by tentacles.” There’s no word about the hydra of myth and fantasy. Some additional googling reveals that there actually is a real-life hydra, a tiny basis for the gigantic fantasy creature!
This is what it looks like. Hail Hydra!
The letter H has been a wild ride these last few weeks, so it’s appropriate that it concludes with hysteria, “unmanageable fear or outbursts of emotion,” and hysterics, “a fit of uncontrollable laughter or crying.” That’s what trying to read an entire dictionary does to you.
Next: I spy.
* * * *
Want more? My ongoing series THE SUBTERKNIGHTS is back on the Kindle store! A man searches for his missing sister in a futuristic city filled with far-out tech, strange creatures, and secret magic. Only $0.99 or free with KU!
Things have been a little hectic for me lately, so here’s the Trapster, um, I mean Paste-Pot Pete!
* * * *
Want more? My ongoing series THE SUBTERKNIGHTS is back on the Kindle store! A man searches for his missing sister in a futuristic city filled with far-out tech, strange creatures, and secret magic. Only $0.99 or free with KU!
Reading the entire dictionary front to back! It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. The letter H raises a lot of questions about gender, but we also learn about snakes.
Go forth, because hence is defined as “from this time,” with “four years” added in parenthesis. I wonder why that’s specified. Also, I’m starting to wonder if it’ll take me four years to read a dictionary. It’s also “from this source or origin.”
I don’t know what this is, but it looks cool.
Her is a pronoun of she, obviously, and it’s also “of or relating to her or herself.” Seems to me that would be obvious, but maybe that’s just because I’m a dude.
“Her?”
Speaking of pronouns, the dictionary says a hero is “a man admired for his achievements and qualities,” and “the chief male character in a literary or dramatic work.” I know they’re probably thinking of classic Greek stuff and all, but this seems insensitive to all the great female heroes of fiction. The other definition is “a mythological or legendary figure of great strength or ability.” I guess that’s more exclusive, maybe?
Hero!
The entry for high is a long one, mostly what you’d expect. It’s variations of “elevated,” or “shrill.” And yes, it’s also “intoxicated, excited or stupefied by or as if by a drug.” Stupefied is a good word for it.
Him is simply defined as a pronoun for he/him, and then the definition of himself is “used reflexively, for emphasis, or in absolute constructions.” What does that even mean? Him is simply defined as a pronoun for he/him, and then the definition of himself is “used reflexively, for emphasis, or in absolute constructions.” What does that even mean?
This just makes it more confusing.
More fun with animals! A hippopotamus is “a large thick-skinned aquatic mammal of sub-Saharan Africa that is related to the swine.” I don’t know if hippos would like being compared to swine, but they are on the chubby side, aren’t they?
Pinky and the Brain stole their spotlight.
A hoagie is merely a “submarine,” and not a submarine sandwich. I wonder if that will confuse anyone.
Maybe that’s where the Rutles got the idea.
Our next animal is hog-nosed snake, “a genus of rather small harmless stout-bodied North American snakes that seldom bite but hiss wildly and often play dead when disturbed.” I can just imagine one of the dictionary editors raising their hand at this point and saying, “Let me write this one! I know all about these snakes!”
Looks like it ran into a door.
One of the interesting things about reading the whole thing like this is seeing when the dictionary has been updated and when it’s still holding onto things from years earlier. Case in point, home theater is “an entertainment system (as a television with surround sound and a DVD player) for the home.” The dictionary really should upgrade to 4K.
The smart set!
We’ve seen a lot of horoscope stuff in the book so far, and now we arrive at horoscope itself, “a diagram of the relative positions of planets and signs of the zodiac at a particular time for use by astrologers to foretell events of a person’s life.”
No word about when the fought the Avengers.
Next: The hoary hosts!
* * * *
Want more? My ongoing series THE SUBTERKNIGHTS is back on the Kindle store! A man searches for his missing sister in a futuristic city filled with far-out tech, strange creatures, and secret magic. Only $0.99 or free with KU!
