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Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Who likes ever-increasing stakes? Well, issue #249 has plenty.

We begin with a Star Wars/Trek sequence with a spaceship full of Skrulls blasting out of hyperspace. They’re destroyed by Gladiator, who is totally ticked off for some reason. This is the first time Gladiator has shown up in Fantastic Four, but he had recently been all over recent issues of Uncanny X-Men, where the X-Men were in outer space with the Shi’ar aliens. Gladiator is leader of the Shi’ar’s Imperial Guard, and (as we’re about to see) one of the toughest tough guys around.

Cut to Earth, where Ben and Johnny are enjoying a leisurely stroll through Central Park. They run into Julie Angel, dressed as a clown for a theater/history class project. She and Johnny flirt for a while, and there’s a little bit of action as Ben rescues a little girl on a runaway horse. They’re then called back to headquarters, where Reed has discovered the explosion of the Skrull ship. The explosion would have wiped out the entire solar system, he says, but was contained by a mysterious energy force. Further, an object from the explosion is speeding toward Earth at intense speed. Oh, and we get another one of the those cool cutaways of the FF’s newly-rebuilt headquarters:

The object is (of course) Gladiator, who enters the Earth’s atmosphere and (of course) lands in New York. Gladiator yells in an alien language, and we readers don’t get a translation. Ben confronts him, and the fight starts. They’re in the middle of NYC gridlock, so Gladiator is throwing around cars, and punches Ben through a bunch more cars. Stunned, Ben says he’s never been hit that hard. Gladiator then throws Ben at the Baxter Building, where Ben passes out. Gladiator then rips up part of the Baxter Building, threatening to topple the entire structure. Johnny attacks, and discovers that Gladiator can fly and is impervious to Johnny’s hottest fire.

Reed busts out his universal translator, and we get a partial explanation of what’s going on. Gladiator believes the FF are Skrulls in disguise, and that the Skrulls have launched an attack on the Shi’ar Empire. He uses his awesome strength to stretch Reed to his limit, and then nearly punches through one of Sue’s force fields, knocking her unconscious with psychic feedback. Little Franklin tries to stand up to Gladiator, but is lightly swatted aside.

Ben wakes up, and throws Gladiator out of the building and back out onto the street. Gladiator beats the crap out of Ben, picking up a school bus and smashing it over Ben’s head. Then Gladiator hears someone speaking in his language. This time we get the translation, with someone saying he hasn’t won yet. It’s… the X-Men! Cyclops, Storm, Colossus, and Nightcrawler swear that Gladiator might have defeated the FF, but not them.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: Reed’s universal translator debuted back in issue #137.

Fade out: When Sue traps Gladiator inside one of her force fields, she says his strength matches that of the Hulk, whom she also once trapped in a force field.

Clobberin’ time: Ben ponders whether he’s gotten too used to being a monster after seeing Julie intimidated by him. After saving the little girl, her hot mom plants a kiss right on Ben’s lips. (Wha-hey!)

Flame on: If we couldn’t consider Julie Angel a love interest for Johnny before, we sure can now, as they’re really flirty with each other. During the fight, we see that Johnny can now focus his super-hot nova flame into a controlled, concentrated burst.

Four and a half: Franklin tries to his mutant powers against Gladiator. It doesn’t work, because of the mental blocks keeping the powers in place.

Commercial break: I always wanted to play Star Frontiers. Maybe there’s an online version…

Trivia time: Many people theorize that this is John Byrne’s attempt at doing a Superman story in an FF issue. Byrne later recreated this issue’s cover in the post-crisis Superman #8.

Fantastic or frightful? You can call it Fantastic Four vs. Superman fan fiction if you want, but I love this issue. Byrne does a great job of selling Gladiator as a truly unstoppable force, one who mows down our heroes without breaking a sweat. Add to that a killer cliffhanger, and you’ve got yourself an intense, action-packed comic.

Next week: X-Men mutant mayhem!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Writer-artist John Byrne serves up another Twilight Zone-style issue — one that must be seen to be believed.

