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Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We get a brand new villain and tons of family drama in issue #269.

We begin with a visit to Johnny’s old pal Wyatt Wingfoot. He’s driving around the “Great Western Desert” on a high-tech three-wheeler. We learn his grandfather Silent Fox has died, and Wyatt is in line to be his tribe’s new chief. He ponders all the globe-and-outer-space-trotting adventures he’s had. Then, a giant red beam shoots down from the sky. It’s half a mile wide and moving at ridiculous speed, leaving a giant crevasse in its wake.

In New York, Johnny is having a casual lunch with Sharon Selleck, the girl who kissed him a few issues back. Johnny is distracted when he sees Alicia walk by, and he leaves Sharon to join Alicia. Alicia, who is of course Lyja the Skrull in disguise, says she’s gotten turned around while on way to a museum lecture. Johnny accompanies her, leaving Sharon to wonder if there’s something going on between them. Also note that Sharon is dressed in her finest ‘80s fashions:

At the Baxter Building, Sue sits by herself, grieving the loss of her unborn child. She puts on a brave face for Franklin, who wants to go back to their house in Connecticut. In Reed’s lab, he and She-Hulk are doing an experiment, which we spend a couple of pages on. Reed places a tennis ball into a device, causing it to implode. Reed (sort of) explains that the machine combines an averaging of relative objects, making the ball temporarily move through space at the exact same speed as the sun. This destroys the ball, but Reed theorizes that, once perfected, this technology can solve the world’s energy problems, etc.

Reed gets a call from Wyatt about the energy beam, and the beam coincidentally hits NYC at that moment. The beam destroys New Jersey (!) but stops at the river before it can harm Manhattan. Reed then gets a call from the U.S. president, whose face we don’t see, asking what’s going on. Reed says he and She-Hulk will meet with Wyatt at the spot where the crisis began. Sue wants to come with them, but Reed says it’s still too soon after the miscarriage, adding that he will nonetheless call on her if he needs her. They leave, and Sue gets hugely angry, unleashing her force fields and destroying everything in the lab.

Reed and She-Hulk fly across the country in the FF’s transonic jet, seeing more and more destruction caused by the beam. Reed says it took an advanced intelligence to project the beam across space to strike the Earth at just the right time and location. A giant vessel of some sort flies by them and crash lands nearby. Reed and She-Hulk investigate. The ship is red hot, so they can’t get too close.

Wyatt joins the FFers at the scene, introducing himself to She-Hulk. Reed deduces that the beam burned a pattern across the continental U.S., in some sort of alien language. Reed runs the message through his universal translator. It adorably prints out the translation on a small strip of paper. The message reads, “I claim this world – Terminus.” Just as She-Hulk asks who Terminus is, the spaceship rises, revealing that it isn’t a spaceship. It’s a giant metal-clad alien proclaiming, “I am Terminus. I am master of this planet!”

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: When She-Hulk, a lawyer, is baffled by all the science-talk, Reed counters by saying that the intricacies of law have always been like an alien language to him.

Fade out: Sue is in a dark, dark place in this issue, and things are only going to get darker and darker for her.

Clobberin’ time: She-Hulk’s joining the team has been made public in news articles, but the public at large doesn’t know that Ben is not on Earth. Sharon Selleck wonders why Ben isn’t around.

Flame on: Speaking of which, say goodbye to Johnny’s almost-girlfriend Sharon. The Marvel wiki informs me that she was never seen again after this.

Fantastic fifth wheel: She-Hulk insists on being called Jen when at headquarters, but not in the field because she has a secret identity to maintain. Except that in the last issue, she said she doesn’t have a secret identity. So, what changed?

Four and a half: Franklin is coping nicely after everything that’s happened, saying he prefers living in Connecticut than at the Baxter Building. He still has something of a crush on She-Hulk.

The Alicia problem: If Lyja’s mission is to secretly infiltrate the FF, then her walking by Johnny’s lunch date with Sharon was no coincidence. Her getting lost could be a trick to get Johnny’s sympathies, or it could be because Lyja is getting used to the blinding contacts she wears.

Commercial break: Up to 3 million years old! “Daggar” shaped!

Trivia time: The last time we saw Wyatt Wingfoot in Fantastic Four was issue #193, in which he was travelling the country with a Nascar-style racing circuit. His only other appearance between then and now was Marvel Two-In-One annual #6, which introduced Native American superhero the American Eagle. Wyatt’s uncle and chief, Silent Fox, only had three appearances prior to this, most prominently seen in Fantastic Four #80. As part of the second wave of new Marvel characters in the late ‘60s, Wyatt was supposed to get his own spinoff comic alongside Black Panther and The Inhumans, but for some reason it never happened.

Famed sci-fi author Larry Niven gets a “scientific advisor” credit in this issue. Your guess is as good as mine.

Fantastic or frightful? The big problem here is that Terminus’ beam cuts up huge portions of the continental U.S., causing countless millions of deaths, and this is never mentioned in the Marvel universe again. That frustration aside, this issue is more about character building than it is about Terminus. She-Hulk is more a part of the team, Johnny and Alicia begin to bond, and Sue descends farther into darkness. Great stuff, really.

Next week: Big versus little.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. She-Hulk joined the team three issues ago, but it’s not until issue #268 that we get to see her do some actual Fantastic Four-ing.