Reading the entire dictionary front to back! It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. As we continue working through the letter H, things get… hardcore.
Take a gander at handsome, defined as “pleasing and usually generous in appearance,” “sizable, ample,” and “generous, liberal.” It also has one of those entomology notes in parenthesis, saying that in Old English, it meant, “easy to manipulate,” which might explain a lot. It also doesn’t specify men only, so get handsome, ladies!
The handsomest.
There are multiple definitions for hang, mostly about fasting items to a wall or ledge, or to droop in space. There’s also “to remain stationary in the air,” which I suppose is there for the basketball fans. And it concludes with “to pass time by idly relaxing or socializing” and includes an example in parenthesis, “at the mall.” The dictionary thinks malls still exist.
They probably went to the mall on occasion.
Hardcore is “the most determined or dedicated members of a specified group.” But then the dictionary gets a little judgmental the second definition, “extremely resistant to solution or improvement.” Doesn’t sound so hardcore to me.
Harlequin is weirdly specific, “a character (as in comedy) with a shaved head, masked face, variegated tights, and a wooden sword.” I’m not an expert in the ol’ commedia dell’arte, but I wonder how concrete this list is.
“Mistah J!”
More fun with mythology, as a harpy is “a malign creature of myth having a woman’s head and a bird’s body.” It’s also a “predatory person,” and a “shrewish woman.” I don’t know how they are differentiating between woman and person, but that’s the dictionary for you.
A hat is simply “a covering for the head usually having a shaped crown and bridge.” Then the book jumps ahead and steals a definition from the letter U with under one’s hat, meaning “secret” with an example of “kept the plans under his hat.” I guess one dictionary editor snuck his elevator pitch for a spy movie in there.
Watch out for that hat.
Hazard is “a dice game” before it’s “a source of danger” or “an obstacle on a golf course.” It’s a game involving rolling only two dice, but the rules get more and more complicated as it goes on. And yes, betting is involved. There are a lot of dice games like this, which strikes me as Dungeons and Dragons but without the fantasy.
Looks exciting.
The head entry starts with “the front or upper part of the body containing the brain, the chief sense organs, and the mouth.” Is “chief sense organs” a common phrase I don’t know? This is followed by almost two pages of words with “head-” as a prefix.
What an oddity.
The heart is of course the body’s muscular organ, or the symbol of a heart, but it’s also “the younger central part of a compact leafy cluster.” Is it somebody’s job to monitor the ages of leafy clusters?
Heat is “a condition of being hot,” and similar definitions. It’s also “sexual excitement, especially in female mammals.” I’ll assume this refers more to cats and like rather than humans.
Hot stuff.
Heavy metal is “energetic and highly amplified electronic rock music.” I guess just “loud” wasn’t specific enough. This is followed by heavy water, “water enriched in deuterium.” Does that include… Heavy Rain?
“Gotcha, suckuz!”
The animal definitions continue to be some of the most interesting. A hedgehog is “a small, Old World insect eating mammal covered with spines.” Does this mean it’s an Old World mammal, or it’s a mammal that eats Old World insects?
How did this fit into the mythology?
Hedonism is “a doctrine that pleasure is the chief good in life,” and “a way of life based on this.” I question the use of “doctrine” to describe this.
“Reading an entire dictionary? How droll.”
Then we take flight with helicopter, “an aircraft that is supported in the air by one or more rotors revolving on substantially vertical axes. This one also has an entomology note in parentheses, saying it’s from the Greek helik, meaning spiral, and pteron, meaning wing. Cool.
But wolves can’t fly.
Next: Go forth, hence!
* * * *
Want more? My ongoing series THE SUBTERKNIGHTS is back on the Kindle store! A man searches for his missing sister in a futuristic city filled with far-out tech, strange creatures, and secret magic. Only $0.99 or free with KU!
Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. In vol. 5 #3, writer James Robinson keeps things moving with a powerless hero, frustrated parents, and continuity references galore.
