macmcentire

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Last week, we saw the aftermath of Secret Wars, this week let’s find out what happened while Marvel’s biggest heroes were away in space. There’s a lot of ground to cover, but because this is a Fantastic Four post, I’m going to try to focus on Secret Wars just from the FF’s perspective.

A bunch of Marvel heroes appear out of nowhere in space, inside the giant machine that abducted them from Earth. There’s a quick roll call. In addition to Reed, Ben, and Johnny, we’ve got some Avengers: Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, She-Hulk, Wasp, and Captain Marvel. For the X-Men, there’s Professor X, Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm, Nightcrawler, Colossus, Rogue, and Lockheed the dragon. Spider-Man and the Hulk are here as well. Finally, there’s Magneto, who stands alongside the X-Men but whom everyone considers an enemy. Continuity notes: This is when Jim Rhodes was Iron Man, Monica Rambeau was Captain Marvel, the Hulk had Bruce Banner’s intelligence, and Professor X had regained the ability to walk.

A second construct appears in space, and this one’s full of villains. We’ve got Dr. Doom, Galactus, Ultron, the Molecule Man, Kang, the Enchantress, Dr. Octopus, the Lizard, the Absorbing Man, and the Wrecking Crew, which is made up of the Wrecker, Piledriver, Thunderball, and Bulldozer. Dr. Doom is so brainy that he knows who all the other baddies are, and he does the roll call by himself.

Things get all cosmic as everyone sees an entire galaxy destroyed right in front of them. Remnants from the destroyed galaxy are reformed into a single planet orbiting its last surviving star. (We’ll come to know this planet as Battleworld.) An opening to another universe appears. A voice comes from within saying the famous words, “I am from beyond! Slay your enemies and all you desire shall be yours! Nothing you dream of is impossible for me to accomplish!” Galactus and Dr. Doom try to attack this creature, but they’re thrown down to the planet. Galactus coins the name “Beyonder” in the process. All the heroes are then beamed down to the planet’s surface, where they make camp in a giant, abandoned alien fortress.

The heroes argue for several pages about what to do with Magneto, and whether he’s friend or foe. Johnny, strangely, is the one who’s had enough and tries to attack Magneto. Magneto swats him down and then flies off. There’s a couple more pages of the heroes voting on who should be their leader. Professor X nominates Reed, but Reed says he’s too worried about his pregnant wife at home to be an effective leader. (He also pulls a George Lucas by stating that Sue is “a billion parsecs away.”) It takes them forever to choose Captain America as team leader. Elsewhere, all the villains except Galactus meet up at a futuristic fortress of their own. Doom says they shouldn’t play the Beyonder’s game, but instead go after the Beyonder himself. The villains fight each other, and Kang tries to blow up Doom.

The heroes investigate the explosion. Doom survives and flies off alone, while the rest of the villains attack. Big fight! The baddies get the upper hand, and Reed uses his body as a shield to protect his unconscious teammates from falling debris. She-Hulk dukes it out with the Enchantress, managing to knock out the Asgardian. The heroes win the fight and take several hostages. At the heroes’ fortress, Reed puts the villains in “psychostasis” after figuring out how to work the alien machinery. We then spend a lot of time with Dr. Doom, who insists he is the equal to the godlike Beyonder. He finds Ultron, who got zapped in the first villain fight, and reprograms him. Doom takes over as leader of the rest of the villains now that he has Ultron as his personal bodyguard. Galactus stands on a mountaintop and stays there, motionless.

All the heroes go through a “what if we never get home” phase. Ben worries that he’ll never see Alicia again (if only he knew what was going with Alicia…), and She-Hulk admits that underneath her tough-girl bluster she’s having a tough time keeping it all together. Johnny is more upbeat, saying the FF have been trapped in space before, and they always make it home. Johnny and Spider-Man discover Magneto snooping around the heroes’ HQ. Johnny uses the “4” flare to summon the rest of the group. As Magneto escapes, Ben transforms from the Thing back into a human!

It’s more down time as a huge storm ravages the whole planet (Thor loves it). Reed gets really depressed and wanders off by himself. There’s a big fight between Spider-Man and the X-Men when he overhears them wanting to leave. Professor X erases the fight from Spidey’s memory before Spidey can tell Reed. Over at Doombase, as it’s now called, Doom creates two new villains by using the alien machines to give two women superpowers. They are Volcana and Titania. It’s also here that we learn an entire suburb of Denver was taken from Earth to become part of Battleworld. The storm ends, and the villains attack. Johnny gets a couple of broken bones and the still-human Ben is knocked out. Volcana, although still getting used to her fire powers, manages to defeat She-Hulk. Molecule Man destroys the heroes’ fortress, forcing them to regroup in the wilderness.

Molecule Man then drops an entire mountain on the heroes, but the Hulk’s awesome strength saves everyone. Reed uses his brains to combine Iron Man’s armor, Spider-Man’s webshooters, and Hawkeye’s trick arrows to power up Iron Man so he can dig everyone out from underground. Elsewhere, Doom remembers that Kang tried to kill him and orders Ultron to kill Kang. (Harsh!) Then there’s a lot of drama about the X-Men and Magneto forming a third “team” on the planet.