We begin with the FF and Alicia (who is of course Lyja the Skrull in disguise) gathered around Sue’s hospital bed. The caption reminds us about the miscarriage in the previous issue. Reed consoles Sue, saying that she shouldn’t blame herself, and that everything that could have been done was done. In the hallway outside, Dr. Octopus starts to freak out, so Bruce Banner transforms into the Hulk. Before they can start fighting, Reed breaks them up to protect all the hospital patients. Reed convinces Doc Ock to go back to prison (except that he just came from a psychiatric hospital?) voluntarily. Johnny offers to take She-Hulk to the Baxter Building and give her the grand tour.

Johnny demonstrates how the FF’s signal belts can summon a Fantasticar on autopilot. On the way to the Baxter Building, She-Hulk recaps her origin story (she got her powers after a blood transfusion from her cousin, the Hulk) and she says she doesn’t maintain a secret identity, it’s just that no one ever asks. Along the way, we see one of the Jack Kirby-style photo panels, only this one somehow includes the Baxter Building in the NYC skyline. How’d they do that?!? Johnny shows her the various security devices at the Baxter Building, include scanners on the outside, and big red buttons on the inside that shut off all external communications in case the building has an intruder. (Foreshadowing!)

The tour concludes with a part of the Baxter Building we’ve never seen before: The trophy room. Johnny says this is where Reed keeps items from their adventures that are either unexplained or too dangerous to keep anywhere else. The trophy room also features the mask of Dr. Doom on display, after Doom seemingly died in issue #260. (This issue confusingly skips over how Doom unexplainedly came back from the dead and died again during Secret Wars.) Johnny makes a joking comment about Doom zapping the FF even from beyond the grave. (More foreshadowing!)

Cut to Belle Porte, Connecticut, where Reed and Sue have been living as their secret identities to raise Franklin. They haven’t been home for a while, and a neighbor lady named Alma is snooping around the house peeking in windows. Alice, the babysitter, walks by and accuses Alma of spying on all the neighbors. That abruptly ends as we go back to the Baxter Building. Johnny and She-Hulk discuss how Reed and Sue won’t be up for super-heroing for a while, but the FF won’t be officially breaking up.

An alarm goes off, coming from the trophy room. It appears that someone has broken in and stolen Doom’s mask. Johnny and She-Hulk are blasted with electrical energy. It’s coming from Doom’s mask, which is somehow flying around by itself, shooting electric beams out of its eyes. It flies too fast for Johnny to hit with fire, or for She-Hulk to get a hold of. It then protects itself with a concussive field so powerful that it knocks She-Hulk out of the building. She manages to fall in such a way to minimize damage to the street below.

Reed shows up, and joins the battle. He deduces that the mask is being animated by an outside source, so he presses one of the big red buttons. This makes the mask fall to ground, lifeless. Later, after examining the mask in his lab, Reed says the mask was not following a pre-programmed routine, but was being controlled by someone. Could Dr. Doom still be alive?

Unstable molecule: Reed convinces Dr. Octopus to return to “prison” by threatening him. He says if Ock doesn’t turn himself in, Reed will come after him.

Fade out: Sue is dealing with miscarriage, reinforcing the idea that a “normal” tragedy could happen, after all the FF’s wild adventures.

Flame on: When the lights go out inside the trophy room, Johnny uses his fire to provide light. This is an extremely obvious use of his power that we don’t see from him often.

Fantastic fifth wheel: She-Hulk is still nervous about living up to the FF name, worried about others thinking that she’s a joke. There’s no interaction between her and the Hulk in this one, but, really, they don’t hang out very much.

The Alicia problem: At the hospital, Lyja thinks “If only there were something I could do, something I could say…” which definitely has a double meaning once you know she’s a Skrull.

Commercial break: Crank up the power!

Trivia time: How ‘bout that photo cover? Marvel experimented with a bunch of these in the mid-‘80s, with photo covers on issues of Amazing Spider-Man, Marvel Team-Up, Dazzler, and probably others I’m not aware of.

The mystery of Doom’s mask isn’t going to be resolved for quite a while, so don’t hold your breath.

Fantastic or frightful? This issue does a good job of balancing the sadness of the miscarriage with crazy superhero action, and it gives us a good sense of what She-Hulk will bring to the team. Not a lot of substance happens, but it’s nonetheless a well-written, well-drawn issue.

Next week: You’ve been targeted for termination.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’ve reached issue #267 and ooohh, this one’s going to be hard to write about.

Pregnant Sue is in the hospital, dying of radiation poisoning. Fellow scientist Walter Langkowski (a.k.a. Sasquatch from Alpha Flight) says only the genius of Dr. Octopus can save her. Bruce Banner (a.k.a. the Hulk) retells the origin of Doc Ock for Reed (and the readers). Otto Octavius was once a brilliant scientist who built some metal arms to help with dangerous experiments. After an explosion, the arms were fused to his mind so can control them with his thoughts. Also, he became psycho evil. Sue wakes, and says she can tell Reed is up to something — something possibly dangerous. Reed says nothing will stop him from returning to her and their child.

Reed takes a Fantasticar to the South Brooklyn Psychiatric Facility, where the administrator lets him see Doc Ock. Ock is not the mad genius that we last saw, but meek and childlike inside his room, separated from his metal arms. Reed appeals to Ock’s early days as a doctor, emphasizing that only he can save Reed’s wife. Ock sheds a tear, and agrees to help. The psychiatrists say that Reed has accomplished months of therapy in this one conversation.

Reed takes Ock back to the hospital in the Fantasticar. They pass a Daily Bugle billboard with the classic “Spider-Man: Hero or menace?” headline. Doc Ock sees the billboard and starts to freak out. Cut to a secret NYPD facility where armed guards are transporting Ock’s metal arms. The arms spring to life, fighting all the guards. The arms make it up to the street and quickly find the Fantasticar, attacking Reed. The arms are quick and bendy, making them an even match for Reed’s stretching. The arms force Reed into a building and pin him against a wall.