After New York was invaded by insect-like aliens from within Franklin’s old pocket universe (long story), Reed used energy from the Negative Zone to stop them. Except Johnny was caught in that same energy, and now he’s lost his powers. This issue begins with Reed explaining that Johnny died and was resurrected while in the Negative Zone (this was during the Jonathan Hickman run), so the energy that rendered the insects comatose had an effect on Johnny as well. Reed says he’ll work on reversing the effects, but Johnny says he won’t hold his breath. Until then, he says, he’ll stick to just being Johnny Storm, concentrating on his new music career.
Ben hangs out with Alicia at her studio, telling her about a recent team-up he’s had with Deathlok. She expresses concern over him always being in danger, and he promises to protect her, no matter what. A mysterious winged figure is watching them, and we see that this person is spying on them on behalf of the Puppet Master. He watches them from a distance.
Out in New York, Reed is meeting with Damage Control about the cleanup following last issue’s battle. Reed wonders how the insects got out of containment. He later talks to the new Nick Fury about it, saying that he’s having trouble cracking the insects’ molecular structure. Fury says S.H.I.E.L.D. is considering exterminating the rest of the insects, rather than leaving them comatose.
Cut to the bottom of the ocean, where Sue and Namor are taking the Future Foundation kids on an expedition to see a bunch of the Giganto whale-like creatures. Atlanteans Vil and Wu say they’re not homesick, and prefer being a part of the FF family. This causes Sue to flashback to sometime earlier. Sue finds a note in Valeria’s room. This how Valeria tells Sue she has left for Latveria, “where I intend to stay for the time being,” she writes. She says she’s disappointed by how Reed handled things during their recent trip through spacetime, and that Dr. Doom might be willing to listen to new ideas after being brutally defeated by Ant-Man. Val writes, “Please don’t follow me” and “I will return when I’m ready.” Turn the page and we see Valeria with Doom, overlooking the people of Latveria. She tells him that instead of tearing down the world, she thinks he should build it up.
Johnny meets with his publicist. He muses about his old solo adventures from Strange Tales, calling those memories “Goofy.” Reed makes a discovery in his lab and contacts Fury. Reed insists that insects aren’t to be killed or even tested, because… they’re actually humans! Johnny and Ben take a walk through Times Square, with Johnny still insisting he’s fine with that’s happened. Then they’re attacked by a powerful force that tears up the street under them. Johnny is about to fight back, only for no powers. Ben steps up to find they’re against the Wrecker. But instead of yet another new version of the Wrecking Crew, the Wizard appears alongside Cannonball and a new, female Bulldozer. The Wizard announces this as the new Frightful Four!
To be continued!
Unstable molecule: Reed’s very longwinded explanation of how Johnny lost his powers include how he only has partial knowledge of Franklin’s pocket universe, so he spliced the unknown bits with parts from other dimensions that he had at his disposal, notably the Negative Zone. I guess this means Reed keeps samples from all the alternate dimensions the FF have visited.
Fade out: Sue references how she’s still the emissary to the recently-discovered Old Atlantis, and that she’s visiting the undersea kingdom more than ever.
Clobberin’ time: Ben’s team-up with Deathlok was fight the Secret Empire. It doesn’t look like this was story was properly told in some other comic, but I could be wrong. This version of Deathlok is the new one, Deathlok Prime, who was a supporting character in X-Force.
Flame off: Johnny’s nostalgia includes looking back at his battles against Asbestos Man, also referenced in the Marvels Snapshot FF one-shot.
Fantastic fifth wheel: Namor helping lead the undersea expedition means we can count this as him serving as an alternate member of the team. Johnny says Darla Deering has reached out to him to ask if he’s okay. And freakin’ H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot can be seen assisting Reed in the lab in one panel.
Four and a half: The other kids ask Franklin about the creepy way Namor always looks at Sue. Franklin just says, “I’ve gotten used to it.”
Our gal Val: For many comic readers, the iconic image of Valeria is her standing by Dr. Doom’s side. This issue is where that originates.
The Alicia problem: Johnny congratulates Ben on getting back together with Alicia, and then he ponders Lyja, calling her “quite possibly the love of my life.” He adds that she was last seen in the Negative Zone. He tried looking for her during his time there, but there was no sign of her.
