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Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. The Civil War crossover event charges full steam ahead toward its big finale in issue #6, but it’s not over yet.

The Marvel Universe is divided over the issue of superhuman registration, and everyone’s fighting each other. This issue begins with a sense that time has passed. We’re at a S.H.I.E.L.D. base in Arizona, where work is under way on the new Fifty States Initiative. Maria Hill and Hank Pym (secretly a Skrull in disguise) oversee a group of brand-new superheroes based on Greek myths, including a new Hercules, to replace the Herc who is a criminal now that he’s joined the anti-reg side. They’re interrupted by a green-eyed S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who wants Pym’s help in dealing with the new Poseidon hero.

At the new Baxter Building, Reed performs surgery on the Thor clone, in hopes that it will be less likely to murder anyone in the future. Unbeknownst to Reed, the Punisher is also inside the Baxter Building, sneaking through all of Reed’s security drones by wearing a high-tech Stark suit. Punisher makes his way to Reed’s “data-house” where he discovers that security around the entrance to the Negative Zone prison is more extreme than any security he’s ever seen. Punisher contacts Captain America to say Cap will need a lot more help, and Cap says he’s working on it.

Cut to Atlantis, where Sue is meeting with Namor. She says Captain America’s side is planning a big move, and Namor’s great power could be the decisive factor. Namor says the culprit behind the death of Namorita has been dealt with (this happened in the Wolverine tie-in issues). Sue argues that Cap is one of Namor’s oldest friends, as their partnership dates back to the old days of the original Invaders. Namor says Cap should have asked him in person, rather than using his and Sue’s unique relationship. Sue says she and Namor have no relationship, but he says he can sense her heartbeat in the water, and it says otherwise.

At Captain America’s HQ, there’s a big strategy meeting. Falcon reports that Black Panther has joined their side, but both the X-Men and Atlantis have refused. Falcon then relays the info they got from the Punisher, saying there are only two portals to the Negative Zone prison, one in the Baxter Building and one at Ryker’s Island. Punisher got them the security codes to Ryker’s. Spider-Man is at the meeting, having dumped his Iron Spider armor and returned to his classic blue and yellow uniform. Cap offers Spidey the chance to sit out of the mission, but Spider-Man says he’ll be there, and that he has a lot to make up for.

Then Captain America announces that two supervillains are willing to join their fight, Plunderer and Goldbug. Upon seeing the two villains, the Punisher doesn’t hesitate. He immediately goes for his guns and kills both of them, right in front of everyone. Cap punches the Punisher, calling him a murderous piece of trash, while Punisher argues the two guys were thieves and criminals. Cap beats the absolute crap out of the Punisher, but Punisher refuses to fight back. Cap asks why, and Punisher says, “Not against you.” Cap orders the others to throw Punisher out of there.

Then there’s a couple of short scenes checking with other corners of the Marvel Universe. If we’re to make some kind of timeline, all of this month’s tie-in issues would have to take place at this point. Tony Stark visits Connecticut to see a memorial built for those who died in issue #1. Dr. Strange continues to meditate in his North Pole hideout. The Watcher appears before him, and Strange says he hopes for whichever victory is best, and whichever spills the least amount of blood.

Then it all goes down. Using the info they got from the Punisher, Cap’s anti-reg team sneaks past all the security at Ryker’s and makes it to the Negative Zone portal. Spider-Man’s spidey-sense goes nuts, just in time for Iron Man’s pro-reg side to jump out an intercept everyone. He has all the villains-turned-Thunderbolts on his team, so he’s got Cap outnumbered.

Iron Man reveals that he knew Cap was coming because Tigra was spying for him all along (remember seeing “Tony” on her phone in the previous issue?). But then Cap says he knew Tigra was spying, and that he too had a spy on Tony’s side. Hank Pym then transforms into Hulkling. (Remember the green-eyed agent from the start of this issue?) Reed freaks out, realizing that Hulking could reproduce Hank’s retinal and voice print, then he could have access to the Negative Zone prison. Then all the heroes who had been arrested during the Civil War come through the portal to join Cap’s team. The two sides are now evenly matched.

Cap ends the issue by saying, “Now close your eyes, gentlemen. This might hurt.”