The heroes find their way to a village, complete with white-haired peaceful aliens. The only problem is, it happens to be right under the mountain where Galactus is standing on his silent vigil. One alien, a beautiful young woman, welcomes the heroes. She’s the village healer, and takes away Johnny’s injuries with her healing powers. Johnny is immediately smitten with her. Ben transforms back into the Thing, seemingly at random. Reed suspects he knows why Ben is transforming, but he doesn’t say anything.

Galactus’ home ship (the one we first saw way back in FF #49-51) arrives alongside the planet, and everyone panics, wondering what the big G is up to. Johnny consoles the alien girl, even though he doesn’t understand her language. She takes him into her bedroom (wha-hey!) where she has him inhale a strange gas (wha-HEY!). They share a psychic vision, and he learns her name is Zsaji. (Most folks pronounce this “Zah-shee” but I wonder if it’s “E-zah-shee” because the text specifies that his injuries ease under her care. Whatever.) They kiss, totally in love now.

Reed tries to communicate with Galactus, hoping Galactus will respond because Reed once saved his life. This happens just as Professor X tries to telepathically communicate with Galactus. Galactus summons a robot from his home to attack the heroes. More fighting! He also starts building his world-eating machine on the mountaintop. Johnny manages to burn the robot from within, destroying it. The heroes can’t catch their breath, because that’s when the villains attack. It looks the bad guys will win, only for the X-Men to arrive and save the day. The baddies run off, but not before Colossus is injured. Doom takes advantage of the distraction and sneaks aboard Galactus’ home ship, looking for a way to defeat the Beyonder. Colossus stays behind to be healed by Zsaji, while the X-Men confirm that they are separate allies to Captain America’s group. Zsaji makes Colossus think of his girlfriend Kitty, who is back on Earth, but he becomes fascinated by Zsaji as she heals him.

Inside Galactus’ home, Doom finds Klaw, who had been absorbed by Galactus when he fought Dazzler. (That’s right, Galactus once fought Dazzler.) Klaw has lost his mind, and spends the rest of Secret Wars as the Fool to Doom’s King Lear. At the village, Colossus continues to be smitten with Zsaji, and gets jealous when he sees her with Johnny. (Johnny, by the way, romances Zsaji by singing Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” to her. So there’s that.)

A brand-new Spider-Woman shows up (this is the Jennifer Carpenter Spider-Woman). She was fighting crime in that Denver suburb (what’s going on in Denver?) and she joins Cap’s team. The Wasp is seriously injured in a fight with the Wrecking Crew. She-Hulk wants revenge, but Captain America says they need to stay put and keep an eye on Galactus. A bunch of volcanoes go off as a result of a big X-Men vs. villains fight, and this slows down Galactus’ progress. Along the way, Galactus senses Doom inside his house and teleports Doom back to the planet. She-Hulk attacks Doombase on her own, only for Titania and the Wrecking Crew to beat the crap out of her. It’s totally brutal. At the village, Hawkeye wants a rescue mission for She-Hulk, but Captain America, worried about Galactus, says no. Professor X contacts Cap, saying the X-Men will take over watching Galactus so Cap and company can rescue She-Hulk.

Captain America’s group launches a full-on assault on Doombase, for an issue that’s all one big fight. Ben transforms back into a human while fighting the Absorbing Man, and he has to be saved by Spider-Woman. Johnny uses his nova flame on Ultron. This doesn’t destroy Ultron, but it does manage to short out some internal circuitry of his, taking him out of the fight. In one of this series’ silliest moments, Ben and Hawkeye come across Klaw and the Lizard. Rather than fight the two, Ben and Hawkeye incapacitate them by convincing them to play patty-cake. Yeah.

Captain America confronts Dr. Doom, but Doom is too weakened from his experience in Galactus’ home. The fight ends, and the heroes make Doombase their new home. Reed treats She-Hulk and the other wounded in the Doombase infirmary. There’s one panel (One!) where Reed says Doom died the last time the FF encountered him, and he has no idea how Doom is alive here. (You’d think they would have addressed this in the first issue.) Back at the village, Colossus realizes Zsaji used all of her healing powers at maximum to save the Wasp, who was injured earlier. Colossus falls madly in love with Zsaji. It’s during all this that Spider-Man gets his famous black costume.

Galactus finally makes his move, and starts to devour the planet. The X-Men rush in and try to stop him. Big fight! The rest of the heroes are en route to join them, when Ben and Johnny get into some old school FF bickering and Ben transforms back into the Thing. Spider-Man shows off all the cool tricks his new costume can do. Reed says he’d like to check out the costume in his lab back on Earth. Cap’s team joins the X-Men and Cap leads everyone through Galactus’ defenses. Just when it looks like they’ll win, Reed has an epiphany and says they must not fight. He says this is their chance to rid the universe of Galactus. If Galactus devours the planet, he’ll win the Beyonder’s game. Galactus’ reward, Reed believes, will be to ask the Beyonder to take away his cosmic hunger, so he never has to devour a planet again.

Just as Reed explains all this, he’s teleported away. Galactus takes him aboard his ship. He shows Reed a vision of Sue and Franklin back on Earth, and then he asks Reed to heed his words carefully. At Doombase, Dr. Doom gets his strength back and escapes from the cell the heroes put him in. In the village, Zsaji also has her strength back, and wants to be with Johnny. Johnny’s too busy worrying about Reed’s safety for romance, though. Reed returns and says Galactus called him a “champion of life.” Reed explains again that they must not fight, giving up their lives to save countless planets from Galactus. Captain America doesn’t buy it, saying he’s going to fight. Cap’s group and the X-Men form a single team again, and they battle Galactus some more. Then Reed changes his mind, and he, Ben and Johnny join them. Reed says he can’t bear never seeing Sue or his unborn child again, the universe be damned.

