Dracula the Series 1990 – The Vampire Solution

Did you know Dracula had his own TV show in 1990? This is the Halloween season, so let’s watch it!

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Dracula the Series is a weird and wacky show, and it just gets weirder and wackier in episode five, “The Vampire Solution.”

Cemetery plot: Arthur, one of Uncle Gustav’s former students, is in town, having acquired a rare plant that could be the cure for vampirism. Arthur is abducted, and Gustav breaks into Lucard’s (a.k.a. Dracula’s) office to investigate. Lucard captures Gustav and bites him. The kids — Chris, Max, and Sophie — mount a rescue that night. Turns out the vampire cure got switched with one of Max’s energy drinks, giving Max temporary anti-vampire lightning powers (!). They cure Gustav, but Arthur decides to remain a vampire.

Every episode has a gratuitous fang shot, in case you forgot.

Every episode has a gratuitous fang shot, in case you forgot.

King of the vampires: A running joke in this episode is Lucard quoting Shakespeare before chowing down on his victims. This is doubly funny now that we know the actor playing him went on to do tons of Shakespeare on stage.

Blood brothers: Younger brother Max has decided he’s into fitness this week, constantly working out and chugging energy drinks. Because a vampire hunter must stay in shape and all that.

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“Unlimited pow-WAH!!!”

The new Mina: Sophie teaches Max some Tai Chi moves to help with his fitness regimen. Later, she translates the recipe for anti-vampire cure from ancient Latin. Who is this girl?

And you thought Jet Li was the Tai Chi master.

And you thought Jet Li was the Tai Chi master.

Stake master: We learn Gustav has a brother, Wilhelm, who apparently lives in town. They haven’t spoken in years, however. Also, Gustav and Lucard’s henchman Klaus clearly have a history.

Slayer’s handbook: Remember the all-powerful Cross of the Magus from the second episode? It returns in this one, where its incredible magic power is used to defeat Arthur after he goes full vamp.

Hey there.

Hey there.

Killer quotes: Lucard: “Gentlemen, gentlemen! Conflict makes me thirsty.”

Behind the screams: In this episode, we meet Klaus, Lucard’s right hand man, who will be a recurring character throughout the series. Klaus was played by Geraint Wyn Davies, whose list of TV acting credits is a mile long. He’s arguably most well known for another vampire show, Forever Knight, where he played vampire detective Nicholas “Nick” Knight.

Strike a pose.

Strike a pose.

Bite me: This one packs a ton of crazy ideas into one episode, rocketing along from one big twist or set piece to the next, with no chance for the audience to catch its breath. It’s all action and chases, which is good, but hardly any character development, which isn’t as good.

Next: Wake up, sheeple!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Dracula the Series 1990 – The Boffin

Did you know Dracula had his own TV show in 1990? This is the Halloween season, so let’s watch it!

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When you’ve got Dracula set in modern times, you’ve got to deal with modern technology. That’s what Dracula the Series attempts in episode four, “The Boffin.”

Cemetery plot: Max befriends a bumbling yet brilliant scientist, Dr. Smith, who has invented the world’s only anti-vampire gun, capable of firing concentrated sunlight. It turns out Smith’s financier is Lucard (a.k.a. Dracula) who wants the gun for himself. During the final confrontation, the gun fails to kill one of Lucard’s vamp henchmen. Our heroes escape, thinking they’ve won. Later, the henchman burns up, and Lucard boasts that he owns the world’s only delayed-action anti-vampire gun.

Not creepy at all.

Not creepy at all.

King of the vampires: Showing how he’s kept up with science, Lucard boasts about his organization has produced powerful sunblock and synthetic reflective surfaces.

Blood brothers: The episode’s B-story is Chris and Sophie discussing dating and what dating is like. In a roundabout way, they end up going to the same restaurant at the same time, all the while not certain whether it counts as an actual, honest-to-gosh date.

Love is in the air.

Love is in the air.

The new Mina: Sophie asks Chris how she compares to American girls he knows. So, where is she from? Her accent sounds American to me.

Stake master: We’re meant to believe that Uncle Gustav’s old fashioned vampire hunting is nothing compared to Smith’s high-tech approach. Then it’s revealed that Gustav was working undercover in Smith’s lab the whole time, secretly staying one step ahead of everyone.

Science bros.

Science bros.

Slayer’s handbook: Smith tests the weapon against wood made from a vampire’s coffin, suggesting that such wood has special properties.

Killer quotes: Smith: “Garlic, an aromatic little herb, which has outlived its usefulness.”

Behind the screams: Good ol’ Drac is played by Geordie Johnson. While he’s been in a number of TV shows and movies, including a role in The English Patient, most of his career has been acting for the stage, including tons of Shakespeare. He’s performed live theater all over North America. Prior to Dracula the Series, he once played Dracula on stage.

Ta-DAH!

Ta-DAH!

Bite me: Another episode that packs a ton of plot into 30 minutes. Maybe it’s nostalgia, but I liked the old-school special effects, and the fact that the show is willing to go sci-fi for one episode.

Next: What’s the solution?

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Dracula the Series 1990 – Get a Job

Did you know Dracula had his own TV show in 1990? This is the Halloween season, so let’s watch it!

