macmcentire

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’re still in the horribly mediocre “middle years,” after Jack Kirby but before John Byrne. Maybe this is the week we’ll find that elusive hidden gem. (Spoiler: We won’t.)

Issue #158: Ben and Alicia go to the opera (!), Johnny tries and fails to pick up women, Reed and Sue discuss Sue starting her own detective agency (!!), and Medusa is still with the team. Later that night, Quicksilver shows up in New York. He sneaks into the Baxter Building and picks a fight with Johnny. After a few pages, the rest of the FF show up and break up the fight. Quicksilver says he’s there to take Medusa back home.

Medusa is needed because Attilan, the Inhumans’ hidden city, has been attacked by invaders from the fifth dimension. They’re led by a guy named Xemu. He says his goal is “conquest,” and he has a sound-based weapon called the “Thunder Horn.” It’s not a “laser” but a “saser.” (I’m not joking.) The issue ends with the FF taking off in their private rocket, to go to Attilan and join the battle.

Issue #159: The FF arrive in Attilan, finding it deserted at first, only to be then attacked and taken captive by Xemu’s goons. Xemu plans to use Black Bolt’s super-powerful voice to power the Thunder Horn. The Inhuman Triton frees the FF from their cell, but no one can think of a way to defeat the Thunder Horn. The Chinese government launches jets armed with nukes, flying towards Attilan. Xemu sees this and flees back to the fifth dimension. The FF and the Inhumans fight Xemu’s henchmen, and Ben destroys the Thunder Horn.

In the Fifth Dimension, Xemu doesn’t get away, but he is confronted by Johnny and Quicksilver, and two other fifth dimesnioners, named Valeria and Phineas. Xemu is captured, and Johnny shares a romantic kiss with Valeria. Johnny then announces he’s going back to his original blue uniform. Medusa says she’s going to stay behind with the Inhumans, and the original Fantastic Four are a team once again.

Issue #160: It’s Valentine’s Day, so of course the story begins with the Thing fighting a pterodactyl-flying barbarian with lightning powers. This guy is Arkon the Annihilator, formerly known as Arkon the Magnificent, who previously fought the Avengers a couple of times. Alicia happens to be nearby, and is there when Arkon defeats Ben and teleports him away. Alicia rushes to the Baxter Building, only to find Ben is there, with his teammates. Reed promises to contact the Avengers to coordinate an investigation. Alicia gives Ben a piece of the other Ben’s torn shirt, and he starts his own investigation. He contacts the Inhumans, who send the giant teleporting dog Lockjaw to him. Lockjaw does the “bloodhound” thing, taking a sniff of the shirt, and tracking the scent by teleporting himself and Ben somewhere else.

Reed, Sue, and Johnny meet with a Mr. DeVoor, and Reed announces he’s selling Fantastic Four Inc. (that’s the business side of the FF, making cash off of Reed’s inventions). Ben and Lockjaw arrive on an alien world, where they find a castle inhabited by classic movie monsters. He also finds an alternate human version of himself, along with an alternate Sue. Ben fights Frankenstein’s monster, and then realizes he’s in an alternate reality where Reed was the one who got the Thing powers. Alt-Reed-Thing is the head of “Inter-Related Technocracies.” Back on Earth, Reed signs the papers making the business deal official. In the last panel, we see that DeVoor’s company, the FF’s new owner, is “Interlocking Technologies.”

Issue #161: Reed has his own Danger Room! No, really. A caption even informs us that it was designed for him by Professor Xavier. He’s in there testing his powers, worried that he’s losing his stretching powers. Johnny, ticked off about Reed selling the ownership of the FF, flies to a swamp in “the wilds of Long Island.” There, he stands in just the right spot that takes him to the fifth dimension. He’s hoping for more romance in Valeria, but the fifth dimensioners attack him, thinking he’s an “androne.” He finally meets up with Valeria, who informs him that the fifth dimension is under attack by these andrones (killer robots, basically) who are constructed by Alt-Reed-Thing’s company.

At Alt-Reed-Thing’s universe, Alt-New York is attacked by dinosaurs (why?) and, after saving the city from them, Ben is taken out by knockout gas. On Earth, Reed gets word of natural disasters and a possible second ice age, and he deduces this is because the fifth dimension is going to attack. They do, and Johnny is fighting alongside them, apparently believing that he’s attacking Alt-Reed-Thing’s dimension.

Issue #162: Alt-Reed-Thing fights with Arkon, while Johnny leads the fifth dimension troops to… you know what? I am lost. I can’t follow any of this any more. I think the creators knew they were in too deep, because they came up with this chart to explain what’s going on:

We shouldn’t have to read a freakin’ chart to enjoy our comic books! After a lot of running around and fighting, Reed figures out that DeVoor is from the alternate dimension, and is up to no good. The two Things meet and fight Johnny, eventually discovering that they’ve been tricked into fighting each other. To stop Arkon, Johnny and the two Things have to destroy the “nexus” at the center of all three realities. Get this: they travel there on interdimensional roller skates (!) that Reed just happened to have around. They “skate” to Arkon’s world, where they’re confronted by Gaard, who is… I can’t believe it… an outer-space hockey goalie.

