21 Jump Street rewatch: “Two For The Road”

Rewatching 21 Jump Street! After all the high drama of the last two episodes, it’s time for the show to get back to what it does best – cops pretending to be teenagers! It’s season two, episode four: “Two For the Road.”

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What’s goin’ down: Teen drinking and driving incidents are on the rise, so our hero cops are undercover to find out which bars are looking the other way, and who’s making all the fake IDs.

Here’s Hanson: Hanson befriends a kid whose brother died after being seriously injured in a drunk driving crash. Was the brother’s death an accident, or is something more going on?

McLovin before there was McLovin.

McLovin before there was McLovin.

Penhall’s prerogatives: Penhall fits right in as a party dude, making him one of the most popular kids in school. He later tells his captain, “A Penhall cover comes with a lifetime guarantee.”

Undercover blues: When one kid takes off driving drunk, Hanson must break cover in order to chase him down and get him to pull over. It’s almost like a real car chase.

They're doing about 20 mph.

They’re doing about 20 mph.

Goin’ to the chapel: Captain Fuller goes on a date, where he has one sip of wine too many. A rookie cop pulls him over and busts him for a DUI, much to his embarrassment.

Hot dogs! Get'cher hot dogs here!

Hot dogs! Get’cher hot dogs here!

There’s a big sign in the background of the Jump Street chapel that says, “Hot dogs.” Why???

Torn from today’s headlines: Lots of speechifying about the dangers of drinking and driving.

Trivia time: Guest starring a pre-fame and heavily-mulleted Jason Priestly, and omigod, it’s the weasel! Pauly Shore is in this episode, bu-u-u-dy.

Something something BioDome something.

Something something BioDome something.

Jumpin’ or not? The PSA-ness of this one is laid on real thick, even if the actors are nonetheless giving it their all to wring some fun from it all. Not jumpin’.

Next week: Ultraviolence.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Don’t be so negative (zone)

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. At the end of the last issue, Reed was trapped in the Negative Zone, with no hope of returning. In issue #62, it’s still called “Fantastic Four” and not “Fantastic Three,” so let’s see how they’ll get out of this one.

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The excitement begins in Reed’s lab, where Ben remembers there’s a “trans-barrier phone” that can communicate with the Negative Zone. He uses it, and speaks to Reed. Reed reiterates that there’s no chance of escape from the Negative Zone, and he urges his teammates not to come looking for him. As Reed floats beyond communication range, he asks Reed to tell Sue that he loves her and will always love her. There’s some high drama as Ben and Sue break down, realizing that Reed is forever gone.

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Then, it happens. The moment we’ve been waiting for since way back in issue #48. Johnny’s long-lost love Crystal appears, along with the Inhumans’ giant teleporting dog Lockjaw. It’s not the run-along-the-beach-and-fall-into-each-other’s-arms reunion we’ve been expecting, though, because Johnny’s so distraught about Reed that he barely notices. (I get what Stan and Jack are going for here, but if a hot girl and a dog the size of a car materialized out of nowhere right in front of you, you’d at least look up.)

There’s a great two-page spread featuring another one of those trippy photo images of the Negative Zone, as Johnny and the others fill Crystal in on what’s happening. What does the Negative Zone look like, exactly? Just a bunch of rocks floating in space, really, but Jack Kirby draws them so they look appropriately far-out and cosmic. While the others have given up on Reed, Crystal takes charge and insists that it’s not too late. She tells Johnny that it’s not just her but all the Inhumans that are free of their city’s imprisonment. She and Lockjaw then teleport away, with her telling Johnny she’ll be right back.

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Inside the Negative Zone, we meet a pair of aliens who say they are transporting dangerous cargo. Said cargo is actually a dangerous prisoner, unseen to us as he’s wrapped head to toe in an “adhesion suit.” The aliens affix their prisoner to a passing asteroid and take off. Reed sees the aliens fly by and he marvels (heh) at how intelligent life exists in the Negative Zone. He stops whining about his fate and instead does the scientist thing, remarking to himself about all the potential wonders of this new place. He’s saying all this, though, while hanging onto the same asteroid as the aliens’ prisoner.

From there we cut to somewhere in Europe, where a group of soldiers in purple uniforms are about to test their new “atomic nullifier.” I have no idea what country they’re supposed to be from. The Inhumans show up and a fight breaks out. Basically, they get their own excuse-to-show-off-their-powers-for-a-few-pages thing. They’re reunited with Crystal, who begs them to help Reed. With a nod, Black Bolt agreed to do so. He selects one Inhuman to go after Reed, but we don’t yet see which one.