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In Dracula the Series, an old man and three kids are humanity’s first, last, and only defense against the vampire menace. Episode three, “Get a Job,” attempts to explain why the four of them don’t just call the police (or the army, for that matter).

Cemetery plot: Chris gets a job as a bike courier for a local art shop, and is enamored with Julia, his lovely boss. Lucard (a.k.a. Dracula) shows up to purchase a rare painting, and to put the moves on Julia. Uncle Gustav and the kids investigate, discovering that Julia is secretly running an illegal art forgery scheme. They manage to keep Lucard away from Julia long enough for the cops to show and arrest her, thus saving her from Lucard. But there’s a twist: the police chief is also a vampire, and Lucard turns Julia into a vamp after all.

Art nouveau.

Art nouveau.

King of the vampires: It’s suggested that Lucard was once friends with Michelangelo (the painter, not the turtle), which means he’s been around since at least the late 15th century.

Blood brothers: The B-plot has younger brother Max trying and failing to convince the local police that Lucard is really a vampire. This includes humorous shtick of him staking out (get it?) Lucard’s day-to-day activities.

Inconspicuous.

Inconspicuous.

The new Mina: Sophie acts awfully jealous when she sees Chris’s attraction to an older woman. It’s her idea to investigate Julia’s criminal activities.

Who could say no to that smile?

Who could say no to that smile?

Stake master: The episode begins with Gustav making the kids read through financial records, hoping they’ll find some way to defeat Lucard through his shady business dealings. (Kinda like how they got Al Capone, I guess.) This is the third episode in a row where Gustav jokes about eating schnitzel, so we can go ahead and call that a running gag.

Slayer’s handbook: Lucard is able to walk around in the sun with no problem. Lucard is unable to be photographed (because cameras use mirrors to capture images, maybe?), so let’s assume he is a reclusive billionaire. He transforms into a large dog to escape Gustav, and crosses seemingly have no effect on him when in dog form.

Gotcha!

Gotcha!

Killer quotes: Julia: “Monsieur Lucard has a real eye.” Chris: “Yeah, not to mention teeth!”

Behind the screams: Chris was played actor-turned-musician Joe Roncetti. Roncetti went on to appear in movies including To Die For, The Virgin Suicides, and Gacy. In the mid-2000s, he retired from acting to pursue music full time. He’s released both solo albums and albums with the band Ash and the Lonely Hearts. His website doesn’t mention Dracula the Series in his bio, sadly.

The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.

The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.

Bite me: This episode is dumb, but fun. This is the “live-action Scooby Doo” stuff that the series is famous for. I especially like how the villain flat-out wins in the end, with the heroes not even knowing he’s won.

Next: It’s boffo!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Dracula the Series 1990 – Double Cross

Did you know Dracula had his own TV show in 1990? This is the Halloween season, so let’s watch it!

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Dracula the Series episode two, “Double Cross,” explains why Dracula can’t just kill Max, Chris, Sophie, and Uncle Gustav in their sleep and be done with the whole thing.

Cemetery plot: Young Max has been having nightmares, but Uncle Gustav explains that their house is protected by the Cross of the Magus, a super-powerful talisman that prevents Lucard (a.k.a. Dracula) from entering their home. Max reads in one of Gustav’s books that a talisman needs to be re-blessed regularly, so he takes it out of the house to get that done. What’s more, he leaves the cross at a local church and doesn’t get it back before sunset. Bad move, kid.

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This is why you always leave a note.

Lucard learns the house is unprotected, and he attacks that night. The kids and Gustav try to put up a fight, with Lucard merely toying with them. Just when it looks like Lucard has won, the guy from the church shows up with the newly-blessed cross. The cross shoots lightning at Lucard (!!!) blasting him out of the house. Then, I guess Max learns a lesson about responsibility or something.

King of the vampires: While working out on an exercise bike (do vampires need to work out?) Lucard is in evil rich businessman mode, gleefully ordering to shut down a factory, knowing full well that doing so will ruin an entire town.

Dracu-fit.

Dracu-fit.

Blood brothers: This time, Max is the one who’s into music, until Gustav convinces him to read a book, arguing that reading is just as cool as rock and roll. Chris spends the episode grousing about all the stuff he’s missing back home.

The new Mina: Gustav introduces Sophie as “the girl I’ve told you so much about,” which again has me wondering just what their relationship is. Later, Sophie says she would rather stay home and play cribbage rather than go to a shopping mall. Is she an old lady trapped in a young woman’s body?

Teenagers!

Teenagers!

Stake master: The B-plot in this episode has Gustav visiting an old flame, Anna, and her new husband. There are a lot of jokes about Gustav’s misspent youth. He was once in a band… where he played tuba! Isn’t it whimsical? Unfortunately, the surprise twist is that Anna is the one who betrayed them, secretly working for Lucard. Along the way, this episode confirms that Gustav’s last name is Helsing.

Does Zack Morris know Dracula stole his cell phone?

Does Zack Morris know Dracula stole his cell phone?

Slayer’s Handbook: There’s a lot of tension in Lucard waiting until after sunset to attack, but we’re not told what effect, if any, sunlight has on him. Prior to his attack, Lucard somehow makes the lights in the house flicker, and causes gusts of wind to blow everyone around. We’re told that Lucard can control the mind of someone he bites, but that person won’t become a full-on vampire unless Lucard kills them. To make his escape, Lucard doesn’t turn into a bat, but a whole swarm of bats.

