Todd McFarlane is a mega-millionaire with success undreamt of. I’m just some guy. But as I’ve been buying and reading – and enjoying! – Gunslinger Spawn, I’m struck with how the dialogue and captions are something of a mess. Hence, here’s my attempt to copyedit Gunslinger Spawn.
In issue #3, after the opening scene with the villains, we catch up with Gunslinger and Taylor. It’s the next morning, and they’re still at Taylor’s house.
Taylor’s dialogue could use a little tightening up. Omit needless words and rearrange the last two sentences for better flow:
“You expect me to pack up and leave because you said so? My dad’s dead and you still haven’t told me why. What was all that crazy s*** last night?”
—
While Gunslinger has been the most well-written character so far, his next dialogue balloon is a real mouthful:
I’m not sure about the “brain-dead” line, because Gunslinger himself has hung out in Taylor’s house all night, playing with the indoor plumbing. Why does Gunslinger have a sense of urgency now, when he didn’t the night before? Issue #2 stated that Gunslinger and Taylor were up all night talking, so let’s conclude that this is the tail end of a long conversation with Gunslinger trying to convince Taylor to leave. That might also explain why they were friendly at the end of the last issue and antagonistic toward each other now. My edit:
“Your dad and them angels wanted to kill you. The ones that sent them angels will send more to hunt you down!”
I changed “us” to “you” in the final sentence to add a sense of danger for Taylor.
If Todd McFarlane were here (and not punching me in face for writing these blogs), I’d suggest an additional line for Gunslinger. Something like, “We’ve got to move, now!” or “We can’t sit around any longer!” for consistency and to maintain a sense of urgency.
—
Taylor’s next line features some awkward wording:
The phrase “someone that was scared of things” doesn’t sound natural. I gave it a rewrite:
“That’s strange. I didn’t figure you for someone easily frightened.”
You could also delete “That’s strange” as unnecessary, but I kept it to give Taylor some sarcastic edge.
—
Next, Gunslinger’s had enough.
Other than deleting the word “just” from the second word balloon, I don’t have many suggestions here. But, I wonder why these guys are being so antagonistic with each other. I thought they were friends. Is Gunslinger Taylor’s protector or not? Does he truly not care about Taylor’s fate?
—
The banter continues:
Edits here for efficiency:
“I need a few things first… a map and provisions. Here’s a bag. Pack it or not.”
—
The next captions depict Gunslinger as being single-minded in his drive:
Keep it short and to the point:
“Disinterested in Taylor’s opinions, Gunslinger’s more concerned about hunting every enemy from his past. He’s going to kill them either here and now, or back home in 1864.”
—
Our heroes return to the gas station from issue #1. They grab some junk food, and then there’s this panel, where Gunslinger finally gets his map:
This could be simplified:
“Gunslinger studies the map, looking for familiar places from his past.”
Is the “Ding” sound effect enough for the reader to know the silence is broken? Make it larger, perhaps?
—
Taylor’s line in this panel is full of redundancies:
My edit:
“The microwave… my burrito is done.”
Many will add “um” or “uh” to dialogue in the hopes of creating realism, but in truth these tics are never needed. They end up being distracting. I kept the ellipses to show Taylor is startled by Gunslinger.
—
Gunslinger removes his mask, and we see his face.
We can delete the first caption, as the art shows us the classic Spawn living mask thing. From there, again we tighten sentences for efficiency:
“For the first time, Taylor sees the man is Hispanic. The only thing on Gunslinger’s mind is, ‘How can something be this hot without fire?’”
—
There’s a joke about Gunslinger not knowing what sunglasses are. Then Taylor gives him more instructions.
I rearranged parts of this for better clarity:
“I’ll show you how to use binoculars and the cigarette lighter. You can figure out the rope and shovel.”
—
There’s a two-panel scene where our heroes find the first spot on the map:
Never EVER use the word “literally,” not even in a comedic or satiric context. Other than that, I question why this scene is even here. The next page is Gunslinger digging up another of his buried stashes, so why not cut straight to that instead? If the intent is to show Gunslinger befuddled about present-day life, then this scene is redundant after doing that for the last few pages. Perhaps Gunslinger will return to this locale in a future storyline. If not, these two panels could be cut and the page reworked.
Come back next week for more of issue #3, including a farewell (or is it?) and some action.
* * * *
Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.
Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. It had to happen eventually – we’ve reached Civil War, the mega-event that tore the Marvel Universe apart. Although issue #536 is merely labeled “The Road to Civil War,” it’s here all right.
We begin in space, with a tiny object flying toward Earth. Even though it doesn’t burn up in the atmosphere, astronomers assume it’s too small to do any damage. The object passes by an airplane, and then lands with a massive explosion in a field in Oklahoma.
Cut to six months later. It’s the middle of the night at the new Baxter Building. Reed is staying up late watching the news. Sue asks him “How did it go?” and Reed is hesitant to answer. Then there’s a flashback to Reed meeting with the Illuminati, the top-secret group of influential super-geniuses hoping to make a real difference beyond just fighting crime. In this issue, the group is Iron Man, Reed, Dr. Strange, Namor, and Black Bolt. Iron Man shows the group an early draft of a bill about to hit Congress – the Superhero Registration Act.
Iron Man explains the bill. Anyone with superpowers, any mutant, and anyone deemed a masked crimefighter must register with the government, after which they’ll be given jobs putting their powers to use for S.H.I.E.L.D. Further, the government has special plans to hunt down and detain anyone not registered. Dr. Strange says, “That’s disgusting,” but Iron Man says the Illuminati members should come out in favor of the bill. “We should cooperate now, before it gets ugly,” he says.
Back in the present, Reed and Sue watch the news, where Tony Stark and his new assistant Peter Parker arrive in Washington DC. Tony tells reporters that he’s only there discuss options with the committee on superhero registration. Sue doubts whether superhero registration will actually happen, speculating that it’s just election-year posturing. Reed responds, “It’s not that simple.”