Issue #163: Ben fights Gaard in space (Gaard’s weapon is not a hockey stick, but a “cosmic scepter”) while Johnny and Alt-Reed-Thing get to know each other while duking it out with Arkon. The two Things then work together to outsmart Gaard, and they destroy the nexus. After they leave, Gaard removes his mask and… he’s really the alternate reality version of Johnny! Our heroes reunite back on Earth for the happy ending.

Unstable molecule: We’re not told why, exactly, Reed decides to sell Fantastic Four Inc., but by the story’s end, it’s back under his control again.

Fade out: Sue pushes her powers to the limit by turning the entire city of Attilan invisible so the Chinese jets don’t lean of its location. Sue’s desire to become a private detective is pretty much never brought up again, which is a shame. That could’ve been made for some fun comics.

Clobberin’ time: It’s actually a lot of fun to see Earth’s rough n’ tumble Ben fight alongside the uppity, brainy alt-Ben, even if just for a few pages. Despite past ups and downs, Ben and Alicia are definitely a couple again.

Flame on: We’re told that alt-Johnny died in alt-Vietnam. (The planet that has castles full of Universal monster ripoffs also had the Vietnam conflict?). What we’re not given is the full story of how alt-Johnny transformed into Gaard, except that he certainly went to hell and back.

Four and a half: Franklin only appears once in these issues, with a comment about how he’s grown quite a lot since we last saw him.

Fantastic fifth wheel: During the “this is what our heroes do on their day off” scenes, Medusa is shown hanging out at the library. Studying up on human culture, perhaps?

Commercial break: This is comics history, people — Marvel’s first-ever Hostess ad!!!

Trivia time: Not only did Arkon previously appear several times in The Avengers, but Xemu and the fifth dimension first appeared in one of the old Human Torch solo stories from Strange Tales back in the ‘60s.

Gaard will later return during the ‘90s comic Force Works, going by the name “Vangaard.”

Fantastic Four writers sure love the name “Valeria.” The Valeria from the fifth dimension, however, is not related to Dr. Doom’s Valeria, who provided the name for… we’ll get to that eventually.

Fantastic or frightful? What a confusing, baffling mess. Comic book writers love their alternate reality stories, but they often go way too far with them. DC did it back in the pre-Crisis days with all the various Earths, Marvel’s doing it right now with Spider-Verse and the upcoming Secret Wars reboot, and they’re certainly doing it in these FF issues. The only enjoyment you can get from these comics is your pseudo-philosophical ponderings of “How did this ever get published?”

Next week: It was great when it all began. I was a regular Frankie fan.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Time for more mediocrity from the “middle years,” after Jack Kirby but before John Byrne.

Issue #150: This “anniversary” issue is a double-sized one, with two stories. The first is a continuation of the story that began in Avengers #127, with the FF and the Avengers battling Ultron. Not just any Ultron, but Ultron-7, who is disguised as Omega, who… I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t have the Avengers issue, so I can’t tell you what the 7 is for or why a killer robot feels the need to disguise himself as leader of the Alpha-Primitives. The gist of it is that everyone’s fighting Ultron. What’s important is we learn that Franklin has been with supernatural nanny Agatha Harkness since issues #148-149. She and Franklin are present at the battle, where Franklin comes out of the coma he’s been in since #141 and uses his reality-breaking super powers to defeat Ultron.

The second story has the FF travelling to the Inhumans’ secret city for the wedding of Crystal and Quicksilver. The Avengers are also invited. There’s no villain to fight, so instead we get a bunch of little character moments leading up to the big event. Reed and Sue reminisce about Dr. Doom attacking during their wedding. Iron Man pines for Pepper, and Thor ponders his love triangle with Sif and Jane Foster. Johnny says he thought he was over Crystal, but feels like his heart is breaking all over again. Medusa reminds him that Crystal loved him once, and Medusa promises to stay by his side for moral support. Crystal and Quicksilver, who don’t get speaking parts in their own wedding issue, are married and everyone’s happy at the end.

Issue #151: Johnny and Ben are out clothes shopping (!) when a strange electrical storm hits the Baxter Building. It’s coming from a big buff dude named — wait for it — Mahkizmo! He’s there looking for Thundra.

Elsewhere in New York, Thundra and Medusa are talking, as Thundra fills us in on her origin. She traveled here from the future, when the Earth is ruled by female “Femizons.” Mahkizmo was leader of the rebellion, so Thundra was sent back in time to defeat the world’s most powerful men, which will quell the rebellion in the future. (So it’s gender-flipped The Terminator.) Ben and Johnny fight Mahkizmo, whose strength comes from nuclear power. Reed joins the battle, only for Mahkizmo to throw him off the roof for the big cliffhanger.

Issue #152: Thundra saves Reed’s life, admitting that he’s not scum like all the other men. Thundra and Mahkizmo fight each other, while Reed tinkers with Dr. Doom’s old time machine, which Reed still has in his lab, in the hopes of finding a solution. There’s a lot of talk about travelling “sideways” through time rather than back or forward.

The FF travels to Thundra’s timeline to find Mahkizmo’s men attacking the Femizons. Everybody fights, and Mahkizmo takes the FF hostage. Medusa escapes, and returns to the time machine, taking off by herself. This leaves the rest of the FF stranded, wondering if she’s become a traitor.

