Reading the entire dictionary front to back! It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. We begin the letter C this week, with insults, math, and felines.

The first full-length word in C is cab, which is a horse-drawn carriage, a taxicab, or “the covered compartment for the engineer and controls of a locomotive.” This is followed by cabal, defined as “a secret group of plotters or political conspirators.” The gang from Clive Barker’s Nightbreed doesn’t get mentioned.

Cable television is defined as “a system of television reception in which signals from different stations are sent by cable to the receivers of paying subscribers.” Do you think they added the phrase “by cable” in there just so readers would know why it’s called cable?

Looking for a new insult? Of course you are. Caitiff is an adjective meaning “wretched,” “despicable,” “cowardly,” or “being base.” Dude, quit being so caitiff.

And now we’re back in school dealing with calculus, “a branch of mathematics concerned with the rate of change of functions and with the methods of finding lengths, areas, and volumes.” What’s interesting (hopefully) is that it’s also “a concentration of mineral salts especially in hollow organs or ducts.” Sure, why not? And then there’s the third definition, which is just a “pebble used in reckoning.” I guess this is, like, really old math.

Campanology is “the art of bell ringing.” Nobody tell Edgar Allen Poe about this.

A caravan is a “group of travelers journeying together through desert or hostile regions.” Sounds good to me, but then we get caravanseral and caravansary which are both “an inn in eastern countries where caravans rest at night.” This can apparently also be used to describe any inn or hotel.

Carry has fifteen definitions. Most of these are what you’d expect for such a common word, but a few are odd. These include “to influence by mental or emotional appeal,” “to publish, print,” or “to involve, imply.” Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised that one word carries many meanings. Huh? Huh?

A cartoon is “a drawing intended as humor, caricature, or satire.” Surely the art of cartooning has grown beyond this definition over the years, yes?

The dictionary writers seem to struggle with a proper definition for cash, coming down to just “money or its equivalent.” Cashier is not a person or occupation, but it’s also a verb meaning “to dismiss from service,” and “to dismiss in disgrace.” Just imagine getting cashiered for being too caitiff.

Are you a cat person? A cat is a “a carnivorous mammal long domesticated as a pet and for catching rats and mice.” How old-timey is the dictionary that a cat’s ratcatching is that important to include? A cat can also mean “a malicious woman” or just “a man.” I suppose that’s meant to cover the phrase cool cat.

 

The animal descriptions have been among the most fun things in the dictionary so far. A centipede is “any of a class of long flattened segmented arthropods with one pair of legs on each segment except the first which has a pair of poison fangs.” I must admit I had no idea centipedes were poisonous before reading this. I’d better watch out.

Next: Commit to the bit.

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