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Back in the lab, Ben flips out and destroys a bunch of equipment in his frustration over not being able to help Reed. Crystal then returns with Lockjaw and… Triton, the Inhumans’ fishy aquatic guy. He enters the space-time chamber, which allows him to pass through into the Negative Zone. Triton is so awesome that he can “swim” through space just like he does in water, passing by a number of strange sights and giant monsters on his search for Reed. He finds Reed, about to enter an exploding atmosphere, and rescues him. The explosion also frees the mysterious prisoner, who reveals himself as Blastaar, the living bomb-burst. He’s able to fly like a rocket, propelled from energy released from his fingertips (no, really), and he pursues Triton and Reed.

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Triton and Reed emerge heroically from the Negative Zone back to the Baxter Building, where it’s happy reunions all around. They all leave the room just as Blastaar emerges behind them. Blastaar hops out the window, getting a look at New York, and he meets up with the Sandman, who has apparently been hanging out on the Baxter Building’s roof after his escape last issue. Blastaar and Sandman recognize that they’re both criminals, and they decide to work together. With no idea that’s happening right over their heads, Reed and Sue fall into each other’s arms, as do Johnny and Crystal. Ben makes a wisecrack about everyone being all “mushy.” It’d be a happy ending, except the caption reminds us, “Next issue: Blastaar!”

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Unstable molecule: Even when facing certain death in an alternate dimension, Reed remains positive, taking a moment to soak in the amazement of where he is and what he’s experiencing.

Fade out/Clobberin’ time/Flame on: Sue, Ben, and Johnny do nothing. They are basically spectators in this issue, leaving all the action and heroics up to Crystal and Triton.

Trivia time: The original Star Trek had debuted on TV when this issue was produced, and I wonder how much of an influence it was on this issue. Along with the overall outer spacey vibe, Blastaar has an “automatic translator” much like Trek’s infamous universal translators, Reed waxes poetic about the endless possibilities of space like the Trek characters so often do, and Blastaar even says at one point, “They go where none before them have ever gone!” Sound familiar?

(New end-of-review-stuff category!) Commercial break: An ad in this issue is for a 7-foot-long, 200-pound “nuclear submarine.” The ad further states that it can fire real missiles and real torpedoes. It’s only $6.95 with 75 cents for shipping. You’d think there’d be a disclaimer telling kids that it’s not really nuclear, but no. You don’t suppose…

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Fantastic or frightful? For all the drama over the crisis in the Negative Zone, it was resolved pretty quickly. Blastaar is a lot of fun, but we’ll get to him in the next issue. The super-cosmic art and seeing Crystal in a take charge role are what make this one worthwhile.

Next week: Bombs away!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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21 Jump Street rewatch: “Besieged” parts one and two

Rewatching 21 Jump Street! Time for a big two-parter with “Besieged” parts one and two.

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What’s goin’ down: A kid from a crack-ridden poor neighborhood is found murdered in an expensive car, one he paid for in cash. It’s a full-on murder mystery, and, yes, everyone’s a suspect.

Here’s Hanson: Hanson’s undercover as a tough punk who’s knowledgeable about cars. The bad kids are drug dealers, as is pretty much everyone in this episode. They’ve had him do the “car expert” thing in a number of episodes now, so I guess we can call that a character trait.

Hey there, Slick.

Hey there, Slick.

Penhall’s prerogatives: To get a better sense of the neighborhood, Penhall must go back into uniform to go on patrol. He’s not cool with the uniform, but he has no problem swilling coffee like a beat cop. He later learns a few hard lessons about how life on the beat is different than what he learned at the academy.

What, no donuts?

What, no donuts?

Undercover blues: In the second half of the episode, Hanson is the one that dons his uniform to partner with the beat cop, to prove that the cop isn’t the nice guy he appears. Hoffs befriends the suspect’s girlfriend, only to see her fall deeper and deeper into drug use.

Scandalous.

Scandalous.

The big news in part two is Penhall and Hoffs gettin’ it on. Yowza! By the end of the episode, they agree just to be friends.

Goin’ to the chapel: A computer glitch erases Ioki from the system, which has him running around grousing, “I don’t exist.” He can’t work the case until the problem is sorted out.

Torn from today’s headlines: Lots of ‘80s moralizing in this one. Let’s all feel bad about the poor, let’s all feel bad about drug addiction, let’s all angrily shake our fists at scumbag drug dealers, etc.

Police brutality.

Police brutality.

