macmcentire

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’re trudging our way through the slog that is the “middle years,” after Jack Kirby but before John Byrne.

Issue #138: Johnny’s pal Wyatt Wingfoot shows up at the Baxter Building, announcing that he’s graduating from college and he wants the FF to attend as his guests. This leads to a lot of “passage of time” stuff, as Johnny frets about how out-of-date his hairstyle is, while Ben reminisces about his days as a WWII pilot. Right after the graduation ceremony, Wyatt is contacted by his tribespeople out west, who say a mountain has come to life and is attacking the land, so Wyatt, Johnny, Ben and Medusa head off to investigate. Reed stays behind in case Sue decides to return.

The cause of the disturbances is the Miracle Man, last seen way, way back in issue #3. Johnny and Ben laugh it off, saying he’s a phony, but Miracle Man insists things have changed, and that he has real supernatural powers now. After fighting Miracle Man’s rock monsters for a while, M.M. explains that after getting out of prison, he traveled to the West and learned the mystic arts from some ghosts of Native American mystics. He betrayed his mentors and is now mad with power. The cliffhanger has him burying the FF, Wyatt, and Wyatt’s people under a mountain of rubble.

Issue #139: Our heroes survive, but are sealed in a giant underground chamber with no hope of escape. Miracle Man gets even more mad with power, reshaping reality to his will, creating a gleaming futuristic city of his own, out there in the desert. The FF escape their prison by punching their way out. Miracle Man creates a bunch of mindless slaves out of thin air, and… fighting! The FF defeat the slaves, but Miracle Man sends them flying with a hurricane. They build a raft and head up river to rejoin the fight. Then things get really uncomfortable when Miracle Man uses his godlike powers to create his own master race (“A little pale” is how he describes them).

We check in with the army, who says Miracle Man’s tampering with nature is causing all the world’s nuclear weapons to be on the verge of simultaneous meltdown. The FF return to the city, for more fighting. Ben beats the crap out of Miracle Man, who finally vanishes. The Native spirits return, saying they’ve taken Miracle Man away, and will teach him to change his ways.

Issue #140: We begin in the Negative Zone, where Annihilus speechifies about taking revenge against the FF. At the Baxter Building, the team reunites with Reed, who is fretting because his latest experiment didn’t work. He’s contacted by Sue, who says Franklin has been acting odd, going into fits. The call is cut off unexpectedly, and Reed is so upset with worry that Medusa has to knock him out with a wrench (!) to keep things under control. Sue is then contacted by supernatural nanny Agatha Harkness, who says she is the reason for Franklin’s fits. She uses her magic to teleport Sue and Franklin far away.

Reed and company find Sue’s car, and investigate her disappearance. Reed finds traces of anti-matter radiation, saying it could only come from the Negative Zone. They return to headquarters, to find Annihilus there, waiting for them. And… fighting! The FF put up a good fight, but Annihilus knocks them all out. Wyatt Wingfoot is still with everyone, so Annihilus takes him captive and tells the story of his origin. Annihilus was originally an insect-like creature, the only intelligent being on a planet filled with dinosaur-like predators. He discovered a crashed spaceship with everyone dead on board, which is where he learned the secrets of the universe and ultimately created his all-powerful cosmic control rod. The issue ends with Annihilus tossing the FF into the Negative Zone portal.

Issue #141: Annihilus joins the FF on a planet in the Negative Zone, where he has Sue, Franklin, and Agatha Harkness trapped in a “stasis cylinder.” Annihilus recounts the story of annual #6, in which Reed swiped the cosmic control rod to save Franklin’s birth, and everyone’s wondering if Franklin will grow up to be a prodigy or a monster. Annihilus says, “Monster.” Annihilus, in a talkative mood, further explains that he’s the reason Agatha abruptly stopped being Franklin’s nanny, because she could sense Annihilus’s influence. He eventually exerted psychic control of her and forced her to kidnap Sue and Franklin.