Killer quotes: Max: “You can’t scare Dracula with noises, you dimwits!”

Zap! Ka-pow!

Zap! Ka-pow!

Behind the screams: Uncle Gustav was played by Bernard Behrens, who spent most of his career, from the ‘60s to the 2000s, guest starring on numerous TV shows, in both England and US. He also had a successful stage career in England, the US, and Canada. Most interesting (to me at least) is that he was the voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi in the infamous NPR radio dramatizations of the Star Wars trilogy. He died in 2012.

Bite me: The haunted house-type stuff that happens before Lucard’s attack is awesome, filmed with a real kinetic energy like an Evil Dead-lite. The rest of the episode is hokey and cheesy, though. I get that hokey and cheesy is part of this show’s mission statement, but geez.

Next: Job market vs. meat market.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Dracula the Series 1990 – Children of the Night

Did you know Dracula had his own TV show in 1990? This is the Halloween season, so let’s watch it!

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Dracula the Series ran for 22 episodes in syndication and was a combined Canadian-French-German production, filmed in Germany. Each episode is only a half-hour, and it was marketed as a family-friendly Dracula show. The pilot episode, “Children of the Night,” packs in a ton of info as we meet new characters and a brand new Drac.

Cemetery plot: Our story begins when brothers Max (Jacob Tierney) and Chris (Joe Roncetti) move from Philadelphia to Romania, to live with their Uncle Gustav (Bernard Behrens). A student their age, Sophie (Mia Kirshner), also lives with Gustav. This quaint, tiny village is somehow the home of Lucard Industries, a worldwide business empire run by mega-billionaire Alexander Lucard (Geordie Johnson).

Not the Goonies.

Not the Goonies.

The superstitious young Max fears Gustav might be a vampire, so he goes to Lucard for help. Only then it’s revealed that Lucard is the one and only Dracula, and Gustav is from a long line of vampire hunters. Now that they know Lucard’s secret, Gustav and the three kids hope to find some way to stop the vampire’s evil schemes.

King of the vampires: Get used to the name Lucard, because that’s how this show almost always refers to Dracula. Oh, and “A. Lucard” is “Dracula” spelled backwards, in case you’re from another planet and haven’t gotten it yet.

This is the big reveal. Are you scared yet?

This is the big reveal. Are you scared yet?

Blood brothers: Younger brother Max is a monster fan, obsessed with all things vampires. He’s actually enjoying being menaced by Dracula. Older brother Chris’s thing is music. He’s constantly talking about how much he loves music, and he especially loves MTV. In one scene, his favorite style is rap, but in another his favorite band is Metallica. It has the stink of a clueless adult trying to write a teenager.

You'll stake your eye out, kid.

You’ll stake your eye out, kid.

The new Mina: We’re told that Sophie is living with Gustav while she “takes classes.” This is only backstory she’s given. Is it weird that the young girl just happens to live with an old man like this? Yeah, it’s kind of weird.

Stake master: We see very little of Gustav in this pilot. He pretty much up and disappears for most of it so the three kids can have their Lost Boys-style adventure.

Fearless vampire hunters.

Fearless vampire hunters.

Killer quotes: Sophie: “You’re Dracula.” Lucard: “No, I’m Milli Vanilli. Of course I’m Dracula!”

Slayer’s Handbook: Stakes and crosses are the two main weapons used against Lucard. Holy water doesn’t seem to work at first, but Lucard acts like he doesn’t want to touch the stuff a second time. People bitten by Lucard become zombie-like servants/henchpeople in his castle. When of them is staked, she explodes in blue and red lights. Also Lucard is hundreds of years old, and has super strength. Most interesting, though, is they actually do the rare “spill some seeds and vampires have to stop and count them” rule.

Behind the screams: Of everyone on the show, the most well-known is probably Mia Kirshner, who went on to have recurring or regular roles on 24, The L Word, The Vampire Diaries, and Defiance. She also starred in several movies, including Exotica, The Crow: City of Angels, and Black Dahlia. In 2008, she published her memoir, titled I Live Here.

NOW are you scared?

NOW are you scared?

Bite me: This is a 90-minute movie crammed into 30 minutes, just barely enough time to introduce the characters and have them fight Dracula. The pilot moves so fast that there’s no breathing room in any of these scenes. Now that the status quo has been set, hopefully we can have some real fun in episodes to come.

Next: Don’t cross me!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Getting the band back together

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #296 was the big Marvel 25th anniversary issue. They pulled out all the stops for this one, with artwork from Barry Windsor-Smith, Ron Frenz, Marc Silvestri, John Buscema, and a bunch of others. Even better, the one and only Stan Lee came back to the series, co-writing this issue with then-EIC Jim Shooter. It’s also the issue that brings back the Thing as a main character.

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We begin with Ben, still a fugitive, which is where we last left him in The Thing and West Coast Avengers. He’s returned to the crash site where the FF first discovered their superpowers, so we can have a flashback to the team’s origin. He says it’s just as he remembered it. Cut to later, where an old pilot friend, Hertnecky, is flying Ben over the South Pacific. Ben finds just the spot he’s looking for, jumps out of the plans, and swims to an ominous-looking island with an even more ominous-looking cave.