On the lighter side, the high school kids at the inner-city school all carry beepers, with a jerk principal telling them to turn them off. One kid mentions Nancy Reagan’s famous “Just say no” campaign, describing Nancy as “that lady on TV who looks like a mummy.”

Trivia time: We get the first appearance of the Jump Street chapel’s basement, referred to “Blowfish’s room,” a huge space filled with janitor’s closet-type stuff. It makes a nice place for the characters to have a private, off-the-books talk.

Jumpin’ or not? The hour format serves this show much better a two-hour format. Stretching out this to a two-parter means a slower pace and a lot of filler. Bonus points to the creators for trying something a little more ambitious, but this isn’t the show at its best. Not jumpin’.

Next week: Can I see your ID?

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Here’s sand in your eye

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Time to wrap up some ongoing subplots and start a few new ones in issue #61.

epoch

At the end of the last issue, Dr. Doom had stolen the Silver Surfer’s powers, but then lost them again after being outsmarted by the FF. This issue begins with Reed, Sue, and Ben back at the Baxter Building. One dialogue caption from Sue about how it’s nice to be home is all the respite our heroes get before Reed’s newest invention, an “atom igniter,” goes haywire and starts shooting up the place. (Doesn’t Reed know better than to leave this stuff lying around?) This is the issue’s excuse-for-the-characters-to-show-off-their-powers-for-few-pages thing, until Sue traps the device in a force field and lets its energy burn up so that it destroys itself. So that’s over.

Except it’s not, because Ben is immediately struck by anti-grav device and spends a page floating around. Reed deduces that these are not accidents, but that the FF are under attack by someone hiding inside their own HQ.

Back in Latveria, a still-powerless Silver Surfer is being tormented by a couple of cruel guards. Then, his surfboard flies back to him, and he once again has the power of the cosmos. He escapes, trashing Doom’s castle in the process. (Is he killing all the people inside?)

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Cut to the FF, as Reed, Sue, and Ben search headquarters for their mysterious attacker. They get caught in a hallway filled with rising sand, threatening to drown them. You’d think right about here they’d realize it’s the Sandman, but the thought doesn’t occur to them until after escaping and then confronting him, taking a moment to be impressed with his new costume. He claims to be the “superior” to the Fantastic Four. (I’d call that debatable.)

Sandman turns out to be a good match for our heroes, with a new power. He can now mix various chemicals with his sand, for various results, such as oily sand that trips Sue while she’s invisible. During the fight, Sandman knocks Ben against the “space-time generator lever,” and Reed states that this is a bad thing. “It could destroy the city!” he says.

We then catch up to the Inhumans, hiding out in a “secret shelter” somewhere in Europe. Crystal wants to continue searching for Johnny, but Black Bolt apparently wants them to stay hidden. Crystal urges him to let her go and continue the search. Crystal uses Lockjaw, the Inhumans’ giant teleporting dog, to transport to Metro College, in the middle of a football game no less. Wyatt Wingfoot is there, on the bench for some reason (put him in, coach!), and he tells Crystal that Johnny is on his way to the Baxter Building.

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Sure enough, we then see Johnny flying toward FF headquarters, the outside of which is crackling with “spectrum beams.” Inside, Johnny fights the Sandman while Reed tries to repair the space-time generator before it destroys all of New York. Sandman’s chemical sand now includes freezing sand and poisonous gas sand.

The room filling up with poisonous gas, Reed figures his only way out of this situation is to open the doorway to the Negative Zone (previously referred to as merely “subspace”). This causes a vortex-like effect, sucking everything into the Negative Zone, with our heroes barely hanging on. Sandman conveniently escapes by jumping out a window (!), but Reed isn’t so lucky, being drawn into the Negative Zone. Floating in the apparently breathable space, he frets about being flung into another dimension, but is glad his sacrifice means he saved Sue, Ben, and Johnny.

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At the Baxter Building, Ben says he “shut off the current” which I guess stopped the vortex. Johnny wants to open the doorway back up and bring Reed back, but Ben argues that they’d get trapped in the Negative Zone just like Reed. With a sense of finality, Ben glumly states, “He’s gone!”

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: This issue is all about Reed’s dangerous inventions being used against him, something I’m surprised we don’t see more of.

Fade out: Sue almost escapes from Sandman while invisible, but her footprints in his sand gives her away. When she learns Reed is trapped in the Negative Zone, she lets out a Vader-style “Noooooooooo!” That’s ten Os.

Clobbeirn’ time: Ben is kind of a wimp in this issue, as he’s the first one taken out by the Sandman. He does survive taking the full force of the atom igniter’s blast, though.