Unstable molecule: Reed tells Tony Stark that he recently spoke to the President (!), and negotiated twelve immunities for the superheroes who joined Cap’s side, with Sue and Johnny at the top of the list.

Fade out: What to make of Sue’s scene with Namor. Again, I thought the Reed/Sue/Namor love triangle was officially resolved during Onslaught, but writers since then keep bringing it back. I think the idea is that if Sue and Reed are separated at this point, so some Sue and Namor lovin’ is now more of a possibility than ever.

Flame on: Johnny doesn’t say or do anything in this issue, but he can be seen among Captain America’s team throughout, just to remind us who’s side he’s on.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Tigra’s spying subplot gets so little screen time and has so little impact, it might as well not exist. She-Hulk is once again seen among the pro-reg side, and Luke Cage is still one of the main guys on the anti-reg side.  

Trivia time: Who are these new heroes in Arizona? They’re a new version of the Champions, intended to be celebrity heroes whose powers could be removed if they got out of hand. The members in this issue are Aphrodite, Artemis, Hephaestus, Hermes, Poseidon, and the new Hercules. Don’t get used to this bunch, though, because they’ll soon be rebranded as The Order, getting their own series with more interesting characters like Anthem, Veda, Aralune, Supernaut, Mulholland, and more.

Fantastic or frightful? So the Punisher exits Civil War just as abruptly as he entered it. Catch you later, Frank! My pet theory: Punisher was getting sick of doing things Cap’s way, so he shot Goldbug and Plunderer in front of everyone so he’d get kicked off the team. Beyond that, the whole issue is just getting everyone in place for the big finale. Feels like it’s been a long time coming.

Next: Funeral for a stilt.

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Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.

Tim Burton rewatch! Burton was once one of the biggest names in movies, but it seems like no one talks about him anymore. Let’s go through his work again and see what we can see from today’s perspective. It all began with Vincent.

Here’s what happens: Vincent Malloy is a child who, unlike all the other kids, wishes he could be just like Vincent Price. Despite the protestations of his mother to be normal, Vincent lives in nightmare imagery going further and further into the darkness.

Origin story: The legend goes that Disney could see that Burton had potential based on his student films, but Burton wasn’t fitting in on projects like The Fox and the Hound. Disney at the time was uncharacteristically invested in cultivating up-and-coming new talent so they gave Burton a decent budget to make his own short film. Vincent became Burton’s calling card in Hollywood.

Outsider theory: The idea is that most (all?) Burton films are about outsiders in some way. Vincent is certainly an outsider. The whole point of the movie is about how his behavior is odd, and yet he finds solace in his oddness.

Reality breaks through: Most (all?) Burton movies feature escaping into fantasy, yet the real world keeps butting in, often in interesting ways. In this case, it’s Vincent’s mother who encourages him to go outside and “play,” while offering no further info on what “play” might entail.

Best bits: Narrator: “Vincent is nice when he aunt comes to see him, but he imagines dipping her in wax for his wax museum.”

Thoughts on this viewing: Vincent hits the sweet spot between adorable and ghoulish. In just over six minutes, it establishes a whole bunch of classic Burton-isms.

Next: Not witch hunters.

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Want more? Check out my ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.

Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. After following event surrounding the Civil War crossover for the last few weeks, it’s time to check back in with our heroes properly in issue #542.

Recap: The Marvel Universe is divided in half over the issue of superhero registration, and whether superhumans should reveal their secret identities to the government and take part in Iron Man’s new Fifty States Initiative. The fighting and chaos has become so extreme that collateral damage is like nothing else seen before. The Fantastic Four are divided on the issue, with Reed being unwaveringly pro-reg. Sue and Johnny, being anti-reg, have left the team. Ben, while technically pro-reg, has left for France to be an “ex-pat,” leaving the superhero vs. superhero fighting to others.

This issue begins with Johnny and Reed having a clandestine meeting inside a Starbucks-ish coffee shop. There’s a little poking fun at the “Clark Kent’s glasses” thing as Johnny wears glasses and Reed wears a fishing cap, and no one recognizes them. Their conversation goes on for five pages, but, honestly, it’s the same conversation all the characters have been having throughout Civil War. Reed says registration is the law and the law must be followed, while Johnny argues in favor of doing the right thing, the lawbooks be damned. He reminds Reed that they originally stole the FF’s rocket for their first spaceflight, while Reed argues that their powers gained from that spaceflight shouldn’t be allowed to run amok unchecked. They don’t see eye to eye, but Johnny agrees to follow Reed on an errand.