Iron Man, Thor, and Cyclops trash Galactus’ planet-eating machine, so Galactus travels back up to his home ship, and devours the whole thing the same way he did with the Skrull homeworld. The portal to the Beyonder’s universe opens up so the Beyonder can watch what’s happening. Galactus becomes so full of the Power Cosmic that he shines brighter than the sun. Reed fears Galactus will devour Battleworld next, for even more power. Suddenly, all the energy is ripped away from Galactus, and toward Doombase. Dr. Doom has taken Klaw, cut his body up into lenses (remember that Klaw’s body is made of solidified sound, so I guess that works) and used the lenses to steal Galactus’ power.

The heroes return to Doombase, and they have yet another “is Magneto a good guy or not” argument on the way. (Is now really the best time, you guys?) Doom decides that the power of Galactus is not enough. He flies into space to confront the Beyonder. At Doombase, the whole building is rocked with shockwaves coming from the Beyonder’s portal. Some debris falls on Reed, but it only knocks his breath out. Colossus sees on a monitor that Zsaji is injured when a shockwave hits her village. When he tells Johnny, Johnny is too upset about Reed to care. Johnny famously (infamously?) says “I’ve got no time for a chippie now!” Colossus doesn’t like hearing this.

Inside the Beyonder’s portal, Doom attacks. We don’t actually see the Beyonder, just waves of white light fighting back against Doom. Doom’s leg gets cut off (!) and it looks like he’s dead for real this time. An image of Doom appears before the heroes, asking them to add their power to his, because the Beyonder is their common enemy. None of them do, although Magento is tempted. Inside the portal, the Beyonder takes an interest in the battered and beaten Dr. Doom. He reads Doom’s mind and takes apart Doom’s armor. It’s really freaky. Despite looking totally helpless, Doom’s inner thoughts maintain that he is Doom!

More shockwaves hit the planet, and a bright light shines down on all the heroes. It’s Doom. He has somehow defeated the Beyonder and taken all his power. Yes, Dr. Doom has achieved true omnipotence, with the infinite power of a god. Captain America tells every to brace for a fight, but Doom removes his mask, showing his perfectly-healed face, and announced that the war is over. Doom says he doesn’t want to fight. He and the heroes are separated by the Molecule Man, and there’s a bunch of business where Doom uses his power to unlock Molecule Man’s mind, revealing MM to have similar godlike abilities.

Doom disappears, and the Molecule Man uses his new power to leave the planet, taking the villains and that Denver suburb with him. That night, Doom reappears, having created a giant tower for himself to live in. He summons the heroes to meet with him. Colossus runs off by himself to visit Zsaji. He confesses his love for her and she smiles, feelin’ the love as well. (Wolverine, meanwhile, suspects that falling in love with Zsaji is merely a side effect of being healed by her.) The heroes show up at the tower, and Doom makes a big speech about how he has transcended above humanity and all mortal concerns. Doom offers them anything their hearts desire, but the heroes know better, and they refuse. Reed confidently adds, “I can get us home.”

Captain America goes back for a private meeting with Doom, where he learns that Doom’s next step is to invade the afterlife and bring his mother back from the dead. While all this is happening, a strange energy possesses the Hulk, then Spider-Woman, and finally Klaw, who is living with Doom in the tower. Back at Doombase, Captain America doubts Doom has given up his humanity. Cap says Doom’s healed face and love of his mother mean he’s still human on the inside, and no human should have that much power. Cap puts it to a vote whether to attack. It’s unanimous in favor, although Colossus takes a lot of convincing.

The second Colossus votes “Yes,” there’s a huge explosion from Doom, and everybody’s dead.

The final issue opens on Captain America’s indestructible shield, completely destroyed. There’s a long scene following the villains in “Denver” where we wrap up some of their subplots. Of note to Fantastic Four readers is sequence in which Dr. Octopus goes insane (more insane than usual), questioning reality in the face of all this cosmic grandeur. At Doom’s tower, Klaw asks whether Doom could subconsciously bring the heroes back to life without realizing it. Doom says that is impossible. Klaw then imagines a scenario in which Zsaji makes her way to the heroes and gives her life using her power to revive all of them. He adds that planting this idea in Doom’s head means that Doom is unknowingly making it happen with his powers. Doom flips out with anger, insisting over and over “They are dead!” That’s when the hammer of Thor bursts through the wall.

Furious that the heroes are back, Doom almost wipes out the universe with a single thought. He gives Klaw a little bit of his power to keep the rest in check. Outside, all the good guys are indeed back in fighting form, launching a full-on assault. Klaw revives Ultron and creates a bunch of monsters for everyone to fight. During the battle, Ben discovers he can control his transformations from human to the Thing and back. He gets teary-eyed among the violence, and She-Hulk is right beside him when it happens. Captain America fights his way inside to confront Doom. Doom kills him, but Cap keeps coming back to life over and over, due to Doom’s psychological inner turmoil. Doom loses control of his power, and it looks as if the universe will be destroyed.