Flame on: After Johnny’s fire is snuffed out by the Sandman’s sand, Johnny flames back on just a few panels later. Perhaps this shows he’s gaining better control of his powers?

Trivia time: The last time we saw Sandman was in issue #57, where he stole a still-unidentified device from Reed’s lab. Would it be safe to assume that’s the device his using to chemically alter his sand in this one?

The football game mentions the world-weary verge-of-retirement Coach Thorpe, so that subplot is still hovering somewhere in the background. Speaking of the football game, in the stands there’s a photographer and a girl sitting to him – this is Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, correct?

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This is the first appearance of Crystal’s all-yellow costume, probably the outfit she’s most famous for. We still haven’t received a full explanation as to what her powers are.

Fantastic or Frightful? Sandman has no plan or evil plot in this issue. He’s only here to pick a fight. All this issue does is set up the next couple of ones, where the Negative Zone fun really begins.

Next week: Reunion!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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21 Jump Street rewatch: “In the Custody of a Clown”

Rewatching 21 Jump Street! Season two begins with an episode called “In the Custody of a Clown.” Lest you think that’s a metaphor, the action begins with a guy in a clown mask abducting a kid.

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What’s going down: The Jump Street cops are in crisis mode in their search for the missing kid, only to find that his feuding parents aren’t as wealthy as they appeared. Then, plot twist! Turns out the kid’s grandfather is the culprit, and the kid is in on it. It’s all a scam to get back at the kid’s jerk parents.

Nightmare fuel.

Nightmare fuel.

Here’s Hanson: Things go from serious to silly when, hoping that grandpa’s eyesight isn’t what it once was, Hanson disguises himself as the kid’s mom. Yes, Johnny Depp is in drag as a suburban housewife.

Tom Hanson: Soccer mom

Tom Hanson: Soccer mom

Penhall’s prerogatives: When Fuller asks whether Penhall tampered with evidence, Penhall responds, “Hey, it worked for the president.” Kind of funny/sad how that joke has become timeless.

Undercover blues: First, a ransom dropoff leads to a bomb threat, then there’s a car chase, and, finally it goes all Law and Order with a courtroom scene at the end where grandpa defends himself for some reason. Busy episode!

Tamper with evidence? These guys?

Tamper with evidence? These guys?

Goin’ to the chapel: If this one weren’t packed enough, there’s also a subplot where Hoffs is distraught to learn her parents are divorcing. Why she brings her mom to the Jump Street chapel during the kidnapping crisis is anyone’s guess.

Trivia time: Barney Martin, who played Hanson’s cop partner in the pilot, returns in this episode as a different character, the kid’s grandfather. Kurtwood Smith returns as FBI Agent Phillips, the same character he played in the episode “Low and Away.” Veteran actor Ray Walston plays the judge in the courtroom scene, where he apparently thinks he’s in a sitcom instead of a cop show.

Still my favorite Martian.

Still my favorite Martian.

The show’s theme song has undergone a few tweaks, a few of the lyrics have been cut and replaced with just instrumental bits and some new clips from this season have been added.

Jumpin’ or not? What a crazy episode, constantly ping-ponging back and forth from outrageous comedy to dark family drama. All the surprise twists made it a fun, fast-paced watch. It’s jumpin’!

Next week: Under siege!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: In Peril

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Feels like this Doctor-Doom-has-the-Silver-Surfer’s-powers story has been going on forever, doesn’t it? We’re at issue #60, and it’s not over yet.

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 The issue begins with Dr. Doom stranding an ocean liner on top of a giant mountain, just to demonstrate his awesome powers. After seeing this on TV, Ben wants to go fight Doom head-on, but Reed urges caution, saying it’ll take more than brute force to stop Doom. Wyatt Wingfoot shows up (I guess the FF gave him access to their headquarters, otherwise it looks like he just strolls in from outside) and says Johnny has flown off to attack Doom on his own.

 We join the Torch in Latveria, for several pages of him fighting Doom. Doom transforms himself into a crystalline form that can withstand a million degrees of heat. He then traps Johnny in a “solidified cyclone.” (That’s a real thing, right?) Then we check in with the Silver Surfer, still jailed in Doom’s castle, and still in a weakened state, but now with some jerk Latverian guard mocking him.