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The Fantastic Four are visiting Los Angeles, where Reed fires their emergency signal flare over the sky. It’s an old fashioned excuse-for-the-characters-to-use-their-powers-for-a-few-pages thing as they make their way to the city back to Reed. Reed has arranged a meeting with Hertnecky in the hopes of finding Ben. Hertnecky says Ben has returned to Monster Island, home of giant monsters, and the original entryway to the Mole Man’s kingdom in Fantastic Four #1. Ben has decided he’s going to be one of the monsters, and he wants to be left alone.

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Everyone returns to New York, where we get our first look at the FF’s still-unnamed new headquarters. It’s a huge skyscraper with big number fours on top, which, if I’m being honest, looks really cheesy. There, She-Hulk and Wyatt talk about how much they love the FF, but they just don’t have familial bond the original four have.

Reed frets about Ben, saying that although Ben asked to be left alone, Reed must nonetheless confront him, and settle things once and for all. It’s decided that Sue and Johnny will accompany him, with the others staying behind. Alicia — who is really Lyja the Skrull in disguise — insists on coming along to square things off with Ben, but She-Hulk holds her back.

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The FF arrive at Monster Island, and there’s several pages of them fighting giant monsters, before they escape into the underground, complete with the giant cavern full of diamonds from the first issue. They’re attacked by even more monsters and are finally defeated. They are brought before Ben, who is dressed like the Mole Man.

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Ben says he holds no ill will towards Reed or Johnny. He says he’s accepted that he is a freak, so he’s made the underground kingdom his new home, a place where freaks and monsters can live in peace. Ben is now friends with the Mole Man, and we learn M.M. is sick and dying, spending time in a “special chamber” for his health. Ben takes them on a tour of the subterranean kingdom, where the world’s ugliest people have not just found a new home, but have built a high tech utopia for themselves. This includes a massive and incredibly powerful earth-shifting machine.

Mole Man insists that the FF should leave, and they can’t be trusted. Ben knows the FF mean no harm. Before they can continue this debate, there’s word of an intruder. It’s Alicia (Lyja) who convinced Hertnecky to fly her there, only for her to abducted by the monsters. She and Ben have a heart-to-heart, where she says she gave him all the love she had, but it still wasn’t enough for him. Ben leaves Alicia, walking right into a fight between Reed and Sue versus the Mole Man’s Moloid servants. Ben takes the side of the Moloids for a few more pages of fighting. We eventually learn they were fighting because the Mole Man abducted Johnny. The Mole Man returns and reveals he’s altered Johnny’s face, making him horribly ugly.

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Ben has the FF and Alicia/Lyja banished to surface, to return to Hertnecky. Reed doesn’t want to leave the island, fearing the earth-shifter is too powerful, and can be used as a weapon against the surface world. Elsewhere, Ben wants to confront the Mole Man about what he did to Johnny, so he breaks into the Mole Man’s special chamber. It’s a Holodeck-like room, where Mole Man has created a fantasy of himself at a posh party surrounded by beautiful people. He’s so mesmerized by the holograms he doesn’t know Ben is there.

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The FF attack, and Reed tries to convince Ben that the earth-shifter is secretly a weapon. His loyalties divided, Ben sides with Reed, and fights the Moloids with a classic “It’s clobberin’ time.” Then there’s even more fighting as the reunited FF fights the Moloids and all the giant monsters, eventually making their way to the earth-shifter. The FF use their combined might to destroy it, but it starts destroying the entire subterranean kingdom in the process. The human inhabitants manage to evacuate, but the monsters and Moloids succumb to cave-ins. The Mole Man also suffers a cave in, still deluded in his hologram fantasy.

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Reed and Sue escape to the surface, but Ben stays behind to heal Johnny’s face, holding up the ceiling from falling as he does so. They then reunite with Reed, Sue, Alicia, and Hertnecky. There’s some bickering before Ben comes around and admits that he loves his family. The four original FFers clasp hands, finally reunited.

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Unstable molecule: Reed convinces Ben to return with the “I’ve never lied to you” argument. But, didn’t Reed lie about Ben’s cures, that it was really a mental block preventing him from becoming human? Reed came clean on that, though, so maybe it still counts.

Fade out: Sue begins the issue as a keynote speaker at a charity fundraiser. We don’t learn what charity, though.

Clobberin’ time: When we last saw Ben, he had mutated into a new, even more monstrous form. This isn’t mentioned in this issue and won’t be addressed until the next one.

Flame on: Johnny is considerably depowered in this issue, so that his flame keeps burning out and needing to “recharge.” Maybe this is the effects of being deep underground.

Fantastic fifth wheel: She-Hulk doesn’t accompany the FF to Monster Island, saying that this is something the original four need to work out among themselves.

Four and a half: Franklin appears in one panel, to let us know he’s still staying at Avengers Mansion. This frees him up to keep superheroing with the Power Pack kids.

The Alicia problem: Lyja talks and even thinks a lot about her feelings for Ben, making it hard to figure out how she could possibly be Skrull in disguise. The only argument seems to be that she’s really, really into character.

Commercial break: This is another deluxe-size 64-page issue, with no ads. There is this nifty back cover illustration of our heroes, though:

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Trivia time: All of the Marvel 25th anniversary covers had the matching frame, with character head shots in the center. Marvel’s licensed comics like GI Joe, Transformers, Conan, and even freakin’ Heathcliff had the matching covers. This gimmick was disliked by many at the time, but we’ll get to real gimmick covers soon enough.