Issue #153: The FF escape from Mahkizmo’s prison, but he hits them with a “domina-ray” that saps their will to fight. (Why didn’t he do that to begin with?) Mahkizmo and the rest of the rotten no-good men put our heroes into a gladiatorial arena, along with Thundra (I guess this is “sideways future Thundra”) where the battle a giant alien monster. Mahkizmo joins them in the ring for more fighting. Medusa returns, as she hadn’t betrayed anyone, but instead recruited help from the Femizons.

Thundra and Ben manage to defeat Mahkizmo by putting aside their rivalry working together. With Mahkizmo gone, all the Femizons and the rotten no-good men not only stop fighting, but they all start kissing! This restores the “natural balance of power” which returns the FF and Thundra back to their own timeline.

Issue #154: A mystery man in a green mask attacks the FF as they’re flying over New York in the Fantasticar. Right after this happens, Johnny has a flashback to first time he met this mystery man, which reprints one of the old Human Torch comics from Strange Tales #127, from back in 1964.

In the old story, it was Reed in the green mask, testing his teammates’ loyalty. Back in the present, it’s Nick Fury in the suit, trying out a bunch of new S.H.I.E.L.D. weapons. Lame fill-in issue.

Issue #155: After fending off a mugger in the park (!) the FF are attacked out of nowhere by the Silver Surfer. The Surfer declares that he and the FF are no longer friends.

After a lot of fighting, the Surfer comes to his senses, and he tells the story about how he temporarily lost his cosmic powers, and then saw a poster of his former love, Shalla Bal, on a wall in some small village. He followed the clues to Dr. Doom’s castle, where he saw Shalla Bal in a window. Shalla Bal acted like she didn’t know him. Dr. Doom said Shalla Bal is now married to him (!), but he’ll restore her memories and give her back to the Surfer if the Surfer agrees to kill the FF. Back in the present, after explaining all this, the Surfer attacks the FF again.

Issue #156: Just as the Surfer is about to kill the FF, he stops, saying that he cannot take a life. The FF and the Surfer travel back to Doom’s castle. Some device in Doom’s armor mesmerizes the FF so they’re frozen in place. Doom and the Surfer fight, but Doom has the upper hand, because he still has Shalla Bal. He puts the FF in a bunch of traps designed to negate their powers.

Doom and his henchman Daedalus continue to parade Shalla Bal in front of the Surfer, hoping to use the Surfer’s frustration for their own evil purposes. The FF escape from their cages, by breaking each other out instead of concentrating on their own traps. They storm the castle, and Doom sends his “death-dealing humanoids” out to fight them. While they battle, Doom continues to spy on the Surfer, revealing that he’s slowly draining the cosmic power away from the Surfer.

Issue #157: Doom channels the Surfer’s powers into a giant new android called the Doomsman. The Doomsman fights the FF as they continue to tear through the castle. Shalla Bal tells the Surfer that she has no memories before her marriage to Doom. When she calls him by his real name, Norrin Radd, he believes her memories are returning. This immediately leads to them kissing. She then withdraws, her real memories coming back. She’s not Shalla Bal, but a peasant girl made to look like Shalla Bal, with her memories replaced by one of Doom’s machines. It was all to trick the Surfer.

The Surfer helps the FF beat the Doomsman, and then they fight Doom himself. The peasant girl, whose name is Helena, manages to stop the fighting, saying that if they destroy Doom’s castle they’ll be destroying her country’s priceless historic artifacts along with it. Because it’s a stalemate, Doom lets the FF and the Surfer leave. Then, strangely, we get a scene in Hell, where Mephisto (the Marvel Universe’s version of the Devil) brags about how Helena actually is Shalla Bal, though she doesn’t know it. Mephisto put her on Earth and wiped her memories as a cruel jest against the Silver Surfer. Bummer, man.

Unstable molecule: During the fight through Doom’s castle, Reed stretches to an almost liquid-like form to get from one room to another, saying if a breeze can get through a crack in a wall, so can he.

Fade out: Although Sue and Reed are a couple again, she’s not back on the team. She’s staying home with Franklin, leaving the superheroing up to Medusa.

Clobberin’ time: Thundra has gone from hating Ben to being so taken by him that she actually kisses him on the cheek.

Flame on: Johnny says his shopping excursion with Ben is a chance for them to become better friends. Bromance!

Fantastic fifth wheel: One scene has Medusa being pursued by reporters, and this somehow reminds her that she’s not human, and still very much an outsider.

Four and a half: Not only is Franklin out of his coma, but he has lost his reality-breaking super powers. How Reed knows this is never made clear.

Commercial break: I sure hope Marvel Studios secured the film rights to Man-Gods From Beyond the Stars.

Trivia time: Marvel published Giant-Size Fantastic Four during this time, but I won’t be covering them on this blog because you’re not missing anything. Madrox the Multiple Man made his first appearance, but other than that you’ve got the FF fighting bottom-barrel villains like the Horsemen and Tempus. Giant-Size Fantastic Four ran for only four issues before getting itself cancelled.

Fantastic or frightful? Another total mess. The Thundra/Mahkizmo stuff should be good for a laugh, but the time travel aspect of it was rushed and confusing. Ditto the Dr. Doom plot, which is a confusing Silver Surfer story guest-starring the FF.