Reed then gets an emergency message from General William Ray, saying there is an emergency in Oklahoma. While Reed rousts his teammates out of bed, soldiers in Oklahoma are under attack. They’ve set up a dome around the object from the start of the issue, and now someone has opened fire to get at it. Turns out the attackers are Doombots!
The FF arrive on the scene, speculating whether the Latverian provisional government is behind the attack. Reed says that if they’re using Doombots, they must be desperate to get whatever’s in the dome. The FF jump into action, and artist Mike McKone gives us this terrific two-page spread of Ben duking it out with a Doombot.
There’s several pages of fighting and banter, as all the Doombots act just like they’re the real Dr. Doom, and the FF not having it. Reed notices that the Doombots are only attacking the perimeter of the dome, spreading the soldiers out around its edge. The soldiers tell Reed that the first wave of the attack knocked out all their radar and imaging. Reed deduces almost too late that a missile has been launched at the dome.
The FF evacuate all the soldiers while Sue does her best to contain the missile’s blast. It leaves a crater in the space where the dome just was. Then the real Dr. Doom emerges, somehow back to life again. He says the object in the crater cannot be moved, and yet it is destined to belong to him. Turn the page and the mysterious object is… the hammer of Thor!
To be continued!
Unstable molecule: Why does the Reed/Sue conversation have to take place at 4 a.m.? He’s wearing his lab coat, suggesting that he was working late in the lab, but then he’s quick to admit to Sue that he was at an Illuminati meeting.
Fade out: Sue makes a joke about Reed going “bowling with the boys.” I assume this is her code word for Reed’s Illuminati gathering.
Clobberin’ time: We get a glimpse of Ben’s bedroom in the new Baxter Building, which is sparsely decorated except for some books scattered around. What happened to his ritzy new apartment from the recent Thing miniseries?
Flame on: Ben shouts “Flame off!” at Johnny during the fight, so Johnny won’t burn out his flame. Johnny scoffs at him, saying it won’t work.
Fantastic fifth wheel: This issue’s letters page has results of a reader poll asking for favorite FF alternate member. We don’t see the numbers, but the editor states She-Hulk is the winner, with Crystal and Luke Cage as the runners-up.
Trivia time: Dr. Doom hasn’t been seen since issue #507, when he dragged into Hell itself.
Where’s Thor at? He’s dead, as far as anyone knows in the Marvel Universe at this time. In Thor #85, we had the epic Ragnarok storyline, also part of Avengers: Disassembled, which saw the downfall of both Asgard and Yggrasil. This kicked off several years when there was no Thor in Marvel Comics (but if you know what’s coming in Civil War, you know there’s a bit of a loophole to that).
What’s the deal with the writing on Thor’s hammer? That’s been there ever since his first appearance, but seen since then only on rare occasions. The official explanation is that the writing is always there, but hard to see unless you look closely.
According to the Marvel Wiki, the Illuminati has been operating since just after the first Kree-Skrull War, which was in the 70s in our time. In addition to a lot of Kree/Skrull action, the Illuminati were secretly involved in Infinity Gauntlet with Thanos and his gems, and they revealed the real origin of the Beyonder. And yes, they were the ones who really launched the Hulk into space. They’ll continue to be major players in upcoming crossovers Planet Hulk, Secret Invasion, Dark Reign and beyond.
Fantastic or frightful? After everything that went down in the Latveria incident, it’s a letdown for Dr. Doom not just be alive again, but to have him walking up to Reed in the middle of Oklahoma and them having a polite conversation. Fortunately, the big fight was filled with great classic FF-isms. The issue promises big things to come, even without the editorially mandated Civil War tie-in stuff.
Next: Hammer don’t hurt ‘em.
* * * *
Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.
Todd McFarlane is a mega-millionaire with success undreamt of. I’m just some guy. But as I’ve been buying and reading – and enjoying! – Gunslinger Spawn, I’m struck with how the dialogue and captions are something of a mess. Hence, here’s my attempt to copyedit Gunslinger Spawn.
Issue #3 begins back with the villainous angels in their hideout, an old dinosaur museum. The leader Theon speaks, and it’s understood he’s talking to the same group from issue #1.
All I’ve done here is tighten things up a little. I’ve removed the word “obviously,” which is best avoided unless you’re using it in a humorous context. My edit:
“We hoped to get to gunslinger before Cogliostro. That didn’t happen.”
Then another wordy piece of dialogue:
I shortened this and kept it present tense. The phrase “direct presence” is awkward, and the same point can be made without that entire sentence. My edit:
“We’re shifting plans. Instead, you’re assigned to oversee the whereabouts of the other Hellspawn that came through the void the same time as the Gunslinger.”
A lot to go over in the next panel:
The next word balloon could be:
“We must know if they have made contact with each other.”
Shorter and to the point again. Also, “it is imperative” could be considered a cliché, especially with a villain saying it.
Then the final two word balloons. Naming the other Spawn characters and then saying it’s not them but “others” they’re going after? It’s confusing. I know McFarlane is building an interconnected narrative with all the Spawn spinoffs, but it’s best to focus on Gunslinger in his own series. My suggestion:
“We’re focused strictly on those spawns who came through the void with Gunslinger. Your job is to report on their activities. Gunslinger is ours.”
Turn the page and the villain Dakota is sitting at the table with all the angels. Rival angel Cyrus doesn’t like it.
“Out of your mind” could be considered a cliché. My suggestion:
“We didn’t come here to sidelined, Theus! Not by you, and especially not by her!”
He continues:
This is a bunch of sentence fragments connected with commas. It’s another case of “writing for the actor,” by showing the reader where the writer wants pauses. You can instead trust the reader to get it on their own. My edit:
“Cogliostro screwed things up. We get that. We’ll deal with him… and Gunslinger.”
Dakota takes the stage:
It’s not hard to get the same point across with more efficiency:
“That’s not going to change no matter how much you beat your chest and tell us how wonderful you are, Cyrus. Your group had your chance and you blew it.”