Reed, Ben, and Medusa escape from their prison when Medusa suggests using her hair like Rapunzel. They fight a bunch of monsters on the planet’s surface, discovering the creatures are telepathic. One of them informs Reed that Annihilus has been losing energy over the last few months. Inside, Annihilus hooks Franklin up to this weird machine, saying Franklin is filled with cosmic energy, which Annihilus is absorbing back into himself. The FF return to attack Annihilus, and Reed finds that Franklin’s mind is reaching out across the universe, seeing planets and galaxies as if they are his toys. Ben and Medusa defeat Annihilus, and then Harkness teleports everyone back to the Baxter Building. Franklin, infused with cosmic rays, gets more and more powerful, threating to unknowingly destroy the universe. Reed fires a high-tech gun of some sort at Franklin, leaving him catatonic, but also saving his life and the life of the entire universe. Sue is not happy to have her son in a coma, and announces that she’s leaving Reed for good this time.

Issue #142: The team has broken up, so Ben leaves to visit Alicia, who has flown to the Balkans for a medical procedure. There, a Dr. Stutgart says he might be able to restore her sight. At home, Reed is distraught over losing Sue, but Medusa insists that he go out for an alumni association event to get on with his life. In the Balkans, Ben ignores local superstition that no one dares go out at night, and he goes for a walk after sundown. He’s attacked by a purple monster calling himself Darkoth the Death-Demon.

In addition to super-strength, Darkoth has psychic powers, able to reduce the human mind to hysteria. He mysteriously disappears just as Alicia and Stutgart arrive on the scene. The next day, while Alicia is in surgery, Darkoth appears again, fighting Ben in the hospital. They fight their way into an underground cavern, which leads to a funky high-tech lab. Darkoth manages to poison Ben so that he falls asleep, all while Darkoth’s mysterious “master” watches from the shadows. Elsewhere, Reed and Medusa attend the alumni function, only to be confronted by… Doctor Doom! He says he’s there to talk about the upcoming “end of the world.”

Issue #143: Reed doesn’t want to talk, so he and Medusa immediately attack Doom, but aren’t able to break through his personal force field. A caption anticlimactically informs us that Doom is also Darkoth’s “master.” Doom traps Reed and Medusa. Johnny and Wyatt’s old football coach, Coach Thorne (remember him?) is there, and tries to fight Doom. Doom stuns him and takes his wife hostage. (Mrs. Thorne doesn’t seem to have a problem with this.) Doom says that he has an entire city block of NYC built to his specifications as his “secret refuge” in the US. There, he has both Ben and Darkoth trapped.

Doom has constructed a “vibration bomb,” which he says will alter the emotions of all mankind, rewriting their mental states so they are loyal to him. Out in the city, Johnny and Wyatt are arrested (!) while horsing around on a rooftop. While they’re in lockup, Doom’s henchmen attack, hoping to capture Johnny. Cue fighting! Doom shows up on the scene and stuns both Johnny and Wyatt. Back in the refuge, Darkoth comes to, realizing that he’s not a demon, but one of Doom’s aides, who had recently been transformed by the vibration bomb. He lets the FF go free, with Reed saying he thinks he knows how to stop Doom.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: What to make of Reed shooting Franklin? He saves Franklin’s life and keeps the kid from accidentally destroying the universe, so that’s a good thing, right? But he leaves Franklin in a coma, so not so much?

Fade out: When captured by Annihilus, Sue makes no attempt to use her powers to escape or fight back. No attempt!

Clobberin’ time: We get a look at Ben’s bedroom in the Baxter Building, complete with a huge poster of Humphrey Bogart on the wall.

Flame on: Johnny really suffers a quarter-life crisis in these issues. Upon not graduating from college, he changes his hairstyle in an attempt to stay young and hip.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Medusa gets in on the action in a big way, using her super-hair in all the fight scenes. She even shows a sense of humor comparing herself to Rapunzel.

Four and a half: Annihilus not only confirms that Franklin has super-powers, but that Franklin’s super-powers could possibly re-write the entire universe! Heavy. This is foreshadowed when Franklin starts having fits upon sensing Annihilus’s imminent arrival.

Commercial break: Wow, the Menonomee Falls Gazette really wanted to sell papers:

Trivia time: In between pages 11 and 12 of issue #140, the FF went and had a whole other adventure! Their encounter with Namor in Sub-Mariner #67 took place while Reed, Ben and Johnny were en route to rescue Sue in this issue.

Fantastic or frightful? These ‘70s Fantastic Four comics are just painfully mediocre. The relationship dramas are forced, the formerly great villains have become generic monologists, and the plot holes flow like wine. The worst part: It’s going to be like this for quite a while.

