A while back, I bought this 50-movie set, Sci-Fi Invasion, for five bucks. That adds up to ten cents per movie. For a movie with the words “Rocket” and “Attack” in the title, Rocket Attack U.S.A. sure is boring.

Here’s what happens: It’s the Cold War. Those darned Russians have sent a satellite into space. Fearing what this means, the U.S. sends an undercover spy to Russia to find the truth: A full-on plot to nuke the U.S.

Speculative spectacle: How to depict the arms race? With stock footage! Lots and lots and lots of stock footage. Footage of airplanes, of missile launches, of missiles being made in factories, and so on. It’s like an Ed Wood film, but without Ed’s off-the-wall creativity.

Sleaze factor: Check out the sexy dancing in the exotic Moscow nightclub.

Quantum Quotables: “The agent is a girl, but we think she’s the right one for the job.” “A girl? Now that sounds interesting.”

What the felgercarb? If you can somehow make it to the ending, the last 30 seconds are pretty ballsy, I’ll say that much.

Microcosmic minutiae: It wasn’t until after I watched that I discovered this one was featured on an early episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Why couldn’t I have watched that version instead?

Worth ten cents? Nyet.

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