The dialogue continues:
In the top word bubble, Dakota’s retort to Cyrus is confusing. Who’s “we” in this sense? Who is the “current boss?” Until we know more about this group dynamic, I’m thinking we can delete Dakota’s line entirely and just have Theon’s response:
“Do yourself a favor, Cyrus. Stay out of our way, just for a while, and you’ll be rewarded.”
“Do yourself a favor” could be a cliché, but I kept it in this case because it shows Theon is playing the good cop.
On the next page is Theon’s sarcastic remark:
Go ahead and shorten that to:
“That went well.”
One final piece of exposition from Theon:
It’s simple enough to clean up these sentences. Plus, what’s on the photo is the weakness, not the photo itself.
“I’ll let that comment go. We must exploit any weakness the Gunslinger might have. What’s on that photo could be one. He’s from the Bartlett bloodline.”
The last sentence could be just, “He’s a Bartlett.” But I kept it the way Todd wrote it for some extra drama at the end of the scene. The final panel is wordless, revealing that it’s a photo of Taylor.
It’s fun to see the villains interact and get to know them a little more. Come back next week for more of issue #3!
* * * *
Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.
Fantastic Friday! Issue #535 concludes another Thing versus Hulk fight, ending in properly explosive fashion.
The issue begins with Ben once again trying to appeal to the Hulk’s better nature, reminding him that he’s really Bruce Banner. Hulk has flashbacks of people in his past – including Banner himself – calling him a monster. Hulk punches Ben through the air, and Ben admits to Johnny that Hulk has the “I’m a monster” look in his eyes. He says they must settle this monster-to-monster.
There’s a comedy bit inside a nearby casino as people place bets on the fight. Ben and the Hulk continue to exchange blows while Johnny is distracted by a giant screen showing a news report about the New York Welfare Office taking Franklin and Valeria away from Reed and Sue and putting them into foster care.
Ben tries again to reason with the Hulk, saying Hulk probably thought he would die when the gamma bomb went off. The Hulk then has a vision of the green Hulk asking him what it was all for, and maybe it’s time to go. “Perhaps you are doomed to be this monster for all time,” the green Hulk says. “Doomed to be me.” The Hulk yells “No!” and pummels Ben so hard that Ben fears he’s broken some ribs.
Johnny sees Ben is injured, and he flies down to help. Despite Ben’s protestations, Johnny unleashes his all-powerful nova flame against the Hulk. The Hulk once again flashes back to his origin, and Bruce Banner getting blasted by the original gamma bomb. The Hulk then emerges from the smoke and wreckage, telling Johnny and Ben, “I’m all right now.”
Cut to New York, where Reed and Sue meet with social worker Simone DeBouvier. She assures them that little Franklin and Valeria are safe and that their location is a closely-guarded secret. We see the outside of this safe house then bombed by a blast from above. DeBouvier gets a phone call about this, and tells Reed and Sue, “You made the right decision.” Then we see Franklin and Valeria weren’t at the safe house, but right there at the Baxter Building.
Reed explains to DeBouvier that the entire world is a dangerous place for their children, because of the FF’s celebrity status. Sue further explains that the FF’s enemies might know where the children are, but enemies also know where the FF are as well. DeBouvier leaves, saying she gives Reed and Sue her blessing.
Back in Las Vegas, the Hulk has his intelligence back. Ben’s wounds are bandaged, and they have a heart-to-heart chat on a casino roof. Hulk asks Ben if Ben’s life flashed before his eyes before Johnny came to the rescue. Ben says he doesn’t want to talk about it. A S.H.I.E.L.D. helicopter picks up the Hulk. Ben and Johnny decide to hit the slots for a bit, joking about how nothing can stop the Hulk short of launching him into space.
Unstable molecule: Who, exactly, are these unseen enemies of the Fantastic Four who thought they were bombing Reed and Sue’s kids? Why aren’t the FF rallying to track down these enemies and retaliate? A lot of the fan sites and blogs argue that Reed set up the explosion to fake out DuBouvier and the welfare people, but I don’t see anything in this issue to support that.
Fade out: Reed gets romantic with Sue, telling her that whenever he looks up at the stars, he sees her. She reminds him that he’s a scientist, not a poet.
Clobberin’ time: This issue’s letters page has results of a reader poll asking for favorite FF character, and we’re told Ben won by a huge margin.
Flame on: We learn that Johnny’s nova flame isn’t powerful enough to hurt the Hulk, but it’s powerful enough to knock some sense into a hallucinating Hulk. Our old friend The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe: Deluxe Edition says the exact heat of the nova flame in unknowable, but the Marvel Wiki disagrees, saying it’s a concentrated burst of 1 million degrees Fahrenheit. Why didn’t the nova flame destroy Vegas like it did Empire University during the Tom Defalco issues? Because Johnny has since developed the ability to do a focused nova flame on smaller area.
Four and a half/Our gal Val: There’s a little trick when the comic makes you think Franklin and Valeria are at the safe house before it explodes. Only after do we see that there were in the Baxter Building the whole time.
SUE-per spy: The 2019 Invisible Woman miniseries revealed that Sue had a double life as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent all along. If the safe house bombing was fake, then could Sue’s spy contacts have pulled off the hoax? I find this theory unlikely for the same reason as it’s unlikely for Reed.
Commercial break: This issue was sold with a two-sided Neopets: The Darkest Faerie foldout poster stapled inside, to advertise a PS2 game. Marvel showed amazing restraint not promoting this on the cover.
Trivia time: The joke about sending the Hulk to space is no joke, as that’s what was happening at this time in Hulk comics. In the “Peace in Our Time” storyline, also known as the “Prelude to Planet Hulk” storyline, Nick Fury launched the Hulk into space to fight an evil A.I. called the Godseye. After the fight, Fury sent the Hulk farther into space where he’d never harm anyone on Earth again. But that’s only one part of the story, because Illuminati #1 reveals a lot more about secret plans to get rid of the Hulk. Further, the Las Vegas incident in these very Fantastic Four issues are cited by the Illuminati as part of the reason. It must have been tough to be a Hulk fan during this time, with so much of his continuity happening in other comics.