Next week: Back to basics.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’re still suffering our way through the “middle years,” after Jack Kirby and before John Byrne. These ‘70s FF comics are dreadful, but I remain hopeful we can discover some sort of hidden gem before we get to issue #200. Will it be this week?

Issue #144: Reed, Medusa, Ben, and misunderstood monster Darkoth approach Dr. Doom’s secret hideout in the NYC sewers, hoping to stop Doom before he unleashes a “vibration bomb” that will rewrite all human brains to make them perfectly loyal to him. (Got all that?) They’re attacked by a green-skinned monster called the Seeker, which Reed immediately deduces is one of Doom’s androids. They knock out the Seeker and take him back to the Baxter Building. Only it seems that they’re too late, because Doom launches the bomb into the atmosphere. Check out Doom’s cell phone:

As the world succumbs to Doom’s mind control, the Seeker returns to Doom’s hideout and frees Johnny, who was captured by Doom last issue. Fighting! Doom escapes in a rocketship disguised as a skyscraper, but Darkoth stows away and confronts Doom. Their fight in space destroys the bomb, ending the mind control. (I guess we’re meant to think Doom is dead, but we all know better, right?) Instead of a happy ending, but it ends on a downer note, as Ben and Johnny go their separate ways, still upset with Reed from zapping Franklin into a coma a few issues back.

Issue #145: Johnny and Medusa are summoned to the Himalayas, having to do with Crystal and Quicksilver’s upcoming wedding (that was quick), as well as an Inhuman secret called “Project Revival.” Their plane crashes and they’re attacked by yetis. The monsters speak an alien language, except for their leader, a big ape-like guy named Ternak. They fight, and Ternak runs off. As Johnny and Medusa seek shelter in the snowy mountains, they’re contacted by an elderly yeti (?), who fills them in. The yetis were discovered by monks in a nearby monastery, who tamed them and educated them. When the monk elder died, Ternak rose to power and overthrew the humans.

Ternak then finds Johnny and Medusa, taking them captive. Johnny escapes Ternak’s ice prison and… fighting! They battle their way through all the yetis to Ternak, who blasts them with an ice cannon. He says the yetis need extreme cold to survive, so he’ll freeze the entire Earth, allowing the yetis to conquer the planet.

Issue #146: The ice cannon doesn’t work on Johnny, what with his fire powers and all, so he breaks free and fights more yetis. Medusa damages the cannon, then she and Johnny flee deeper into the frozen underground caves. There, they are approached by a mysterious elf-like woman who leads them deeper underground. At the mountaintop, the yetis discover the downed plane and accidentally fire the FF’s emergency flare. Back underground, the mystery woman leads Johnny and Medusa to the monk’s elder, who is being kept alive in a high-tech “entropy globe.” He gives them a device that he says will stop the ice cannon permanently.

Johnny and Medusa return to the yetis for more fighting. They’re joined by Ben, who was looking for them and saw the flare. Medusa uses the elder monk’s device, which transforms the yetis so they can live in normal temperatures instead of just in cold. This somehow negates their ability to overthrow the world. The elf girl (who, to my knowledge, is never given a name) thanks our heroes and sends them on their way.

Issue #147: Ben, Johnny, and Medusa return to the Baxter Building to find Reed even more depressed than ever. Sue has sent him official divorce papers. Ben takes off on that flying cycle thing, traveling with Johnny to Pennsylvania to confront Sue about this, when he’s attacked out of nowhere by Namor the Submariner, who’s now sporting his cool new black suit. Powered by the water from a nearby lake, Namor knocks out Ben and defeats Johnny with an asbestos net. He then declares, “Sue Richards is mine, now and evermore!”

Ben makes it to the ranch where Sue’s been staying, to learn that Namor arrived and took off with Sue, and that little Franklin has disappeared. Reed, in his despair, invents a doo-hickey that allows him to track Namor’s movements. He finds Namor in the ocean (where else?) and the team flies off in the Fantasticar to confront him. Everybody takes “oxy-pills” to breath underwater, and Johnny wears a “heat frame” to use his powers underwater. Everybody fights, and Reed, in his rage, manages to bring the pain to Namor. Sue then appears, from inside Namor’s undersea palace, saying everyone’s made a huge mistake. She says she an Namor are in love. They’re shackin’ up!

Issue #148: The FF return to the Baxter Building, with Reed more heartbroken than ever. They barely make it back when the Sandman attacks them. He was somehow already in the building, waiting for them. After several pages of fighting, Sandman escapes to one of the building’s lower floors, to where the rest of the Frightful Four are waiting.

More fighting! The Wizard defeats Reed and Medusa with his anti-grav discs. Paste-Pot-Pete, um I mean the Trapster, fights Johnny with his glue gun, and Sandman and Thundra take turns beating up Ben. Thundra continues her personal grudge against Ben, wanting to defeat him to prove herself as better than any man. The FF regroup, using the Frightful Four’s own weapons against them, apprehending the three guys and making a temporary truce with Thundra. At that moment, outside, Namor arrives in New York with an army of sea monsters, declaring war on the surface world. Oh, and Sue is with him.

