Reading the entire dictionary front to back! It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. Gee whiz, we’ve reached the letter G!

The first full word under G is gab, “to talk in a rapid or thoughtless matter.” This is followed by gabardine, “a firm durable twilled fabric having diagonal ribs and made of various fibers.” The problem with visiting London is all those Gabardine Steakhouse locations.

If you’ve ever seen the word gaffer in a movie’s end credits and wondered what that is, it’s “a lighting technician on a motion picture or television set.” If you’ve ever read Lord of the Rings and wondered why Sam always carries on about his gaffer, it’s also defined as “an old man.”

Gamma rays are real?!? According to this, they’re “a photon emitted by a radioactive substance” or “a photon of higher energy than that of an x-ray.” And here I thought this was made up for Incredible Hulk comics. The Marvel Wiki has a similar definition, adding a fictional “third form” of gamma rays that mutate human beings (such as the Hulk) on rare occasions.

Here’s another new one. Gavotte is “a dance of French peasant origins marked by the raising rather than sliding of the feet.” I’m thinking there’s probably more than one dance that fits this description.

In addition to “merry,” “lively,” and “brilliant in color,” gay is defined as “sexual or romantic attraction to people of one’s same sex.” That’s all well and good, but then the dictionary adds “often used to refer to men only (and lesbian students).” Why just students? What online videos have the dictionary editors been watching?

A genie is “a supernatural spirit that often takes human form, usually serving the person who calls on it.” No word on wish-granting. It also doesn’t say fictional, or even folklore/myth. Do the editors know something the rest of don’t?

Then there’s gigolo, “a man supported by a woman, usually in exchange for his attentions.” That’s one way of putting it.

More animal fun with giraffe, “an African ruminant mammal with a very long neck and a short coat with dark blotches.” I flipped ahead to ruminant to see it refers to hooved mammals known for “chewing the cud.” How unflattering.

Next: They called me Mr. Glass.

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