We begin with Triton, the Inhumans’ requisite undersea/amphibian guy, exploring an underground river, somehow on the moon. He arrives in a cavern, finding a mysterious glowing crystal. He touches it, and it blasts him with a powerful white light. From there, we cut to the Fantastic Four arriving in the Blue Area of the moon, the home of the Inhumans. The Inhumans are having a big party, and the royal family welcomes the FF in person. We’re told that the Inhumans have been hard at work making the moon their home after moving there from the Himalayas.

The reason for the party, though, is that this is Naming Day, in which Crystal and Quicksilver announce the name of their baby daughter. As appropriate for the first child born on the moon, they’ve named her Luna. Johnny and Quicksilver have a heart-to-heart, where Johnny says he’s glad that Crystal is happy, and that there are no hard feelings.

The festivities are interrupted when a gravity disruption starts throwing everyone around the room. Get this: An unseen force has pulled the moon away from Earth’s orbit, and all the way out of the solar system. Then, an impossibly huge spaceship flies along and swallows the moon. Inside the craft, two mechanical arms hold the moon (the moon!) in place. Johnny does some exploring, and finds that the arms are slowly tearing off big pieces of the moon.

The FF and the Inhuman royal family use an Inhuman flying craft to leave the moon and explore the vast spaceship chamber beyond. Ben points out what looks like a door upon one wall, but Reed surmises that the entire ship must be automated because it would be impossible for a biological lifeform to grow big enough to occupy this space. Only he is proven wrong when the door opens and an alien the size of several moons walks casually into the room.

Sue guesses that the alien is five thousand miles tall, and the caption tells us that it travels three thousand miles with each step. The alien inspects the moon, destroying part of the Inhumans’ city as his fingertips brush over it. Reed cannot believe anything he’s seeing, saying that any living creature that size would collapse under its own weight. He further has difficulty figuring out how Johnny flew around the massive room so quickly.

The Inhumans launch a full-scale attack on the alien (they have their own military?) but he doesn’t even feel it. Using the space and distance to his advantage, Black Bolt actually speaks with his super-powerful voice, giving us a rare opportunity to hear him communicate in his own words. He says, “Hear me, my people! Heed the word of Black Bolt! Break off your attack. The alien has not deliberately harmed us, we must speak to him in words of reason.”

The alien somehow notices this, and hilariously starts spraying the room with bug spray. Johnny tries using his hot-as-a-sun nova flame on the alien, only for the alien to swat him like a bug. Reed continues to fret about all this, saying there’s no way he could have seen Johnny get hit from so far away. Ben tears away a piece of the wall to get the alien’s attention, only for the alien to throw it and Ben over his shoulder. The caption says, “It will take him most of a day” to fall the five thousand miles to the floor. It gets even worse. Sue inhales too much of the bug spray, and her body turns into water right in front of Reed.

With everyone dead, Reed lets out a big dramatic “No!” Only to find himself back in the Inhuman city, as if nothing had happened. Yes, it was all a dream. Our heroes compare notes and learn they’ve all had horrific nightmares where they saw one another die. Reed says they may never know what caused the hallucination. Back in the underwater cavern, Triton recovers from a similar nightmare, suspecting that the mysterious crystal was left behind by some ancient alien intelligence with a hatred for anything that lived. The caption fills in the rest, saying Reed’s love for his family is what saved everyone from the crystal’s evil.

Unstable molecule: It’s clever how Reed spends the whole issue nitpicking the scientific inaccuracy of what he’s seeing, before the readers can do the same thing.

Fade out: Sue says that in her nightmare, she saw Reed murdered by Dr. Doom.

Clobberin’ time: Ben gets my favorite line in the issue. When seeing little Luna, he says, “She is kind of cute for a rugrat.”

Flame on: He admits that he still misses Frankie Raye, who left him (and the Earth) to the new herald of Galactus.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Medusa’s status as an alternate member of the FF gets a brief mention. In her nightmare, she says, she saw Black Bolt die.