Then Klaw unleashes the energy that possessed him earlier. It’s the weakened remains of the Beyonder, reclaiming his power from Doom. (The coloring here is simple but effective. Doom’s power is yellow, but the Beyonder’s is white, giving the impression that the Beyonder shines brighter than Doom.) Back to full strength, the Beyonder teleports Doom and Klaw to parts unknown. (Without omnipotence, Doom’s face and armor go back to how mangled they were before.)

The battle is over, but the series has a lot of wrapping up to do. A funeral is held for Zsaji, and although Colossus is broken-hearted, Johnny doesn’t show any sign of being upset. While Reed works on finding a way home, everyone discovers a wish fulfillment effect on the planet, as things they say they want keep miraculously coming true. Captain America gets the big hero moment by using his wish to restore his broken shield, making the impossible possible. Reed figures out the alien tech, sending everyone home in groups, so the FF leaves last. Ben announces that he’s staying. He can turn human on this planet, so he will remain to further explore his humanity. He asks She-Hulk to take his place in the FF. (It’s never actually said why Ben chose her specifically, but everyone is fine with it.) Reed leaves the alien machine with Ben, so Ben can return any time he wants. It’s a one-way trip, though. Reed, Johnny and She-Hulk leave, and Ben is alone. The epic Secret Wars ends with human Ben Grimm getting the final word, saying, “There ain’t nuthin’ to fear…”

Unstable molecule: Although Captain America is the main protagonist here, Reed is his right-hand man, acting as the brains of the group. He rebuilds Iron Man’s armor and he constructs a high-tech cast for the Hulk, who broke his leg in the final battle. After spending the first half of the book worrying that he’ll never get home, he’s the one who steps up and actually make the return to Earth possible.

Fade out: We’re told that Sue could go into labor at any minute, giving Reed a sense of urgency to get everyone home.

Clobberin’ time: Ben shows a lot of loyalty to Reed through this series, often saying that Reed speaks on behalf of the FF. This is setting Ben up for a fall, because his later experience on Battleworld will eventually put him in conflict with Reed.

Flame on: It’s true that Johnny gets over Zsaji real quick. He rarely mentions her after this. Colossus carries a torch (heh) for Zsaji for a little while longer in Uncanny X-Men, but he too moves on soon after. Zsaji is kind of a forgotten Marvel character today.

Fantastic Fifth Wheel: She-Hulk is a jokester at first, but then shows her rare “savage” side when she takes on the villains by herself. One of the scariest moments in the whole series is when the bad guys all beat the crap out of her.

Four and a half: Franklin appears in the vision Galactus shows to Reed, so Reed knows the kid is OK.

Commercial break: It’s true, Secret Wars was created partially to promote a short-lived toy line:

Trivia time: She-Hulk joining the FF is one of the longest-lasting changes brought about by Secret Wars. She’s the team’s most well-known alternate member to this day. The other lasting change was Spider-Man’s black costume, which eventually led to creating the mega-popular villain Venom. Ben stays on Battleworld having sci-fi adventures for about another year before it comes crashing down and he returns. (We’ll get to that.)

Other effects of Secret Wars didn’t last as long. The Hulk’s broken leg only lasts one issue. Iron Man’s new souped-up armor stops working as soon as he gets home. Professor X takes over as field leader of the X-Men (complete with a hokey yellow-and-black costume), but the mutants start arguing about this choice not long after they get back.

Fantastic or frightful? The Fantastic Four are front and center throughout Secret Wars, showing just how popular they were during the Byrne years. Really, though, all the Marvel heroes get some character development during the series (except for poor Nightcrawler, who contributes nothing). The art is a little clunky, but never confusing given how many characters are running around. Overall, Secret Wars is terrific — a great, glowing throwback to that forgotten age in which a big comic book crossover wasn’t just a cash grab, but actually something to be excited about.

Next week: She keeps her face in a jar by the door.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Here it is, folks, issue #265, the comic where everything changes — in more ways than you might know.

This is the big post-Secret Wars issue, but we have to wait to get to that, because the first part of the issue is a short story about Paste-Pot Pete, um I mean the Trapster breaking into the Baxter Building. No one’s home, so it’s a fight between the Trapster and the building’s security. He doesn’t stand a chance, bumbling his way around, and eventually getting knocked out by the robot receptionist Roberta (remember her?). What makes this interesting is that the whole story is told from first person through the Trapster’s eyes, like a first-person shooter. It’s a really neat experiment by John Byrne.

Then the issue proper begins. It’s been one week since Reed, Ben, and Johnny mysteriously vanished, along with most of the Avengers and a bunch of other Marvel heroes. A very pregnant Sue has been staying at Avengers Mansion during the week, messing around in the kitchen with Jarvis the butler. Then there’s an extended flashback to her teammates’ disappearances from her point of view. Sue was with Alicia at the time of the disappearance. There was a blast of light over all of New York, so powerful even Alicia could see it. She says she can sense a terrible consuming light, like something alive… and hungry. Sue takes a Fantasticar to Central Park, with Alicia tagging along. They meet up with the Avengers left behind. Mockingbird is freaking out because Hawkeye was taken, and the Vision confirms that the heroes are no longer on Earth.