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 Reed, Sue and Johnny fly to Latveria in a ship loaned to them by the Black Panther. There’s no sign of Doom, but the ship’s “ionic triangulator” reports that Doom is in the area. Doom then appears and attacks, bringing all the trees to life and having them crush the ship. There’s several pages of the three heroes fighting nature, as trees and rocks attack them. Doom confronts them in person and speechifies about how powerful he is. Plus, he’s still ticked off about Ben injuring his hands way back in issue #40. Ben attacks, but Doom traps in a ray of cosmic energy. It looks like Ben is defeated but, thanks to his awesome strength and his iron will, he breaks free and lands a punch right on Doom’s face.

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 We then go to outer space, where the Watcher is (what else?) watching the battle. He muses on how he could help if wanted to, but he’s sworn not to. Then, uncharacteristically, he looks away from the fight, choosing instead to watch some primitive aliens on some other planet.

 Reed and Sue reunite with Johnny, finding him among the wreckage. They catch up with Ben, who Doom has trapped in a stasis field. Cue more fighting! Doom continues to show his command of the elements by using rocks and trees as weapons. Sue manages to trip him up with her invisible force fields. This only slows Doom down a little, and he says his power allows him to disintegrate matter, and that’s how he’ll take out the FF.

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 On the other side of this same mountain range, a bunch of soldiers are spying on some visitors. It’s the Inhumans, recently freed from their trapped city. The soldiers are shocked to see Karnak chop down a tree his bare hand, and then they see Crystal start a fire with a wave of her hand. From this, they surmise, “She can actually affect the elements!” Medusa and Gorgon then chase off the soldiers. If you hadn’t read the previous issue, you wouldn’t know they’re there to help Crystal find Johnny, because that’s not mentioned this time.

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 Doom then continues to speechify about how great he is, when Reed’s remote control miniature bat-shaped plane he invented last issue comes flying in. So… this was Reed’s plan all along? I guess so, because Doom is weakened. It’s only temporary, though. He hopes on the surfboard and takes off, to pursue the miniature plane and destroy it. Then, there’s burst of light in the sky, and the board flies away by itself. Reed explains that the plane went into space, but having the Silver Surfer’s powers means Doom is also exiled to Earth and can’t leave, just like the Silver Surfer is. Doom vanishes and the surfboard flies away by itself, presumably to return to the Surfer. Reed proclaims, “It’s over!”

 Unstable molecule: Reed does that thing where he stretches into the shape of a parachute to save him and Sue from a fall. He also stretches his arms across the trees to avoid a fire Doom starts beneath him. But it’s his science genius that saves the day.

 Fade out: Sue is the only one who manages to succeed in any sort of offensive during the fight against Doom, disorienting him and knocking him off the surfboard.

 Clobberin’ time: Ben’s escape from Doom’s energy field is a great moment for him. It’s not just his physical strength but his strength of will that allowed him to succeed. (Could Ben be a candidate for a Green Lantern ring?)

 Flame on: Johnny’s best move in the fight is to burn a tunnel under the ground and then pop up behind Doom and surprise him.

 Trivia time: The caveman-like aliens watched by the Watcher are from “sector 34.” The Marvel Wiki doesn’t have an entry on “sector 34,” just “project 34,” the anti-missile defense invented by Bruce Banner (alter ego of the Hulk) during his guest spot in Fantastic Four #12. Yeah, let’s see you try to come up with trivia specific to this issue.

 Fantastic or frightful? Another “all they do is fight” issue. Given all the buildup, it’s a little anticlimactic that it all ends with everybody throwing punches on a nondescript mountainside. There are a few nice character moments and Kirby’s art is stellar, but other than that, this one’s not as much of a standout.

 Next week: Remember when Reed said “It’s over?” It’s NOT over.

 ****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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21 Jump Street rewatch: “Mean Streets and Pastel Houses”

Rewatching 21 Jump Street. Season one comes to an end with episode 12, “Mean Streets and Pastel Houses.”

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What’s goin’ down: PUNK!!! Rival gangs of punk rockers are running around the city causing thousands of dollars in vandalism damage and sending each other to the hospital in acts of violence.

Here’s Hanson: In the first episode, Hanson was the squeaky-clean beat cop. In this episode, we get his full-on progression. Here’s the debut of the earring, the eyeshadow, the spikey hair, the whole deal. Sure, it’s all service of going undercover, but it has a transformative effect on him. Hanson finds acceptance among the outsiders.

Sid not-so-Vicious

Sid not-so-Vicious

Penhall’s prerogatives: With Hanson undercover as the punk, that leaves Penhall to pose as Hanson’s uptight preppy brother.

