Reading the entire dictionary front to back! It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. The letter H raises a lot of questions about gender, but we also learn about snakes.

Go forth, because hence is defined as “from this time,” with “four years” added in parenthesis. I wonder why that’s specified. Also, I’m starting to wonder if it’ll take me four years to read a dictionary. It’s also “from this source or origin.”

Her is a pronoun of she, obviously, and it’s also “of or relating to her or herself.” Seems to me that would be obvious, but maybe that’s just because I’m a dude.

Speaking of pronouns, the dictionary says a hero is “a man admired for his achievements and qualities,” and “the chief male character in a literary or dramatic work.” I know they’re probably thinking of classic Greek stuff and all, but this seems insensitive to all the great female heroes of fiction. The other definition is “a mythological or legendary figure of great strength or ability.” I guess that’s more exclusive, maybe?

The entry for high is a long one, mostly what you’d expect. It’s variations of “elevated,” or “shrill.” And yes, it’s also “intoxicated, excited or stupefied by or as if by a drug.” Stupefied is a good word for it.

Him is simply defined as a pronoun for he/him, and then the definition of himself is “used reflexively, for emphasis, or in absolute constructions.” What does that even mean? Him is simply defined as a pronoun for he/him, and then the definition of himself is “used reflexively, for emphasis, or in absolute constructions.” What does that even mean?

More fun with animals! A hippopotamus is “a large thick-skinned aquatic mammal of sub-Saharan Africa that is related to the swine.” I don’t know if hippos would like being compared to swine, but they are on the chubby side, aren’t they?

A hoagie is merely a “submarine,” and not a submarine sandwich. I wonder if that will confuse anyone.

Our next animal is hog-nosed snake, “a genus of rather small harmless stout-bodied North American snakes that seldom bite but hiss wildly and often play dead when disturbed.” I can just imagine one of the dictionary editors raising their hand at this point and saying, “Let me write this one! I know all about these snakes!”

One of the interesting things about reading the whole thing like this is seeing when the dictionary has been updated and when it’s still holding onto things from years earlier. Case in point, home theater is “an entertainment system (as a television with surround sound and a DVD player) for the home.” The dictionary really should upgrade to 4K.

We’ve seen a lot of horoscope stuff in the book so far, and now we arrive at horoscope itself, “a diagram of the relative positions of planets and signs of the zodiac at a particular time for use by astrologers to foretell events of a person’s life.”

Next: The hoary hosts!

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