While Marvel characters have visited Las Vegas plenty of times over the years, this issue is the first time the MGM Grand has been drawn into a Marvel comic.
Fantastic or frightful? The main story feels like a Hulk story guest-starring the Fantastic Four, and it ends up foreshadowing the upcoming Planet Hulk epic. The Reed and Sue subplot is a little baffling. But it’s also consistent with J. Michael Straczynski’s writing, as his hero characters often pull off huge stunts to prove their points.
Next: Prelude preys lewd.
* * * *
Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.
Todd McFarlane is a mega-millionaire with success undreamt of. I’m just some guy. But as I’ve been buying and reading – and enjoying! – Gunslinger Spawn, I’m struck with how the dialogue and captions are something of a mess. Hence, here’s my attempt to copyedit Gunslinger Spawn.
After time-traveling from the Old West to the present, Gunslinger Spawn has befriended teenage Taylor and attacked by enemy angels. Matters are then complicated when Taylor learns his father, Bartlett, is working with the angels. After Taylor’s dad slaps him (!), Taylor joins the fight in this panel:
This is a classic mixed metaphor, the same kind your high school English teacher used to warn you about. How can Taylor be both a banshee and a missile? What’s that image going to evoke in readers’ minds? I’d say this caption is not needed at all. Taylor’s action and the word balloon gets the idea across by themselves.
The battle climaxes with these captions:
My suggestion:
“Throughout time, there are few truths agreed upon by Heaven and Hell. One is that there is no greater disgrace than removing both wings from an angel.”
This could be simplified even more, but I’ll keep some of the heightened speech because this is the fight’s big finish. Then the next caption:
Remove the “disgrace” line, as it is repetitive from the previous sentence:
“It causes insanity, and then it causes certain death.”
Despite causing insanity, Gunslinger tries to interrogate the angel in this panel:
The “takes his last breath” line could be considered a cliché. Also, do these supernatural beings need air to breathe? My suggestion:
“Gunslinger knows he only has a few minutes before this one dies.”
Or, for continuity:
“Gunslinger knows he only has a few minutes before this one loses his mind and dies.”
Next, the comic starts tying up story threads. Gunslinger reveals Bartlett is a descendant of his enemies from the Old West. Taylor picks up a gun and aims it at his dead, confronting him about his dad’s behavior and why his mother left. Bartlett says this:
“I don’t have time for this” is an odd thing to say during an armed standoff with blood and corpses all around. Does he have somewhere else to be? Shorten it to:
“Stop your whining!”
Although Gunslinger is armed as well, he insists Taylor pull the trigger. On the next page:
“Eternity seems to pass” could be considered another cliché. Shorten this to:
“Taylor stares down his father. And then…”
I added the “And then…” to build tension as the action flows into the second panel.
In the end, Gunslinger kills Bartlett before Bartlett can shoot Taylor. A traumatized Taylor breaks down in tears, saying he hates Gunslinger. Gunslinger says, “It’ll pass.” In the next panel we see it does:
It’s too bad we don’t see any of this “long night of talking.” I’ll accept that in comics, there’s only so many pages and so much space to deal with. But a strength of ongoing comics is that future issues can flash back to Taylor and Gunslinger’s conversation any time, if needed.
Next, there’s a couple of pages of humor as Gunslinger is perplexed by indoor plumbing. I’m not a fan of this crude humor, but I’ll go with it because I know it’s part of the Todd McFarlane vibe. (Remember Boof and the Bruise Crew?)
The comic ends by revealing that Taylor buried Barlett nearby. I like the detail of an angel’s feather atop the grave. Does this suggest that Bartlett might crawl out of that grave someday? Stranger things have happened in Spawn comics.
This concludes Gunslinger Spawn’s first storyline. Taylor gets the main character arc. He starts out in one place in his life, only to have everything change for him over the course of two issues. He experiences violence and darkness, but he doesn’t give into it. Gunslinger, meanwhile, has a consistent motivation to return to his own time and then seek further revenge on the Bartlett family. We’ll see where his character development goes from here.
Come back next week for issue #3!
* * * *
Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.
Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. It’s another Thing versus Hulk slugfest in issue #534, along with a journey through the Hulk’s past.
Recap: The Hulk, with Bruce Banner’s intelligence, went out to the desert with S.H.I.E.L.D. to diffuse a gamma bomb. Things went south and the bomb exploded, reverting Hulk from a brainy professor type to the classic brutish grey-skinned Hulk. Johnny and Ben flew out to Nevada to investigate, running right into this new/old Hulk.
Ben tries to talk sense into the Hulk, saying he only wants to help get the Hulk’s brain straightened back out. The Hulk only roars at him, and then… fighting! The brawl goes on for several pages, with Johnny joining the action as well. When Ben mentions the gamma bomb, Hulk gets confused. He has a flashback to his origin, when Bruce Banner got exposed to a gamma bomb while saving teenage Rick Jones.
The Hulk gets confused and wanders off in a daze. Johnny contacts their Fantasticar by remote control while Ben prepares a sonic gizmo Reed gave him before they left. Hulk flashes back to the death of his love Jarella. Johnny and Ben reveal that the Fantasticar is armed with a psychic disruptor, designed to attack the Hulk’s inner ear. This just makes the Hulk angrier (because of course it does). Hulk destroys the Fantasticar and jumps off toward Las Vegas.
The Hulk smashes into a hospital. Seeing a patient in bed reminds him of the death of his friend Jim. Johnny and Ben find Hulk and fight him again, with the battle spilling onto the street outside. Ben tells Johnny to let up, saying the Hulk isn’t fighting them, but instead is only fighting the things he’s seeing in his head. He admits he feels the same way. He says whenever the FF go to space, he gets flashbacks to becoming a monster. “Monsters understand monsters, Johnny,” he says.