Then we return to the Mad Thinker, still lurking in his hideout, an abandoned factory in Queens. Back in issue #539, he and Puppet Master tried to manipulate Civil War’s battle of Yancy Street. Other comics revealed that Puppet Master has left for South America, leaving Mad Thinker alone. Reed and Johnny break into the factory. After a brief fight, Reed says he’s there to ask for a favor.

Reed, Johnny, and the Mad Thinker arrive at the new Baxter Building, where two agents from Damage Control are inspecting the building-wide hole left by Sue when she left Reed a few issues back. They say they can fix the hole, but it will take time because of the extra security in and around the building. (Other Civil War tie-ins have Captain America’s anti-reg team plotting to break into the Baxter Building at this time. The characters in this issue show no awareness of this.)

Cut to France, where Ben is still fighting crime alongside Le Heroes De Paris. He and Anais, a Wonder Woman/Catwoman hybrid-type character, are in the famous Paris catacombs in search of villain activity. They come across a bunch of Hydra agents and fight them. They defeat the baddies easily, and Anais kisses Ben (!), but Ben turns her down, saying he’s “kinda seein’ somebody.”

Johnny flies to Paris in a Fantasticar to meet with Ben. They reminisce about Bill Foster, a.k.a. Giant Man. Ben says he didn’t attend Foster’s funeral because he “couldn’t face up ta it.” Johnny asks Ben to come back to New York, and Ben says he’ll think about it. Johnny leaves Ben with one-fourth of the Fantasticar to get home quickly if he needs to.

At the Baxter Building, Reed takes the Mad Thinker into his private sanctum, a room that only he has ever been in. It’s a sparse, cell-like room, with only Reed’s calculations written all over the walls. What follows is another multi-page dialogue scene, and I must admit all this talking is all over the place and a little hard to grasp. Reed quotes Isaac Asimov’s novel Foundation and its concept of “psycho-history,” using mathematics to predict societal events, saying he’s achieved it for real. Reed says he’s predicted a number of world-ending apocalypse scenarios, with superhero registration being the key to preventing them.

Mad Thinker then gives a big speech about how Tony Stark’s futurism is based on instinct, while Reed has done the actual calculations. He accuses Reed of following his own calculations father and farther down the path of doing evil deeds, all for what he thinks is the greater good. Mad Thinker also argues that Reed’s calculations can predict society’s actions, but not the actions of a single individual.

Then Sue appears, after spying on them both while she was invisible. She accuses Reed of lying to her. She says his loyalty to the pro-reg side has nothing to do with obeying the law or about the memories of his uncle. She says she’s siding with Captain America, adding that the FF have beat the odds before. “We’re going to beat the odds again,” she says as she leaves. Reed responds, “No, don’t you see? You’re not.”

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: Why, exactly, does Reed bring the Mad Thinker to the Baxter Building? He never asks Mad Thinker for advice, but instead just talks at him. I guess he wanted another genius around who wasn’t Tony Stark.

Fade out: Sue snuck back into the Baxter Building just to tell Reed she’s leaving again? I guess that makes three times they’ve had a breakup scene during Civil War.

Clobberin’ time: Who is the someone that Ben is “kinda” dating? It’s most likely a reference to Alicia, as the recent Thing miniseries suggested there’s some romance still among them, despite being apart for so long.

Flame on: There’s a funny bit at the coffee shop where Johnny can pick up two hot coffee cups without burning himself. Later, he and Reed are able to outsmart the Mad Thinker using the insulating coffee cup sleeve to protect against Johnny’s flame.

Four and a half/Our gal Val: Franklin and Valeria have a funny bit where they’re dropping stuff down the giant hole in the Baxter Building left behind by Sue in issue #541.

SUE-per spy: The 2019 Invisible Woman miniseries revealed Sue had a double life as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent all along. Sneaking into Reed’s most private sanctum had to take more than her usual invisibility, right? It’s her spy training at work.

Trivia time: I guess the Mad Thinker goes back into hiding after this, not being a priority for Reed and the FF. The next time he shows up, it’s as a member of the supervillain team the Intelligencia during the Fall of the Hulks crossover.