Issue #149: Namor says he’s attacking to seek revenge on Reed for putting Franklin in a coma. Medusa stays behind while Reed, Johnny, Ben, and Thundra fly off in the Fantasticar to confront Namor. Namor and his sea monsters battle the Army and the NYPD, and then the FF. Namor beats up Johnny real good, and Sue gets into the fight by destroying the Fantasticar with her force fields. Namor then unleashes Giganto (the whale monster from FF#4) onto the city. Ben fights Giganto and the other monsters while Thundra fights Namor, chiding him the whole time for his being a no-good male.

In the midst of the battle, Ben and Sue have a heart-to-heart. Ben says Reed still loves Sue, and a teary-eyed Sue wonders if she is wrong about him. Reed steps in for Thundra, about to fight Namor to the death, but Sue breaks them up. She says love is not the ideal fantasy, which is what Namor offers, but love includes all the mistakes and “injuries” that come with a relationship. Sue and Reed kiss, so they’re a couple again. Then, secretly, Namor meets with Medusa and the Inhuman Triton, revealing that this whole thing was a ruse to get Sue and Reed back together. Tell that to all the New Yorkers whose buildings you just knocked over.

Unstable molecule: Reed is so broken up over Sue that he faints while flying the Fantasticar. His willingness to fight for Sue helps her come back around.

Fade out: I really want to see a retelling of this story from Sue’s point of view. She seems truly devoted to Namor before switching sides again.

Clobberin’ time: There’s a reference to Ben getting stronger, as he says he can lift 200 pounds more than he could before.

Flame on: I have no idea how Johnny’s “heat frame” allows flames to exist underwater, but there you go.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Medusa’s role on the team seems to be moral support. When everyone else is wracked with their angst, she’s the one who brings them back together, even if underhandedly. Also, Thundra fighting alongside our heroes in #149 is enough to earn her a spot on the list of FF alternate members.

Four and a half: So… where is Franklin? One panel says he’s with Namor and Sue in Atlantis, but another says Franklin vanished without a trace.

Commercial break: Here’s Love Spray!

Trivia time: The yetis in these issues are completely different from the ones introduced in Silver Surfer, which were completely different from the ones in The Defenders, and those were completely different from the ones in Man-Thing. I’m assuming the recently-announced Marvel reboot is so they can clean up this yeti problem.

Fantastic or frightful? These comics still aren’t great, full of plot-hole writing and clunky art, but it’s nice to see a happy ending for once. Let’s call this batch of issues a mixed bag, then.

Next week: Wedding bells.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’re trudging our way through the slog that is the “middle years,” after Jack Kirby but before John Byrne.

Issue #138: Johnny’s pal Wyatt Wingfoot shows up at the Baxter Building, announcing that he’s graduating from college and he wants the FF to attend as his guests. This leads to a lot of “passage of time” stuff, as Johnny frets about how out-of-date his hairstyle is, while Ben reminisces about his days as a WWII pilot. Right after the graduation ceremony, Wyatt is contacted by his tribespeople out west, who say a mountain has come to life and is attacking the land, so Wyatt, Johnny, Ben and Medusa head off to investigate. Reed stays behind in case Sue decides to return.

The cause of the disturbances is the Miracle Man, last seen way, way back in issue #3. Johnny and Ben laugh it off, saying he’s a phony, but Miracle Man insists things have changed, and that he has real supernatural powers now. After fighting Miracle Man’s rock monsters for a while, M.M. explains that after getting out of prison, he traveled to the West and learned the mystic arts from some ghosts of Native American mystics. He betrayed his mentors and is now mad with power. The cliffhanger has him burying the FF, Wyatt, and Wyatt’s people under a mountain of rubble.

Issue #139: Our heroes survive, but are sealed in a giant underground chamber with no hope of escape. Miracle Man gets even more mad with power, reshaping reality to his will, creating a gleaming futuristic city of his own, out there in the desert. The FF escape their prison by punching their way out. Miracle Man creates a bunch of mindless slaves out of thin air, and… fighting! The FF defeat the slaves, but Miracle Man sends them flying with a hurricane. They build a raft and head up river to rejoin the fight. Then things get really uncomfortable when Miracle Man uses his godlike powers to create his own master race (“A little pale” is how he describes them).

We check in with the army, who says Miracle Man’s tampering with nature is causing all the world’s nuclear weapons to be on the verge of simultaneous meltdown. The FF return to the city, for more fighting. Ben beats the crap out of Miracle Man, who finally vanishes. The Native spirits return, saying they’ve taken Miracle Man away, and will teach him to change his ways.

Issue #140: We begin in the Negative Zone, where Annihilus speechifies about taking revenge against the FF. At the Baxter Building, the team reunites with Reed, who is fretting because his latest experiment didn’t work. He’s contacted by Sue, who says Franklin has been acting odd, going into fits. The call is cut off unexpectedly, and Reed is so upset with worry that Medusa has to knock him out with a wrench (!) to keep things under control. Sue is then contacted by supernatural nanny Agatha Harkness, who says she is the reason for Franklin’s fits. She uses her magic to teleport Sue and Franklin far away.