Ock seems in a daze at first, but then reunites with the arms, acting like the good ol’ Dr. Octopus we all know from Spider-Man comics. He does a big villain speech about wanting to kill Reed. Reed then notices the manual controls for the arms are still moving, even though Ock controls them with his mind. Reed stretches his fingers into the controls, so that the arms cannot move. He then pleads with Ock again to help Sue. Reed then releases the arms as a show of trust.

We don’t learn Ock’s reaction, instead cutting back to the hospital, where Johnny and Alicia, who is really Lyja the Skrull in disguise, are both in tears. Johnny thinks “It can’t have ended like this,” and he says he can’t believe that they could be undone by something so normal after all their cosmic adventures. Lyja begs him to stay strong for the sake of his family. Reed arrives with Dr. Octopus, who has agreed to help. Reed asks Johnny what’s wrong, but Johnny’s so distraught that he cannot answer. Reed asks Sue’s doctor what’s wrong. And then… and then…

We turn the page, and there’s one small panel surrounded by all blacks. The doctor says Sue is doing well, but “she lost the baby a little over thirty minutes ago…”

Damn.

Unstable molecule: A lot of folks over the years have used this issue to criticize Reed, arguing that he shouldn’t have run off to have a superhero battle while his wife and baby were sick. The counterargument is that he’s doing this for Sue and the baby, a last-minute act of desperation to save them. I’m in the “there’s no right or wrong answer” camp, and it’s my opinion that not even Mr. Fantastic could have stopped the inevitable.

Fade out: It’s officially established in this issue that radiation is afflicting Sue because the baby was conceived when she and Reed were in the Negative Zone.

Flame on: Johnny is especially heartbroken, presciently predicting how much this has cost the team.

Fantastic fifth wheel: She-Hulk again frets about not being able to help despite all her awesome strength. She says she hopes being a member of the FF will give her some respectability, in the hopes that people won’t see her as a joke.

The Alicia problem: The story goes that with Ben away, Lyja turned her attention to Johnny instead. We see this in action as she stays by his side at the hospital. Although her mission is to infiltrate and then destroy the FF from within, she encourages Johnny to keep the team together. I guess she didn’t want her cover blown so soon.

Commercial Break: Home computers!

Trivia time: How did Dr. Octopus get into a psychiatric hospital so soon after Secret Wars? In a lengthy Spectacular Spider-Man story arc that happened before Secret Wars, Ock lost his mind in a big way. This issue and Secret Wars are merely building off of that. He gets over his fears of Spider-Man in Web of Spider-Man #4-5, and he’s back to full-on mad scientist/criminal mode by the time we get to the Sinister Six reunion in Amazing Spider-Man #334.

When retelling Ock’s origin story, writer-artist John Byrne faithfully recreates several panels from Ock’s first appearance in Amazing Spider-Man #3.

Fantastic or frightful? To begin, the fight between Reed and Ock is great, emphasizing how similar their powers are. But seriously, the important thing here is Sue’s miscarriage. This is a major event that’ll affect the course of these characters’ lives for years to come. I’m still not sure what to think.

Next week: Face the face.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. In issue #266, just after She-Hulk has replaced Ben on the team, we get… an entire issue devoted to Ben?

She-Hulk is at the hospital, where a pregnant Sue has been taken after she was afflicted with deadly radiation. Reed has gathered a group of radiation experts for help — Dr. Bruce Banner (a.k.a. the Hulk) Walter Langkowski (a.k.a. Sasquatch of Alpha Flight) and Michael Morbius (a.k.a Morbius the Living Vampire, a Spider-Man villain). Sue is sleeping now, while the experts try to sort out what’s wrong.

She-Hulk and Alicia (who is secretly Lyja the Skrull in disguise, let’s not forget) chat in the hallway outside Sue’s room. Alicia/Lyja says she’s not hurt by Ben staying behind on Battleworld, because Ben’s happiness is what’s important. She says her mind keeps flashing back to an incident involving Ben and Sue, and how the two of them are “connected” Somehow.

From there, the majority of this issue is a flashback to “a time not long ago” when Ben was still on the team. He and Alicia enjoy a walk in Central Park one summer day, enjoying ice cream cones (aww…). This is a Marvel comic book, so you know there’s going to be trouble. A woman whose face is obscured by a black veil, stops an armored truck nearby and robs it with a group of men working for her. Ben puts a stop to it, but the woman raises her veil and shows him her face. He is immediately hypnotized to do her bidding. The woman calls herself Karisma. She commands Ben to help with the robbery. He does, acting like he’s never met Alicia before.

Sue is just down the street, wig-shopping (!) and she jumps into action when she sees police cars go by. She finds the police fighting Ben, and convinces them to stand down so she can confront him. Ben thinks Sue is out to get Karisma, so he attacks. Big fight! Ben knows how Sue’s force fields work, so he comes up with all sorts of ways to get around them. This forces her to come up with new ways to use them to keep Ben off guard. It’s a terrific fight, and you get the sense that Ben and Sue are evenly matched. Ben has a moment of weakness as Karisma’s influence starts to wear off. This gives Sue just enough time for her to turn invisible and get away from him.

Karisma shows her face to Ben again, putting him back under her control. There’s a flashback (within the flashback???) that reveals she was once a cosmetics scientist who created makeup so alluring that it possessed men’s minds. When her male-pig bosses wouldn’t fund her experiments, she turned to a life of crime. Ben and Sue fight some more, and just when it looks like he’s won, Sue turns Karisma’s veil invisible. We see her makeup is not alluring, but a total mess.

