Todd McFarlane is a mega-millionaire with success undreamt of. I’m just some guy. But as I’ve been buying and reading – and enjoying! – Gunslinger Spawn, I’m struck with how the dialogue and captions are something of a mess. Hence, here’s my attempt to copyedit Gunslinger Spawn.

In the previous issue, Gunslinger and Clown worked out a deal. Clown promised to return Gunslinger to the past if Gunslinger helps defeat the Al Simmons Spawn. It seemed like a done deal, but as issue #6 begins, their conversation continues.

Is the section caption needed at all? I say it can be deleted and the scene doesn’t change.

–

Clown continues, with another wordy paragraph:

This is another case of safety words, or safety phrases, which is filler than can be cut. My suggestion:

“I’m sure you are. Relax a moment while I tend to a few logistics.”

–

They’re in an otherworldly place called Omega Island. We don’t get a good look at the place, but apparently it’s been seen in previous Spawn comics. Clown’s robotic servants lock up his monstrous other selves.

Is the King Kong reference needed? I think the art does that on its own. The word “intrusion” doesn’t work here. “Violation” would be better, except that this character is the Violator. I’m thinking of something like this:

“Guards restrain the violator. The giant monster accepts this compliance.”

–

Clown gives Violator the grand tour:

Tightening up these sentences could give these sentences more impact:

“These remnants remind of the pain I’ve suffered, and where I recently killed a hellspawn.”

And:

“I’m kiddin’! Your face! You thought I was serious? Ha ha ha ha!”

–

Clown reminds us of the ongoing plot:

“As I said” and “Besides” are more examples of safety words, the type of things that should be removed in an edit. “Dine like kings” could be a cliché.

“You’re too valuable to hurt.”

And:

“We can’t send you back home if you’re not healthy.”

–

Gunslinger has these little flashbacks throughout this part:

We just established the plan is to send Gunslinger home, so do we have to repeat again in this panel? Also, “Lost in thought” could be considered a cliché or a safety phrase. Instead, consider:

“Gunslinger isn’t listening. He’s remembering.”

–

Clown reveals the dinner table, setting up this issue’s whole “My Dinner with Clown” vibe.

In the first two sentences, “dine under the stars” and “spared no expense” could be a cliché. Starting sentences with “So” is almost always unneeded. My edits:

“Tonight, we seal our partnership!”

And:

“Behold, the most magnificent evening you’ll ever have!”

–

Things get interesting as Gunslinger and Clown sit down for dinner, but we’ll get to that… next time.

* * * *

Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.