Reed and company find Sue’s car, and investigate her disappearance. Reed finds traces of anti-matter radiation, saying it could only come from the Negative Zone. They return to headquarters, to find Annihilus there, waiting for them. And… fighting! The FF put up a good fight, but Annihilus knocks them all out. Wyatt Wingfoot is still with everyone, so Annihilus takes him captive and tells the story of his origin. Annihilus was originally an insect-like creature, the only intelligent being on a planet filled with dinosaur-like predators. He discovered a crashed spaceship with everyone dead on board, which is where he learned the secrets of the universe and ultimately created his all-powerful cosmic control rod. The issue ends with Annihilus tossing the FF into the Negative Zone portal.

Issue #141: Annihilus joins the FF on a planet in the Negative Zone, where he has Sue, Franklin, and Agatha Harkness trapped in a “stasis cylinder.” Annihilus recounts the story of annual #6, in which Reed swiped the cosmic control rod to save Franklin’s birth, and everyone’s wondering if Franklin will grow up to be a prodigy or a monster. Annihilus says, “Monster.” Annihilus, in a talkative mood, further explains that he’s the reason Agatha abruptly stopped being Franklin’s nanny, because she could sense Annihilus’s influence. He eventually exerted psychic control of her and forced her to kidnap Sue and Franklin.

Reed, Ben, and Medusa escape from their prison when Medusa suggests using her hair like Rapunzel. They fight a bunch of monsters on the planet’s surface, discovering the creatures are telepathic. One of them informs Reed that Annihilus has been losing energy over the last few months. Inside, Annihilus hooks Franklin up to this weird machine, saying Franklin is filled with cosmic energy, which Annihilus is absorbing back into himself. The FF return to attack Annihilus, and Reed finds that Franklin’s mind is reaching out across the universe, seeing planets and galaxies as if they are his toys. Ben and Medusa defeat Annihilus, and then Harkness teleports everyone back to the Baxter Building. Franklin, infused with cosmic rays, gets more and more powerful, threating to unknowingly destroy the universe. Reed fires a high-tech gun of some sort at Franklin, leaving him catatonic, but also saving his life and the life of the entire universe. Sue is not happy to have her son in a coma, and announces that she’s leaving Reed for good this time.

Issue #142: The team has broken up, so Ben leaves to visit Alicia, who has flown to the Balkans for a medical procedure. There, a Dr. Stutgart says he might be able to restore her sight. At home, Reed is distraught over losing Sue, but Medusa insists that he go out for an alumni association event to get on with his life. In the Balkans, Ben ignores local superstition that no one dares go out at night, and he goes for a walk after sundown. He’s attacked by a purple monster calling himself Darkoth the Death-Demon.

In addition to super-strength, Darkoth has psychic powers, able to reduce the human mind to hysteria. He mysteriously disappears just as Alicia and Stutgart arrive on the scene. The next day, while Alicia is in surgery, Darkoth appears again, fighting Ben in the hospital. They fight their way into an underground cavern, which leads to a funky high-tech lab. Darkoth manages to poison Ben so that he falls asleep, all while Darkoth’s mysterious “master” watches from the shadows. Elsewhere, Reed and Medusa attend the alumni function, only to be confronted by… Doctor Doom! He says he’s there to talk about the upcoming “end of the world.”

Issue #143: Reed doesn’t want to talk, so he and Medusa immediately attack Doom, but aren’t able to break through his personal force field. A caption anticlimactically informs us that Doom is also Darkoth’s “master.” Doom traps Reed and Medusa. Johnny and Wyatt’s old football coach, Coach Thorne (remember him?) is there, and tries to fight Doom. Doom stuns him and takes his wife hostage. (Mrs. Thorne doesn’t seem to have a problem with this.) Doom says that he has an entire city block of NYC built to his specifications as his “secret refuge” in the US. There, he has both Ben and Darkoth trapped.

Doom has constructed a “vibration bomb,” which he says will alter the emotions of all mankind, rewriting their mental states so they are loyal to him. Out in the city, Johnny and Wyatt are arrested (!) while horsing around on a rooftop. While they’re in lockup, Doom’s henchmen attack, hoping to capture Johnny. Cue fighting! Doom shows up on the scene and stuns both Johnny and Wyatt. Back in the refuge, Darkoth comes to, realizing that he’s not a demon, but one of Doom’s aides, who had recently been transformed by the vibration bomb. He lets the FF go free, with Reed saying he thinks he knows how to stop Doom.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: What to make of Reed shooting Franklin? He saves Franklin’s life and keeps the kid from accidentally destroying the universe, so that’s a good thing, right? But he leaves Franklin in a coma, so not so much?

Fade out: When captured by Annihilus, Sue makes no attempt to use her powers to escape or fight back. No attempt!

Clobberin’ time: We get a look at Ben’s bedroom in the Baxter Building, complete with a huge poster of Humphrey Bogart on the wall.

Flame on: Johnny really suffers a quarter-life crisis in these issues. Upon not graduating from college, he changes his hairstyle in an attempt to stay young and hip.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Medusa gets in on the action in a big way, using her super-hair in all the fight scenes. She even shows a sense of humor comparing herself to Rapunzel.

Four and a half: Annihilus not only confirms that Franklin has super-powers, but that Franklin’s super-powers could possibly re-write the entire universe! Heavy. This is foreshadowed when Franklin starts having fits upon sensing Annihilus’s imminent arrival.