Ben confronts the Hulk again, saying he knows the Hulk doesn’t really want to hurt anyone. He offers to help Hulk deal with the gamma radiation. Upon hearing that, Hulk has another flashback, this time about Bruce Banner being told his wife Betty has gamma radiation poisoning. In his mind’s eye, Hulk sees Ben as the Abomination and blames him for Betty’s death. Hulk punches Ben through a building and then looms over him, saying “I swear I’ll kill you!”
To be continued!
Clobberin’ time: At the hospital, Ben takes a moment to offer comfort to a blind man. But, upon touching Ben’s hand, the man reacts in fear. This is what prompts Ben to show sympathy toward the Hulk.
Flame on: Johnny questions why Reed would have built an anti-Hulk weapon into the Fantasticar, only for this question to go unanswered.
Four and a half: This issue comes with a six-page preview of Franklin Richards: Son of a Genius by Chris Eliopoulos and Marc Sumerak. It’s a parody of Calvin and Hobbes, with Franklin as Calvin and H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot as Hobbes. (Freakin’ H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot.) Franklin discovers a bunch of Doombots in storage inside Reed’s lab, and he uses a bunch of silly gadgets to dispose of them. I assumed these Franklin Richards comics were non-canonical, but the Marvel Wiki says they are.
Trivia time: About these flashbacks. The Hulk’s wife Betty, who had been his girlfriend since the early days, died of gamma poisoning. While Hulk was initially told that it was due to long-term exposure to him, it was really gamma poisoning caused by the Abomination. She’ll eventually come back to life thanks to cosmic being Nightmare and the machinations of her father, General Ross. She then turned into the Red She-Hulk. (Poor Betty has had to put up with a lot over the years.)
Then there’s Jarella. She’s a green-skinned warrior woman from the Microverse world of K’ai, who was able to love both Hulk and Bruce Banner. She died while saving a child from a collapsing building, only to come back to life much later during the Chaos War crossover.
I’m pretty sure everyone knows the Hulk’s origin by now, but just in case: Bruce Banner was exposed to the gamma bomb while saving teenage Rick Jones. Banner became the Hulk, and Jones improbably became one of Marvel’s most influential characters for a while. He was sidekick to the Hulk, Captain America, and all the Avengers. He later went full-on cosmic by being Captain Marvel for a while.
Speaking of sidekicks, this issue’s other flashback is about Hulk’s friend Jim Wilson. He helped the Hulk once and thus became one of Banner’s closest pals. He died of AIDS in the groundbreaking Incredible Hulk #420.
Fantastic or frightful? We all love a Hulk/Thing fight, but this one’s different in that the Thing isn’t so much fighting but trying to show compassion for the Hulk. Not a lot happens in this issue, but the action and the little character moments make up for it.
Next: Banner man.
* * * *
Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.
Todd McFarlane is a mega-millionaire with success undreamt of. I’m just some guy. But as I’ve been buying and reading – and enjoying! – Gunslinger Spawn, I’m struck with how the dialogue and captions are something of a mess. Hence, here’s my attempt to copyedit Gunslinger Spawn.
Previously, Gunslinger Spawn traveled from the Old West to the present, where he befriended teenage Taylor and battled enemy angels. Then he learned Taylor’s father is working with the angels. Issue #2 begins with another fight, and another awkward sentence:
There are several ways to tighten this, but how about this:
“Gunslinger has the element of surprise, but he knows that’ll only allow him to ambush the first one.”
The second caption might not be needed, as Brett Booth’s art conveys the idea of the angels taking advantage of their opening.
The fight continues, and we get this caption:
Remove the first “Unfortunately.” Also, we see the captions going from present tense to past tense and back again. Streamline the sentence like this:
“Heaven’s warriors react a second too slow.”
This isn’t a big change, but shorter captions can keep the action moving.
Gunslinger threatens to tear an angel’s wings off, and we see he’s not just a stoic Clint Eastwood type of cowboy. He’s got an animalistic rage to his fighting style, making him feel dangerous and unpredictable. Good stuff.
The angels flee, except for the wounded one. Gunslinger questions him, and we get exposition about how this story ties into the main Spawn series.
This dialogue can be cut into two sentences, for easier readability:
“Hey, s*** for brains, we both know you’re dying. Things get a whole lot worse for you if you don’t tell me what I need.”
The interrogation continues:
The phrase “come in contact with” is a little too wordy. And it doesn’t strike me as very cowboy-like. My suggestion:
“Why is every faction I run into acting like they’re on fire? Something big is going on!”
Taylor’s dad interrupts their talk by shooting Gunslinger in the chest. Taylor and his dad have this dialogue:
Rearrange Taylor’s line for simplicity, then break up the dad’s line into two sentences:
“Didn’t you see he was helping me?”
“Outta my way, boy. This is all your fault!”
What to make of words being bolded at random, such as Taylor’s dad’s “ALL” above? I’d say it’s unnecessary, yet comics writers and letterers have done this for decades. I’m willing to accept it as a stylistic exercise, more in line with the art than the writing.
It’s been pointed out to me that someone could through my own blog posts or even my novels and do the same thing I’m doing to Gunslinger Spawn. I never said I was perfect. Remember that I’m doing this because I like Gunslinger Spawn and I want to see it succeed.
Come back next week for the second half of issue #2!
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Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #533 offers some Hulk action on one end, and legal action on the other.
We begin outside of Las Vegas, where the Hulk is working alongside some S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, searching for a Hydra weapon of mass destruction. This is a “Professor Hulk” situation, where he has Bruce Banner’s intelligence. The weapon is in some caves out in the desert. The Hulk investigates while the agents hang back. He fights through some automated defenses and then discovers the weapon is a gamma bomb, the same type that originally gave him his powers. Further, the defenses set off a countdown. He tries to shut it down, but he’s not fast enough. A massive green mushroom cloud explodes over the desert.