Fantastic or frightful? A sloppy mess of an issue, but it does the job of both paying homage to FF #1 and making Ben a member of the team again. It’s kinda/sorta a slap in the face to John Byrne by undoing so much of what he’d done, but that was Marvel at the time. It could have been a better anniversary issue, but it does the job.

Next week: Things in space.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Bye, bye, Byrne

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Here we are, folks. John Byrne’s final issue. The story goes that he had one too many disagreements with Marvel editorial, so when DC offered him Superman, he went for it. He writes and draws issue #293, gets a plotting credit for #294, and a “special thanks” credit in #295, and that’s all we get. No finale, no big goodbye, no thanks for reading, nothing.

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Some time has passed since last issue, as we begin with several pages of catching up on subplots. She-Hulk is traveling across the country in search of Ben, who mutated into a new form and then disappeared in The Thing #36. She has enlisted the West Coast Avengers — Iron Man, Tigra, and Wonder Man specifically — to help. Meanwhile, at Avengers Mansion, where the FF are temporarily living, young Kristoff is living in a padded cell (the mansion has those?). Kristoff still believes he is Dr. Doom, and Reed says the brainwashing is so permanent that there’s nothing left of young Kristoff, just Doom’s personality. She-Hulk calls, saying that Central City has disappeared.

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Central City, the home of the FF for the series’ first few issues, is apparently located in California. A giant black dome has covered the entire city. The FF and Wyatt Wingfoot (he and She-Hulk are still a couple) take off in their new long-range Fantasticar, breaking the sound barrier on the way. At the dome, we’re told that nothing can penetrate it, not even light (hence the blackness). Iron Man tries to break inside the dome with high-tech doodad. He enters the dome and then emerges right back out with damaged armor, saying that he was trapped in there for two weeks. Wonder Man takes Iron Man to get medical aid, and to prevent anyone from learning his secret identity.

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She-Hulk goes ahead and touches the dome, only for it to start absorbing her. Her awesome strength is no help, and the dome swallows her. The FF and Wyatt arrive, and Reed deduces that the dome is a “temporal interface,” with time moving faster on the inside than the outside. After much discussion of the danger involved, it’s decided that Reed, Sue, Johnny, and Wyatt will enter the dome, with Tigra staying behind to keep the Avengers informed. Our heroes disappear into the dome. Tigra then sees something come out of the dome, but we don’t see what.

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The FF float through darkness for a while before arriving in a huge underground chamber. Sue recognizes it as the remains of Central City. They make their way up through the structure and find a futuristic city built on top of the old one, with buildings made of a glass-like substance that Reed can’t identify. Upon further investigation, they find a building that’s an almost exact replica of the Baxter Building, and then a giant monument made to the four of them — the Fantastic Four!

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Let’s go ahead and wrap up this arc. In issue #294, after a multi-page recap, our heroes grouse about how much time has passed inside the dome and whether She-Hulk could still be alive. They travel farther into the city where they are attacked by hideous freaks with similar powers to theirs. The FF is captured and taken to the dome’s leader, Princess Livia. She declares that this is the one true Fantastic Four, and inside the dome, the FF are worshipped as gods. Livia explains that the dome was created back in the ‘60s by a Dr. Jessup, who was inspired by the FF to create to a deterrent to nuclear power (it’s confusing). Jessup is still alive, now an old man calling himself the Coordinator. He declares the FF to be frauds and fires at them with his weapon, the Ultimate Adjudicator. The FF appear to disintegrate right in front of everyone.

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Issue #295 begins by revealing that Sue turned everyone invisible layer by layer, to make it look like they were disintegrating. An old woman with “second sight” is able to see the team in hiding and offers to help them. The woman, Murna, is old enough to remember the time when She-Hulk invaded the city and was jailed for being a heretic. Wyatt insists on finding out what happened to her, so the team fights their way into the temple in the center of the city. Reed and Sue confront Jessup and try to convince him that there have been no nuclear wars outside the dome.

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Wyatt and Johnny find She-Hulk in stasis, along with the entire original population of Central City. Murna links Reed’s mind with Jessup’s so Jessup can see the truth. Reed then reverses the temporal interface, returning the FF and the city’s inhabitants back to the present, with a warning that the Jessup and the city will reappear thousands of years in the future. Reed then learns that Ben has vanished, and wants to find him.

Unstable molecule: Reed says the supersonic Fantasticar is “nothing” compared some of his other inventions. He builds giant flying vehicles by hand, people.

Fade out: At one point, Sue creates an invisible staircase for her teammates to walk up. Seems like this would be tricky if they can’t see the steps, but maybe they’re used to her doing stuff like this.

Clobbering time: What’s the deal with Ben disappearing? In The Thing solo series, he took some superpower-enhancing pills which mutated him somehow (we don’t see exactly how, because he hides in the shadows). He wandered off, saying he’ll go to a place far, far away where he’ll finally find peace. This is where we’ll meet up with him next time.

Flame on: Johnny’s equivalents inside the dome have lava based powers. The lava doesn’t burn him, but it weighs him down so he can’t fly, and that’s what got him captured.