Foundational: Alex Power muses about how both Namor and Giganto were once considered the FF’s enemies. Sue tells him, “Times change, and people with it.”
Trivia time: While it was assumed for many years that Giganto was just one monster, this issue confirms an entire species of Gigantos living in the deep sea. The Marvel Wiki says it’s unknown how many there are, and they might be either Atlantean or Deviant (from The Eternals) in nature.
The last time we saw Damage Control in Fantastic Four, they had become evil war profiteers during Civil War. Now they’ve reverted back to comic relief status. The only members seen in this issue are the no-nonsense Lenny and dog sidekick Fluppy. Kathleen O’Meara, who was once considered as a love interest for the Thing, does not appear.
Fantastic or frightful? While the Valeria/Dr. Doom thing is a fascinating new status quo, it feels out of character for the FF not to tear apart Doom’s castle to get her back. Beyond that, this is a nice table-setting issue, moving multiple storylines forward and addressing lots of continuity without overwhelming the reader, something Robinson was always very good at.
Next: The Replacements.
* * * *
Want more? My ongoing series THE SUBTERKNIGHTS is back on the Kindle store! A man searches for his missing sister in a futuristic city filled with far-out tech, strange creatures, and secret magic. Only $0.99 or free with KU!
Reading the dictionary front to back! It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. Hey, hey, this week we get to the letter H!
The book really paints a word picture with green, “a color between blue and yellow in the spectrum, the color of growing fresh grass or of the emerald.” The other definitions also emphasize plants and leafiness, and also “inexperienced, naïve.”
It’s not easy being green.
Once again, the dictionary proves itself to be antiquated at times, because a gremlin is “a cause of error or equipment malfunction conceived of as a small gnome.” I don’t know that “gnome” is the first image that comes to mind for most folks today.
Does this look like a gnome to you?
Grog is “alcoholic liquor, especially liquor (as rum) mixed with water.” But then the dictionary adds some historical context, “nickname of Edward Vernon, 1757, English admiral responsible for diluting the sailors’ rum.” Nobody tell Jack Sparrow about this guy.
Yeah, he probably enjoyed the occasional rum drink.
Then we get somewhat more modern with grunge, “heavy metal rock music expressing alienation and discontent.” Any music fans care to comment on whether this is accurate? Grunge is also “untidy or tattered clothing typically worn by grunge fans.” That one sounds about right to me.
The guy from Gen 13 goes unmentioned.
A guy is “a man, fellow, or person.” Sure, but that’s the third definition, after “a rope, chain, or rod attached to something as a brace or guide,” and “to make fun of; ridicule.” I wonder how these orders of definitions get decided. You’d think the most common one would be top, but not always.
For a second there, I thought Gymkata made the dictionary. But no, it’s gymkhana, which is just “a meet featuring sports contests,” and “a contest of automobile driving skill.”
The thrill of gymnastics, the KILL of karate.
The last word under G is gyve, and the definition is just the word “fetter.” Merriam-Webster online offers a little more detail, saying this a restraint, a chain or shackle attached to the feet. Lovely.
And now it’s hello to the letter H! Things begin with quite the eclectic assortment of words, with ha as “to express surprise or joy,” the Bible book Habakkuk, habanera as “a Cuban dance in slow time,” habanero as “a very hot chili pepper that is usually orange when mature,” and habeas corpus as “a writ issued to bring a party before a court.” I dare somebody to use all five in one sentence.
Hot stuff.
Next we brush past hair, “threadlike outgrowth, especially from the skin of a mammal, also a covering or growth of hairs of an animal or body part.” Maybe a little clinical there, but I guess that works.
Age of Aquarius! Let the sunshine in! And so on.
Halloween is “the evening of October 31 observed especially by children in merrymaking and masquerading.” That doesn’t cover all of it, but I suppose there’s only so much space in the dictionary.
Sam does not approve.
