Reading the dictionary front to back! Just like that, we’ve made it to the letter B!

The definition of asparagus is kind of odd, as “a tall branching perennial herb related to the lilies.” I don’t know if that gives readers an idea of what asparagus is. Farther down that same page, asphodel is also defined as an herb “related to the lilies.”

That one word that begins with a and ends with ss is defined as an “animal related to the donkey” or a “stupid person.” The body part is not mentioned.

Asteroid is “any of the numerous small celestial found between Mars and Jupiter.” I guess this means asteroids have never struck the Earth, only meteors? Is that accurate? And what about other space rocks in between other planets?

Things continue to get space-y with astrology, “divination based on the supposed influence of the stars on human events.” The use of the word “supposed” strikes me as rather judgmental, Mr. Dictionary.

And then astronomy keeps the definition wide open with “the science of objects and matter beyond the Earth’s atmosphere.” We’re including the entire universe in that one.

Here’s a new one: asymptote is “a straight line that is approached ever more closely by a curve that never coincides with it.” I went to Wikipedia for more info, and the entry there is some truly incomprehensible mathematics. I’d like to know what useful application this has, if any, but that answer is elusive.

Atrocious is “savagely brutal, cruel, or wicked,” which is pretty descriptive. But then there’s a second definition that’s just “very bad.” Go ahead and pick one.

Attainder sounds pretty serious, as “extinction of civil rights of a person upon sentence of death or outlawry.” Britannica Online goes even farther calling this word a metaphor for “stain” or “corruption of blood.” This is not a word you want showing up in your personal life.

Avant garde gets another as-wide-as-possible definition, as “those, especially in the arts, who create or apply new or experimental ideas and techniques.” I suppose that’s accurate, but is it enough? Or is this another case of trying to define the undefinable? These are things you think when reading a dictionary.

And then we’re into a new letter! After B and B.A., the first “real” word in this section is babble, defined as “to talk enthusiastically and expressively” or “to utter meaningless sounds.” It’s followed shortly by baffle, as “frustrate, thwart, foil.” This is also starting to reflect what it feels like to read a dictionary.

Ballet gets an unusually long definition, “dancing in which fixed poses and steps are combined with flowing movements often to convey a story.” It’s interesting as to when the dictionary keeps things vague versus when it goes really specific.

Barbarian is only an adjective and not a noun, meaning “of, or relating to, or being a land, culture, or people alien to and usually believed to be inferior to another’s.” Conan of Cimmeria would disagree… violently.

Of course, we have to pause on bat, which is “any of an order of night-flying mammals with forearms modified to form wings.” I question the use of the word “modified” in this definition. It makes it sound like someone did this to bats. Maybe it was Kirk Langstrom. The baseball-themed definition is here as well.

Next: The not-so-good book.

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