Fantastic fifth wheel: There’s another reference to She-Hulk being just as strong as the Hulk, so the writers were definitely attempting to build her up as one of Marvel’s most powerful characters.

Four and a half: Reed and Sue have another discussion about how they can be there for Franklin when they’re always going off on life-threatening adventures. What they don’t know is that while this story was happening, Franklin was in space for the epic finale of the Snark Wars storyline in Power Pack.

The Alicia problem: When viewing Kristoff, Alicia, who is really Lyja the Skrull in disguise, says she can’t imagine replacing one person’s identity with another. The irony writes itself.

Commercial break: Whatever happened to The A.I. Gang?

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Trivia time: Iron Man is wearing the red and white “centurion” armor during this period. This is the armor he developed to defeat Obidiah Stane when Stane became the Iron Monger. I love that this era of Iron Man so heavily influenced the first two Iron Man movies.

The Marvel wiki puts a lot of FF guest appearances happening between the previous issues and this one. Reed helped Iron Man befriend a young mutant, Johnny teamed up with Captain America to fight the Yellow Claw, She-Hulk helped save the Hulk’s life, and, weirdest of all, Sue attended Iron Fist’s funeral — by herself! (Does she and Iron Fist have some history I don’t know about?)

Fantastic or frightful? This story is a total mess, full of big ideas that go nowhere. It’s a sadly unceremonious end for John Byrne, who brought so much talent and care to these characters, breathing new life into them and securing their place as Marvel’s top heroes. At least for a while.

The real question is what will become of the Fantastic Four moving forward. We’re into the late ‘80s now, on the verge of insanity of ‘90s comics. Most fans believe the FF lost its way during this time, but we do get heavy hitters like Walt Simonson and Chris Claremont taking a stab at our heroes. So I’m hopeful this blog will unearth some hidden gems in the months to come.

Next week: The all-star game.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Springtime for Hitler

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’ve time traveled back to the 1930s in issue #292, so let’s fight some Nazis why don’t we?

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To recap: Reed is dead after a battle with Annihilus. That same battle flung Sue, Johnny, She-Hulk, and special guest star Nick Fury back in time to 1936. Fury took off to murder Adolph Hitler to prevent the horrors of World War II. Now the FF must stop him in order to preserve the timeline/space-time continuum/butterfly effect, et cetera.

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We begin with some perhaps-questionable physics in which Sue has created an airplane-shaped invisible force field, while Johnny uses his flame as jet propulsion, so that the team can quickly cross the ocean from NYC to Germany. They’ve also picked up a stray, jazz musician Licorice Calhoun, who claims to have dream-based superpowers.

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After three pages of recapping the events of previous issues, we catch up with Nick Fury in Germany, who has easily snuck past the guards at Hitler’s gigantic mansion. He rounds a corner and runs right into ol’ Adolph himself. Fury opens fire, but Hitler’s bodyguards fight back, shooting Fury in the chest.

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The FF arrive at the mansion and they hear the gunfire from outside. (How’d they find it? Fury has a tracking device on him that She-Hulk was somehow able to follow.) There’s a bit where She-Hulk easily destroys a door by barely touching it, showing her powers going haywire. In the mansion, the FF discover not Hitler, but a giant robot! The Nazi scientists power it up, and we get a couple pages of fighting as the FF take it down, including She-Hulk ripping open the bot’s cockpit and taking out its human pilot.

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In a darkened room, one of Hitler’s scientists reveal that Fury’s suit is bulletproof. Hitler and a bunch of Nazis torture Fury, trying to find out where he came from. Sue rescues him, chasing off all the guards invisibly. Fury picks up a gun and goes after Hitler again. Sue tells him that changing the past would destroy the present. It looks like he’s about to believe her, but then he changes his mind and goes ahead and kills Hitler. (Dang!)

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Turn the page, and our heroes wake up inside a S.H.I.E.L.D. lab, as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent says “Espers, break contact.” What’s more, Reed is there, alive and well. In more perhaps-questionable physics, Reed explains that the explosion that destroyed Annihilus flung him into the vacuum of space, where his cells expanded into a spherical shape to keep him alive. That seemingly-random line from issue #290 about the weather balloon? The “weather balloon” was really Reed. Sue is of course glad to see him.

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Reed then takes everyone to meet Calhoun, now 84 years old, who has been in a coma for 50 years. Reed explains that Calhoun is a mutant, whose dreams do indeed alter reality. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s ESP agents (the “espers”) have had him under watch for some time. The FF and Fury weren’t flung back in time, they were flung into Calhoun’s dream world. Fury killing Hitler provided the mental shock needed to jolt everyone back to the real world. Johnny speaks for the audience, upset about the whole “it was all a dream” thing, but Sue, happy that everything’s back to normal, insists on calling it a day.

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Unstable molecule: Reed’s return from the dead is played with as little drama as his “death” two issues back. Really, it was just an excuse to get him out of the way so the other three could have a time travel adventure without the benefit of his science genius.

Fade out: Sue says the force-field-as-airplane is something she had Reed had been experimenting with for a while.

Flame on: Despite being alongside his teammates this whole issue, Johnny does almost nothing but provide exposition during the recap and a make few hokey jokes.

Fantastic fifth wheel: This issue has a few mentions of She-Hulk getting stronger, with her saying she’s almost as strong as the Hulk. Is this because they’re in a dream world, or were they trying to set her up as one of Marvel’s heaviest hitters?