At the new Baxter Building, there’s some business with the now-wealthy Ben playing the stock market. He loses $2 million, but then he says he can write it off on his taxes. He catches up with Reed, Sue, and Johnny, who have bad news. Simone DeBouvier of the NYC child welfare department is threatening to separate Franklin and Valeria from Reed and Sue until a formal hearing can take place. This goes back to the previous story arc of DeBouvier investigating the Richards family, arguing that FF HQ is not a safe place for the kids. (Our heroes did thwart an alien invasion during that arc, but I guess DeBouvier wasn’t swayed.)
Ben wants to help, but Reed instead assigns Ben to investigate the gamma explosion outside Las Vegas. Johnny is going with him, so his famous hotheadedness doesn’t interfere with Reed and Sue’s efforts to plead on behalf of the kids. Ben and Johnny leave in a Fantasticar, while Sue ponders how her situation isn’t something that can be solved with an old-fashioned superhero brawl.
At the blast site in the desert, a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent says Ben and Johnny aren’t there to investigate the bomb, but the actions of the Hulk, who ran off to an abandoned airfield and then destroyed the place. The agent fears Banner may have regressed from Professor Hulk to a more primitive “Hulk smash” type of Hulk. He says Ben and Johnny are there to neutralize the Hulk. This is followed by some debate between Ben and Johnny as to whether Ben can defeat the Hulk in a fair fight. They fly off into the desert in search of the Hulk.
Back at HQ, Reed and Sue meet with DeBouvier. She says the decision is out her hands, and that it’s the courts who have decided to take the children. Reed finally agrees that the Baxter Building can be dangerous, so he agrees to her demands. But then he adds, “With just… one small request.”
Then we cut back to the desert, where someone throws a giant boulder at Ben and Johnny. They assume it’s from the Hulk, but they don’t see anyone around. They attacked again, with a blow so hard it shakes the ground. Then the Hulk appears, but it’s the grey Hulk, growling at Ben like a monster. Ben asks, “So, Doc… come here often?”
To be continued!
Unstable molecule: During Acts of Vengeance, Reed was opposed to superhero registration, but in the upcoming Civil War, he’ll be in favor of it? What changed? In this issue we see that going up against the government is not something he can use his powers to fight so easily. Also remember that he once told She-Hulk that, despite his great genius, the vagaries of the legal system were something he could never quite master.
Fade out: Sue is strangely silent during the discussion of the children’s future, except to go along with whatever plan Reed has cooking. She says to Johnny, “If we could save them from Doom, and rescue them from the gates of Hell itself… we can do this.”
Clobberin’ time: Ben’s stock market phone conversation is with someone named Stan. Could this be a reference to the time Stan Lee rang the bell at the New York Stock Exchange the day that Marvel went public? That was about ten years before this, but it’s not like Marvel to name a character Stan at random.
Flame on: With special asbestos gloves, Johnny is able to lift up Ben and carry him as they fly across the desert. Remember that The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe: Deluxe Edition states that Ben weighs 500 pounds. Let’s just assume Johnny created a cushion of hot air around Ben to lift him into the air.
SUE-per spy: The 2019 Invisible Woman miniseries revealed that Sue had a double life as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent all along. Does Sue know anything about S.H.I.E.L.D.’s dealings with the Hulk at this time? It doesn’t appear so, yet S.H.I.E.L.D. are the ones who contacted the FF once the Hulk ran off.
Trivia time: Tracking the Hulk’s continuity (Hulk-inuity?) is tough during this time. The Marvel Wiki insists that this story takes place during the “Cure” storyline, in which Bruce somehow negotiated with various aspects of the Hulk, so he could transform at any time between the classic dumb Hulk, the grey Mr. Fixit Hulk, and his own mind as Professor Hulk. However, this issue was on stands the same time as the “Peace in Our Time” storyline, also known as “Prelude to Planet Hulk,” in which Bruce was a fugitive with an animalistic Hulk persona. (Could this FF story arc be part of the change in Hulk’s status quo?)
Fantastic or frightful? Another issue that’s all set-up, with the main storyline happening in the next few issues. The Ben/Johnny banter is maybe a little too jokey, but I do like when we get a superhero story that’s “just another day in the office” for the characters. Mike McKone’s artwork really shines, as he’s mastered how to do great facial expressions for Ben.
Next: Hulks of Future Past.
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Todd McFarlane is a mega-millionaire with success undreamt of. I’m just some guy. But as I’ve been buying, reading, and enjoying Gunslinger Spawn, I’m struck with the desire to pull out the old editing red pen. Here’s my attempt to copyedit Gunslinger Spawn.
After time-traveling from the Old West to the present, Gunslinger Spawn befriends a kid named Taylor. They are then attacked by sinister angels. We pick up on page 14 of issue #1, when Gunslinger attacks, except the enemy blocks Gunslinger’s shot with his wings. The caption provides some additional info:
There’s a lot of unnecessary wordiness again, and I fail to see why quotation marks are needed for “kill shot.” Also it’s redundant to tell us that bloodlust is also enraged. My suggestion:
“The angel is too quick for Gunslinger to get the kill shot.”
“Instead, bullets hit the wings, enraging the angel.”
Next panel:
Most of the captions in this comic are in present tense, but they switch to past tense here. Let’s fix that for the sake of consistency. The last sentence is also too wordy, as there are more efficient ways to get the point across. The next two captions could be:
“To defile an angel’s wings is blasphemy.”
“Gunslinger knows that. He also knows it’s his only chance…”
I cut off the end of the last sentence, so it can lead into the next caption, which is:
Then we get more banter between Gunslinger and his young friend Taylor. These scenes continue to be the best written part of the comic. We learn Gunslinger is armed with knives as well as guns, and we learn more about the enemy angels. Gunslinger says:
Definitely tighten this up, and rearrange the last sentence for clarity:
“Suit yourself. Their bodies dissolve minutes after you kill them, so you don’t have to clean up. God doesn’t want humans to know all the crap he’s up to.”