It’s at this point we reach… the Alicia problem. Do I spoil this, or don’t I? Well, this is a Fantastic Four re-read and not a first time read, so I’ll do the big reveal right here. Not counting flashbacks, that previous scene was the last time we’ll see Alicia for about a hundred issues. While all the heroes were away at the Secret Wars, Alicia was abducted by Skrulls and replaced with a Skrull named Lyja, disguised as Alicia. Lyja was tasked with infiltrating the FF and destroying them from within. Now, this was not the intent of the creators at the time, but a retcon that came up years later. Still, on this re-read, it’ll be interesting to keep an eye on Alicia and see how we can interpret (re-interpret?) her actions in the issues to come.

Case in point, it’s our first appearance of Alicia/Lyja, who approaches Sue about going on a walk with her and Franklin. She says she has a funny sensation in the back of her mind, and feels something momentous is about to happen. (See what I mean? Lines like this read a lot differently know that you know she’s a Skrull!) They go for their walk in Central Park, where there’s another flash of light. Sue approaches invisibly. She sees Iron Man fly overhead, so she knows the Avengers have returned. There’s yet another flash of light, and Ben and Johnny appear with a third person. It’s She-Hulk, wearing an FF uniform!

(This is all happening as a result of the big Secret Wars event. Why am I writing about this before Secret Wars? Because that’s how this issue came out. It’s all about setting up a mystery of what happened while the heroes were away. Along with She-Hulk in the FF, we got Spider-Man’s mysterious black costume, new leadership for the X-Men, the Hulk with a broken leg, and more. It worked, because at the time, we all couldn’t wait to pick up Secret Wars and find out what event was so big that it changed the lives of our favorite Marvel characters.)

She-Hulk, Reed, and Johnny are all happy and celebratory to be back on Earth. Reed greets Sue with a kiss, and Johnny is happy to see Franklin. Alicia/Lyja asks where Ben is. Johnny starts with an ominous, “I’d give anything not to have to tell you this, but…” He doesn’t get to finish that sentence, because Sue is zapped by deadly radiation. She says it came from the baby, who is somehow lashing out at her. She-Hulk’s awesome strength gives her resistance to radiation, so she carries Sue to the hospital.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: Reed has a line about how he promised everyone he could get them back home, a direct reference to a memorable line of his during one of Secret Wars’ most dramatic moments.

Fade out: Sue passes the time by messing around the Avengers’ kitchen, where Jarvis has prepared more and more elaborate meals to keep everyone distracted from the crisis.

Clobberin’ time: Where’s Ben? He decided to stay behind on Battleworld, where Secret Wars took place, because he could transform back into a human there. If you ever get a chance to read those issues of The Thing where he’s on that planet, check them out. They’re really weird and trippy sci-fi.

Flame on: Johnny wonders if the radiation attack on Sue is something too much for even Reed to handle. This is uncharacteristic considering everything he’s seen Reed do. I guess we can chalk this up to just-got-back-from-space exhaustion.

Fantastic fifth wheel: A quick backstory: She-Hulk is attorney-at-law Jennifer Walters, cousin to Bruce Banner, a.k.a. the Hulk. There was a blood transfusion, and now she’s big and strong and green. She’s way more upbeat and fun-loving than her cousin, and she’s been an Avenger up ’til now.

Four and a half: Franklin calls She-Hulk the “pretty lady.” (Wha-hey!) He wants to eat at “Rumpy-mayers” which is kid speak for Rumplemeyer’s ice cream. The internet informs me that you can still get Rumplemeyer’s in some parts of the country.

The Alicia problem: In addition to her ominous prediction, Alicia/Lyja tells Mockingbird that the life of a superhero is a never-ending war, and that those at home must console themselves about those on the front lines. Sounds Skrull-ish to me.

Commercial break: OK, who is this character, and where can I see more of her?

Trivia time: On his website, John Byrne says the reason for leaving Ben on Battleworld was to come up with new story ideas for Ben. The problem with Thing solo stories, Byrne says, is finding a way to write them so they’re not just variations on Fantastic Four stories.

Fantastic or frightful? For a historically important issue, not a lot happens. The Trapster story is fun but inconsequential, and there’s real no sense of what She-Hulk will be like on the team. The comic does a great job of setting up Secret Wars, but that’s about it.

Next week: I am from beyond!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. In issue #264, the Mole Man and the Fantastic Four are fighting side-by-side to defeat a Walt Disney wannabe. That’s a sentence I just typed.

To recap: Mega-billionaire theme park owner Alden Maas has kidnapped Johnny, with a plot to end overpopulation by using Johnny’s flame to increase the size of the Earth (it makes more sense when you read it in the comic). Ben interfered, and was thrown deep underground, where he was attacked by the Mole Man. Got all that? As this issue begins, Ben is unconscious, being carried by a bunch of Moloids (how strong are those little guys?) while the Mole Man does the villain monologue thing.

Ben stirs, and the Mole Man explains that he has been busy turning his underground kingdom into a haven for all ugly people not welcome on the surface. Alden Maas’ digging into the Earth destroyed the kingdom, killing everyone but the Mole Man. Mole Man thinks the Fantastic Four are behind this, and he doesn’t believe Ben when Ben says it was Maas. The Mole Man prepares a giant boulder to drop on the still-weak Ben, possibly killing him.