This doesn’t have the effect Sue wanted, though, because it puts all the men in the area Karisma’s control. They become a mindless mob, about to kill Sue. She then turns Karisma’s entire head invisible (!), giving the men their minds back. Sue wraps up Karisma’s head in her cape, and the cops haul her away with the promise that a female police officer will remove the makeup. Sue makes a joke about Karisma being “cosmetically aware” and that’s that.

Back in the present, Reed meets with She-Hulk and Alicia/Lyja. He says there’s no good news. Sue is dying, and the experts have come up with nothing. Then Langkowski says there’s one more person they haven’t reached out to yet, someone who knows radiation better than anyone. That someone is Otto Octavius, a.k.a. Dr. Octopus.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: There’s a goof in this issue that has Bruce Banner saying “My wife is at death’s door,” when this was clearly supposed to be Reed saying it.

Fade out: It’s assumed that Sue was shopping for wigs for use in her and Reed’s new secret identities in Connecticut. She uses her force fields to trap Ben, to use as a battering ram against him, and she makes tiny ones to trip him up.

Clobberin’ time: Ben is so familiar with Sue’s force fields that he can tell she’s weakened just by touching one of them.

Flame on: Johnny is a no-show in this issue. We’re told he’s flying around in hopes of contacting other radiation experts.

Fantastic fifth wheel: She-Hulk frets about how she’s unable to help, despite her awesome strength.

The Alicia problem: How does Lyja know all this? It’ll eventually be revealed that she studied the FF’s lives in detail. The better question is why does she tell this story? Let’s speculate that with Ben away, she turned her attention to the weakened Sue.

Commercial break: Nightmare fuel!

Trivia time: It’s pretty obvious that this is an inventory issue, written and drawn ahead of time as filler in case the book falls behind deadline. There’s some mystery online as to whether it was used this time because of deadlines, or if writer-artist John Byrne just up and decided to use it because he liked it.

Karisma would eventually return in a Captain America story, where she joined a group of female villains, the Femizons.

Why didn’t Reed contact Dr. Strange for help? The comic doesn’t say, but the concurrent issue of Dr. Strange from this time has the doc receiving a serious blow to the head when fighting a guy named Pohldahk.

Fantastic or frightful? A fun issue, but an inconsequential one. I like the Sue/Ben fight a lot, but it remains frustrating to have this placeholder after all the momentum built up from the Secret Wars.

Next week: The sadness begins.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Last week, we saw the aftermath of Secret Wars, this week let’s find out what happened while Marvel’s biggest heroes were away in space. There’s a lot of ground to cover, but because this is a Fantastic Four post, I’m going to try to focus on Secret Wars just from the FF’s perspective.

A bunch of Marvel heroes appear out of nowhere in space, inside the giant machine that abducted them from Earth. There’s a quick roll call. In addition to Reed, Ben, and Johnny, we’ve got some Avengers: Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, She-Hulk, Wasp, and Captain Marvel. For the X-Men, there’s Professor X, Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm, Nightcrawler, Colossus, Rogue, and Lockheed the dragon. Spider-Man and the Hulk are here as well. Finally, there’s Magneto, who stands alongside the X-Men but whom everyone considers an enemy. Continuity notes: This is when Jim Rhodes was Iron Man, Monica Rambeau was Captain Marvel, the Hulk had Bruce Banner’s intelligence, and Professor X had regained the ability to walk.

A second construct appears in space, and this one’s full of villains. We’ve got Dr. Doom, Galactus, Ultron, the Molecule Man, Kang, the Enchantress, Dr. Octopus, the Lizard, the Absorbing Man, and the Wrecking Crew, which is made up of the Wrecker, Piledriver, Thunderball, and Bulldozer. Dr. Doom is so brainy that he knows who all the other baddies are, and he does the roll call by himself.

Things get all cosmic as everyone sees an entire galaxy destroyed right in front of them. Remnants from the destroyed galaxy are reformed into a single planet orbiting its last surviving star. (We’ll come to know this planet as Battleworld.) An opening to another universe appears. A voice comes from within saying the famous words, “I am from beyond! Slay your enemies and all you desire shall be yours! Nothing you dream of is impossible for me to accomplish!” Galactus and Dr. Doom try to attack this creature, but they’re thrown down to the planet. Galactus coins the name “Beyonder” in the process. All the heroes are then beamed down to the planet’s surface, where they make camp in a giant, abandoned alien fortress.

The heroes argue for several pages about what to do with Magneto, and whether he’s friend or foe. Johnny, strangely, is the one who’s had enough and tries to attack Magneto. Magneto swats him down and then flies off. There’s a couple more pages of the heroes voting on who should be their leader. Professor X nominates Reed, but Reed says he’s too worried about his pregnant wife at home to be an effective leader. (He also pulls a George Lucas by stating that Sue is “a billion parsecs away.”) It takes them forever to choose Captain America as team leader. Elsewhere, all the villains except Galactus meet up at a futuristic fortress of their own. Doom says they shouldn’t play the Beyonder’s game, but instead go after the Beyonder himself. The villains fight each other, and Kang tries to blow up Doom.

The heroes investigate the explosion. Doom survives and flies off alone, while the rest of the villains attack. Big fight! The baddies get the upper hand, and Reed uses his body as a shield to protect his unconscious teammates from falling debris. She-Hulk dukes it out with the Enchantress, managing to knock out the Asgardian. The heroes win the fight and take several hostages. At the heroes’ fortress, Reed puts the villains in “psychostasis” after figuring out how to work the alien machinery. We then spend a lot of time with Dr. Doom, who insists he is the equal to the godlike Beyonder. He finds Ultron, who got zapped in the first villain fight, and reprograms him. Doom takes over as leader of the rest of the villains now that he has Ultron as his personal bodyguard. Galactus stands on a mountaintop and stays there, motionless.