Undercover blues: Upon getting to know the punks, Hanson and Penhall learn that they’re not just troublemakers, but have whole other lives in school and in the suburbs. This generates a lot of food for thought about the nature of identity, reflecting back on our undercover heroes.

Goin’ to the chapel: Fuller rips Hanson a new one when Hanson fails to report in, just like a parent waiting up with the light on, wondering where the teen is all night.

Devil may care

Devil may care

Torn from today’s headlines: I’m not sure if there’s an immediate parallel between punk rock and gang violence, but this episode would have us all think so.

 Trivia time: The producers rounded up an actual mid-‘80s punk band, Agent Orange, to provide music for this episode.

One of the punks’ teachers is played by William B. Davis, famous for his role as the cigarette-smoking man on The X-Files. He plays a kindly teacher not too differently from how he played an evil conspirator.

"Don't try to threaten me, Agent Mulder. I've seen presidents die."

“Don’t try to threaten me, Agent Mulder. I’ve seen presidents die.”

One of the vandals spraypaints “neighbours” – with a “u” – on a wall, thus proving that, yes, the show was filmed in Canada.

Jumpin’ or not? This season finale is a lot of what we like about 21 Jump Street. It has ‘80s pop culture goofiness combined with a sense of old-timey (many might say outdated) morality. Moreover, it shows the progression of Hanson’s character better than any other episode yet. That’s the point I’ve been hoping to make with this rewatch, that despite the show’s hokiness, that characters are what make it enjoyable. It’s jumpin’!

Next week: Killer clown!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Breaking away

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #59 finds us in the middle of a multi-part tale, with a major turning point for supporting characters the Inhumans.

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We begin as we often do, in Reed’s lab, where Reed is vlogging! He’s broadcasting a message to the whole world, telling feuding nations to set aside their differences, because Dr. Doom is too great a threat now that he’s stolen the Silver Surfer’s powers. Then, Reed meets with the “allied chiefs of staff” (basically a bunch of army guys) who don’t think Doom is a threat because he rules a “postage stamp kingdom,” so Reed declares that the FF will deal with Doom by themselves. After hanging up, Reed says he feels helpless despite his power and intellect, and Ben starts a fight with him. After exchanging a few blows, Reed sets off to work on a solution, and Ben reveals to Sue that he started the fight to help Reed get out of his doldrums.

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We go from there to the Kremlin, where jets are launched to attack Latveria, Doom’s country. (I didn’t know the Russians kept their jets inside the Kremlin building.) Upon arrival in Latveria, the jets are destroyed in a corrosive cloud, created by Doom’s new cosmic powers. Doom still has the Silver Surfer trapped inside his castle. The Surfer tries to fight back, but he’s so weak he can barely stand. Doom speechifies like you wouldn’t believe, saying, “I must prepare the helpless humanity for the coming of… doomsday!” (If this were a movie, that would be the trailer shot.)

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At the Baxter Building, Reed is hard at work and doesn’t want to be disturbed, until Sue tells him they’ve received a message from Wyatt Wingfoot, concerned about Johnny. (The message comes via another of Reed’s inventions, the “Communi-tel,” which is basically Skype. Reed invented Skype!) Wyatt says Johnny believes it’s up to him to stop Doom, so he’s out practicing flying as fast as he can. He tests his newfound speed by buzzing past some National Guard soldiers. Wyatt urges Johnny not to take on Doom himself, but Johnny won’t have it. He then says that once Doom is dealt with, he can get back to his quest to free the Inhumans from their trapped city. (It’s never specified where they are, or why Lockjaw is not with them. The last time we Lockjaw, the big teleporting dog was on the roof of the Baxter Building.)

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On cue, we go from there to the Inhumans’ city, still trapped under that big dome. Black Bolt flies over the rooftops, and we get a rare glimpse of Inhuman commoners marveling at him. With a gesture, the silent Black Bolt commands his people to seek shelter. Once the city’s population has left the streets, Maximus appears and urges Black Bolt not to do what he’s about to do. In a show of brotherly compassion, Black Bolt protects his evil brother. Then — are you ready for this? — Black Bolt speaks. Now we know why he never talks, because one syllable of his voice is enough to level buildings. After two pages of sweet Jack Kirby destruction, Black Bolt succeeds, and the dome over the city is destroyed. The Inhumans have their freedom.