The Marvel Wiki states Le Heroes De Paris disappeared after this, but two of them, Anais and Compte de Nuit, appeared one more time. In 2014’s X-Force #4, they were part of a new French super-team, Le Bureau Discret. Other members were Le Coq Bleu, Le Necrogateur, Capitaine Fantome, and Prochaine Sortie. Anais was completely redesigned for that issue, adding spycraft and espionage to her backstory. Although the team was never seen again after that one appearance, the Marvel Wiki has this one listed as still active.

Fantastic or frightful? I maintain that writer Dwayne McDuffie was one of the all-time greats, but I’m still scratching my head over the disjointed, almost non-linear feel to this dialogue. This is last solo issue of Fantastic Four before the ending of Civil War, but the crossover isn’t done with our heroes yet.

Next: The Ryker maneuver.

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Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.

Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Marvel’s Civil War mega-crossover keeps raging along. Spider-Man switches sides, the Punisher arrives, and the Fantastic Four are in there somewhere.

Recap: The controversy over superhero registration has divided all the Marvel characters into Iron Man’s pro-reg side vs. Captain America’s anti-reg side. Spider-Man revealed his secret identity to the entire world, Goliath, a.k.a. Bill Foster, died horribly in a fight between two sides, and the Reed and Sue of the Fantastic Four have separated. As I noted in previous posts, it’s difficult tracking the continuity of Civil War, as events occur simultaneously throughout all the comics. You can’t really dive into Civil War #5 without reading the Spider-Man comics that led up to it, so I guess we’re doing that now.

The Civil War issues of Spectacular Spider-Man are about Peter, Mary Jane, Aunt May, and Black Cat dealing with the aftermath of Peter revealing his secret identity to the world. The real story, though, was in Amazing Spider-Man. Issues 532 and 533 are an extended take on Peter revealing his identity (the press conference took place at the White House, I detail I’d missed before). This was followed by Iron Man announcing to the world that Spider-Man is joining a pro-reg strike team to pursue and arrest the anti-reg heroes – something Iron Man hadn’t discussed with Spidey ahead of time.

In issue #534, Spider-Man participates in the convoy battle on Yancy Street, also depicted in Fantastic Four a few issues back. Spidey fights Captain America hand-to-hand and he may or may not have let Cap escape. In issue #535, Peter shows more regret over what he’s done. He and Iron Man travel to the new Baxter Building to enter the Negative Zone and see this oft-discussed Negative Zone prison in person. (Civil War #5 treats the prison as a big reveal, but we see it first in ASM.) Peter and Reed have the same heart-to-heart talk they had in FF #540, except this time we see how much their conversation affected Peter. Peter sneaks Mary Jane and Aunt May out of Stark Tower, only to be caught in the act by Iron Man. Now stick a bookmark in ASM, because here’s where we switch over to the main Civil War comic.

Civil War #5 begins not with Spidey and Iron Man, but with our old friends the Fantastic Four. Specifically, it’s Sue and Johnny, on the run from S.H.I.E.L.D.’s so-called “cape killers.” Sue turns them both invisible to escape. The cape killers continue the search, while bragging about how flooding the streets with S.H.I.E.L.D. agents has lowered the crime rate. At Stark Tower, Nighthawk (formerly of the Defenders) and Stature (formerly of the Young Avengers) meet with Happy Hogan, saying they want to leave Captain America’s side and register. Nighthawk says it’s because the world has changed, and Stature says that if she’s going to continue crimefighting, she should have proper training and oversight.

Turn the page and we’re back in the Spider-Man/Iron Man fight from ASM #535. Except the fight plays out differently across the two comics. In Civil War, Iron Man says some people in S.H.I.E.L.D. want all superhumans locked up, and registration is the compromise. Peter says things like Bill Foster’s death and the Negative Zone prison are going too far. Spider-Man punches Iron Man through a wall, and then jumps all over the place to avoid Tony’s repulsor rays. Spidey tries to smash through a window, but it’s reinforced. Then cape killers burst into the room and open fire. This destroys the window, and Spider-Man escapes into the night. Iron Man doesn’t pursue, but just stands there and says, “Dammit.”