Somebody at the dictionary was feeling playful when they defined ham as “the buttock with its associated thigh.” You don’t see the word buttock as much these days. Ham is also a cut of pork, a showy performer, and amateur radio.
Unsung hero.
A hand is “the end of a front limb when modified (as in humans) for grasping.” Who did this modification? What does the dictionary know that it’s not saying?
Don’t get handsy.
Next: Wanna hang out?
* * * *
Want more? My ongoing series THE SUBTERKNIGHTS is back on the Kindle store! A man searches for his missing sister in a futuristic city filled with far-out tech, strange creatures, and secret magic. Only $0.99 or free with KU!
Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. After setting the stage last issue, writer James Robinson delivers big action in vol. 5, issue #2.
After catching up with what our heroes have been up to, a portal opened inside the new Baxter Building and a bunch of insect-like creatures burst out. We begin with another narration, this time from Sue’s personal journal, written sometime in the future. She says this is where it all began, the end of the Fantastic Four.
We see the building rocked by an explosion. Dragon Man protects the Future Foundation kids while our heroes regroup. Johnny says the insects are now out and about, attacking the city. Franklin adds that he can sense the creatures and they “come from my world.” He means the pocket universe he created with his reality-altering mutant powers from Heroes Reborn and Heroes Return. We know this because he describes it as, “where you and those other heroes were reborn.” He says the pocket universe has gotten sick and infected, and someone let it out.
The FF take off in a sleek new Fantasticar, with an entire page devoted to how it splits into four quads. By now, the creatures have attacked the whole of Manhattan. Sue, Ben, and Johnny fight the insects. Reed muses about who might be behind this, and how this is a puzzle he can’t quite solve. The Wasp flies up to Reed and announces that all of New York’s superheroes are joining the battle. For the record, we’ve got Wasp, Captain America, Wolverine, Rogue, and Havok from the Uncanny Avengers team; Luke Cage, Spectrum, and the Blue Marvel from the Mighty Avengers team; Captain Marvel, Hawkeye, and Spider-Man from the regular Avengers team, and Daredevil, Giant-Man, and Mach-VII making this solo adventures for themselves.
Johnny subdues one of the insects so Reed can get it back to the lab. Reed heads straight back there in hopes of a solution while the rest of the heroes keep fighting. Reed then regroups with everyone at the Fantasticar. He’s invented a device filled with “cytotoxin” that will neutralize the creatures if blasted with heat from the upper atmosphere over the city. Johnny volunteers, despite Reed warning there could be side effects.
Johnny flies off and activates the device, creating a massive fireball across the sky. It works, as all the insects are stunned and fall. Sue spots johnny knocked out and falling with them. Reed catches him as he comes to. In a daze, he says, “I can’t feel them anymore,” and “It’s like I’ve lost a limb or something.” He then sheds a tear and says, “My powers are gone.”
To be continued!
Unstable molecule: Reed says he developed his toxin by getting part of it from inside the Negative Zone, something that will come up next issue. But did he already have this in his lab from a previous adventure, or do we assume this alien invasion issue also has an entire Negative Zone expedition in it?
Fade out: Sue’s narration stops after just the first page, instead running through the whole issue like last time.
Clobberin’ time: While Reed sits up front in the new Fantasticar, it’s pointed out that Ben is the team pilot, and he’s the one who initiates the separation sequence.
Flame on: Johnny jokes that all Ben has to do is push the big button while flying the Fantasticar. But then, during the finale, his instructions for the toxin device are also to push the big button.
Fantastic fifth wheel: Spider-Man in this issue isn’t the real Spidey! It’s the Superior Spider-Man, a.k.a. Dr. Octopus’ brain inside Peter Parker’s dead body. One of the more misbegotten stories in Spider history. Luke Cage is also in the fight. This Giant-Man is the original, Hank Pym, not the FF’s Scott Lang.
Four and a half: Franklin cries out for his parents seconds before the explosion, able to sense that something’s up with the pocket universe he created.
Foundational: Artie Matticks is colored green in this issue, rather than his usual pink/purple. Let’s just say it’s the lighting.