Next week: Abominable.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’re trudging through the “middle years,” after Jack Kirby but before John Byrne.

Issue #132: So at the end of the last issue, Johnny learned that Crystal had dumped him for the mutant Quicksilver. Then the Inhumans’ servants, the Alpha-Primitives, revolted and their leader Omega took Crystal captive. This one begins with several pages of fighting as Johnny and Quicksilver fight Omega, reluctantly teaming up to rescue her. The rest of the FF, now in the form of Reed, Ben and Medusa, arrive, with Ben keeping their plane from crashing by punching through the hole and grabbing a nearby tower. (There’s a funny meta moment in which Reed admits that this breaks every known law of aerial dynamics.)

They’re met by the Inhuman royal family, who catch the FF up to speed in time for Omega to attack. He resists all the heroes’ attacks, seemingly growing more powerful with his hit. Black Bolt uses his super-voice, described as “nigh-sentient sound” (!), but not even this slows Omega down. The rest of the Inhumans in the city form a giant army to fight back. Reed, meanwhile, discovers Maximus the Mad had built a perpetual motion machine before his most recent imprisonment, and Reed deduces that this has something to do with Omega’s attacks. He interrupts the battle by stretching himself into a big wall between the Inhumans and the Alpha Primitives, and then Crystal explains to everyone that Maximus’s machine is powered by the guilt the Inhumans feel over oppressing the Alpha Primitives, which in turn gives Omega his strength. (At least I think that’s what she’s saying. It’s confusing.) The two armies go their separate ways, overcome by what the comic calls their “racial guilt.”

Medusa then thanks the FF by repairing their torn costumes and giving herself a “4” costume of her own, officially making her Sue’s replacement. Johnny gets himself a new red and yellow costume, and he and Crystal have a heart-to-heart. She says the love just isn’t there any more, and that her heart belongs to Quicksilver now. He says he’s glad they’re parting on good terms.

Issue #133: It’s New Year’s Eve and the new FF are among the revelers in Times Square. (This issue was released in April.) Our heroes are wallowing in depression over everything that’s happened, with Sue and Crystal both leaving, and Ben continuing to be a monster. Reed snaps out of it a bit and says that 1973 represents a bright new future. Just before the ball drops, it’s destroyed by super-strong female brawler Thundra. She challenges Ben to a duel in three days’ time, taking Alicia hostage so he’ll have to comply. Word spreads throughout the city of the upcoming fight, to be held at Shea Stadium somehow, with various Marvel heroes chiming in on who they think will win. Thundra rejoins her teammates in the new Frightful Four in their hideout, an “abandoned water tower” in Queens.

The big day comes and the stadium is filled with spectators, and there’s even a referee monitoring the fight. Who’s organizing all this? Thundra knocks Ben out of the stadium’s ruining the Frightful Four’s plans to blow it — and her — up. Ben and Thundra fight atop New York’s World Globe statue. Just when it looks like Thundra has won, Reed uses a device that temporarily turns Ben back into a human. Thundra says she refuses to fight a weakling, so she leaves. Ben turns back into the Thing, saying, “Guess you can never figger a dame!” The three remaining members of the Frightful Four swear revenge on both Thundra and the FF.

Issue: #134: This one starts with the FF getting a summons from supernatural nanny Agatha Harkness. They arrive at her home, only to find a crater in its place. (?) They fly back to New York, while secretly being watched by hidden cameras. The mystery man watching them fires on the Fantasticar, knocking it out of the sky. The mystery man hoped to knock them unconscious, and is furious it didn’t work. It’s then revealed that the stranger is none other than Gideon, the criminal super-genius the FF fought way back in issue #34. Gideon’s young son is distressed that his dad had no time for him. Gideon says that if he can’t capture the FF, he’ll instead capture Sue and Franklin.

From there, we check in on Sue, who is visiting her childhood friend Carol at a ranch in Pennsylvania. (While horseback riding, Sue says, “I feel like a girl again!”) Dragon Man, the giant android originally created by Diablo, attacks the ranch and flies off with Sue and Franklin. Reed gets a private message and flies off by himself, not telling his teammates where he’s going. Dragon Man arrives at Gideon’s compound with Sue. A fight breaks out, Sue is captured, and Dragon Man is stunned by Gideon’s henchmen. Elsewhere, Johnny checks in with his old girlfriend Dorrie Evans, only to discover she’s married with two kids! He then is attacked by Gideon’s goons. Ben and Medusa follow a radio report about Dragon Man, discovering Gideon’s hideout. They get knocked out, and Gideon emerges from underground, in an orange and purple metal suit. He’s captured Reed as well, and he says that he will soon be so powerful that neither man nor god can stop him.