Commercial break: I always wanted one of these posters. Does anyone know if they were ever actually produced, or were these ads bogus?

Trivia time: Because so many Inhumans have flying powers, their fleets of aircraft are kept in museums — but still able to fly if needed.

Fantastic or frightful? I dislike “It was a dream” stories as much as anyone, but there’s still a lot to like about this issue. Byrne does an outstanding job of providing a sense of scale, so you truly believe that this alien and its ship can exist even though the size of it all is so mind-boggling. This is far-out space adventure at its most far-out.

Next week: Man and Mohawk-man.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. A lot of fans argue that writer-artist John Byrne was at his best during Dr. Doom storylines, and issue #247 makes a good case for it.

To recap, Doom has done the unthinkable and asked the FF for help in restoring him to Latveria’s throne, after its current leader Zorba has turned the country into a downtrodden landscape. Also, he’s zapped our heroes with an inhibitor ray, which prevents them from attacking him. In a town square that has been reduced to rubble, Doom says this never would have happened if he was still in charge, but the FF argue that at least the people are free of a dictator.

Then a little kid named Kristoff runs into Doom, chased by his sexy gypsy mom. She’s actually glad to see him, and says the people have been praying for his return. Under Zobra’s new freedom, she says, crime rate has risen to the point where there is rampant violence and folks are afraid to leave their homes. Making matters worse, Zorba employed Doom’s Guardian Robots (the big purple robots, not the ones that look just like Doom) as his secret police. On cue, the Guardian Robots appear and kill the mom. Doom swears revenge.

There’s a few pages of everyone fighting the robots before Doom shuts them down with an “electro-neumonic scrambler.” When asked why he didn’t do this earlier, Doom says, “Doom’s reasons are his own, do not question them.” More local townsfolk welcome Doom, and everyone gathers at a local tavern, the site of the former resistance against Doom. Doom continues to argue that Latveria was better off under his rule.

At the palace, Zorba has gone mad with power, torturing an old man for information. Going even more nuts, Zorba declares that if the people of Latveria don’t appreciate the freedoms he’s given them, then he’ll give them “a final everlasting peace.” He presses a button, which unleashes Dr. Doom’s Killer Robots (these are the green robots, bigger and meaner than the purple ones). There’s a lot more fighting, with the FF taking out the robots in creative ways. During the fight, Doom sneaks off and meets with the old man, who is Boris, Doom’s former servant. Doom further adds that Boris was once his father’s best friend.

Doom sneaks into the castle through the dungeons and confronts Zorba. They fight their way up to the roof. Zorba says the throne is by divine right, and that as long as he lives Doom has no right to it. Doom answers, “precisely.” We abruptly cut to later, when the FF have reunited with Doom. Doom doesn’t answer whether he killed Zorba, but certainly hints at it. Doom grants the FF their freedom, saying it would be petty of him to destroy them now. He then adds, though, that the next time they meet, his goal with still be the ultimate destruction of the Fantastic Four.

Unstable molecule: Reed insists that the FF are only allowing themselves to fight alongside Doom to save the lives of innocent Latverians. He insists that he’s leaving Latveria in the hands of Doom only if Doom can restore safety to the populace, but Doom retorts that Reed’s in no position to negotiate.

Fade out: Sue uses her powers in numerous creative ways when fighting the robots, such as expanding force fields from inside them, and throwing them high up into the air.

Clobberin’ time: Sue comments that Ben loved to get into fights even before he became the Thing.

Flame on: At the tavern, Johnny has to be reminded to turn off his flame in the old, wooden building. I thought we’d established that he has better control over powers by now.

Commercial break: Muscle man!

Trivia time: Kristoff, the little boy rescued by Dr. Doom, will go on to become a major character in Fantastic Four mythology, involved in some of the series’ most unloved stories.

This issue never comes out and says Zorba is dead, leaving a door open for him to return. The Marvel Wiki, however, confirms that this issue was his last appearance (to date).