All the heroes go through a “what if we never get home” phase. Ben worries that he’ll never see Alicia again (if only he knew what was going with Alicia…), and She-Hulk admits that underneath her tough-girl bluster she’s having a tough time keeping it all together. Johnny is more upbeat, saying the FF have been trapped in space before, and they always make it home. Johnny and Spider-Man discover Magneto snooping around the heroes’ HQ. Johnny uses the “4” flare to summon the rest of the group. As Magneto escapes, Ben transforms from the Thing back into a human!

It’s more down time as a huge storm ravages the whole planet (Thor loves it). Reed gets really depressed and wanders off by himself. There’s a big fight between Spider-Man and the X-Men when he overhears them wanting to leave. Professor X erases the fight from Spidey’s memory before Spidey can tell Reed. Over at Doombase, as it’s now called, Doom creates two new villains by using the alien machines to give two women superpowers. They are Volcana and Titania. It’s also here that we learn an entire suburb of Denver was taken from Earth to become part of Battleworld. The storm ends, and the villains attack. Johnny gets a couple of broken bones and the still-human Ben is knocked out. Volcana, although still getting used to her fire powers, manages to defeat She-Hulk. Molecule Man destroys the heroes’ fortress, forcing them to regroup in the wilderness.

Molecule Man then drops an entire mountain on the heroes, but the Hulk’s awesome strength saves everyone. Reed uses his brains to combine Iron Man’s armor, Spider-Man’s webshooters, and Hawkeye’s trick arrows to power up Iron Man so he can dig everyone out from underground. Elsewhere, Doom remembers that Kang tried to kill him and orders Ultron to kill Kang. (Harsh!) Then there’s a lot of drama about the X-Men and Magneto forming a third “team” on the planet.

The heroes find their way to a village, complete with white-haired peaceful aliens. The only problem is, it happens to be right under the mountain where Galactus is standing on his silent vigil. One alien, a beautiful young woman, welcomes the heroes. She’s the village healer, and takes away Johnny’s injuries with her healing powers. Johnny is immediately smitten with her. Ben transforms back into the Thing, seemingly at random. Reed suspects he knows why Ben is transforming, but he doesn’t say anything.

Galactus’ home ship (the one we first saw way back in FF #49-51) arrives alongside the planet, and everyone panics, wondering what the big G is up to. Johnny consoles the alien girl, even though he doesn’t understand her language. She takes him into her bedroom (wha-hey!) where she has him inhale a strange gas (wha-HEY!). They share a psychic vision, and he learns her name is Zsaji. (Most folks pronounce this “Zah-shee” but I wonder if it’s “E-zah-shee” because the text specifies that his injuries ease under her care. Whatever.) They kiss, totally in love now.

Reed tries to communicate with Galactus, hoping Galactus will respond because Reed once saved his life. This happens just as Professor X tries to telepathically communicate with Galactus. Galactus summons a robot from his home to attack the heroes. More fighting! He also starts building his world-eating machine on the mountaintop. Johnny manages to burn the robot from within, destroying it. The heroes can’t catch their breath, because that’s when the villains attack. It looks the bad guys will win, only for the X-Men to arrive and save the day. The baddies run off, but not before Colossus is injured. Doom takes advantage of the distraction and sneaks aboard Galactus’ home ship, looking for a way to defeat the Beyonder. Colossus stays behind to be healed by Zsaji, while the X-Men confirm that they are separate allies to Captain America’s group. Zsaji makes Colossus think of his girlfriend Kitty, who is back on Earth, but he becomes fascinated by Zsaji as she heals him.

Inside Galactus’ home, Doom finds Klaw, who had been absorbed by Galactus when he fought Dazzler. (That’s right, Galactus once fought Dazzler.) Klaw has lost his mind, and spends the rest of Secret Wars as the Fool to Doom’s King Lear. At the village, Colossus continues to be smitten with Zsaji, and gets jealous when he sees her with Johnny. (Johnny, by the way, romances Zsaji by singing Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” to her. So there’s that.)

A brand-new Spider-Woman shows up (this is the Jennifer Carpenter Spider-Woman). She was fighting crime in that Denver suburb (what’s going on in Denver?) and she joins Cap’s team. The Wasp is seriously injured in a fight with the Wrecking Crew. She-Hulk wants revenge, but Captain America says they need to stay put and keep an eye on Galactus. A bunch of volcanoes go off as a result of a big X-Men vs. villains fight, and this slows down Galactus’ progress. Along the way, Galactus senses Doom inside his house and teleports Doom back to the planet. She-Hulk attacks Doombase on her own, only for Titania and the Wrecking Crew to beat the crap out of her. It’s totally brutal. At the village, Hawkeye wants a rescue mission for She-Hulk, but Captain America, worried about Galactus, says no. Professor X contacts Cap, saying the X-Men will take over watching Galactus so Cap and company can rescue She-Hulk.

Captain America’s group launches a full-on assault on Doombase, for an issue that’s all one big fight. Ben transforms back into a human while fighting the Absorbing Man, and he has to be saved by Spider-Woman. Johnny uses his nova flame on Ultron. This doesn’t destroy Ultron, but it does manage to short out some internal circuitry of his, taking him out of the fight. In one of this series’ silliest moments, Ben and Hawkeye come across Klaw and the Lizard. Rather than fight the two, Ben and Hawkeye incapacitate them by convincing them to play patty-cake. Yeah.

