Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #563 is all about the Thing getting engaged, along with naughty cosplayers and a looming otherworldly threat.

We begin with a very suggestive image of Johnny getting romantic with Storm and the Scarlet Witch. Turn the page and no, it’s not really them. Johnny explains to one of the guys in his band that they’re two cosplayers he met at a club the night before. The band guy informs Johnny that Ben had gotten engaged to schoolteacher Debbie Green. Johnny says, “This is the biggest thing ever,” and he leaps out the window to flame on and fly off.

The paparazzi are all outside the new Baxter Building, hoping for a shot of Ben and Debbie. Inside, Reed, Sue and the kids are congratulating the couple. Johnny arrives and learns the wedding is set for only six weeks. Back outside, the paparazzi speculate about who Debbie is. Then her slimy ex-boyfriend Jason shows up, promising to tell them everything about her.

In Reed’s lab, he’s on a call with Iron Man. Reed informs Tony about his talk with Dr. Doom last issue. Doom warned Reed of his “masters,” the ones who made him who he is. Reed is planning another family vacation, and Tony says he’ll keep an eye on Doom while they’re gone. On the roof of the Baxter Building, Ben receives a gigantic statue from Wakanda as an engagement gift. Reed tells him that he and Debbie are both invited on the vacation.

Later, Sue is with Debbie and the kids at Madison Square Park. Debbie is concerned about being famous. Sue says she’s used to a family with superpowers, but Debbie must consider her perfectly ordinary family and friends. Sue cautions Debbie about walking away from her old life, but she also says this is the happiest Ben has been in a long time.

Cut to “one dimension away,” in the alternate universe New York from last issue. The place is wrecked, with rubble and dead bodies all around. The mystery man seen last issue confront this universe’s Reed, telling him all his teammates are dead. He says, “You live. We kill. It’s just the way things are.” The alt-universe Human Torch, named Jack Richards, flames on and flies high up into the sky. He builds up momentum for one last attack, but the mystery man stops him merely by holding up a hand.

The mystery man’s travelling companion asks if their work is done. The mystery man says there’s only one left to kill. There’s a huge explosion, and then it’s over. The mystery man says it’s time to visit their favorite pupil, Victor Von Doom, now that twenty years have passed. “This should be interesting,” he says.

Cut to Dr. Doom’s jail cell inside the Hague, guards wonder why Doom is smiling. A closeup on his mask, and it actually does look like he’s smiling! Doom responds, “You’ll see.”

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: Reed says he owes the family another vacation after the last one ended badly. This is in reference to the time travel craziness we saw at the start of issue #554.

Fade out: There’s a strangely dark moment where Debbie says even super-villains wouldn’t attack a school, and Sue tells her, “I think you’re being naïve.”

Clobberin’ time: Ben says the giant Wakandan statue is a gift from Black Panther. It’s a fertility idol (!) which promises six healthy sons in the future. Ben says he wouldn’t mind sextuplets.

Flame on: Johnny uses his flame to sky-write “Congratulations Ben and Debbie” overhead. Ben jokes that he’s doing this to save money on a card.

Fantastic fifth wheel: We get another glimpse of the Doombots that were reprogrammed with the remains of H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot to be the FF’s household staff. Freakin’ H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot.

One of the paparazzi asks whether Debbie is the girlfriend of Ben’s who used to be Ms. Marvel. I assume he’s referring to Sharon Ventura.

Four and a half: Franklin is present throughout this issue to establish he’s with the family, but he doesn’t say or do much.

Our gal Val: Valeria has a blog! The issue’s opening recap page is set up to look like her blog site, where she’s writing about what the FF are up to. She’s also letting the whole world know she’s a super-genius now.

Sue-per spy: The 2019 Invisible Woman miniseries revealed Sue had a double life as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent all along. In this issue, she talks to Debbie about always having to be disguised when she goes out in public. Could this be her spy training at work?

Trivia time: One of the paparazzi is a Daily Bugle photographer named Harry. The Marvel Wiki insists that this is not the same Bugle employee named Harry who was abducted by Dr. Octopus in Amazing Spider-Man annual #15.

Fantastic or frightful? I do enjoy these slice-of-life issues, even though a lot of this is obviously setting up big things to come. The lighter plot means the comic can do things like spend two pages on Johnny jumping out a window and flying off for a nice cinematic moment. It’s unfortunate that we only hear about Debbie being overwhelmed by her new life rather than seeing this play out from her point of view. Other than that, Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch continue to impress.

Next: The Scots word of the day.

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