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Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. This week, it’s the historic issue #90, in which… nothing happens.

After all that business with the Mole Man ended last issue, you’d think that the plotline about the mysterious subterranean house would be over, but no. Our heroes are still hanging out in the weird underground house. Reed and Sue reconcile over his almost dying in the fight with the Mole Man, and there’s some exposition reminding us they have a baby at home. Then, the house is rocked by an earthquake.

But, wait, it’s not an earthquake — Ben is tearing up machines the Mole Man left behind. The machine is booby-trapped, giving Johnny a nasty shock when he joins Ben. Ben and Johnny confront the Mole Man, who is tied up (!) as the FF’s prisoner. We then spend a couple of pages with the FF trying to get the Mole Man to talk, only to have him make a run for it. Even without his high-tech staff and blinded without his special goggles, the Mole Man is nonetheless spry, evading further capture. He escapes into “Subterranea,” his underground kingdom.

Reed and Sue get all lovey-dovey again over Sue showing compassion for the Mole Man, and Ben decides to take off, wanting to go back to the city and visit Alicia. In the woods outside the house, we’re reunited with the Skrull Slaver, whom we met last issue. He disguises his ship to look like a big rock, he speechifies about how he has a special gun miniaturized inside his glove, and he impersonates a passerby, making himself look human.

Still inside the mystery house, Reed says they won’t be living there (so why are they still hanging around?) and he hooks up the visophone. He contacts Alicia, who’s been babysitting, and we some cute “they’re a family” shtick where everyone dotes on the baby. Reed and Sue still haven’t chosen a name for the baby, though Sue suggests “Reed Jr.” The house is then rocked by an earthquake again. Our heroes flee as the Mole Man (everyone assumes it’s him) sucks the entire structure into the ground. Now stranded in the woods, Reed finally decides that everyone should head back to New York.

In the city, the Slaver tracks down the one human he’s come to Earth to find. It’s Ben, who’s on a street corner signing autographs for a bunch of pretty ladies. (Way to go, big guy!) The Skrull changes shape, making himself look just like Reed. He tells Ben that they have to stop an alien invasion. We then cut to the real Reed, who’s with the rest of the team at a police station (why?) unable to track down Ben. He calls Alicia, who says she hasn’t heard from Ben. Alicia frets over Ben, calling him “the strongest, yet tenderest, most wonderful man in the world.”

The Slaver leads Ben back out into the woods. (Where, exactly, are these woods just outside Manhattan?) In a ballsy move, the Skrull reveals his true form to Ben and announces that he’s there to take Ben prisoner. The Slaver re-bigs his gun, which is a nerve gun that can knock Ben unconscious. He loads Ben onto his ship and takes off for outer space, saying “We must not keep your masters waiting!”

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: Reed says they can’t take the Mole Man to the police, because there are no laws against trying to conquer the world. Let’s all try to remember this later on, when Reed will admit to She-Hulk that intricacies of law are like another language to him.

Fade out: Sue shows compassion for the Mole Man, which gets the house destroyed but, we’re told, is still a good thing.

Clobberin’ time: Ben signing autographs further shows how far he’s come — he’s no longer the monster, but accepting of who/what he’s become, just as others have.

Flame on: Johnny survives a point-blank attack from one of the Mole Man’s machines, saying it only hurt his pride. Either the machine was weak, or Johnny’s gotten a lot tougher.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Crystal makes a comment about “house-hunting.” Is this a thing among the Inhumans’ royal family, or does this show how well Crystal has acclimated to human life?

Commercial break: Baseball fans are CRAZY!

Trivia time: Lots of celebrity mentions in this one, including actor Dustin Hoffman, FBI bigwig J. Edgar Hoover, and televangelist Jimmy Graham, which provides an odd cross-section of 1969 pop culture.