Trivia time: The last time we saw inside the pocket universe (which the Marvel Wiki still insists on calling “Counter Earth”), that Earth had been conquered by Dr. Doom, only for it to become a Mad Max-like post apocalypse. He conquered that world again (!) and left it in charge of his general, Lancer, in the 2000 Doom miniseries.
Fantastic or frightful? Pretty impressive to pack an entire alien invasion crossover into a single issue. It’s all about building up to that last page, setting the stage for more complications in future issues. It’s one piece of a larger whole, but still a fun read.
Next: Get wrecked.
* * * *
Want more? My ongoing series THE SUBTERKNIGHTS is back on the Kindle store! A man searches for his missing sister in a futuristic city filled with far-out tech, strange creatures, and secret magic. Only $0.99 or free with KU!
Reading the dictionary front to back! It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. This week, somewhat appropriately, we go from glass to gold to greed.
We begin by digesting gizzard, “the muscular usually horny-lined enlargement of the alimentary canal of a bird used for churning and grinding up food.” The movie Jurassic Park never says why the triceratops is sick, but the book has an explanation about how it’s because the dinosaurs have gizzards. Also, “horny-lined?”
A gizzard did it.
Things get weird with glamour. In parenthesis, we get “magic spell,” and “from the popular association of erudition of occult practices.” The dictionary adds “Sc” to this as well, with the chart in the front of the book saying this is short for Scottish. Just so there’s no mistaking this for a Dungeons & Dragons manual, the actual definition is, “an exciting and often illusory and romantic attractiveness.” Did casting a glamour spell in D&D ever actually do anything?
Casting a spell.
Then we see through glass as “a hard brittle amorphous usually transparent or translucent consisting typically of silica.” It’s also a glass container or eyeglasses, of course.
Good thing there was no sequel.
Somehow Gloomy Gus makes it into the dictionary, as “a person who is habitually gloomy.” And on the next page we get glum, which is “broodingly morose, sullen” and “dreary, gloomy.”
Larsen just loves this little guy.
The word go has an astonishing 43 definitions, covering almost half an entire page. Most of these are what you’d expect, with lots of examples for each variation, like “goes barefoot,” or “goes on the top shelf,” but the book also says go can mean “to become lost, consumed, or spent,” and “to die.” Morbid.
The thrill-a-minute Go board game also goes unmentioned.
Then we’re back in gizzard territory with gobble, “to make the natural guttural noise of a male turkey,” and “to swallow and eat greedily.” Right below is gobbledygook, “generally unintelligible jargon.” That’s what reading a dictionary feels like after a while.
Gold is “a malleable yellow metallic chemical element used especially for coins and jewelry.” Do people still make gold coins? This is followed by golden eagle, “a large dark colored eagle with gold-colored feathers on the back of the head and neck.” And then one I’d never heard of before, golden hamster. It’s “a small tawny hamster often kept as a pet.” Shiny!
AAAHH, it has little hands!
Goth and gothic are strictly history, “a member of the Germanic people that early in the Christian era overran the Roman Empire,” and “of or relating to a style of architecture prevalent in western Europe from the middle 12th to the early 16th century.” Nothing about those cool college girls dressed in black you see on the subway. (era)
Daria and Jane: Goth or not?
Graffiti is “unauthorized writing or drawing on a public surface.” But there’s also graffito, “an inscription or drawing made on a public surface.” Where are we drawing the line (heh) between these two?
A grapnel is “a small anchor used especially to recover a sunken object especially to recover a sunken object or to anchor a small boat.” This doesn’t quite describe the grapnel boost from the Batman Arkham games, does it?
Maybe Batman IS the boat.
Want more? Greed is “acquisitive or selfish desire beyond reason.” Does that nail it, or is that perhaps a bit judgmental?
Von Stroheim knew what was up.
Next: Hello to H.
* * * *
Want more? My ongoing series THE SUBTERKNIGHTS is back on the Kindle store! A man searches for his missing sister in a futuristic city filled with far-out tech, strange creatures, and secret magic. Only $0.99 or free with KU!
Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. It’s the beginning of the end, people. As writer James Robinson takes over the series, we begin building up to the 2015 Secret Wars which closed the book (for a time) on the FF. But first, here’s vol. 5, issue #1.
James Robinson is of course famous for his revitalization of DC’s Starman, tying together all the past versions of the character in one big epic saga, while also making it accessible to casual readers. It’s one of the all-time greats. Beyond that, he’s worked a lot. Mostly for DC, but some for Marvel and indie comics. He’s also a Hollywood guy, working on the films Comic Book Villains (2002) and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003). On art, we have Leonard Kirk. He got his start on the always-awesome Dinosaurs for Hire, and he worked with Peter David on Supergirl, Aquaman, and X-Factor. His more recent work has included Avengers Inc. and two Sabretooth miniseries.
We begin in a dark place where Sue is writing a letter to Franklin and Valeria, hoping that someday they’ll understand the dark time their family is currently going through. Some time has passed, and we see that things have changed since the last issue. Sue says Reed has devoted himself to his lab work as a broken shell of a man. Ben is in prison after Reed’s testimony (!). Johnny has surrounded himself with drinking and women, with Sue saying he’s “too far gone.” Sue says she’s never felt more alone and heartbroken, even if not long ago things felt so bright and golden.
We flashback to the Fantastic Four in action, fighting the dragon Fin Fang Foom, who is attacking New York. Note that the heroes have on their stylin’ new red uniforms. No reason is given for this, but here they are. Reed has a neutralizer ready to take down Fin Fang Foom, but it takes time to calibrate, so the others have to keep the monster distracted. After some fighting and classic FF banter, they manage to defeat the monster. S.H.I.E.L.D. arrives under the leadership of the new Nick Fury, son of the original, to haul away the unconscious Fin Fang Foom. Reed thinks something is up, as Foom is normally intelligent, and not acting like a animalistic monster.
Back at HQ that night, we get a look at why Sue is so sad. Valeria has left her and Reed to go live with Dr. Doom in Latveria. Reed says it’s because they kept secrets from her during their yearlong trip through time and space from the previous story arc, and he encourages Sue to be patient and let Val have her space. They’re interrupted by the Future Foundation kids horsing around. This cheers Sue up a bit, while Reed informs her that Ben and Johnny have both taken off for the night.
Ben is visiting Alicia in her studio. He says their situation has been “casual” for a long time now, but he wants them to be a couple again. Alicia touches his face and says she’d like that too. Johnny, meanwhile, visits his manager about the release of his new album, Storm Warning. The manager says the record contract is contingent on Johnny not going into space or other dimensions. Johnny promises to keep things earthbound, and he signs the contract.
That night, Sue concludes the letter, saying that things seem bright even though Valeria left. But then, in the middle of the night, a doorway inside the new Baxter Building marked Gateway F switches from “sealed” to “unsealed” and a bunch of monsters burst out of it. Sue writes in the letter, “This day marked the end of happiness. The end of hope. The end of family.”
To be continued!
Unstable molecule: Reed built an anti-Fin Fang Foom neutralizer some time ago, and just kept it around in case the monster decided to attack NYC. I wonder if he came up with this during his “solve everything” phase during the Jonathan Hickman days.
Fade out: Sue uses multiple force fields at once during the fight, standing on one while using two to keep falling debris away from civilians, and a fourth to keep Fin Fang Foom at bay.
Clobberin’ time: Ben and Alicia broke up way back in The Thing #1 in the ‘80s. While it’s often been strongly hinted at that there’s still romance there, they’ve not been an official couple again until this issue. (Does Ben even know about Alicia and the Silver Surfer?)
Flame on: Despite promising to stay on Earth, the final sequence has one panel showing Johnny flying through space already.
Four and a half: Franklin also wears the new red uniform, while the rest of the Future Foundation sticks with their usual white outfits.
Our gal Val: I’ve read ahead, so I know the circumstances of Valeria’s leaving will get more detail in the future. The Marvel Wiki tells me there’s also an issue of X-Factor from around this time dealing with Valeria and Dr. Doom, but there’s no footnote saying what issue it is, and I didn’t feel like reading a year’s worth of X-Factor this week.