Commercial break: What, exactly, is this an ad for?

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Trivia time: While discussing those lost in World War II, Nick Fury mentions Pam Hawley and Junior Jupiter. Jupiter was the only one of the Howling Commandoes to die in battle, and the first Marvel character to permanently die. Hawley was an English medic who once romanced Fury, only to die in an air raid.

The Marvel wiki informs me that Calhoun never appeared again after this. I wonder why no other writer ever used his dream-universe for other stories.

This issue never mentions the fact that the original Hate-Monger was secretly a still-alive Hitler, but because it’s all in Calhoun’s head, there’s no way Calhoun would have known that.

Fantastic of frightful: The cop-out ending means this has been less of a story and more of a here’s-a-bunch-of-stuff-that-happened. We do get She-Hulk trashing a giant robot, though, so that’s something.

Next week: Bye, bye, Byrne.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Great depression

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Just like one of Jack Kirby’s last stories on the comic was a throwback to 1930s gangster action, John Byrne’s last full arc on the comic also takes us back to the ‘30s, in issue #291. Synergy!

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In the previous issue, Reed tragically yet heroically died while closing the Negative Zone portal and defeating Annihilus. This also caused temporal weirdness to happen, sending Sue, Johnny, She-Hulk, and special guest star Nick Fury back in time to the year 1936. We begin the team landing the S.H.I.E.L.D. flying car in an alley, and Fury again informing us it’s 1936. He was a kid growing up in NYC at the time, and that somehow makes him know the exact date. Sue tries to maintain her strength while grieving for Reed, saying the Fantastic Four must go on without him. She turns the team invisible so no one sees them and changes history, etc. Fury then turns on the car’s hologram projector so it looks like a beat-up UPS delivery truck, which fits right in with the old-timey NYC cars.

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They discuss where to go. Fury says S.H.I.E.L.D.’s “granddaddy organization” won’t be of much help, and he considers leaving for Germany to do something about “a certain paper-hanger.” They’re interrupted when cops begin chasing them, because of the UPS truck’s modern-day license plates. They drive through a distortion of some sort, and end up back in the present. Johnny flies off to visit Alicia (who is really Lyja the Skrull in disguise), wondering if she too was trapped in 1936. He finds her at their loft apartment, and she has no idea that time is warping. Then it warps again, and Johnny finds himself returned to the past.

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The rest of the team doesn’t fare much better, having driven right into a wall that was supposed to be S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, but in ’36 was just a wall. Fury suffers a blow to the head, knocking him out. Sue turns invisible and wanders off to find help, leaving She-Hulk behind to watch Fury, under orders not to interact with the locals. Alone in the city, Sue’s thoughts dwell on Reed.

And then this happens:

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This hugely uncomfortable panel has, as you can guess, been the source of much controversy over the years. To Marvel’s credit, they retconned this during the 2012 Matt Fraction Fantastic Four series, establishing instead that Reed and Sue are the same age, having met when they were both in college. Marvel even re-ran this panel on an editorial page with a “what was (or not?) innocent then is not appropriate now” explanation.

Back to the story at hand, She-Hulk is contacted by the S.H.I.E.L.D. satellite, reporting that time is fluctuating wildly between the past and the present, and they’re caught up in it. She-Hulk is then distracted by a man being chased by a car full of armed thugs. She wrestles with whether to get involved or let history play out as it always has, but she can’t help herself. She steps in and rescues the guy.

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The thugs run off, but the man sticks with She-Hulk. He’s a jazz musician named Licorice Calhoun (sheesh). What’s more, he explains that he has magic dreams that somehow come true when he wakes, and a local club owner/mobster wants to use this power for his own gain. She-Hulk is skeptical, saying maybe his dreams are just coincidence. Nick Fury has awakened, and is listening to a report on the radio about a German leader involved in peace talks. He says “the nightmare” is about to happen again, and it’s up to him to stop it. He fires up the flying car and takes off.

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Sue meets up with She-Hulk and Calhoun. Sue figures out what Fury is up to. He’s flying to Berlin to assassinate  the one and only Adolf Hitler. In order to protect history, the FF must stop him.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: We don’t learn much new information about Reed from Sue’s flashback, except that they met while he was a boarder at her aunt’s house. The Marvel wiki informs me that this aunt’s name is “Marygay Jewel Dinkins.”

Fade out: Sue can’t keep her teammates and the car invisible for very long, even though we’ve seen much greater use of her powers in previous issues. I suppose this is because she’s under serious emotional distress.

Flame on: Johnny says this doesn’t feel like any of the other adventures where the FF has ime-traveled, showing how he’s grown, learning from past experiences.

Fantastic fifth wheel: She-Hulk dives into action to save a life, no matter the consequences, which speaks a lot to her character. She’s also very lawyer-y in her skepticism of Calhoun’s powers.

The Alicia problem: Many have wondered over the years how Lyja faked Alicia’s abilities as a sculptor. In this issue, we actually see her in the process of making a sculpture. Is it possible she studied how to recreate the sculptures in her preparations to infiltrate the FF?

Commercial break: Style.