In Amazing Spider-Man, here’s how the same scene plays out. There’s no conversation at the start, except Iron Man saying, “I thought you knew who’s side you were on.” He smashes them both through a wall and onto the sidewalk outside, in daylight this time. They duke it out, causing some collateral damage to the street around them. Iron Man enacts a safeguard that switches off Spidey’s high-tech Iron Spider armor. But Peter is also a tech whiz, and he secretly disabled the safeguard ahead of time. Spider-Man webs up Iron Man’s helmet, giving him enough time to escape into the sewer. This issue would have you believe that Peter runs straight back to Mary Jane at this point, but a lot of story happens in other comics between these two pages.

Now we set aside the ASM issue and go back to the middle of Civil War #5. Maria Hill of S.H.I.E.L.D. contacts the new Thunderbolts, made up of supervillains, and sends them out in teams to track down and apprehend Spider-Man. In the sewer, Spider-Man comes across a toy, which is actually a bomb. It explodes, injuring him and dousing him with gas (his spider-sense is conveniently not mentioned). The bomb was set by the Jester and Jack O’ Lantern, now members of the Thunderbolts. They beat the absolute crap out of Spidey, with S.H.I.E.L.D. in their earpieces insisting that Spidey be brought in alive. Then they’re both brutally shot in the head (!). Peter, in a daze, looks at the shooter and says, “I know you from way back, don’t I?”

We then cut to short vignette with Sue and Johnny. They’ve dyed their hair black, and they have new fake IDs, forcing them to pretend to be a married couple. They sneak into Captain America’s secret headquarters just in time for a meeting. We learn that Cloak and Dagger have been arrested. This frustrates Cap, as he wanted to use Cloak’s teleportation powers to break into the Baxter Building and free everyone from the Negative Zone prison. Hulkling offers to use his shape-changing powers to sneak into the Baxter Building, but Cap says Hulkling has a secret mission in Arizona instead.

Then a voice says, “Get a medic! Now!” It’s the Punisher, with a beaten and bloody Spider-Man in his arms. Yes, he’s the one who killed the villains in sewer and saved Spidey. (What was Punisher doing in the sewer? It’s at this point where Civil War also intersects with Punisher War Zone. I’ll get to that one next week.)

Jane Foster and Night Nurse are the medics, who treat Spider-Man. The Punisher says Spider-Man is on “our side,” saying he intends to join Cap’s team now that Iron Man and S.H.I.E.L.D. are recruiting criminals and murderers as new Thunderbolts. Punisher reveals he’s the man with the black ski mask who’s been watching everyone from a distance. Falcon asks Captain America whether they should let the Punisher join them or turn him over to the cops. Cap says, “I’m thinking.”

In Hell’s Kitchen, New York, cape killers have arrested Daredevil (who is secretly Iron Fist posing as Daredevil during all this). Reed and She-Hulk have overseen the arrest. Reed wonders if they’ve done the right thing. Reed says life would be easier if he’d never gotten involved, never created the Thor clone, and not been aligned with the Thunderbolts. She-Hulk tells him crime is down, government approval is up, and the public overwhelmingly approves of the pro-reg side (for real?). She says, “You guys gave us a future.”

Later, at Ryker’s Penitentiary, we see there’s now a Negative Zone portal there. Tony Stark walks Daredevil to the portal in person. He reiterates that it was either this or have the government arrest all superhumans. He then confirms plans are under way for the Fifty States Initiative, nationwide superheroes that are fully licensed and accountable. “Nobody wants to put you in jail,” he says. And then, after all this time, we finally, FINALLY, get the official debut of the Negative Zone prison, even though the comics have talked about for months and we just saw it in Amazing Spider-Man. Credit where it’s due, though, artist Steve McNiven draws the heck out of it:

As he’s being locked up, Daredevil hands Tony Stark a silver dollar. He says, “Guess that’s thirty-one pieces of silver you’ve got now, huh? Sleep well, Judas.”

To be continued!  

Unstable molecule/Fade out: Reed and Sue both call Peter Parker the day after he revealed his secret identity to the public. Reed praises Peter’s courage, while Sue just wants to make sure he’s doing okay. Mary Jane and Aunt May are also on the call, and everybody ends up chatting as if Peter’s not there.

Clobberin’ time: Ben appears in two-page spread as one of several Marvel characters reacting to Spider-Man’s secret identity reveal. He’s frowning at it.