Gunslinger and Taylor get moving in this panel, with something of a run on sentence:
My edit:
“After a full tank of gas, which Taylor pays for, the Hellspawn pulls up outside his passenger’s home.”
Taylor discovers his father meeting with the evil angels. They drag Taylor outside, and we get this final narration:
Again, I suggest shortening and rearranging for clarity:
“As the heavenly warriors drag the screaming teenager from his house, they hear footsteps atop the wooden roof. The creator of that sound then descends upon them!”
This is still awkward, but we can allow a big dramatic flourish for the big cliffhanger at the end of the issue.
This raises a question. By shortening and simplifying McFarlane’s writing, am I taking something away from the drama and excitement of the story? I don’t believe so. Overly long and awkwardly worded sentences distract from the story, and flowery purple prose is no longer in fashion.
Come back next week to copyedit issue #2!
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Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a city full of far-out technology and hidden dark magic. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.
Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Now that writer Dan Slott has made his presence known in FF lore, not to mention the Marvel Universe as a whole, let’s take a look at what many consider to be his signature work, the Spider-Man Human Torch miniseries.
This series explores Johnny and Spider-Man’s friendship (frenemy-ship?) over the years. Issue #1 takes place in the early days. Johnny is instrumental in a fight against the Mole Man, only to see the Daily Bugle publishing photos of Spider-Man instead of him. Peter Parker returns home to his aunt’s house to find Johnny waiting for him. Johnny wants to hire Peter as his personal photographer, making him as famous as Spidey. Peter initially doesn’t want to, but when he discovers Aunt May is hurting financially, he agrees to the job.
Peter follows Johnny around for a day. Johnny’s girlfriend Dorrie Evans gets all flirty with Johnny, much to the chagrin of both Johnny and Peter’s love interest Betty Brant. Johnny and Peter continue to bicker, so Peter comes up with a plan. He attaches a fireproof spider-tracer to Johnny and photographs him in secret as Spider-Man. Wanting some real superhero action, Johnny flies to the Latverian embassy to pick a fight with Dr. Doom. Doom captures Johnny in “subthermic particles,” so Spider-Man sneaks into the embassy. He puts on an act of swearing loyalty to Doom, so Doom allows him to “dispatch” Johnny. Spider-Man then escapes with Johnny and thaws him out. In the final scene, we see Johnny’s beloved blonde hair fell out due to the freezing, and Peter Parker finally gets the perfect pic of him.
Issue #2 is sometime later, when Johnny was dating Crystal. They visit the Coffee Bean, a regular hangout spot for Peter, Gwen Stacy, Mary Jane Watson, and the rest. Flash Thompson flirts with Crystal, while Johnny can’t believe that both Gwen and MJ are smitten with Peter. Gwen’s dad, Captain Stacy, gives Peter a tip about super-villain activity nearby. Johnny and Spider-Man meet up outside, bickering about how the other one has it good. They decide to switch places for a day, with Johnny investigating Stacy’s villain, and Spider-Man joining the FF on one of Reed’s expeditions.
Johnny tries to investigate the crooks’ warehouse incognito, but some goons recognize him and knock him out. In the other dimension, Spider-Man uses his webs to seal cracks in the ship, but he fouls up Reed’s sensors in the process. Johnny wakes up and fights the goons, learning that Kraven the Hunter is their boss. Kraven’s hiding out at the zoo (of course) and he lures Johnny into a snake pit. But Johnny gets the upper hand when he fakes being poisoned. He gets a confession out of Kraven for Captain Stacy, who is listening in secret. The FF show Spider-Man the door when they get back to Earth, while Johnny is given the key to the city (!) for dealing with Kraven.
As issue #3 begins, we see a lot has changed. Gwen Stacy has died, Crystal has left, and Johnny is wearing his red and yellow “Toro” uniform. Also, Peter’s in college now, starting an internship at the Baxter Building alongside a Russian student, Nina Pushnikov. After some fun science shenanigans, we learn that Nina is secretly working for the Red Ghost. They’re plotting to steal an anti-gravity device from Reed’s lab.
At the Daily Bugle, Robbie Robertson tells Peter that the paper doesn’t need photos of the FF, and he asks for new Spider-Man pics. Spider-Man goes to the Baxter Building where Johnny is working on… the Spider-Mobile! They go for a drive around NYC, remarking that no superhero would be able to get around Manhattan traffic. Then Spidey gets the idea of using Reed’s anti-grav device on the car, while having a heart-to-heart talk about Gwen’s death.
The Red Ghost and his Super-Apes break into Reed’s lab, but Johnny and Spider-Man have already taken the anti-grav device, driving the Spider-Mobile up and down skyscraper walls. The Red Ghost ambushes them and the apes drive off with the car. Then, get this: Johnny and Spidey stop the Super-Apes by distracting them with Hostess Fruit Pies (!!!). They then use the gravity machine to trap the Red Ghost. Reed lets Spidery use the machine one last time, allowing him to drive in circles on the wall outside J. Jonah Jameson’s office.
Issue #4 skips even farther ahead, during the short time in which Spider-Man wore the powerful alien costume, not yet knowing the costume was a living symbiote. Spider-Man’s new girlfriend Felicia Hardy, a.k.a. the Black Cat, wants to go to a party, so she can steal a Wakandan tribal mask her father once tried to steal. Peter doesn’t want to do it. They argue on a rooftop while Johnny eavesdrops, wondering how Parker knows Black Cat. When Black Cat walks away from Peter after being upset with him, Johnny confronts her.
Cut to later, where Peter is taking photos at the embassy party. Johnny shows up with Black Cat as his date. Johnny, Peter, and Felicia bicker some more. Johnny and Felicia are given a private viewing of the mask. Peter follows them, using the alien costume’s shape-changing powers to make himself look like a security guard. Peter is found out and guards chase him through the embassy, with him turning back to Spider-Man. Black Panther is there in person, and he too pursues Peter.
