Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Between issues #569 and #570, Marvel published this one-shot, the Fantastic Four Cosmic-Size Special. But it might not be as cosmic as you’d think.

We begin with a few pages of action as Reed and Ben are in a pocket universe battling alien carnivorous plants. They escape after Reed collects a sample. Back at the new Baxter Building, Reed and child genius Valeria debate about whether the alien plant can be grown on Earth to supplant the dwindling rainforests. We also learn Valeria’s birthday is coming up. Outside, Ben also has one of the alien plants. He wants to give it to Valeria as her birthday present, under the logic of “girls like flowers.”

Johnny is on his way to a date when a force field stops him. The building’s computer tells him it’s a level 5 lockdown. Turn the page and we see that Reed has put the entire building under a force field quarantine. Although everyone feels fine, Reed says he and Ben brought an airborne virus back with them from the pocket dimension. Reed says the effects should be minimal and run its course over 48 hours.

Everyone jokes about this will be easy, but cut to later and the arguments begin. Reed argues about how he’s come to the rescue more often then Ben, Sue says she’s been kept out of the loop again, Ben says he’s sick of Reed’s know-it-all attitude, and Johnny chides the others for not having a life other than superhero-ing. Things get worse when Reed cuts off communications to make improvements to the building’s IT infrastructure.

Sue uses a sandblaster to give Ben a bath (!), and Johnny loses control of his fire powers while playing a video game with the kids. Then there’s a tense moment where Reed finds the birthday present flower Ben brought back. Reed says the flower is incredibly dangerous and he destroys it, chiding Ben for his foolishness. Ben had been using incense to hide the flower’s smell. This leads to more arguing among the four heroes.

Ben tells Valeria she won’t get a birthday present from him this year, and Johnny covers Ben with flower petals, saying Ben still stinks like the alien plants. Ben chases Johnny throughout the building. Sue practices using her force fields against Reed, only to reveal that it’s not Reed but a life model decoy of him that the FF happen to own. Valeria suspects something is up, so she and Franklin spy on everyone with the building’s security cams. They spot all four of the FF accessing the high-tech weapons stash, unlocking a lock so advanced that Valeria can’t yet crack it. We see more bickering among the FF, with their arguing turning to threats of violence. Valeria and Franklin get a micro-camera inside the weapons room, where they find the alien flower that Reed destroyed earlier, still alive and well. The flower is intelligent, and making the FF see whatever it wants them to see.

Valeria contacts everyone over the building’s PA system and says she’s taking over the FF. She goes into full supervillain mode, tying up Franklin and saying he’s the biggest threat in the family. She acquires a Kree omni-wave cannon from the weapons room and threatens to use it on Franklin. This inspires the FF to attack. Sue destroys the cannon, while Ben and Johnny bust into the weapons room. Johnny blasts the entire room with flame, destroying the flower for real this time.

Everyone gets back to normal, as Valeria and Franklin say it was all an act to get to the FF to attack. She had refitted the cannon with harmless light rays. Reed apologizes to Sue, telling her she’s always been his equal. (We don’t see him apologize to Ben, sadly.) The quarantine is over, and the whole family takes off in the Fantasticar for Valeria’s birthday dinner. Reed says they’re going to yet another mysterious, unexplored dimension… New Jersey.

But wait, there’s more! A big selling point for this special was a newly recolored reprint of issue #237, where writer-artist John Byrne introduced the iconic Marvel villain Spinerette. It’s always a delight to revisit the Byrne years, and the new colors are certainly bright and vibrant. I wonder why this issue with this minor character, though. Was this to test out some new coloring process? Did Marvel need to retain a copyright on Spinerette? Did the comic need to be double-sized for printing and/or post office reasons? We may never know.

What’s all this, then? The cover calls this comic Cosmic-Size Fantastic Four, but the inside front page calls it the Fantastic Four Cosmic-Size Special. The Marvel Wiki prefers the latter.

Unstable molecule: Life model decoys are a big deal in various S.H.I.E.L.D. comics, where you can never be sure who is real and who is an LMD. The Marvel Wiki states that this is the only appearance of Reed’s LMD, with no explanation of how or where he got it.

Fade out: We get a long-winded explanation of how Sue’s force fields work. They are psionic in nature, manipulating ambient energy and light waves into fields of various sizes and strengths. I’m assuming the “ambient energy” is the energy Sue got from the cosmic rays.

Clobberin’ time: There’s also a bunch of sci-fi speak about Ben’s rocky skin. He has a “calcified dermis” lined with tiny flaws. The initial virus came through inside a “micro-fissure” on Ben, which allowed the virus to penetrate his bloodstream.

Flame on: We don’t know who Johnny’s date was with. I’ll assume this romance didn’t last.

Four and a half: Franklin helped save the day by writing all of Valeria’s supervillain dialogue for her.

Our gal Val: Valeria states that Franklin still has his reality-bending mutant powers, just that they’re dormant. Or maybe she just said that to mess with the FF.

Trivia time: This special had a very small footprint on Marvel continuity. The alien flower, the Kree weapon, and the LMD were never seen before or after this.

Fantastic or frightful? It’s a pretty funny joke that this is a “Cosmic-Size Special” and yet the characters don’t leave their house the whole time. Beyond that, it’s a fun throwback to the old days of the FF’s funny bickering, but there’s not much more here.

Next: Hicksville.

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