Issue #135: Johnny arrives at Gideon’s hideout, where he gets knocked out by Dragon Man and the henchmen. (Great band name!) Gideon says he plans to hook the unconscious FF up to his “Eternity Machine” Dragon Man, who has some sort of “connection” with Sue, tries to free her, but can’t escape Gideon’s sonic control. Gideon explains that since he last encountered the FF, he and his family were caught in a nuclear blast, and only Gideon and his son survived. They both have radiation poisoning, and even with Gideon’s cool new high-tech suit, he only has a year or two to live. Gideon believes that the FF’s exposure to cosmic rays will save him.

Ben, Johnny, and Medusa escape from their high-tech cages and… fighting! Gideon’s suit is powered by the combined cosmic rays of Reed and Sue, which gives the strength to go toe-to-toe with Ben. Medusa wakes up Dragon Man, who joins the fight in the hopes of protecting Sue. There’s a huge explosion in which we’re meant to believe that Dragon Man and Gideon both die. Sue leaves with Franklin, saying she still loves Reed, but she needs more time to think things through.

Issue #136: This one starts where the last one left off, with Reed promising to give Gideon’s son medical treatment for radiation poisoning. Our heroes leave, and, in the remnants of the battle, one of Gideon’s henchmen comes to. The man, Slugger Johnson, reminisces about the good old days of high school, riding motorcycles and fixing up cars. He’s then contacted by an alien being called the Shaper of Worlds. The Shaper says he’s been searching for someone whose dreams will give him the energy he needs. He infuses Slugger with power, causing a wave of energy to ripple throughout the entire world. This causes the Fantasticar to crash, just in time for the FF to stumble upon an old fallout shelter under attack by flying bikers. No, I’m not making this up.

The battle is halted by the appearance of the “Protectors for the Nation,” who are motorcycle cops on flying motorcycles. From there, the FF discover the Earth has been transformed into an alternate 1950s of greasers vs. squares, all with a sci-fi twist. Reed and Ben are taken captive by the Protectors, and Johnny and Medusa are off with the bikers. There are various references to the Youth Party and Malt Shops before the bikers bring Johnny and Medusa in contact with their leader, a tough guy named “Wildman.” Both groups brainwash the FF (!) in regards to a super-weapon built by an Einstein-like figure they call “The Brain.” This sets up a cliffhanger in which it’s going to be Reed and Ben versus Johnny and Medusa in a fight over the weapon.

Issue #137: Instead of the 1950s, now it’s medieval times, as Ben and Reed, inexplicably cured of their brainwashing, storm a castle to get the superweapon. They fight the castle knights, who are armed with laser guns, and then Medusa and Johnny show up, still brainwashed. As the teammates fight each other, the “Brain” looks on in horror from a tower window. Turns out the “Brain” is Slugger Johnson, who complains against the Shaper for transforming the world. To stop the FF, Slugger says it’s time unleash his weapon, called “the Warhead,” and taken from his memories of old B-movies. The giant monster steps right out of a drive-in movie screen (which is… inside the medieval castle?) and rampages.

Then there’s an incredibly uncomfortable scene that attempts to comment on 1950s racism, by having a secret society of African Americans living underground, who are organizing a rebellion. After much fighting, the FF and the bikers defeat the Warhead. Just as the bikers and Protectors are about to fight each other again, the African Americans show up and announce that it’s actually the ‘60s (this comic was published in 1973). Somehow, this makes reality fade back into what it originally was. The Shaper says he has freed Slugger and will instead take Gideon’s son with him. He promises to cure the boy of radiation sickness, and, in exchange, the kid will give the Shaper dreams to live off of. “It will be a pleasant life for both of us,” the Shaper says.

Unstable molecule: Reed’s stretching is powerful enough for him to turn his body into a huge wall, separating two sides of a battlefield.

Fade out: Sue admits that she still loves Reed and they’ll be probably end up back together again, but that she needs some time apart for now.