Commercial break: Wow, the Menonomee Falls Gazette really wanted to sell papers:

Trivia time: In between pages 11 and 12 of issue #140, the FF went and had a whole other adventure! Their encounter with Namor in Sub-Mariner #67 took place while Reed, Ben and Johnny were en route to rescue Sue in this issue.

Fantastic or frightful? These ‘70s Fantastic Four comics are just painfully mediocre. The relationship dramas are forced, the formerly great villains have become generic monologists, and the plot holes flow like wine. The worst part: It’s going to be like this for quite a while.

Next week: Abominable.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. We’re trudging through the “middle years,” after Jack Kirby but before John Byrne.

Issue #132: So at the end of the last issue, Johnny learned that Crystal had dumped him for the mutant Quicksilver. Then the Inhumans’ servants, the Alpha-Primitives, revolted and their leader Omega took Crystal captive. This one begins with several pages of fighting as Johnny and Quicksilver fight Omega, reluctantly teaming up to rescue her. The rest of the FF, now in the form of Reed, Ben and Medusa, arrive, with Ben keeping their plane from crashing by punching through the hole and grabbing a nearby tower. (There’s a funny meta moment in which Reed admits that this breaks every known law of aerial dynamics.)

They’re met by the Inhuman royal family, who catch the FF up to speed in time for Omega to attack. He resists all the heroes’ attacks, seemingly growing more powerful with his hit. Black Bolt uses his super-voice, described as “nigh-sentient sound” (!), but not even this slows Omega down. The rest of the Inhumans in the city form a giant army to fight back. Reed, meanwhile, discovers Maximus the Mad had built a perpetual motion machine before his most recent imprisonment, and Reed deduces that this has something to do with Omega’s attacks. He interrupts the battle by stretching himself into a big wall between the Inhumans and the Alpha Primitives, and then Crystal explains to everyone that Maximus’s machine is powered by the guilt the Inhumans feel over oppressing the Alpha Primitives, which in turn gives Omega his strength. (At least I think that’s what she’s saying. It’s confusing.) The two armies go their separate ways, overcome by what the comic calls their “racial guilt.”

Medusa then thanks the FF by repairing their torn costumes and giving herself a “4” costume of her own, officially making her Sue’s replacement. Johnny gets himself a new red and yellow costume, and he and Crystal have a heart-to-heart. She says the love just isn’t there any more, and that her heart belongs to Quicksilver now. He says he’s glad they’re parting on good terms.

Issue #133: It’s New Year’s Eve and the new FF are among the revelers in Times Square. (This issue was released in April.) Our heroes are wallowing in depression over everything that’s happened, with Sue and Crystal both leaving, and Ben continuing to be a monster. Reed snaps out of it a bit and says that 1973 represents a bright new future. Just before the ball drops, it’s destroyed by super-strong female brawler Thundra. She challenges Ben to a duel in three days’ time, taking Alicia hostage so he’ll have to comply. Word spreads throughout the city of the upcoming fight, to be held at Shea Stadium somehow, with various Marvel heroes chiming in on who they think will win. Thundra rejoins her teammates in the new Frightful Four in their hideout, an “abandoned water tower” in Queens.

The big day comes and the stadium is filled with spectators, and there’s even a referee monitoring the fight. Who’s organizing all this? Thundra knocks Ben out of the stadium’s ruining the Frightful Four’s plans to blow it — and her — up. Ben and Thundra fight atop New York’s World Globe statue. Just when it looks like Thundra has won, Reed uses a device that temporarily turns Ben back into a human. Thundra says she refuses to fight a weakling, so she leaves. Ben turns back into the Thing, saying, “Guess you can never figger a dame!” The three remaining members of the Frightful Four swear revenge on both Thundra and the FF.

Issue: #134: This one starts with the FF getting a summons from supernatural nanny Agatha Harkness. They arrive at her home, only to find a crater in its place. (?) They fly back to New York, while secretly being watched by hidden cameras. The mystery man watching them fires on the Fantasticar, knocking it out of the sky. The mystery man hoped to knock them unconscious, and is furious it didn’t work. It’s then revealed that the stranger is none other than Gideon, the criminal super-genius the FF fought way back in issue #34. Gideon’s young son is distressed that his dad had no time for him. Gideon says that if he can’t capture the FF, he’ll instead capture Sue and Franklin.

From there, we check in on Sue, who is visiting her childhood friend Carol at a ranch in Pennsylvania. (While horseback riding, Sue says, “I feel like a girl again!”) Dragon Man, the giant android originally created by Diablo, attacks the ranch and flies off with Sue and Franklin. Reed gets a private message and flies off by himself, not telling his teammates where he’s going. Dragon Man arrives at Gideon’s compound with Sue. A fight breaks out, Sue is captured, and Dragon Man is stunned by Gideon’s henchmen. Elsewhere, Johnny checks in with his old girlfriend Dorrie Evans, only to discover she’s married with two kids! He then is attacked by Gideon’s goons. Ben and Medusa follow a radio report about Dragon Man, discovering Gideon’s hideout. They get knocked out, and Gideon emerges from underground, in an orange and purple metal suit. He’s captured Reed as well, and he says that he will soon be so powerful that neither man nor god can stop him.

