A while back, I bought this 50-movie set, Sci-Fi Invasion, for five bucks. That adds up to ten cents per movie. I haven’t been able to find a lot of info on 1986’s Assassin, but I’ll bet good money that it’s an unsold TV pilot. If it looks like ‘80s television and struts like ‘80s television…
Here’s what happens: An assassin is running around killing members of the CIA. It has memorized the dossiers of all CIA agents. A retired agent who is “off the books,” is called in to stop the killer. To complicate matters, his new partner is also his old flame.
Speculative spectacle: The assassin is actually a robot. (That’s a spoiler, but do you really care?) He’s bulletproof, fireproof, super strong, etc. Basically, he’s the Terminator, but less intimidating.
Sleaze factor: While attempting to flirt with a woman, our robot assassin brags that he’s posed nude… not in centerfolds, but in scientific journals.
Quantum quotables: Female agent: “Don’t forget that his eyes have telescopic vision.” Male agent: “Any other surprises?” Female agent: “He can reach running speeds of up to 30 miles an hour.” Male agent: “But… can he make love to a woman?”
What the felgercarb? The opening action scene has our robo-assassin killing a bunch of CIA agents in Missouri. Is Missouri really a hotbed of CIA activity?
Microcosmic minutiae: Our lead agent is played by a tough-talkin’ Robert Conrad, star of the original Wild Wild West and countless other TV projects, which, again, has me wondering if this was a pilot that never went to series.
Worth ten cents? With its big hair, big shoulder pads, and big synthesizer score, ‘80s nostalgia fans will likely dig this, but casual viewers might lose interest.
Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.