Clobberin’ time: There are a couple of references to Ben wanting to go see The Godfather, showing just how huge of a blockbuster it was back in the day.

Flame on: Johnny says his new red and yellow costume was inspired by the WWII Human Torch (the android one).

Fantastic fifth wheel: Medusa is now officially a member of the team. She’s fond of proclaiming, “By Agon!” which I guess is the Inhumans’ deity.

Four and a half: While at the ranch, Franklin shows some interest in an ant hill, and the ants act as if they are obeying his mental commands, which continues to foreshadow his developing powers.

Commercial break: What the heck?

Trivia time: Issue #133 was drawn by Ramona Fradon, the first female artist to work on the series. She is best known for co-creating DC’s Metamorpho.

Johnny’s girlfriend Dorrie Evans was a regular character in his Human Torch solo series, but this is the first time she’s been depicted in Fantastic Four.

The “Warhead” monster is a reference to Ro-Man from the classic B-movie stinker Robot Monster 3-D.

Gideon’s son will eventually return from his time with the shaper, but with powers and calling himself “Glorian.”

Fantastic or frightful? Where to begin? Plot holes, logical gaffes, confusing action, and obnoxious political heavy-handedness. It’s tempting to shrug and say “Well, it was the ‘70s” but this was the era of Gwen Stacy’s death, Jim Stalin’s first Thanos War, and the rise of Marvel horror with Tomb of Dracula and Werewolf By Night. These FF issues aren’t just bad, they’re abysmally bad when compared to their contemporaries.

Next week: It’s a miracle.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’re making our way through the “middle years,” after Jack Kirby but before John Byrne, several issues at a time.

Issue #127: Ben has the idea in his head that the Mole Man might have the cure for Alicia’s blindness, so this issue begins with him returning to that weird house from issues 89-90, where the Mole Man was last seen fleeing into the underground. At HQ, Johnny is all mopey about how much he misses Crystal, and he has another run-in with the FF’s landlord, who is still trying to evict the FF. Johnny learns that Ben has left for Subterranea, and he flies off in pursuit. He sends word for Reed and Sue to join him.

Underground, Ben hears a woman singing, and rescues her from a monster. She is Kala, who says she is both an Atlantean, and queen of the “Netherworld,” which was separated from Atlantis years ago in an earthquake. She too is searching for the Mole Man, who she says is her “betrothed.” Reed, Sue, and Johnny enter the underground amid much bickering. Ben fights a bunch of Subterraneans and gets captured by the Mole Man. The whole thing was a trap by him and Kala. The Mole Man explains at great length his plans to cover the surface world with deadly lava. Ben escapes and fights more Subterraneans, only for the Mole Man to reveal that he hit Ben with an electrical aura, making him look like a big hairy monster. The FF see him, and, assuming he’s a beast, they attack.

Issue #128: The FF fight Ben, not knowing it’s him, and then Reed, Sue, and Johnny all pass out. The Mole Man gloats, taking time to mock his former rival Tyrannus, who is now hypnotized to be the Mole Man’s slave. He then notices the FF have disappeared, and he sends more Subterraneans to investigate. The FF moved to a new location in the caves with Sue making them invisible. Ben is still knocked out, but the others can see that it’s him now. Sue and Reed fight some more, because he wants her to stay behind and she wants to be part of the team. She and Ben go in one direction, and Reed and Johnny go in the other.

Reed and Johnny fight more Subterraneans, while Ben and Sue randomly rescue a reverend, Josiah Mandiz, from a big cage. The Mole Man brought the reverend down there to perform his marriage to Kala. The Mole Man spots them, and… fighting! Just when it looks like the Mole Man has defeated the FF, Kala reveals that Tyrannus is her true love, and that she’s betraying the Mole Man. But wait, Tyrannus then betrays Kala, saying he doesn’t really love her, and all he wants is Mole Man’s Subterranean army. Reed, while disguised as a Subterranean, fights Tyrannus. Tryannus escapes with one of the Mole Man’s vehicles, only to have it blow up because the Mole Man booby-trapped it. The Mole Man tells Ben he has no cure for blindness. The FF then make their escape, leaving the Mole Man all alone, underground.