Flame on: Johnny is understandably disgusted by having to pretend he and his sister are married. But then he says Sue looks like his last girlfriend’s grandmother. I’ll grant that he’s only joking, but that’s still gross.

Fantastic fifth wheel: She-Hulk seemed iffy about registration in her solo series, but in these issues she’s all for it. Her solo series at this time has her in space for comedic encounters with Starfox, Man-Wolf, and even Thanos. No clue whether this takes place during or after Civil War.

Luke Cage continues to be Captain America’s right-hand man. He doesn’t like the idea of the Punisher joining the team.

There’s one panel of Tigra hiding around a corner with her phone, spying on Cap’s strategy meeting. Look very closely, and you can see the name “Tony” on her contacts.

Trivia time: The three kooky-looking superheroes Spider-Man sees during his visit to the Negative Zone prison are Prodigy, Gladiatrix, and N’Kantu the Living Mummy. They really are bringing back every obscure character for this event, aren’t they?

Fantastic or frightful? The big deal is that Spider-Man switches sides, one of few characters to do so during the Civil War event. This makes Iron Man look even more like the villain, even there are times when the crossover insists he’s the good guy. Also, the Punisher is here. Now that he’s in Civil War, he’ll be all over the place for a while. Even with all this happening, the Fantastic Four continue to be central figures, as both the main series and the Amazing Spider-Man issues make a point of continually checking in with the FF throughout. Beyond that, we’re in the “things get murky” period for Civil War, and it’ll be like this until we get to the big finish.

Next: Where’s Kate Beckinsale when we need her?

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Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.

Todd McFarlane is a mega-millionaire with success undreamt of. I’m just some guy. But as I’ve been buying and reading – and enjoying! – Gunslinger Spawn, I’m struck with how the dialogue and captions are something of a mess. Hence, here’s my attempt to copyedit Gunslinger Spawn.

In the previous issue, Gunslinger and Clown worked out a deal. Clown promised to return Gunslinger to the past if Gunslinger helps defeat the Al Simmons Spawn. It seemed like a done deal, but as issue #6 begins, their conversation continues.

Is the section caption needed at all? I say it can be deleted and the scene doesn’t change.

–

Clown continues, with another wordy paragraph:

This is another case of safety words, or safety phrases, which is filler than can be cut. My suggestion:

“I’m sure you are. Relax a moment while I tend to a few logistics.”

–

They’re in an otherworldly place called Omega Island. We don’t get a good look at the place, but apparently it’s been seen in previous Spawn comics. Clown’s robotic servants lock up his monstrous other selves.

Is the King Kong reference needed? I think the art does that on its own. The word “intrusion” doesn’t work here. “Violation” would be better, except that this character is the Violator. I’m thinking of something like this:

“Guards restrain the violator. The giant monster accepts this compliance.”

–

Clown gives Violator the grand tour:

Tightening up these sentences could give these sentences more impact:

“These remnants remind of the pain I’ve suffered, and where I recently killed a hellspawn.”

And:

“I’m kiddin’! Your face! You thought I was serious? Ha ha ha ha!”

–

Clown reminds us of the ongoing plot:

“As I said” and “Besides” are more examples of safety words, the type of things that should be removed in an edit. “Dine like kings” could be a cliché.

“You’re too valuable to hurt.”

And:

“We can’t send you back home if you’re not healthy.”

–

Gunslinger has these little flashbacks throughout this part:

We just established the plan is to send Gunslinger home, so do we have to repeat again in this panel? Also, “Lost in thought” could be considered a cliché or a safety phrase. Instead, consider:

“Gunslinger isn’t listening. He’s remembering.”

–

Clown reveals the dinner table, setting up this issue’s whole “My Dinner with Clown” vibe.

In the first two sentences, “dine under the stars” and “spared no expense” could be a cliché. Starting sentences with “So” is almost always unneeded. My edits:

“Tonight, we seal our partnership!”

And:

“Behold, the most magnificent evening you’ll ever have!”

–

Things get interesting as Gunslinger and Clown sit down for dinner, but we’ll get to that… next time.

* * * *

Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.

Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Marvel’s Civil War mega-event rages on, with all kinds of violence and murder, but issue #541 shows we can still have some laughs during this time.