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Meanwhile, Dr. Doom is being a total dick! Flying around on the Silver Surfer’s board, he uses his powers to make a city live in perpetual night, he covers a tropical seaside town in snow, and he transforms a perfectly innocent gorilla into a giant monster for absolutely no reason. Back in Reed’s lab, Reed has invented a tiny mechanical bat. He tries it out on Ben, knocking Ben off his feet and angering him. Another fight breaks out, but Reed stops it this time, saying his device worked as predicted. It can knock Doom out for a few seconds, which is sure to outrage him, and this might give the FF a momentary advantage.

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The Inhumans are relieved that they have fresh air and sunlight again, even if a good chunk of their city was destroyed to make that possible. Crystal demands that she be free to leave and find Johnny. Fearing it would be unsafe for her to run off on her own, Black Bolt and the rest of the royal family decide to accompany her. Left to his own devices, Maximus tries to convince the rest of the Inhumans to make him their king again, but they won’t give him the time of day.

The issue ends on pretty much the same cliffhanger as the previous one – Reed frets in his lab, hoping to improve his solution, while Doom flies around all-powerful and everyone wonders what his next move will be.

Unstable molecule: Reed’s genius becomes “tormented genius” in this issue. He manages to hold his own against Ben in a fight, even landing some powerful blows against the big guy.

Fade out: Sue barely appears in this one, doing nothing but sitting back and worrying.

Clobberin’ time: Ben knows just how to push Reed’s buttons, spurring Reed to action. He does some heavy lifting around the lab, as usual.

Flame on: Johnny develops the power to fly at incredible speed, so that he appears only as a flash of light. Johnny and Wyatt’s car in this issue is a Ferrari Dino V-6 Berlinetta Special. Not bad.

Trivia time: So, when we first met Black Bolt, he was described as “mute.” Then, in an attempt to free his people, in issue #54, he screamed when exposed to the power of the absorba-bomb. Are we to assume the absorba-bomb gave him his super-powerful voice, or did he always have it? (If it matters, the Marvel Wikia says he was born with the power, and had to be kept in sound-proof rooms when he was a baby, so there’s that.) After all this time, they still haven’t revealed what Crystal’s powers are.

Fantastic of frightful? If you were reading these things off the newsstand back in the ‘60s, then a little less than two years have passed since the Inhumans were trapped under their dome, and longer than that since Johnny first met Crystal, so the Inhumans’ escape has actually been a long time coming, and is a real highlight of the issue, especially Black Bolt comforting his evil brother before unleashing hell. The FF part of the story spins its wheels, but the Inhuman stuff is great.

Next week: The tide turns.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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21 Jump Street rewatch: “16 Blown to 35”

21 Jump Street rewatch! It’s season one, episode eleven, “16 Blown to 35.” Our heroes investigate the world of teen modeling, and they’re shocked to discover it has a skeezy side.

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What’s goin’ down: Police raid a crack house and find a washed-up porn star there. Her info leads the Jump Street crew to a teen modeling school that’s a front for drugs, prostitution, and underage porn.

"This is my 'intense' look."

“This is my ‘intense’ look.”

Here’s Hanson: Hanson doesn’t do much this week, except to chime in with some side exposition. He makes a few jokes at the captain’s expense, though, showing his gradual transition from “uptight cop” to “bad boy.”

Penhall’s prerogatives: Penhall makes the cut at modeling school, thanks to his “primitive style.” Tough guy that he is, he’s not thrilled to be part of the modeling thing.

Models, Inc.

Models, Inc.

Undercover blues: Penhall’s modeling gig has him wearing a red beret and holding a gun while surrounded by pretty girls. What magazine or advertisement do you suppose this was for?

Goin’ to the Chapel: Captain Fuller is in the spotlight this week, as we learn he’s divorced and has a son. Their relationship is strained, to put it mildly. The son has decided to embrace the “rasta” lifestyle in a big way, much to Fuller’s frustration. We also learn Fuller is a huge baseball fan.

Generation gap.

Generation gap.

Torn from today’s headlines: This one’s got it all – crack, weed, child porn, child prostitution, all kinds of after-school special-ness. Hoffs gets especially upset at the awfulness of it all, standing up for the underage girls, and even destroying evidence to keep one of them safe.

Trivia time: The criminal scumbag who runs the modeling school is played by recognizable character actor David Paymer, one of “those guys” who’s been in every show and movie. He’s real good at playing real sleazy.

Wait... you're saying this guy is sleazy?

Wait… you’re saying this guy is sleazy?

Jumpin’ or not? Kind of hard to make jokes about this one, considering the serious subject matter. The drama is kept relatively low-key, though, never descending into hysterics like other shows might do. It’s jumpin’!