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Trivia time: Nick Fury says the 1930s was before the existence of any superhumans, predating Captain America and the original Human Torch. Later comics would show this to be inaccurate, introducing a whole slew of ‘30s-era heroes, such as the Night Raven, Dr. Nemesis, Achilles, and the hilariously-named Asbestos Lady. Going back further, the Runaways met a whole slew of superhumans when they went back to 1907, including the Wonders and the Abjudicator. Not to mention that the Marvel universe has always had immortals of various kinds hanging out on Earth since ancient times. Also, Wolverine.

The inker for this issue is P. Craig Russell, who went on to have huge success as an artist, mostly with DC/Vertigo comics.

Fantastic or frightful? Yeah, that Sue/Reed flashback is unfortunate, and the depiction of a 1930s African American is also kind of unfortunate. Mostly, though, this one is just a set up for the next issue, with some wacky car-related hijinks.

Next week: Springtime for Hitler.

****

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Fantastic Friday: Dead… or not

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’re in writer-artist John Byrne’s final full arc on the series, and we’re blasting off for some outer space action. Oh, and someone dies.

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To recap: The FF and Nick Fury investigate the Negative Zone portal opening in Earth’s orbit. Inside the portal, our heroes fight and defeat Blastaar, only for him to trick them and restore Annihlus to full power. This issue begins with Annihilus standing triumphant over the unconscious Fantastic Four. He and Blastaar start to fight, as Sue and She-Hulk wake. Sue explains that Annihilus’ only desire is in his name — to annihilate.

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Sue wants to help Reed, but Reed reminds her that he didn’t properly transition into the Negative Zone, and if he comes into too much contact with anything, there’ll be a major explosion. Nick Fury manages to contact Sue, informing her that Blastaar’s ship has been joined by hundreds of other ships. Blastaar proudly announces that his personal armada has arrived.

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Annihilus takes the ship’s controls and fires on the armada. Aboard one of the other ships, there’s some Star Trek-style talk among the aliens about following the chain of command, with the captain, Tanjaar, saying he has no love for his leader Blastaar. Back in the main ship, Johnny wakes, and he and She-Hulk fight Annihilus. Blastaar tries to stop the fight so his ship won’t be destroyed. Tanjaar and his crew board the ship, but the attack Blastaar instead of following his orders. Annihilus stops the fight by unleashing the full force of his cosmic control rod, zapping everyone and breaking apart the ship. He then flies out into space, heading straight for the Negative Zone portal, towards Earth.

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Reed comes up with a plan. If he comes into contact with Annihilus, the resulting explosion will stop him, even if it kills them both. Sue won’t have it, saying there must be another way. Reed says he’s put his life on the line to save humanity before, and if it’s the only option, he’ll do it again. Sue reluctantly agrees, knowing that Annihilus can and will destroy the Earth if not for them. Sue, She-Hulk, and Johnny regroup with Nick Fury’s ship, and he flies them through the Negative Zone portal, back towards Earth. Reed broadcasts a message, saying he’s caught up to Annihilus and is about to make contact. He tells Susan he loves her, and then there’s a massive explosion.

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Back aboard the S.H.I.E.L.D. space station, Fury announces that it worked, and that the Negative Zone portal is permanently closed, Sue is in tears, knowing that Reed is dead. Fury won’t give up, though, ordering the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to search outer space for any sign of Reed. An agent says there’s no sign of Reed, only an old weather balloon floating in orbit.

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Sue toughens up and says they must accept that Reed is gone forever, and that they must get on with their lives — it’s what Reed would have wanted. Fury flies the team back to Earth aboard the retro S.H.I.E.L.D. flying car, while Sue wonders how she’s going to break the news to Franklin. She’ll have to wait, though, because Fury announces something is wrong. The explosion has caused temporal weirdness to happen, and somehow New York has reverted back to the year 1936!

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To be continued!

Unstable molecule: A lot of fans believe that, on some deep psychological level, Reed is suicidal. I believe this issue fuels a lot of that fire, with him so quick to sacrifice himself rather than search for alternate way to save the day.

Fade out: Sue toughens up so that she insists mourning will have to wait until after the crisis is over. Also, she’s gotten so good at using her powers that it’s just a given that she keeps everyone alive in space with her force fields after the ship falls apart.

Flame on: Johnny manages to hold his own against a fully-powered Annihilus, keeping the big guy at bay during the fight long enough for his teammates to regroup.

Fantastic Fifth Wheel: She-Hulk asks again who Annihilus is, even though she was there the last time the FF fought him, and she was reminded who he was last issue as well.

Commercial break: Ahh, the New Universe. It was not a success, but I still have a soft spot in my heart for it. D.P.7, Psi-Force, Nightmask… those were good times.

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Trivia time: What’s the deal with the flying car? It was originally designed by Stark Industries, who offered it to S.H.I.E.L.D. for use. The make and model of the car has changed over the years, but it is usually a Porsche or an Aston Martin. It’s often called L.O.L.A., which stands for “Low Orbit Levitating Automobile.” We saw it briefly in the first Captain America movie, and it’s shown up a few times on the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. TV show.

Fantastic or frightful? Reed dies, but without any fanfare or without this being a major event, practically telegraphing to readers that he’s not really dead. Not to mention that this comes just after Jean Grey and Dr. Doom just came back from the dead, and Annihilus is back from the dead in this very issue. Beyond that, there is some fun to be had here, especially with Byrne riffing on Star Trek.

Next week: Great depression.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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