Fantastic or frightful? I have no idea what to make of this issue. Why spend so much time dealing with the Mole Man and the strange house when that plotline is over? Is it just filler, or this more of Stan Lee’s famous “realism,” in that the heroes have to take time to pick up the pieces after a superhero battle? I don’t know. Either way, the whole thing exists as mere setup for the next issue, and it really could have been told in a few pages, not a whole issue.

Next: Planet Thing?

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Last issue, the FF bought a new house, but they didn’t do a title check, which would have revealed the place is still owned by the Mole Man. He attacked, zapping our heroes and making them all blind! That’s where issue #89 picks up.

We begin in a very cinematic fashion, with the first few pages of the issue depicting the “camera” a.k.a. the reader’s point of view, floating through the woods, then into the mysterious house, and then catching up to the FF in the middle of the fight with the Mole Man. Ben is here with the team, even though the previous issue made a point of telling of us that he had stayed behind. Anybody got a No-Prize for this one? The FF try to fight back, but because they’re blind, the Mole Man kicks their butts big time.

Then, somewhat randomly, we cut to outer space, for another trippy Kirby photo-page. An alien spacecraft observes an Earth rocket en route to the moon, but the aliens dismiss this historic event as Earthlings playing with toys. Then comes the reveal — it’s the Skrulls! More specifically, it’s a Skrull who calls himself “The Slaver.” He says that even though Earth is off-limits to Skrulls, he’s breaking those rules in the hopes of finding and capturing one very important human.

Back to the mystery house. The Mole Man knocks Johnny unconscious, and then repeats his plan of bombarding the Earth with rays that will render all humanity sightless. With his army of single-minded subterraneans (still not called “Moloids”) at his disposal, the Mole Man says his conquest of the entire world will be simple. Sue tries to even the odds by turning invisible, but the Mole Man’s staff has sensors which can spot her. She uses her force fields to knock him around, and Reed surmises that the Mole Man’s glasses are his weakness. It takes some doing, but Reed and Sue manage to get the glasses off. The Mole Man’s sensitive eyes are overcome with the brightness in the room. It comes with a price, as Reed is zapped by the Mole Man’s staff, which M.M. says is fatal to the touch.

Sue flips out, attacking the Mole Man, as he has a total guilt trip, saying “I’m never to blame! Never! Never!” The staff is destroyed, which restores everyone’s sight. (Science?) There’s an incredibly badass splash page of Johnny flying to attack the Mole Man, before the Mole Man can summon his subterraneans. Defeated, the Mole Man collapses, reciting his origin, how mankind drove him underground as an outcast. Johnny sees through the B.S., saying that the Mole Man chose to go underground, and that no one forced him. Meanwhile, Ben performs artificial respiration on Reed, bringing him back to life. Sorry, slash-ficcers, but we don’t actually get to see their lips touch. Ben has a great moment when he reveals that for as much crap as he gives Reed, he thinks Reed is “the greatest.”

Reed comes back to life, and our heroes are a family again. Elsewhere, the Slaver’s ship lands, and we have a cliffhanger.

Unstable molecule: Reed sacrifices himself to save the team, grabbing the Mole Man’s dangerous staff, and keeping it pointed at the wall the whole time it was zapping him, so that no one but him was harmed.

Fade out: Here we see hints of the era in which Sue became the team’s most powerful member. She thinks of new ways to use her powers, she outsmarts the baddie, and she stands up for her family.

Clobberin’ time: So, where did Ben learn artificial respiration? In his days in the air force? In his years as a wrestler? And will this ever come up again?

Flame on: Johnny’s the one who takes the Mole Man down in the end. Even though Johnny’s a good-looking blonde guy, he shows great empathy for Ben, who is a monster, and Alicia, who is blind, saying they’ve made good with their lives while the Mole Man went and hid underground.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Crystal uses only “half power” when attacking the Mole Man, in case her elemental blasts accidentally misfire and harm her teammates.

Commercial break: Another classic, sneezing powder! What do you suppose was actually in this stuff?