As the Civil War began, with all the superheroes battling and even killing each other in the streets over the Superhuman Registration Act, Ben chose to follow the path of the ex-pat by leaving the US for France. After talking about this for a while, and then incongruously fighting alongside Iron Man’s team against Captain America’s side in Civil War #3-4, in this issue, Ben finally arrives in France.

Except Ben’s still not in France. After some comedy shtick with a New York cabbie, Ben arrives at the airport in NYC, where he’s stopped by goons from the IRS. Ben tells them that he’s not giving up his US Citizenship, just leaving for a while. They ask about the huge amount of money he recently received from Fantastic Four Inc. They say he hasn’t paid any income tax on his newfound fortune, and that the IRS is freezing his accounts prior to Ben’s leaving for a non-extradition country. “Have a lovely flight,” one of the IRS guys says. Then it’s even more comedy shtick as Ben goes through airport security and must sit in coach on the plane.

Ben finally arrives in Paris, where he goes out to see the sights. People are rude to him when he asks for restaurant tips. He gets an outdoor table at a small café (because it’s France, you know) only to fall through a trap door into some underground complex. There, he meets Adamantine, a Superman-like character who calls himself “commander in absentia” for a group called The Heroes of Paris. Adamantine says the city is in danger and needs his help. Ben then meets the rest of the Heroes of Paris, who are somewhat similar to DC’s Justice League:

• Comte De Nuit, a.k.a. the Night Count, a Batman-like dark vigilante.

• Anais, queen of a lost cat civilization, a Catwoman/Wonder Woman hybrid.

• La Lumiere Blue, a Green Lantern type, whose light-based powers can reveal others’ secrets.

• Detective Fantome, a supernatural guy akin to the Specter or the Phantom Stranger.

• Le Vent, a.k.a. the Wind, a Flash-ish speedster.

• Le Docteur Q, a guy wearing high-tech armor, similar to Steel, Cyborg or, I guess, Iron Man.

• And finally, Le Cowboy, who is… just a cowboy.

Even though Paris is in danger, the French superheroes nonetheless stop for lunch. Ben assumes the crisis is a multinational conspiracy manipulating superheroes into fighting each other. Instead, it’s a supervillain called the Emperor of the Underground World, who plans to overthrow Paris with an army of subterranean monsters. Ben is moved to tears by the thought of an uncomplicated, old-fashioned good guys versus bad guys slugfest.

Cut to the fight, in caves deep beneath Paris. Ben is at the center of the action, fighting all the monsters, while the rest of the French heroes have some classic superhero banter. Ben confronts the Emperor, deducing that the villain turned to evil not for political reasons, but because a girl once turned him down for a date. Ben smashes the Emporer’s doomsday machine, destroying the caves in the process. The other supes think he didn’t make it, only for him to crawl out of the wreckage with the Emperor, saying “Now that’s what I call doing it old-school.”

Paris is saved, and the Emperor’s lady friend appears. She forgives him, he proposes, and just like that they’re off to get married. Ben responds, “It’s Paris. What’re ya gonna do?” The issue ends with the superheroes heading off for another meal. Ben does his version of the line from Casablanca (which is actually Morocco, but does reference Paris), “I got the feeling that this is the beginnin’ of a wonderful friendship.”

Clobberin’ time: Ben’s catch phrase in French is “Il est temps de battre!” The caption tells us this means, “It’s clobberin’ time!” I’ll take their word for it.

Trivia time: This is the only appearance for all but two of the Heroes of Paris. The Marvel Wiki states that the team vanished without a trace after this, leaving Paris forever vulnerable to attack (!). My conspiracy theory: DC’s lawyers called.  

Speaking of which, Ben states a couple of times that there’s a multinational conspiracy behind the Civil War. I find it unlikely he knows everything that was revealed in the Wolverine issues, and he certainly doesn’t know what will eventually be revealed at the end of Front Line. But he’s right – not all is at it appears.

The Marvel Wiki is pretty slight when it comes to Paris. It skips everything from the 1950s all the way to the Fear Itself crossover. I just know Marvel characters have been there in between, including this issue. Off the top of my head, our own FF hid out in Paris in vol. 3 #1, and the trial of Magneto from Uncanny X-Men #200 was set in Paris.