Fantastic or frightful? Despite the robot fights, the real battle in this issue is one of ideology. Dr. Doom is an evil dictator, sure, but he actually cares about his subjects? And life was better before he was dethroned? These questions, and this story overall, help make Dr. Doom a deeper, more complex character than ever before.

Next week: Way big.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Dr. Doom is back — and then some — as writer-artist John Byrne delivers the goods in issue #246.

We begin as we so often do, in Reed’s lab. He’s pondering about finding a cure for Ben, reestablishing that Ben has a mental block causing all the cure attempts to fail. His fear of losing Alicia is what keeps him a monster. Reed then gets a call from the Latverian embassy. This is the day the FF are returning Dr. Doom’s body to his homeland. Remember that Doom has been in suspended animation since issue #236. But wait — that’s secretly Dr. Doom on the other end of phone!

Speaking of which, we cut to Liddleville, the miniature town full of tiny human puppet replicants created by the Puppet Master. Puppet Master and Dr. Doom both had their minds transferred to Liddleville duplicates, and have been enacting a power struggle over who will rule the place. The real Dr. Doom appears, retrieving the puppet Doom’s body and squashing the Puppet Master puppet. (Yes, it’s confusing)

In Manhattan, the FF arrive at the Latverian embassy in a brand-new Fantasticar designed by Tony Stark. In a hidden room, Doom and Latverian Ambassador Leopold watch them arrive. Leopold questions whether Doom’s plan will succeed for fail, and Doom immediately strangles the guy to death for doubting him. (Dang!) The FF take what they think is Doom’s body inside, where — you guessed it — they are separated and plunged into a series of death traps.

Johnny is covered with fireproof goo, Sue is hit by a “vertigo beam” causing extreme dizziness, Reed tries to stretch but gets tangled up in a “spinning grappler,” and Ben is jolted with electricity. Then, each member of the team appears to be confronted by Doom in person. It’s at this point that John Byrne does a lot of cool stuff with page and panel layouts to show four fights happening concurrently, without it ever being confusing.  Our heroes are each quick to deduce that they are fighting lookalike Doombots, and not the real deal.

Elsewhere, three more Doombots use high-tech gadgets to restore Doom’s mind from the puppet back into the suspended animation body, and the original Dr. Doom is back. The FF reunite inside the embassy, just in time for Doom to confront them. He reveals that while the FF fought his duplicates, they were exposed to an “inhibitor ray,” which prevents them from attacking Doom directly. Further, it turns out the embassy was some sort of spaceship-type craft in disguise, and they’ve all been traveling this whole time. Doom admits that he wants the FF’s help in retaking the throne of Latveria away from Zorba, it’s current ruler. The FF argues that Zorba is a good guy, but then Doom has Sue turn the ship’s bulkhead invisible, revealing the city outside the Latverian castle to be in ruins. “Look upon my native country, outlanters!” Doom says. “Look and tell me what you see!”

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: Doom transforms Reed into a quasi-liquid state during the fight, but Reed merely uses this to short out the Doombot’s circuits.

Fade out: Sue escapes her Doombot by expanding a force field from inside its chest. The thing is, she does before knowing it’s a Doombot. Harsh, Sue.

Clobberin’ time: A whopping three pages are devoted to establishing how Ben can’t be human again because of his mental block. This will be further explored a few years later on in the Thing’s solo series following the first Secret Wars.

Flame on: Johnny’s solution to his death trap is simple. The fireproof goo sticks to his uniform, so he removes his glove and burns the Doombot with his bare hand.

Fantastic fifth wheel: When asking for their help, Doom reminds our heroes that he’s still an alternate member of the FF, having temporarily joined the team to fight the Overmind back in issue #116.

Commercial break: Are you man enough for MEGAFORCE?!?

Trivia time: In one panel, a tiny ship is seen departing Liddleville. This was the Micronauts, following their own adventure there in Micronauts #41. Remember that the Micronauts were normal-sized in their own universe, but tiny when on Earth, so having them visit Liddleville, where they normal-sized again, was only natural.