Issue #129: While everyone is recovering from the fight with the Mole Man, Johnny announces that he can’t stand not being with Crystal, so he’s quitting the team. He tries to leave while his teammates try to force him to stay, for this issue’s excuse for the characters to show off their powers for a few pages. Sue finally lets Johnny go, saying a man should be with the woman he loves. Johnny arrives in the Himalayas, home of the Inhumans’ hidden city, where he is attacked and abducted by Inhuman guards. They take him to Black Bolt, and Johnny thinks that Black Bolt now has ill will against humans.

At HQ, the FF receive a telepathic message from supernatural nanny Agatha Harkness, saying she can no longer care for Franklin, but she can’t tell them why. Sue goes to get Franklin, but Reed, strangely, stays behind to work in his lab, and they bicker about this. Ben goes outside into the streets of New York, where he’s attacked. It’s the Frightful Four — the Wizard, Sandman, Medusa, and Paste Pot Pete, um, I mean the Trapster. Except this time, Medusa isn’t a bad guy, and she’s fighting her former teammates alongside Ben. The fight is at a construction site, so there’s lots of heavy equipment to trash. Then, the fourth and newest member of the Frightful Four shows up. It’s Thundra, a super-strong gigantic woman. She’s determined to prove herself more powerful than any man, and she fights Ben and Medusa to a standstill, knocking them both out.

Issue #130: In their moment of victory, the Frightful Four immediately start fighting with each other. Back in the Himalayas, the Inhumans’ royal family tries to tell Johnny that Crystal is OK, but… and before they can explain further, he flies off to this tower where she’s being kept. He fights a bunch of Inhumans on the way there and is finally reunited with Crystal. She’s about to reveal a big secret to him, when we cut to Reed, flipping out in his lab. He’s stressed about everything that’s happening, and the Sandman attacks him (they don’t say how Sandman got inside the building). Sandman suffocates Reed in a ball of sand until he’s unconscious. Now the Frightful Four can help themselves to the wonders of Reed’s lab. Instead, they fight among each other some more.

Sandman spots footprints and deduces that Sue is there, invisible. She is, and has Franklin with her. She sets the baby down in a safe spot and fights the Frightful Four. Franklin finds Ben. Franklin’s eyes glow green (!) and Ben wakes up and joins the fight. So does Reed, and he and Sue continue to argue about Franklin while battling the bad guys. Thundra reveals she has a “no killing” policy, and she sees in Ben his willingness to fight to save others. This has her considering him in a new light. The Frightful Four, knowing they’ve been beaten, escape and vow to fight on another day. Then things get really dark, as Sue announces she’s had enough of Reed devaluing her and the baby, so… she’s leaving him. Reed, scowling, lets her go, saying that even without her, there will always be a Fantastic Four.

Issue #131: This issue starts back with Johnny and Crystal, where she reveals she’s not alone in that tower. Quicksilver is in there with her. (Quicksilver has already had a history with both the X-Men and the Avengers.) After much yelling and accusations, Crystal finally gets Johnny to calm down long enough for an explanation. She says that when she left him last time, the teleportation went screwy, and put her in the path of a mutant-hunting Sentinel. She rescued Quicksilver from the Sentinel’s attack and brought him to the Inhumans’ city. As Crystal nursed Quicksilver back to health, they started having feelings for one another, and even kissing! Johnny asks Crystal if she loves him or Quicksilver, and she tearfully answers, “I don’t know.”

That’s all they guys need to hear to start fighting. The brawl is cut short by an earthquake. The Inhumans’ royal family says they don’t know the cause of these quakes. They suspect that their enemy Maximus and his new perpetual motion machine (!), but the machine appears to be harmless. Medusa was dispatched to go to New York and ask Reed for help, which is how she got caught up in the Frightful Four fight. Then, the Alpha Primitives, the Inhumans’ worker race, starts a rebellion, leading Johnny, Quicksilver, and the Inhumans to fight them off. The Alpha Primitives are sealed in an underground shaft, and our heroes learn that Crystal is sealed up in there with them. Johnny and Quicksilver use the Inhumans’ teleporting dog Lockjaw to enter the shaft (heh), where they encounter Omega, leader of the Alpha Primitives. He has Crystal held captive, and says that he will kill her unless Johnny and Quicksilver help him destroy the Inhumans.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: At one point, Reed is so stressed that, while working in the lab, he angrily throws a deadly isotope, almost destroying the entire building.