Captain America confronts Dr. Doom, but Doom is too weakened from his experience in Galactus’ home. The fight ends, and the heroes make Doombase their new home. Reed treats She-Hulk and the other wounded in the Doombase infirmary. There’s one panel (One!) where Reed says Doom died the last time the FF encountered him, and he has no idea how Doom is alive here. (You’d think they would have addressed this in the first issue.) Back at the village, Colossus realizes Zsaji used all of her healing powers at maximum to save the Wasp, who was injured earlier. Colossus falls madly in love with Zsaji. It’s during all this that Spider-Man gets his famous black costume.

Galactus finally makes his move, and starts to devour the planet. The X-Men rush in and try to stop him. Big fight! The rest of the heroes are en route to join them, when Ben and Johnny get into some old school FF bickering and Ben transforms back into the Thing. Spider-Man shows off all the cool tricks his new costume can do. Reed says he’d like to check out the costume in his lab back on Earth. Cap’s team joins the X-Men and Cap leads everyone through Galactus’ defenses. Just when it looks like they’ll win, Reed has an epiphany and says they must not fight. He says this is their chance to rid the universe of Galactus. If Galactus devours the planet, he’ll win the Beyonder’s game. Galactus’ reward, Reed believes, will be to ask the Beyonder to take away his cosmic hunger, so he never has to devour a planet again.

Just as Reed explains all this, he’s teleported away. Galactus takes him aboard his ship. He shows Reed a vision of Sue and Franklin back on Earth, and then he asks Reed to heed his words carefully. At Doombase, Dr. Doom gets his strength back and escapes from the cell the heroes put him in. In the village, Zsaji also has her strength back, and wants to be with Johnny. Johnny’s too busy worrying about Reed’s safety for romance, though. Reed returns and says Galactus called him a “champion of life.” Reed explains again that they must not fight, giving up their lives to save countless planets from Galactus. Captain America doesn’t buy it, saying he’s going to fight. Cap’s group and the X-Men form a single team again, and they battle Galactus some more. Then Reed changes his mind, and he, Ben and Johnny join them. Reed says he can’t bear never seeing Sue or his unborn child again, the universe be damned.

Iron Man, Thor, and Cyclops trash Galactus’ planet-eating machine, so Galactus travels back up to his home ship, and devours the whole thing the same way he did with the Skrull homeworld. The portal to the Beyonder’s universe opens up so the Beyonder can watch what’s happening. Galactus becomes so full of the Power Cosmic that he shines brighter than the sun. Reed fears Galactus will devour Battleworld next, for even more power. Suddenly, all the energy is ripped away from Galactus, and toward Doombase. Dr. Doom has taken Klaw, cut his body up into lenses (remember that Klaw’s body is made of solidified sound, so I guess that works) and used the lenses to steal Galactus’ power.

The heroes return to Doombase, and they have yet another “is Magneto a good guy or not” argument on the way. (Is now really the best time, you guys?) Doom decides that the power of Galactus is not enough. He flies into space to confront the Beyonder. At Doombase, the whole building is rocked with shockwaves coming from the Beyonder’s portal. Some debris falls on Reed, but it only knocks his breath out. Colossus sees on a monitor that Zsaji is injured when a shockwave hits her village. When he tells Johnny, Johnny is too upset about Reed to care. Johnny famously (infamously?) says “I’ve got no time for a chippie now!” Colossus doesn’t like hearing this.

Inside the Beyonder’s portal, Doom attacks. We don’t actually see the Beyonder, just waves of white light fighting back against Doom. Doom’s leg gets cut off (!) and it looks like he’s dead for real this time. An image of Doom appears before the heroes, asking them to add their power to his, because the Beyonder is their common enemy. None of them do, although Magento is tempted. Inside the portal, the Beyonder takes an interest in the battered and beaten Dr. Doom. He reads Doom’s mind and takes apart Doom’s armor. It’s really freaky. Despite looking totally helpless, Doom’s inner thoughts maintain that he is Doom!

More shockwaves hit the planet, and a bright light shines down on all the heroes. It’s Doom. He has somehow defeated the Beyonder and taken all his power. Yes, Dr. Doom has achieved true omnipotence, with the infinite power of a god. Captain America tells every to brace for a fight, but Doom removes his mask, showing his perfectly-healed face, and announced that the war is over. Doom says he doesn’t want to fight. He and the heroes are separated by the Molecule Man, and there’s a bunch of business where Doom uses his power to unlock Molecule Man’s mind, revealing MM to have similar godlike abilities.

Doom disappears, and the Molecule Man uses his new power to leave the planet, taking the villains and that Denver suburb with him. That night, Doom reappears, having created a giant tower for himself to live in. He summons the heroes to meet with him. Colossus runs off by himself to visit Zsaji. He confesses his love for her and she smiles, feelin’ the love as well. (Wolverine, meanwhile, suspects that falling in love with Zsaji is merely a side effect of being healed by her.) The heroes show up at the tower, and Doom makes a big speech about how he has transcended above humanity and all mortal concerns. Doom offers them anything their hearts desire, but the heroes know better, and they refuse. Reed confidently adds, “I can get us home.”

Captain America goes back for a private meeting with Doom, where he learns that Doom’s next step is to invade the afterlife and bring his mother back from the dead. While all this is happening, a strange energy possesses the Hulk, then Spider-Woman, and finally Klaw, who is living with Doom in the tower. Back at Doombase, Captain America doubts Doom has given up his humanity. Cap says Doom’s healed face and love of his mother mean he’s still human on the inside, and no human should have that much power. Cap puts it to a vote whether to attack. It’s unanimous in favor, although Colossus takes a lot of convincing.