Back in New York, you might remember from last issue that Reed’s scanners went crazy. He flies to Central Park to search for strange energy fluctuations. Reed uses his “dio-etheric scanner” to give the park the once over, but he can’t find anything. This doesn’t stop him from wondering if this mystery might have terrible consequences for all the people of Earth. In Connecticut, Sue is at her and Reed’s suburban house where they’re living with secret identities. She’s experiencing painful muscle spasms, and doesn’t know if this is part of a normal pregnancy (her first pregnancy being far from normal, that is). The pains go away, and she soon feels as if it never happened. (Both of these subplots are setting up Secret Wars, which is right around the corner.)

Inside Maas’ test chamber, Johnny meets the woman who previously appeared as a hologram to Ben. She says it’s time for another nova blast to the center of the Earth. Before she can throw the switch, a bunch of Moloids grab her and pull her under the floor. Ben and the Mole Man rescue Johnny. (We’re never told exactly how Ben convinced the Mole Man they have a common enemy. Mole Man has one line where he says he’s still not convinced, but then he spends the rest of the issue wanting to defeat Maas alongside the FF.) Then they fight their way through a bunch of Maas’ robots, done up to look like the cartoon mascots from his theme park, in one of the weirdest fights we’ve had in a while.

A bunch of Maas’ suit-wearing executives watch the fight on their monitors. Maas, walking with a cane, shows up and says it’s time to prepare a thermonuclear device for the Earth’s core, as mankind’s last hope. Ben, Johnny, and the Mole Man come to a giant door inside Maas’ complex, so the Mole Man summons the giant monster from Fantastic Four #1 (the monster’s name isn’t given, but the Marvel Wiki informs me it’s “Giganto.”) The monster tears up the place, with our heroes following.

Maas says it’s time to unleash the nuclear device, but only he can throw the switch. He’s in a weakened state, and his executives have to help him across the room to get to it. Ben, Johnny, and the Mole Man burst into the room to find that Maas has died. What’s more, he died twenty years ago, except able to be revived for short amounts of time because his body was kept in an “extended animation chamber.” What’s more, the executives are robots, programmed to do whatever Maas said, no matter how crazy.

Later, all the executives march into the sea to kill themselves, Virginia Woolf-style. The Mole Man insists that he and the FF are not friends, and the next time the meet it will be as enemies. Ben and Johnny fly back to New York, with Ben saying, “I feel like bein’ depressed for a while.”

The Thing #10 is required reading, so I’ll cover it here real quick. Ben breaks up with Alicia (or does he? It’s ambiguous), saying he’s changed, and he suspects even bigger changes are on the way. Then, Reed, Ben, and Johnny return to Central Park to check out those strange energy readings. They find a giant machine there. When the approach it, they all disappear.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: That “dio-etheric scanner” Reed used? He invented it in the minutes between his alarm going off and his visit to Central Park. Not built it, mind you, but invented it.

Fade out: This is the first indication that something has gone wrong with Sue’s pregnancy. It will lead to… well, if you know then you know.

Clobberin’ time: When fighting the cartoon mascot robots, Ben shows some remorse, thinking that beating up cute cartoon characters is like attacking “the flag or mom’s apple pie.”

Flame on: One panel reveals how Johnny survived the car crash last issue. His car was switched with a dummy car when it went through that tunnel.

Four and a half: Remember Katie, the neighbor girl from issue #259 who offered to babysit Franklin? She actually is babysitting him in this issue. She and Franklin are shown eating cookies and milk on the kitchen floor, which doesn’t seem to be good babysitting to me.

Commercial break: Uhhh…

Trivia time: According to the Marvel Wiki, the cartoon robots working for Maas are Maxie Mouse, Hopalong Hippo, Gerry Giraffe, Dingaling Duck, and my personal favorite, Murgatroid Mutt.

Fantastic or frightful? You wouldn’t have known it at the time, but this is the last issue before EVERYTHING CHANGES. Beyond that, though, it’s a fun Ben/Johnny romp, with a lot of Disney spoof weirdness.

Next week: Famously, a new green-skinned character joins the main cast. Subtly, a second new green-skinned character also joins the main cast.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’ve got a new villain in issue #263, a combination of Walt Disney and Howard Hughes, with maybe a little bit of Lex Luthor thrown in there.

Several months have passed since the last issue. Reed and Sue are living in their suburban house under their secret identities, and Sue pregnancy belly (I don’t think that’s a medically accurate term) is coming along nicely. We get a little bit of excuse-for-the-characters-to-show-off-their-powers-in-the-first-few-pages thing when Sue catches some spilled paint in an invisible force field, and Reed shows he can stretch his face to like someone else to maintain his new secret identity. Reed heads to a bus stop to take him to “work,” which is really a rented garage where the Fantasticar is hidden. He takes it back to New York, to the Baxter Building. Reed calls the Vision, to check in on how the Vision’s injuries have come along since the fight with Annihilus. The Vision is feeling better, but still not mobile. His brain is hooked up to the Avengers Mansion computer, so he’s running the whole building. Their conversation is cut short when Reed’s automatic scanners start going off like crazy.

We cut to Los Angeles, at the “internationally renowned” amusement park Wonderworld. Johnny is driving a race car in the first Wonderworld invitational grand prix. Ben doesn’t like that all the racers, who are celebrities, won’t be revealed until after the race. Johnny, who’s wearing a super-cool black and silver racing suit by the way, runs into love interest Julie Angel, who happens to be there. Turns out she’s now the ex-girlfriend, having moved to L.A. with fellow actor Grey Landers, and now she has a modeling gig at the racetrack. She kisses Johnny as he leaves for the race, so maybe there’s still some romance there.