Fantastic or frightful? Writer J. Michael Straczynski seems to be picking up where he left off in Supreme Power just before this, and then The Twelve just after this, by putting his own spin on the Justice League. Still, it’s nice to have some lighthearted fun during the otherwise dark and megaviolent Civil War.

Next: Mutants in the desert.

* * * *

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Todd McFarlane is a mega-millionaire with success undreamt of. I’m just some guy. But as I’ve been buying and reading – and enjoying! – Gunslinger Spawn, I’m struck with how the dialogue and captions are something of a mess. Hence, here’s my attempt to copyedit Gunslinger Spawn.

Wrapping up issue #5. For a couple of issues now, Gunslinger and Clown have confronted each other in a field outside of town. Clown wants Gunslinger to work with him to kill the Al Simmons Spawn. After fighting for a bit, Clown said Gunslinger is his kind of guy, and their conversation goes on.

I question whether that first sentence is needed, as this thought continues from the previous page. Other than that, some small edits here:

“Neither of us were Hell’s first choice. They never thought we were good enough. It started with the first symbiote, the one we turned into the Hellspawn costume.”

–

From there, it’s a few pages of Clown retelling Spawn’s origin from his point of view, followed by how Clown was sent into the future where he became the new and improved Clown we see in this series. These passages are well written and easy to follow. Then Clown circles back to his offer:

Some confusing wording here regarding this key Clown wants. My suggestion:

“Simmons has grown into the most powerful Spawn. He’ll sense me coming. But he wouldn’t suspect another Spawn. Bring me the key that gets me back into Hell.”

–

Gunslinger responds with another too-long sentence.

It’s a simple matter of breaking this up for better sentence flow. Maybe end it with a question to give the dialogue a back-and-forth feeling:

“Wouldn’t have taken you for the cowardly type. You want to unlock the dead zones, then run and hide?”

–

Clown’s response:

Making this less wordy can make it more dramatic:

“The treasure I’m looking for lies in Hell – Malebolgia’s empty throne!”

–

Then, a twist. Wolves emerge from the nearby woods, apparently under Gunslinger’s control.

“Turns to see” and phrases like it are safety words, and always something to lookout for when writing and editing. This is especially true in comics, where we can see Clown turning to look.

“Clown’s not the only one who commands an army.”

–

Gunslinger says he’ll help Clown, but only Clown sends him back not to 1864, when he came from, but two years earlier in 1862. While Clown considers this, wolves emerge from the nearby woods, apparently under Gunslinger’s control.

“Participants” is awkward, and perhaps “salivate” is awkward as well. One possible suggestion:

“Tensions build. Monsters. Wolves. Minions. All hungry.”

–

The standoff continues.

For this panel, what if their lines were not just shortened, but reversed:

Clown: “Get them to obey!”

Gunslinger: “I didn’t call them here.”

–

This next caption sets up a big one on the following page which reads “All hell breaks loose!” That’s a cliché, but this is a Spawn comic. Themes of Heaven and Hell are omnipresent.

Instead, how about a more direct intro to the next page:

“Too many primal instincts are triggered…”

(Next page): “And ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!”

–

After all this talk about after Clown has reinvented himself, the wolves are too much for him and his minions. I’m sure if they had more pages, McFarlane and artist Brett Booth could have established that these wolves are just as powerful.

There’s not much I can do with this caption other than shorten it:

“The battle is wild savagery with no winners.”

But… If I were actually McFarlane’s editor, I’d suggest a complete rewrite for this panel, establishing the wolves as being supernaturally powerful, and how they’re overwhelming Clown’s forces to the point of surrender.

–

Now evenly matched, Gunslinger and Clown go over their deal. Gunslinger asks what’s his part.

Just some small edits here for clarity:

“Two things for now. One, Spawn stays alive. We’re screwed if he dies. Two, become his friend. Or at least get him to believe you are.”

–

That’s the cliffhanger that ends issue #5. But, as we’ll see in #6, Clown and Gunslinger aren’t done negotiating yet. We’ll get to that… next time.

* * * *

Want more? Check out my new ongoing serial, THE SUBTERKNIGHTS, on Kindle Vella. A man searches for his missing sister in a sprawling city full of far-out tech and secret magic. It’s a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid full of action, romance, mystery, and laughs. The first three chapters are FREE! Click here for a list of all my books and serials.