Felicia recruits Johnny into her heist, using his powers to shut down heat-seeking alarms. Alarms go off, and the guards find that the mask hasn’t been stolen. Black Panther fights Spider-Man, but Spidey uses the alien costume’s powers to make himself invisible so he can escape. He, Johnny, and Felicia reunite on another rooftop, where Felicia reveals she wasn’t after the mask, but her father’s lockpick, left inside the mask years earlier. Johnny is shocked to learn Spider-Man and Black Cat are a couple, when he thought she was dating Peter Parker.
Issue #5 has our two heroes meeting at their usual spot atop the Statue of Liberty, reminiscing about all their adventures over the year. Spidey admits which of their team-ups weren’t him but his clone. Then Johnny asks about what happened earlier that day. We flash back to Peter Parker’s current job, as a science teacher at New York’s P.S. 108. Johnny is at the school to do the same motivational speech he gave way back in Amazing Spider-Man #3, but the students are more excited to meet Peter’s wife, famous supermodel Mary Jane Watson. Then, gunmen rush the school auditorium and take everyone hostage. Johnny can’t fight back with the guns trained on the students and staff, while one gunman reveals he’s with the Maggia crime family. He’s there to kill the son of the district attorney that put his own son in jail.
The situation looks dire, until Johnny sees Peter Parker in the crowd doing the “itsy bitsy spider” motions with his hands. Johnny figures it out, while Peter smiles and points at himself. Johnny flames on as a distraction, allowing Peter to web up the gunmen on high up balconies. They then work together to defeat the Maggia goons, and Johnny sky-writes a message for Peter, stating, “the usual place.”
Cut back to the Statue of Liberty. Peter unmasks and tells Johnny everything. Johnny admits that he believes Peter has it all, a loving aunt, a genius brain, and a series of incredibly hot girlfriends. “God, how I envied you,” he says. Peter says he envies Johnny, with his wealth, fame, and adventures on the frontiers of science. They shake hands, with Peter webbing Johnny for a joke. Then Johnny asks, “I was kinda wonderin’ if you were doing anything tonight?”
Cut to later, when a Fantasticar lands at the Baxter Building, containing Peter, Mary Jane, and Aunt May. These three are currently living at Stark Tower, but Peter says the Avengers are work while the FF are friends. Sue makes introductions, saying, “It’s past time your family met our family.” Cue several pages of the Parkers and the Richards hanging out for the evening, with lots of fun references to all their past encounters. Reed takes a group photo, saying he’ll file it under “friends and family.”
Unstable molecule: Reed’s expedition is into a dimension whose portal is only open once every thousand years. Thanks to Spidey’s meddling, Reed only gets two minutes’ worth of data, but he later says those two minutes are invaluable.
Fade out: Sue points out that while Spider-Man has visited the Baxter Building(s) on several occasions, he’d only been in the upper floors and never the main residence before.
Clobberin’ time: Ben pilots the ship during the interdimensional expedition, reminding us of his history as a pilot (been a while since we had one of those).
Flame on: Yes, this is the first time Johnny and his team learn (confirm?) Spider-Man’s secret identity. It’s rare for a big change in comic characters’ lives to be permanent, but Marvel (mostly) stuck to the FF knowing Peter’s identity from here out.
Four and a half: Franklin and Peter Parker bond over the fact that they both have a beloved Uncle Ben.
Our gal Val: Baby Valeria is at the FF/Parker dinner, with Aunt May calling her “a sweet child.”
Fantastic fifth wheel: She-Hulk shows up at Johnny’s place to be his date at the Wakandan embassy, but he accidentally ruins her outfit, so she doesn’t go. This suggests a possible romance between Johnny and She-Hulk, something never hinted at before.
Crystal had left Johnny by issue #3 due to pollution on Earth affecting her. Spider-Man asks why Johnny didn’t leave with her, and Johnny has no answer. In issue #2, there’s a lot of comedy with Flash Thompson hitting on Crystal, and her summoning a rain cloud to drench him.
Reed introduces a new H.E.R.B.I.E. model that’s tiny, and is apparently used only for taking photos. He calls it a “cambot.” Freakin’ H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot.
Luke Cage and Frankie Raye also get name-dropped as alternate members of the FF.
Sue-per Spy: The 2019 Invisible Woman miniseries revealed that Sue had a double life as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent all along. We don’t see her reaction to learning Spidey’s secret identity. Could she already know it, thanks to her spy craft?
Trivia time: What’s the deal with the Spider-Mobile? Although he doesn’t need a car, Spider-Man made a deal with two advertising execs for a Spider-Mobile for some extra cash. (Behind the scenes, this was also Stan Lee’s deal for a Spider-Mobile toy.) He used the car to fight Hammerhead, Mysterio, and the Tinkerer. It later showed up at the Smithsonian, and Deadpool once stole it and renamed it the Dead Buggy.
Why is Captain Stacy giving tips to Peter about supervillains? Remember that just before Stacy died, he confessed to Peter that he knew Peter was Spider-Man all along.
A little kid seen briefly in issue #3 is Danny Ketch, who would grow up to be the second Ghost Rider.
Fantastic or frightful? Many fans consider this to be Dan Slott’s best work, and I’m inclined to agree. It has Slott’s winking humor and love of deep continuity, but it also has a lot of heart. The big reveal at the end was a long time coming, and it’s handled about as perfect as can be. But on the negative side, the Hostess Fruit Pies gag is Slott at his most self-indulgent, sacrificing plot and character for the sake of a hacky joke. I guess that’s the trick to reading Slott’s work – put up with the clunky bits to enjoy the good bits.
Next: The green and the grey.
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Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a city full of far-out technology and hidden dark magic. The first three chapters are FREE, so give it a shot! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.
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