Foundational: The Future Foundation kids are upset because they think Bentley-23 has invented a death ray. Turns out it’s a death-by-chocolate ray, which is not as frightening but could still be dangerous. Dragon Man promises to take care of the situation.
Trivia time: It’s Fin Fang Foom! Back in the pre-Fantastic Four monster comics days, he was a dragon-like alien who crashed to Earth in ancient China and filled with role of a Chinese dragon. After being defeated, he came back to life by combining a human’s body with a variety of lizards, which is referenced in this issue. Despite some possibly problematic culturalisms, Fin Fang Foom is a favorite among Marvel writers and artists whenever they want a giant monster fight. He previously encountered the FF in a miniseries called Fin Fang Four in 2005. I didn’t cover it for this blog because I have no copies or scans of it.
Fantastic or frightful? There’s a stark change in tone between the light and playful Matt Fraction run and the sad and morose feel of this one. Still, it does a good job of setting up the new status quo while dropping lots of hints as to where the story is going in the future – something Robinson did quite well in Starman. But, again, this is the beginning of the end. The question is, at one point did everyone at Marvel know the series was ending? I don’t think this issue was written with that in mind, but maybe.
Next: Quit bugging me.
* * * *
Want more? My ongoing series THE SUBTERKNIGHTS is back on the Kindle store! A man searches for his missing sister in a futuristic city filled with far-out tech, strange creatures, and secret magic. Only $0.99 or free with KU!
Reading the entire dictionary front to back! It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. Gee whiz, we’ve reached the letter G!
The first full word under G is gab, “to talk in a rapid or thoughtless matter.” This is followed by gabardine, “a firm durable twilled fabric having diagonal ribs and made of various fibers.” The problem with visiting London is all those Gabardine Steakhouse locations.
Kidding! I’m just kidding.
If you’ve ever seen the word gaffer in a movie’s end credits and wondered what that is, it’s “a lighting technician on a motion picture or television set.” If you’ve ever read Lord of the Rings and wondered why Sam always carries on about his gaffer, it’s also defined as “an old man.”
He was in the movies, apparently.
Gamma rays are real?!? According to this, they’re “a photon emitted by a radioactive substance” or “a photon of higher energy than that of an x-ray.” And here I thought this was made up for Incredible Hulk comics. The Marvel Wiki has a similar definition, adding a fictional “third form” of gamma rays that mutate human beings (such as the Hulk) on rare occasions.
Pure science.
Here’s another new one. Gavotte is “a dance of French peasant origins marked by the raising rather than sliding of the feet.” I’m thinking there’s probably more than one dance that fits this description.
They’re having fun.
In addition to “merry,” “lively,” and “brilliant in color,” gay is defined as “sexual or romantic attraction to people of one’s same sex.” That’s all well and good, but then the dictionary adds “often used to refer to men only (and lesbian students).” Why just students? What online videos have the dictionary editors been watching?
You’d think there’s plenty of lesbian vampire representation, but I guess not.
A genie is “a supernatural spirit that often takes human form, usually serving the person who calls on it.” No word on wish-granting. It also doesn’t say fictional, or even folklore/myth. Do the editors know something the rest of don’t?
Also no mention of all the wisecracks.
Then there’s gigolo, “a man supported by a woman, usually in exchange for his attentions.” That’s one way of putting it.
He’s just a gigolo.
More animal fun with giraffe, “an African ruminant mammal with a very long neck and a short coat with dark blotches.” I flipped ahead to ruminant to see it refers to hooved mammals known for “chewing the cud.” How unflattering.
Are we SURE they’re not dinosaurs?
Next: They called me Mr. Glass.
* * * *
Want more? My ongoing series THE SUBTERKNIGHTS is back on the Kindle store! A man searches for his missing sister in a futuristic city filled with far-out tech, strange creatures, and secret magic. Only $0.99 or free with KU!
macmcentire 