The second Colossus votes “Yes,” there’s a huge explosion from Doom, and everybody’s dead.

The final issue opens on Captain America’s indestructible shield, completely destroyed. There’s a long scene following the villains in “Denver” where we wrap up some of their subplots. Of note to Fantastic Four readers is sequence in which Dr. Octopus goes insane (more insane than usual), questioning reality in the face of all this cosmic grandeur. At Doom’s tower, Klaw asks whether Doom could subconsciously bring the heroes back to life without realizing it. Doom says that is impossible. Klaw then imagines a scenario in which Zsaji makes her way to the heroes and gives her life using her power to revive all of them. He adds that planting this idea in Doom’s head means that Doom is unknowingly making it happen with his powers. Doom flips out with anger, insisting over and over “They are dead!” That’s when the hammer of Thor bursts through the wall.

Furious that the heroes are back, Doom almost wipes out the universe with a single thought. He gives Klaw a little bit of his power to keep the rest in check. Outside, all the good guys are indeed back in fighting form, launching a full-on assault. Klaw revives Ultron and creates a bunch of monsters for everyone to fight. During the battle, Ben discovers he can control his transformations from human to the Thing and back. He gets teary-eyed among the violence, and She-Hulk is right beside him when it happens. Captain America fights his way inside to confront Doom. Doom kills him, but Cap keeps coming back to life over and over, due to Doom’s psychological inner turmoil. Doom loses control of his power, and it looks as if the universe will be destroyed.

Then Klaw unleashes the energy that possessed him earlier. It’s the weakened remains of the Beyonder, reclaiming his power from Doom. (The coloring here is simple but effective. Doom’s power is yellow, but the Beyonder’s is white, giving the impression that the Beyonder shines brighter than Doom.) Back to full strength, the Beyonder teleports Doom and Klaw to parts unknown. (Without omnipotence, Doom’s face and armor go back to how mangled they were before.)

The battle is over, but the series has a lot of wrapping up to do. A funeral is held for Zsaji, and although Colossus is broken-hearted, Johnny doesn’t show any sign of being upset. While Reed works on finding a way home, everyone discovers a wish fulfillment effect on the planet, as things they say they want keep miraculously coming true. Captain America gets the big hero moment by using his wish to restore his broken shield, making the impossible possible. Reed figures out the alien tech, sending everyone home in groups, so the FF leaves last. Ben announces that he’s staying. He can turn human on this planet, so he will remain to further explore his humanity. He asks She-Hulk to take his place in the FF. (It’s never actually said why Ben chose her specifically, but everyone is fine with it.) Reed leaves the alien machine with Ben, so Ben can return any time he wants. It’s a one-way trip, though. Reed, Johnny and She-Hulk leave, and Ben is alone. The epic Secret Wars ends with human Ben Grimm getting the final word, saying, “There ain’t nuthin’ to fear…”

Unstable molecule: Although Captain America is the main protagonist here, Reed is his right-hand man, acting as the brains of the group. He rebuilds Iron Man’s armor and he constructs a high-tech cast for the Hulk, who broke his leg in the final battle. After spending the first half of the book worrying that he’ll never get home, he’s the one who steps up and actually make the return to Earth possible.

Fade out: We’re told that Sue could go into labor at any minute, giving Reed a sense of urgency to get everyone home.

Clobberin’ time: Ben shows a lot of loyalty to Reed through this series, often saying that Reed speaks on behalf of the FF. This is setting Ben up for a fall, because his later experience on Battleworld will eventually put him in conflict with Reed.

Flame on: It’s true that Johnny gets over Zsaji real quick. He rarely mentions her after this. Colossus carries a torch (heh) for Zsaji for a little while longer in Uncanny X-Men, but he too moves on soon after. Zsaji is kind of a forgotten Marvel character today.

Fantastic Fifth Wheel: She-Hulk is a jokester at first, but then shows her rare “savage” side when she takes on the villains by herself. One of the scariest moments in the whole series is when the bad guys all beat the crap out of her.

Four and a half: Franklin appears in the vision Galactus shows to Reed, so Reed knows the kid is OK.

Commercial break: It’s true, Secret Wars was created partially to promote a short-lived toy line:

Trivia time: She-Hulk joining the FF is one of the longest-lasting changes brought about by Secret Wars. She’s the team’s most well-known alternate member to this day. The other lasting change was Spider-Man’s black costume, which eventually led to creating the mega-popular villain Venom. Ben stays on Battleworld having sci-fi adventures for about another year before it comes crashing down and he returns. (We’ll get to that.)

Other effects of Secret Wars didn’t last as long. The Hulk’s broken leg only lasts one issue. Iron Man’s new souped-up armor stops working as soon as he gets home. Professor X takes over as field leader of the X-Men (complete with a hokey yellow-and-black costume), but the mutants start arguing about this choice not long after they get back.

Fantastic or frightful? The Fantastic Four are front and center throughout Secret Wars, showing just how popular they were during the Byrne years. Really, though, all the Marvel heroes get some character development during the series (except for poor Nightcrawler, who contributes nothing). The art is a little clunky, but never confusing given how many characters are running around. Overall, Secret Wars is terrific — a great, glowing throwback to that forgotten age in which a big comic book crossover wasn’t just a cash grab, but actually something to be excited about.

Next week: She keeps her face in a jar by the door.

****

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Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Here it is, folks, issue #265, the comic where everything changes — in more ways than you might know.