Fantastic or frightful? This is a fun issue, with multiple Dr. Dooms running around giving it a nice absurdist quality. It mostly exists to set up the next one, though, where all the good stuff is.

Next week: This land is my land, this land is NOT your land.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. As much as I love the work of writer-artist John Byrne, I must admit issue #245 is something of a head-scratching puzzler.

We begin with several pages of Sue being interviewed on television by “Barbara Walker.” Walker gives Sue a lot of crap for not being feminist enough, but Sue won’t have it, standing up for herself and even using her force fields to throw Walker around the room. During the interview, the FF’s emergency flare goes off over the city, but the producers don’t interrupt the taping. Sue returns to the Baxter Building to find all the lights out.

Sue makes her way into the building, which is still under repairs from Terrax’s attack in the previous story arc, and finds Reed and Ben knocked out cold. Johnny is fighting a man who has blonde hair and beard. The man cannot be hurt by Johnny’s flame, and throws Johnny through a wall. He then can sense Sue watching them while she’s invisible. The man pursues Sue around the building, able to psychically press against her force fields. Sue finds the destroyed remains of H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot and wonders where Franklin is. Sue confuses the mystery man by turning his hand invisible, allowing her to slip by him.

Back at the TV studio, Walker and her team learn that strange things are happening at the Baxter Building, so they rush to the scene in hopes of catching Sue in the act of being subservient to her male teammates. The fight goes out into the street outside, where the mystery man calms down and says he knows Sue from somewhere. Sue looks into the man’s eyes and recognizes him — he’s an adult Franklin!

Reed, Johnny, and Ben are back, now joined by Alicia. Franklin is disoriented, and Reed worries that accelerated aging might be killing him. Franklin agrees to go with Reed, but wants to do something first. He offers to make Ben human again, but Ben refuses, saying that he doesn’t trust a five-year-old to attempt that. Franklin looks into Ben’s mind and sees something that alarms him. One look at Reed, and he can tell Reed knows it too. Franklin then transforms Ben from his current retro lumpy form back to his more modern rocky form.

Reed wraps things up with a pair of long-winded explanations. First, Franklin has psychic dampers in his brain regulating his power. He used all of his powers transforming Ben, and now they won’t return until he grows into them. (I think we’re supposed to learn that’s why he turned into an adult in this one.) Second, he says Ben has a mental block that prevents him from turning human again, fearing that Alicia won’t love him if he’s not a monster. With that, the issue just ends.

Unstable molecule: Reed insists on taking Franklin back to headquarters for a detailed analysis of his transformation, but then just deduces what’s going on without any such analysis.

Fade out: Sue creates a soft, cushion-like force field for her to land on when she’s thrown from the building, another new use for her powers. During the interview, she makes a good case for how a woman who’s married and a mother can still kick ass.

Clobberin’ time: After being promised “This time it’s permanent,” in issue #238, here’s Ben’s transformation being undone a mere seven issues later.

Flame on: Johnny survives getting thrown through a wall, which seems impressive until we remember that the Baxter Building is outfitted with those lightweight adjustable walls that can reshape any floor into any layout.

Four and a half: So Franklin’s mutant powers return, giving him an adult body, increased intellect, and the ability to bend all reality to his will. Then, just like that, the powers are gone and he’s an ordinary kid again. When his powers next reemerge, they’ll be completely different.

Commercial break: Everyone should finish high school!

Trivia time: Look closely — one of the TV crewmembers is Sharon Selleck, who we’ll meet properly in a few issues and who will go on to be a kinda/sorta love interest for Johnny.

Fantastic or frightful? Here we have a solo story for Sue, but it’s not really about her. It’s all about Ben and his inner fears, except that this is only addressed in the last two pages. Shouldn’t the whole issue have been focused on that? Turning innocent little Franklin into an unstoppable godlike monster should have been terrifying, but it’s done and undone so fast. On the plus side, it’s awesome to see Sue stand up for herself and fight on her own, and the artwork continues to be top notch.

Next week: All Doom, all the time.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.