Reading the entire dictionary front to back! It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. As we continue through the letter D, we’ve got more fun with animals, some fun obscurities, and an excuse to make Spaceballs references.

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Here’s a question: How does the dictionary define… itself? A dictionary is “a reference book containing words usually alphabetically arranged with information about their forms, pronunciations, functions, etymologies, meanings, and syntactical and idiomatic uses.” What are the writers saying by adding the word “usually” in there? Is that in case they make a mistake, or is there such a thing as a non-alphabetical dictionary?

Only the last definition under digital has to do with computer technology, the others are “using calculation by numerical methods or by discrete units” and “relating to or done with a finger or toe.” You’d think that using your fingers would be more analog.

The dictionary keeps things simple with dimension, defined as “the physical property of length, breadth, or thickness.” My fellow sci-fi/comic book fans will no doubt be disappointed that alternate universes and alternate timelines aren’t included.

What is a dinosaur? It’s “any of a group of extinct long-tailed Mesozoic reptiles often of huge size.” Use of the word “reptile” is curious, since it’s been the last thirty years or more of science weirdos banging the drum about dinosaurs actually being giant birds. I did some googling, and it seems experts split the difference by arguing that dinosaurs were reptiles with birdlike qualities. Also, does every dinosaur really have a long tail? I can’t think of one that doesn’t.

A dishabille is the “state of being dressed in a casual or careless manner.” I would’ve thought that there’s a big difference between casual and careless, but maybe I’m not up to the dictionary writers’ fashion standards.

Then we get argumentative with disputant, which is “one who is engaged in a dispute.” It’s a funny sounding word, though, and I imagine it can be used as an insult. Dude, stop being such a disputant.

Diurnal is “relating to, occurring, or active in the daytime,” with the word “animal” in parentheses. The dictionary doesn’t say, but I imagine this is the opposite of nocturnal.

There are twenty-three definitions for the word do. But a lot of them are stuff like “to bring to pass,” “happen,” “act,” “get along,” “carry on,” and so forth. Feels a little repetitive. I again wonder what sort of discussions the dictionary writers have when deciding how finite each definition should or shouldn’t be.

 A dobbin is a “farm horse,” or a “quiet plodding horse.” But it’s also somehow a “nickname for Robert.” If you know a Robert, I dare you to call him “Dobbin” the next time you see him.

 More animal fun with dodo, which is “an extinct heavy flightless bird of the island of Mauritius related to the pigeon and larger than a turkey.” I never knew dodos were restricted to one island. The way people talk about them, you’d think they used to fly around all over the place. A dodo is also “a stupid person,” and “one hopelessly behind the times.” Kind of like me not knowing about dodos.

The dictionary gets religious again with dogma, “a doctrine or body of doctrines formally proclaimed by a church,” and “a tenet or code of tenets.” Now I want Kevin Smith and Christopher Nolan to collaborate on a crossover, Dogma vs. Tenet.

A doll is “a small figure of a human being used especially as a child’s plaything,” as well as both “a pretty woman,” and “an attractive person.” Nobody tell Dark Helmet that this means his action figures are, in fact, dolls.

Again, part of the amusement of the dictionary is how antiquated it sometimes is. Case in point is dot matrix, defined as “a rectangular arrangement of dots from which alphanumeric characters can be formed (as by a computer).” There’s no mention of having to tear off the sides of the paper that had those holes on them. But it does give me a chance to make another Spaceballs reference.

We did dinosaurs, so it’s only natural we follow up with dragon, “a mythical animal usually represented as a huge winged scaly reptile with a crested head and large claws.” They left out breathing fire, but every Dungeons and Dragons player can tell you that only certain dragons breathe fire. Others breathe acid, frost, or even lightning.  

Next: The big drop off.

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