The race begins, and Johnny’s car takes an early lead. The car enters a tunnel (this is apparently a Speed Racer-style race track) and crashes as soon as it comes out of the tunnel. The car explodes in a big fireball. Ben, watching from the stands, doesn’t see Johnny fly from the fire, so he runs out to it. Ben dives into the fire and tears the car apart, finding a body inside that is burned beyond recognition.

Later, a doctor bandages Ben’s arms while a racetrack guy (He’s not identified, I assume he works there) insists that no one could have survived and that the Human Torch is dead. Ben refuses to believe it, saying he’s seen Johnny fly through exploding fighter jets without a scratch. Ben meets up Julie, further insisting that Johnny isn’t really dead. He says he wants to find who’s in charge of the place. Julie says that would be Alden Maas, a billionaire recluse who hasn’t been seen in public in years. She says Maas lives on the star-shaped island off the coast.

Ben takes his Fantasicar (different from Reed’s) to the island, where he’s met by a bunch of executives in suits. They escort him into a big gold building. Inside, a hologram appears before Ben, explaining something called “Project Worldcore,” in a cartoony style. The gist of it is that the Earth’s surface has cooled and all the continents are overpopulated. The Earth then needs a massive amount of heat to expand the planet’s core and create more space for everyone. The hologram then drops the bomb, revealing that the heat source used to accomplish this is… Johnny! He’s hooked up to a big machine that’s forcing him to generate fire and blast it deep down into the Earth. This causes him a lot of pain for some reason.

Ben is about to rescue Johnny, when Alden Maas shows up. He says that Johnny’s life must be sacrificed in order to save all of humanity. Maas takes great pride in his work, calling himself the Messiah. Ben won’t have it, and tries to rescue Johnny. Johnny’s appearance was just another hologram, though, and Ben finds himself falling down a huge shaft, deep into the Earth. At the bottom, while he catches his breath, he’s shocked by a weapon. It belongs to the Mole Man, who says it’s time for the surface world to pay for its crimes.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: Reed using his powers to disguise his face was also used in the 2015 Fantastic Four movie. See, they did read the comics.

Fade out: This issue’s letters page makes a big fuss about “Sue’s Coiffure Contest,” in which readers could submit designs for Sue’s new hairstyle. John Byrne got into the act by drawing this:

Clobberin’ time: The bandages on Ben’s arms look kind of cool, but it’s ambiguous as to how badly he was burned in the fire. He himself says that he’s been through a lot worse.

Flame on: We’re told that Johnny can only burn his super-hot nova flame a few seconds at a time or it will kill him. This would appear to contradict issue #249, which told us he has greater control of his nova flame.

Four and a half: Franklin is back, and we see he’s fully recovered from his injuries during the Negative Zone story.

Commercial break: I want one!

Trivia time: Alden Maas’ plan is based on the expanded Earth theory, which is one heck of a well to fall into on the internet. Comic book legend Neal Adams is allegedly a believer in this theory, so the character Alden Maas is allegedly named after him. (I’m throwing around the word “allegedly” again, because this is all based on iffy internet info.)

Fantastic or frightful? After all those cosmic/space stories, it’s fun to see our face a more earthbound menace. The car race is an exciting scene, and the Disney/hologram weirdness makes this issue a lot of fun.

Next week: Way down in the underground.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Here we have the landmark issue #262, “The Trial of Reed Richards.” It’s a tale of cosmic significance with the fate of the entire universe on the line, yet it also takes place during the silliest, goofiest crossover in Marvel history.

To recap: In outer space, survivors of worlds destroyed by Galactus have abducted Reed and want to execute him. This is because Reed saved the life of Galactus, and Galactus went on to destroy the Skrull homeworld. Lilandra of the Shi’ar Empire showed up to further the “kill Reed” cause. This issue, however, doesn’t begin in space, but on Earth, with writer-artist John Byrne on the phone with Fantastic Four assistant editor Mike Higgins. Byrne reminds Higgins (and the audience) that Marvel Comics in the Marvel Universe are based on the real exploits of the superheroes. The FF, however, have been out of touch, so Byrne says he might be forced to make up a story.

Okay, we just have to take a moment here to talk about Assistant Editors’ Month. Here in the real world, the official story is that for one month, all of Marvel’s editors were away at conventions, leaving the assistant editors running all the comics by themselves. The assistants took advantage of the opportunity to publish all kinds of crazy comics that their bosses would otherwise never let them get away with. This story was bogus, obviously, and was just a crossover stunt, with a lot break-the-fourth-wall comics. This FF issue is one of the more normal Assistant Editors’ Month entries, and it’s still pretty insane.

Back in the Marvel Universe, John Byrne hangs up just in time for the Watcher to appear inside his house, and whisk him off to space. Byrne’s wife Andrea shows up just in time to see them vanish. Committing to the bit, the Watcher says Byrne must accompany him because Byrne is the official chronicler of the Fantastic Four and their heroic exploits. (Just keep telling yourself, it’s Assistant Editors’ Month…) They arrive at a giant alien arena of sorts, where the Watcher announces that this is the trial of Reed Richards. Byrne meets up with Sue, Ben and Johnny, who catches up him up to speed.