This is the big post-Secret Wars issue, but we have to wait to get to that, because the first part of the issue is a short story about Paste-Pot Pete, um I mean the Trapster breaking into the Baxter Building. No one’s home, so it’s a fight between the Trapster and the building’s security. He doesn’t stand a chance, bumbling his way around, and eventually getting knocked out by the robot receptionist Roberta (remember her?). What makes this interesting is that the whole story is told from first person through the Trapster’s eyes, like a first-person shooter. It’s a really neat experiment by John Byrne.

Then the issue proper begins. It’s been one week since Reed, Ben, and Johnny mysteriously vanished, along with most of the Avengers and a bunch of other Marvel heroes. A very pregnant Sue has been staying at Avengers Mansion during the week, messing around in the kitchen with Jarvis the butler. Then there’s an extended flashback to her teammates’ disappearances from her point of view. Sue was with Alicia at the time of the disappearance. There was a blast of light over all of New York, so powerful even Alicia could see it. She says she can sense a terrible consuming light, like something alive… and hungry. Sue takes a Fantasticar to Central Park, with Alicia tagging along. They meet up with the Avengers left behind. Mockingbird is freaking out because Hawkeye was taken, and the Vision confirms that the heroes are no longer on Earth.

It’s at this point we reach… the Alicia problem. Do I spoil this, or don’t I? Well, this is a Fantastic Four re-read and not a first time read, so I’ll do the big reveal right here. Not counting flashbacks, that previous scene was the last time we’ll see Alicia for about a hundred issues. While all the heroes were away at the Secret Wars, Alicia was abducted by Skrulls and replaced with a Skrull named Lyja, disguised as Alicia. Lyja was tasked with infiltrating the FF and destroying them from within. Now, this was not the intent of the creators at the time, but a retcon that came up years later. Still, on this re-read, it’ll be interesting to keep an eye on Alicia and see how we can interpret (re-interpret?) her actions in the issues to come.

Case in point, it’s our first appearance of Alicia/Lyja, who approaches Sue about going on a walk with her and Franklin. She says she has a funny sensation in the back of her mind, and feels something momentous is about to happen. (See what I mean? Lines like this read a lot differently know that you know she’s a Skrull!) They go for their walk in Central Park, where there’s another flash of light. Sue approaches invisibly. She sees Iron Man fly overhead, so she knows the Avengers have returned. There’s yet another flash of light, and Ben and Johnny appear with a third person. It’s She-Hulk, wearing an FF uniform!

(This is all happening as a result of the big Secret Wars event. Why am I writing about this before Secret Wars? Because that’s how this issue came out. It’s all about setting up a mystery of what happened while the heroes were away. Along with She-Hulk in the FF, we got Spider-Man’s mysterious black costume, new leadership for the X-Men, the Hulk with a broken leg, and more. It worked, because at the time, we all couldn’t wait to pick up Secret Wars and find out what event was so big that it changed the lives of our favorite Marvel characters.)

She-Hulk, Reed, and Johnny are all happy and celebratory to be back on Earth. Reed greets Sue with a kiss, and Johnny is happy to see Franklin. Alicia/Lyja asks where Ben is. Johnny starts with an ominous, “I’d give anything not to have to tell you this, but…” He doesn’t get to finish that sentence, because Sue is zapped by deadly radiation. She says it came from the baby, who is somehow lashing out at her. She-Hulk’s awesome strength gives her resistance to radiation, so she carries Sue to the hospital.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: Reed has a line about how he promised everyone he could get them back home, a direct reference to a memorable line of his during one of Secret Wars’ most dramatic moments.

Fade out: Sue passes the time by messing around the Avengers’ kitchen, where Jarvis has prepared more and more elaborate meals to keep everyone distracted from the crisis.

Clobberin’ time: Where’s Ben? He decided to stay behind on Battleworld, where Secret Wars took place, because he could transform back into a human there. If you ever get a chance to read those issues of The Thing where he’s on that planet, check them out. They’re really weird and trippy sci-fi.

Flame on: Johnny wonders if the radiation attack on Sue is something too much for even Reed to handle. This is uncharacteristic considering everything he’s seen Reed do. I guess we can chalk this up to just-got-back-from-space exhaustion.

Fantastic fifth wheel: A quick backstory: She-Hulk is attorney-at-law Jennifer Walters, cousin to Bruce Banner, a.k.a. the Hulk. There was a blood transfusion, and now she’s big and strong and green. She’s way more upbeat and fun-loving than her cousin, and she’s been an Avenger up ’til now.

Four and a half: Franklin calls She-Hulk the “pretty lady.” (Wha-hey!) He wants to eat at “Rumpy-mayers” which is kid speak for Rumplemeyer’s ice cream. The internet informs me that you can still get Rumplemeyer’s in some parts of the country.

The Alicia problem: In addition to her ominous prediction, Alicia/Lyja tells Mockingbird that the life of a superhero is a never-ending war, and that those at home must console themselves about those on the front lines. Sounds Skrull-ish to me.

Commercial break: OK, who is this character, and where can I see more of her?

Trivia time: On his website, John Byrne says the reason for leaving Ben on Battleworld was to come up with new story ideas for Ben. The problem with Thing solo stories, Byrne says, is finding a way to write them so they’re not just variations on Fantastic Four stories.

Fantastic or frightful? For a historically important issue, not a lot happens. The Trapster story is fun but inconsequential, and there’s real no sense of what She-Hulk will be like on the team. The comic does a great job of setting up Secret Wars, but that’s about it.

Next week: I am from beyond!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.