Issue #135: Johnny arrives at Gideon’s hideout, where he gets knocked out by Dragon Man and the henchmen. (Great band name!) Gideon says he plans to hook the unconscious FF up to his “Eternity Machine” Dragon Man, who has some sort of “connection” with Sue, tries to free her, but can’t escape Gideon’s sonic control. Gideon explains that since he last encountered the FF, he and his family were caught in a nuclear blast, and only Gideon and his son survived. They both have radiation poisoning, and even with Gideon’s cool new high-tech suit, he only has a year or two to live. Gideon believes that the FF’s exposure to cosmic rays will save him.

Ben, Johnny, and Medusa escape from their high-tech cages and… fighting! Gideon’s suit is powered by the combined cosmic rays of Reed and Sue, which gives the strength to go toe-to-toe with Ben. Medusa wakes up Dragon Man, who joins the fight in the hopes of protecting Sue. There’s a huge explosion in which we’re meant to believe that Dragon Man and Gideon both die. Sue leaves with Franklin, saying she still loves Reed, but she needs more time to think things through.

Issue #136: This one starts where the last one left off, with Reed promising to give Gideon’s son medical treatment for radiation poisoning. Our heroes leave, and, in the remnants of the battle, one of Gideon’s henchmen comes to. The man, Slugger Johnson, reminisces about the good old days of high school, riding motorcycles and fixing up cars. He’s then contacted by an alien being called the Shaper of Worlds. The Shaper says he’s been searching for someone whose dreams will give him the energy he needs. He infuses Slugger with power, causing a wave of energy to ripple throughout the entire world. This causes the Fantasticar to crash, just in time for the FF to stumble upon an old fallout shelter under attack by flying bikers. No, I’m not making this up.

The battle is halted by the appearance of the “Protectors for the Nation,” who are motorcycle cops on flying motorcycles. From there, the FF discover the Earth has been transformed into an alternate 1950s of greasers vs. squares, all with a sci-fi twist. Reed and Ben are taken captive by the Protectors, and Johnny and Medusa are off with the bikers. There are various references to the Youth Party and Malt Shops before the bikers bring Johnny and Medusa in contact with their leader, a tough guy named “Wildman.” Both groups brainwash the FF (!) in regards to a super-weapon built by an Einstein-like figure they call “The Brain.” This sets up a cliffhanger in which it’s going to be Reed and Ben versus Johnny and Medusa in a fight over the weapon.

Issue #137: Instead of the 1950s, now it’s medieval times, as Ben and Reed, inexplicably cured of their brainwashing, storm a castle to get the superweapon. They fight the castle knights, who are armed with laser guns, and then Medusa and Johnny show up, still brainwashed. As the teammates fight each other, the “Brain” looks on in horror from a tower window. Turns out the “Brain” is Slugger Johnson, who complains against the Shaper for transforming the world. To stop the FF, Slugger says it’s time unleash his weapon, called “the Warhead,” and taken from his memories of old B-movies. The giant monster steps right out of a drive-in movie screen (which is… inside the medieval castle?) and rampages.

Then there’s an incredibly uncomfortable scene that attempts to comment on 1950s racism, by having a secret society of African Americans living underground, who are organizing a rebellion. After much fighting, the FF and the bikers defeat the Warhead. Just as the bikers and Protectors are about to fight each other again, the African Americans show up and announce that it’s actually the ‘60s (this comic was published in 1973). Somehow, this makes reality fade back into what it originally was. The Shaper says he has freed Slugger and will instead take Gideon’s son with him. He promises to cure the boy of radiation sickness, and, in exchange, the kid will give the Shaper dreams to live off of. “It will be a pleasant life for both of us,” the Shaper says.

Unstable molecule: Reed’s stretching is powerful enough for him to turn his body into a huge wall, separating two sides of a battlefield.

Fade out: Sue admits that she still loves Reed and they’ll be probably end up back together again, but that she needs some time apart for now.

Clobberin’ time: There are a couple of references to Ben wanting to go see The Godfather, showing just how huge of a blockbuster it was back in the day.

Flame on: Johnny says his new red and yellow costume was inspired by the WWII Human Torch (the android one).

Fantastic fifth wheel: Medusa is now officially a member of the team. She’s fond of proclaiming, “By Agon!” which I guess is the Inhumans’ deity.

Four and a half: While at the ranch, Franklin shows some interest in an ant hill, and the ants act as if they are obeying his mental commands, which continues to foreshadow his developing powers.

Commercial break: What the heck?

Trivia time: Issue #133 was drawn by Ramona Fradon, the first female artist to work on the series. She is best known for co-creating DC’s Metamorpho.

Johnny’s girlfriend Dorrie Evans was a regular character in his Human Torch solo series, but this is the first time she’s been depicted in Fantastic Four.

The “Warhead” monster is a reference to Ro-Man from the classic B-movie stinker Robot Monster 3-D.

Gideon’s son will eventually return from his time with the shaper, but with powers and calling himself “Glorian.”

Fantastic or frightful? Where to begin? Plot holes, logical gaffes, confusing action, and obnoxious political heavy-handedness. It’s tempting to shrug and say “Well, it was the ‘70s” but this was the era of Gwen Stacy’s death, Jim Stalin’s first Thanos War, and the rise of Marvel horror with Tomb of Dracula and Werewolf By Night. These FF issues aren’t just bad, they’re abysmally bad when compared to their contemporaries.

Next week: It’s a miracle.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.