Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Matt Fraction’s multi-part epic kicks into gear in FF vol. 2 #3, with plenty of mystery and romance. Like Ford Prefect, I hope you brought a towel.

Recap: The Fantastic Four have left on a space-time expedition, which will be one year for them, but only four minutes on Earth. Except they never returned after that four minutes. In their place we have the replacement Fantastic Four – Ant-Man, She-Hulk, Medusa, and newcomer Darla Deering – to protect the Earth and take care of all the genius kids of the Future Foundation. Then things got further complicated by an appearance of an older, transformed Johnny Storm, who proclaimed, “The Fantastic Four are dead!”

We get a better look at Johnny, who says his name is John Storm now. He says the Fantastic Four died outside of space and time, and he’s been hunting the ones who killed them across space and time. He has white hair now, and a cybernetic arm and leg. John says that Dr. Doom, Annihilus, and Kang combined their powers and even their physical forms to create a new entity, Doom the Annihilating Conqueror. This new villain killed Reed, Sue, and Ben. John says he sealed the door behind him, but he fears Doom A.C. will find a way and hunt him down. Ant-Man has a brief flashback to his daughter’s death, and then says the team has to be assembled to “figure out who this guy is.” The first step is to get Darla back.

During all this, there are references to the Future Foundation’s four Moloid kids having run off. Deep underground, we see them secretly meeting with the Mole Man. They have stolen a “starheart” for him, and received his sanction as their reward. The Moloids also thank him for his recent attack on New York, which brought the Fantastic Four together. The Moloids ask the Mole Man not to tell him why he needs the starheart, so they don’t have to lie when the Fantastic Four eventually get involved.

We catch up with Darla, who left the FF after the last issue. Remember that she’s a huge popstar, and she’s performing a show on New Year’s Eve for a huge crowd. In the dressing room afterward, she feels like a phony and a coward. Ant-Man has sent flowers to her dressing room asking her to come back, and he’s secretly hiding on a flower pedal in his ant-sized form. Also note that for the rest of this issue, Darla is wearing only a towel and nothing else.

Darla also gets a package from the Yancy Street Gang. Fearing it’s a bomb, Ant-Man grows to normal size to rescue her. The “bomb” goes off, filling the room with whipped cream. A bunch of Yancy Streeters show up wearing Thing masks, accusing Darla of being a fake Thing. They take photos of her and Ant-Man and run off.

Back at HQ, She-Hulk and Medusa have brought Wyatt Wingfoot in to confirm that John is the real Johnny Storm. She-Hulk adds that all of Reed’s tech confirms he’s the real deal as well. Medusa says John is their only hope of saving the Fantastic Four, but also that she fears John is insane.

Ant-Man and Darla chase the Yancy Street Gang through the building, fearing they might be dangerous. (What concert venue is this that has all these long staircases?) Darla uses the express elevator to cut the gang off, knocking out two of them and taking their phones. The chase the last one outside in hopes of stopping the photos from getting out on the internet. They burst through a door, right out into Times Square on New Year’s, complete with confetti and everything.

Ant-Man says to Darla, “They’re gone,” meaning the Fantastic Four, not the Yancy Street guys. He says their last wishes were for the four of them to take their place, not three. Darla says she knows he’s right, but she doesn’t know what to do now. Scott shocks her by telling her, “We’re going to end Doom.” Later, Ant-Man assembles the entire Future Foundation, including John Storm, saying the FF will use their resources to take on Dr. Doom, to the point where they will eradicate the very thought of Doom from human existence. John Storm says, “That is a great idea, little man.”

To be continued!

Fantastic fifth wheel: The romantic/sexual tension between Ant-Man and Darla kicks off in a big way, with her nearly nude and him covered with whipped cream (wha-hey!).

Just as the Moloids referred to Ben as “the Ben,” they now call She-Hulk “the Jen.”

Darla’s concert has her in a fairy costume, with her band and backup dancers in furry mascot-like outfits. Okay, then.

Foundational: The four Moloids have only been comic relief up to this point, so it’s nice to see their serious sides in this. They now have some interiority, making choices that drive the plot.

Ant-Man wants the kids to go to bed early, only for Alex Power to say he’s nineteen years old and it’s New Year’s Eve. I want to know what kind of party Alex has planned.

Upon learning about Doom the Annihilating Conqueror, Bentley-23 responds with, “Siiick.”

The Marvel Wiki insists on calling John Storm “Old Man John.” We’ll have to see whether that name sticks.

Trivia time: The Marvel Wiki confirms that the underground scene is Subterranea, the Mole Man’s kingdom, except it looks abandoned. The new Baxter Building has a tunnel leading directly to Subterranea, somewhat oddly. I guess it functions like the Negative Zone portal. The Moloids say they wish they could seal the tunnel permanently.

Fantastic or frightful? Having Darla wearing only a towel throughout the issue is maybe more awkward than it is sexy, but I can see why they did it. She and Scott are given a moment to be vulnerable with each other, making a connection. The mysteries with John Storm and with the Mole Man are intriguing as well. This is truly an exciting time for Fantastic Four and FF.

Next: Blue meanies.

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Want more? Check out my novel MOM, I’M BULLETPROOF. It’s a comedic/romantic/dramatic superhero epic! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08XPXBK14.