Trivia time: The reference to moon rockets is timely, as this issue came out in August 1969, and the actual moon landing occurred in September 1969.

Fantastic or frightful? I’m torn on this one. On one hand, the crisis really gets to the heart of who these characters are and why they’re so great. They’re a family, and they’re willing to sacrifice everything to save one another, even if they might have been bickering a few minutes earlier. On the other hand, the Mole Man isn’t much of a threat, defeated awfully easily. The high drama doesn’t match the relatively low stakes.

Next: Slavery sucks.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. While our heroes were in Latveria during the last few issues, we had this subplot about a mysterious house that’s really just a metal hatch out in the woods that people say is haunted. In issue #88, we finally learn what that’s about.

The FF are back home, checking in with Alicia, who’s been taking care of the baby. There’s some fun “family” shtick as everyone’s happy to see each other again and we learn Reed and Sue still haven’t chosen a name for the baby. Ben and Johnny exposit about Reed and Sue looking for a house outside the city as a way of keeping the baby away from harm. We then cut to the house in question, or at least the area around it, where a blinded man stumbles into traffic. He says a light dazzled him out in the woods, and that others have seen it as well.

The FF fly out to the mystery house, with Sue further saying its remote location will protect them from celebrity hunters. The door automatically opens in their presence, with a ramp leading downward. Johnny tests out the roof, and learns that it is fireproof. (What if it wasn’t, Johnny?) Inside, the house is all trippy, with twisted walls made of some kind of futuristic plastic. A strange humming sound gives everyone a headache. A couple of panels show us that the entire house is a cylinder, able to be lowered deep into the ground. But it doesn’t go underground at this time, I guess, because the next scene is Ben at the eye doctor (!) still complaining of his headache.

On the roof of the Baxter Building, some moving men are taking a break, based on union rules. Ben, not in any union, uses his awesome strength to move the boxes. At the mystery house, Reed and Sue are moving in. Reed tries to cut into one wall for some more space, but the wall is made of vibranium, and alarms go off. A bunch of death traps are activated, which Reed escapes from. While Reed investigates, Johnny and Crystal arrive with more of their stuff from the Baxter Building.

Deep underground, a man states that the FF are in danger of interfering with his plan by messing with the house. He rides an elevator up to the surface, and it’s… the Mole Man! He says his plan is to send out the light rays all over the Earth, blinding all of humanity. He also has “ultra sonic rays” which he says will “spell disaster” to his victims.

The FF, except for Ben, who’s with Alicia, enjoy a meal in their new home, with Crystal serving “hot buns.” (Wha-hey!) But then the strange humming starts again, and Reed, Sue, Johnny, and Crystal all go blind. While the stumble about in sightlessness, the Mole Man steps out from hiding and declares, “I am master of this house!”

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: To escape a death trap, Reed stretches himself to a paper-thin state so he can squeeze out from under a glass cage

Fade out: Even after learning her new house has automated death traps, Sue is still adamant that it’s home, inviting Johnny and Crystal over for dinner.

Clobberin’ time: It’s comic relief for Ben, as he jokes around while visiting the eye doctor and then showing the lazy union guys what’s what.

Flame on: Johnny’s overseeing the move shows him in a leadership role, but earlier Reed has to caution him not to use his fire so close to the baby.

Trivia time: The last time we saw the Mole Man was in Uncanny X-Men #38, which ended when he got amnesia. It’s never been revealed how he recovered from that or how he reclaimed control of his underground kingdom.

Commercial break: Still too young to shave, kids? Send away for phony facial hair!

Fantastic or frightful? The art is great, and it’s always fun to see the FF doing ordinary, everyday stuff, but these positives don’t outweigh the negatives. The big plot hole is that everyone knows there’s something dangerous about this house, they even say as much, but Reed and Sue move in anyway, just to set up the cliffhanger. It’s out of character and it makes the heroes look foolish.

Next: Walkin’ in darkness.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.