Fade out: Continuity headache! In one issue, we get a callback to Sue not being able to turn herself invisible when makes someone else invisible. But then, in the next issue, she turns herself and Franklin invisible at the same time. On the plus side, Sue’s transformation into most powerful member of the team continues, as she singlehandedly fights the Frightful Four.

Clobberin’ time: The first appearance of Thundra is an important moment, in that she and Ben will have an ongoing “will they/won’t they” thing going on in future issues.

Flame on: It’s revealed that Johnny’s teammates’ uniforms are lined with asbestos, to keep them from being burned when around him.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Medusa pretty much confirms her status as a reserve member of the FF. After the fight with the Frightful Four, she says, “We made a fine fighting foursome, did we not?”

Four and a half: Franklin has super-powers! We don’t know what yet, but glowing green eyes are a dead giveaway.

Commercial break: What is going on in this ad? Does this seem… suggestive to anyone else?

Trivia time: Here’s the first reveal of the Quicksilver/Crystal romance, one which will go on to last through several decades of Marvel continuity. Their romance blurs lines among X-Men, Avengers, and FF lore.

Kala previously appeared in an Iron Man story, which all about Atlantis and an underground kingdom. This plot was meant to merge that story with the rest of Marvel continuity.

Sue at one point compares herself to “Sue Barton, student nurse.” This is a reference to a series of novels for young girls that were popular from the ‘30s to the ‘50s.

Fantastic or Frightful? If my plot synopses make no sense, I assure you it’s not me, it’s these comics. These plots are bafflingly confusing, and the characters are constantly full of rage, fighting and arguing with each other. It makes them unlikable, and it makes these issues a chore to read.

Next week: More Inhumans. More Thundra.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’re quickly burning our way through the “middle years,” after Jack Kirby but before John Byrne.

Issue #122: Galactus is back! And he’s totally ticked off for some reason! He says he’s here to destroy the Earth, but Reed reminds him that he made a vow not to do so. Galactus then says he’ll spare the Earth in exchange for the Silver Surfer. He wants the Surfer to be his herald again. The Surfer refuses and… everyone fights! Despite his godlike powers, the FF do a much better job of fighting him than before, with Ben even managing to knock him off his feet. The battle takes everyone to a nearby amusement park (Coney Island, maybe?) where the Surfer decides to fly off to Galactus’ ship, to draw him away from Earth. Only, the barrier that keeps the Surfer trapped on Earth won’t let him reach the ship.

Back on Earth, Galactus trashes the roller coaster as everyone keeps fighting. Ben uses a Ferris wheel as a weapon (!) but gets himself knocked out. Reed and Sue leave the battle, so Johnny has to face the Big G all alone. Reed and Sue make it back to HQ, where they board their personal rocked (not a euphemism) and head into space, to take control of Galactus’ ship. Reed puts on a space suit and tries to board the ship, but a force field around it sends Reed flying off into space (the movie Gravity totally ripped off this comic). Sue uses her force field to punch a hole in the ship’s force field, and Reed goes inside, into the gigantic, alien control room. Reed then contacts Galactus, threatening to destroy his ship and exile Galactus on Earth if Galactus doesn’t comply.

Issue #123: Galactus responds to Reed’s threats with threats of his own, saying how easy it would be for him to devour the Earth and destroy them all, no matter what Reed does. Galactus then gives Reed until nightfall to meet his terms and return his ship. Then we get some odd business with Galactus wandering around New York, messing with stuff. He throws some trains around and then gets into a fight with the army. Back at HQ, Sue, how has somehow returned from space, gets a phone call from President Nixon (!), saying Reed has no legal authority to negotiate with Galactus. (Frustrated with Sue, Nixon scoffs, “Women!”)

Galactus returns to the FF, and the Surfer agrees to return to Galactus’ servitude, sacrificing his freedom to save humanity. Reed tries to stop the Surfer, saying he has a plan. Then there’s a weird bit where Reed and Surfer fight while the military opens fire on both of them, hitting Reed with a bullet. Johnny and Ben kick the soldiers’ butts while the Surfer uses the power cosmic to heal Reed. Reed and the Surfer then go to Agatha Harkness, who uses her astral projection magic to allow Reed to speak to the entire world at once. He explains that he tricked Galactus, so that Galactus and his ship are now flying around inside the Negative Zone, and not in our universe. The Surfer flies off, still exiled on Earth, but free — in his own way.