Next week: Punk out, punks.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: The dismal dregs

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #58 is titled “The Dismal Dregs of Defeat.” How come no one uses the word “dregs” anymore? Anyway, our heroes are in big trouble this time around, as they confront Dr. Doom, who has just stolen the Silver Surfer’s cosmic powers.

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The issue begins with the Baxter Building in the midst of a freak rainstorm. Our heroes think they see a familiar image in the storm, but then it dissipates, leaving them to wonder what happened. The storm was of course caused by Dr. Doom, who did it just to mess with our heroes, and keep them off balance. Back at Doom’s castle, he speechifies about all he’ll do with his new powers, taking out the FF first and then… the world! Also, we see the Silver Surfer is still at the castle, in a comatose state.

Back at headquarters, there’s some comedy where Ben is reading a book of ghost stories, and is scared when Reed walks up behind him. He argues that he wasn’t really scared, but when alone he admits he’s got a premonition of something bad about to happen.

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On cue, Doom shows up, flying around outside on the Surfer’s silver surfboard. He blasts Ben out of the building, and into a nearby electric billboard. Although outmatched, Ben fights back, separating Doom from the board and pummeling him. Doom isn’t helpless without the board, though. He zaps Ben with “vibration rays,” rendering Ben completely motionless, like a statue. Doom leaves Ben in Central Park, where passersby think he’s an abstract work of art.

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We cut to a page of Johnny and his pal Wyatt, who are still traveling around the world (and beyond) with the Inhumans’ giant teleporting dog Lockjaw, looking for some way to free the Inhumans from their imprisoned city. Lockjaw has teleported them back to New York, and Wyatt believes the big dog senses danger there.

Here we cut to a private cottage in Southampton, where Sue and Reed are staying for some reason. Sue once once again chides Reed for tinkering with his inventions instead of spending time with her. She says, “Don’t you remember? We were going to stay home tonight and have a weenie roast.” (Let’s all go ahead and assume this is a euphemism for something exhaustingly naughty.)

Doom attacks, using his powers to wrap Reed up in adhesive cables, and then he traps Sue in a “cosmic cone.” Reed escapes and puts up a good fight, but Doom can use his cosmic powers to summon all kinds of weapons from the matter around him, which he uses to beat down Reed.

Johnny finds Ben, and has Wyatt run to the Baxter Building in search of a “metabolism accelerator” that can heal Ben. Johnny then miraculously deduces that Reed and Sue are in Southampton, so he flies there. Once there, it’s time for Johnny to fight Doom, and it’s the same type of fight, where Johnny gets in a few good hits, but is still unmatched by Doom’s new powers. Johnny’s flames go out of control, causing the cabin to explode. Reed and Sue get out just in time.

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Back at the park, Wyatt locates Ben and uses the metabolism device to free him. They take the jet cycle to rendezvous with the rest of the FF just as Doom and Johnny continue to fight. Wyatt has brought with him Reed’s anti-grav disrupter. Reed warns Wyatt not to use the it because it’s too dangerous, but Wyatt pulls the trigger anyway, creating a massive sinkhole where Doom once stood. Doom rises from it, though, unharmed.

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The FF back down, knowing that no amount of brute force will be able to stop Doom. Doom then gives a killer speech about how instead of killing the FF, he’ll let them live, because it’s an even greater punishment for them to live the rest of their lives knowing he could snuff them out at any time, whenever he feels like it. “You are not even important enough for me to destroy,” he says. Doom flies off, and Reed swears he’ll find some way of stopping him.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: There are a lot of Reed’s inventions mentioned in this one. In addition to the ones mentioned above, we also get the “heat induction unit” and the “conduction-inverter.” I have no idea what that last one does.

Fade out: Sue is sadly demoted to “doting wife” status in this one, not using her powers once. Then there’s the whole “weenie roast” thing.

Clobberin’ time: At one point, Sue suggests than Ben call Alicia for a night on the town, and he responds, “Yeah! I’m gonna do just that!” Is that sarcasm or not? Are they still a couple, or are they broken up after their little spat in issue #55? This issue doesn’t really tell us.

Flame on: When fighting Doom, Johnny threatens to use his super-nova flame, but doesn’t for fear that it will destroy the entire state (!).

Trivia time: Doom’s first step is to take out Ben, this was hinted at a few issues ago, when Doom revealed that he was still angry about Ben mangling Doom’s hands the last time they fought.

Fantastic or frightful? This is another “all they do is fight” issue, but that’s OK, because it’s awesome Kirby action. It’s also exciting in that although our heroes are way outclassed, they still find ways to fight back.

Next week: Breaking free.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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