The trial begins. An alien explains to Ben that the “jury” is a cluster of globes called the M’Ndavian Procedures, which somehow render a guilty or innocent verdict based on the emotions of everyone present. When all the globes turn white, Reed will be found innocent. The first witness is Karan Karr, a Skrull politician, who recounts the story of Galactus devouring his homeworld. Lilandra further argues that Reed knew what he was doing — that Galactus would kill again. She calls a bunch of other witnesses, who tell their Galactus stories. While this is happening, the Watcher takes Johnny aside and teleports him to deep space, saying he must run an errand for the defense. The Watcher then takes center stage as Reed’s makeshift defense attorney, asking Reed how he pleads. Reed says he has no choice but to plead guilty.

While some of aliens call for immediate execution, Reed further says that the charge is saving Galactus’ life, and that is exactly what he did. He then says the real question is whether that can be considered a crime. Reed argues that Galactus is neither good nor evil, but an act of nature, like a storm. Johnny then returns with the Watcher’s next witness, Odin the king of Asgard. (Hilariously, Odin shows up holding a goblet. I guess he just came from Ye Olde Viking Tavern.) Odin retells the origin of Galactus (as a card-carrying god, Odin knows this stuff). He says Galactus is a test, and planets that pass his test are strengthened for it. Just before returning to Asgard, Odin says Reed’s actions were not criminal, punctuating this with, “So speaks Odin!”

The FF think they’ve won, but Lilandra points out that the M’Ndavian Procedures are still not all white. They are then destroyed by a blast of fire. It’s Nova, the new herald of Galactus, with Galactus right behind her. The aliens all freak out at seeing Galactus. Xxan Xxar, the survivors’ leader, uses his jetpack to fly right up to Galactus and aim his gun at the big guy. Xxar chickens out at the last minute, though, and flies away not having pulling the trigger.

Galactus says Reed an honorable mortal, and one that he considers a friend. Lilandra rejects Galactus’ testimony, so the Watcher steps in. He and Galactus combine their powers to summon yet another witness. It’s Eternity, a single living being who represents the sum total of all things in existence. Galactus calls Eternity “father,” and says Eternity’s knowledge is needed. Eternity says he will, just this once, let the unknowable become knowable. Then, for an instant, everyone present learns the cosmic truth — the one purpose and destiny of the universe itself.

We cut to hours later, with Byrne back on the phone with Higgins. Byrne says that although the specifics of the cosmic truth have faded from memory, the acceptance of that truth have stayed with everyone. The Watcher brought Byrne and the FF back to Earth, and all the aliens went on their way. (X-Men readers will remember that Lilandra was also living on Earth at this time, but that’s not mentioned in this issue.) The Watcher says Galactus will go on destroying planets, and the inhabitants of those planets have the right to fight back. This is because they have free will, but Galactus’ hunger means he does not. The Watcher then adds that someday Galactus will find a planet that will truly satisfy his hunger. “On that day, Galactus shall perish,” the Watcher says. “On that day, let the universe mourn.”

Unstable molecule: Reed is bound in futuristic-looking manacles throughout this story, and never once tries to use his stretching powers to escape. I guess he really had faith that he’d get a fair trial.

Fade out: Sue says that although she’s met Thor several times, she never put it together that the ancient gods of Asgard actually exist in this universe.

Clobberin’ time: Ben does not like John Byrne, accusing him of not getting the FF’s stories right. This is likely a reference to The Thing #7, which celebrated Assistant Editors’ Month by having Ben barge into the Marvel offices and complain about how Marvel misrepresents him.

Flame on: Johnny’s trip to Asgard and back recalls the galactic journey the Watcher sent him on back in issues #49-51, when the team first encountered Galactus.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Johnny goes ga-ga when he sees Nova, exclaiming, “It’s Frankie!” Sue holds him back, reminding him that the woman who was once Frankie Raye has now fully given herself over to the power cosmic.

Commercial break: Lots of us had an Atari or Nintento growing up, but who the heck ever owned a Probe 2000?

Trivia time: The same month as this comic, Galactus made it to Earth in Marvel Team-up #137, where he temporarily turned Spider-Man’s Aunt May into his new herald. Again, it was Assistant Editors’ Month. (EDIT: I just went and checked that issue, and the whole thing was a dream, so May was never really a herald.)

Other notable Assistant Editors’ Month stunts include the Avengers teaming up with David Letterman, the all-words-no-pictures issue of Alpha Flight, the Fred Hembeck-drawn issue of Spectacular Spider-Man, and everyone from Dazzler to the Hulk to the X-Men joining the Thing in visiting the Marvel editors in person. Marvel’s licensed comics, including Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Micronauts, Rom: Spaceknight, and Crystar also had Assistant Editor Month stunts.

The best of the bunch, though, was “The Kid Who Collects Spider-Man” in Amazing Spider-Man #248, one of the best (and most heartbreaking) Spider-Man stories ever written.

Fantastic or frightful? This issue more or less created what we think of when we think of the “cosmic” part of the Marvel Universe. Characters like Eternity existed before this, but bringing them together and emphasizing the shared universe nature of Marvel made it feel like a bigger, more expansive place than it ever was. The assistant editor wackiness is just gravy.

Next week: Days of thunder, sort of.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.