Issue #124: This one begins with several pages of action as Reed passes out while piloting the Fantasticar and his teammates work together to keep it from crashing. They rush Reed to the hospital, where all the nurses are freaking out, saying they were attacked by a monster. While Ben and Johnny investigate, the monster appears, knocking out Sue and taking her prisoner. After raiding the hospital storeroom, the monster rampages through New York, with Johnny in pursuit. It reaches the lake at Central Park, where it disappears with Sue. At the hospital, doctors diagnose the only thing wrong with Reed is stress and exhaustion, and he needs to take it easy.

Sue, meanwhile, wakes up in an underground cave. She tries to escape the monster, and accidentally floods the entire cave. Back at HQ, Johnny figures out that the monster is the “Monster from the Lost Lagoon” from issue #97. Reed wakes up at the hospital and wants to go rescue Sue, but he passes out again, not even know that she’s in danger of drowning.

Issue #125: Sue surrounds herself with a force field while underwater, but worries that it’s only a matter of time before she runs out of air. At HQ, Johnny spends several pages recapping issue #97, reminding readers that the monster is really a space alien, who only wanted to repair his crashed spaceship and get off of Earth with his mate. Inside the cave, the monster stops the flooding as Sue wonders what it is that he’s after. Reed tries to escape the hospital, but is still overwhelmed with exhaustion. Ben and Johnny want to take the pogo plane back to Central Park, but they forgot to refuel it (!) so there’s several pages of comedy business with Ben helping himself to one of Johnny’s hot rods to drive there.

Reed reunites with Ben and Johnny at the lake, even though Reed is acting all crazy and delusional. With a breathing apparatus, Johnny swims down into the lake and fights the monster underwater. By making the water boil, Johnny forces the monster to the surface, where it fights Ben. Reed stops the fight, saying that he knows why the monster is there. He says the monster’s mate picked up an Earth illness when they were last here, and had to return because only Earth medicine could cure her. As the monster leaves Earth again, Reed says they are like “brothers.”

Issue #126: On the first page, it appears Dr. Doom is attacking the Baxter Building, but it’s just an illusion conjured by Reed with his thought-projector helmet (last seen in issue #27). Then there’s a lot of soap opera business, where Sue chides Reed for not spending enough time with Franklin, Ben says he and Alicia shouldn’t get married until they get to know each other better (?), and Ben and Johnny bickering. Johnny flies off in a huff, and Reed and Sue take off to visit their son, leaving Ben alone.

Ben uses the thought-projector to reminisce, and most of the rest of the issue is a retelling of the group’s origin story, and their first battle with the Mole Man, all the way back in issue #1. He also flashes back to the group’s confrontation with Mole Man in the “futuristic house” story from issues #88-90. Ben then gets an idea: He suspects Mole Man has the cure for blindness, what with him living in the dark underground all this time, so he marches off to find Mole Man and get a cure for Alicia.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: We’re never shown how, exactly, Reed gains control of Galactus’ ship, or how, exactly, he tricks Galactus into entering the Negative Zone. Then, Reed’s exhaustion-based fainting spells are introduced out of nowhere and then not treated with much concern.

Fade out: Sue shows some exciting new uses of her powers, including a razor-sharp force field to cut through her restraints after the monster kidnaps her.

Clobberin’ time: Is Ben getting stronger? He knocks Galactus over, and he lifts an entire Ferris wheel over his head.

Flame on: The artists experiment with a new look for Johnny in one issue, giving him wavy “fire hair.” Thankfully this doesn’t last.

Four and a half: When Reed and Surfer visit Agatha Harkness, Reed holds Franklin while fretting over the fate of the world, so he’s not totally negligent.

Commercial break: Invite your friends over for a haunting!

Trivia time: The general who leads the troops in attacking Galactus is Thunderbolt Ross, famous for constantly pursuing the Hulk.

Fantastic or frightful? Painful. Galactus is acting way out of character, not like a godlike celestial being, but like any of the lesser, power-mad thugs the FF has faced. The monster issues are another remake of Creature from the Black Lagoon, and the origin retelling comes off like filler. On the plus side, John Buscema’s artwork really shines, and it’s clear by this point that he really “gets” the FF.

Next week: Way down in the underground.

****

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