Fantastic Friday: Hypno-hustling

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Last issue saw Crystal become an official member of the team, so this week, in issues #82-83, we check in with her family, the Inhumans.

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The start issue #82 tries to shock us by Crystal announcing that she’s leaving the team. But no, she’s not leaving-leaving, she says she needs her family’s permission for to be a member of the FF. Her family, remember, is the Inhumans’ royal family. She summons the Inhumans’ giant teleporting dog Lockjaw, to transport them all to the Inhumans. But wait, a bunch of Alpha Primitives are here as well, jumping through Lockjaw’s “Interdimensional screen.” The Alpha Primitives are the Inhumans’ “drone race” and they attack for seemingly no reason. The FF fight back, but not before the Alpha Primitives grab hold of Crystal. They and Lockjaw disappear with her. Reed says he’ll prepare the FF’s rocket to travel to the Inhumans’ city and find out what’s going on.

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Elsewhere, a freaky blue-skinned guy reports to his master, saying the Alpha Primitives succeeded. His master is Maximus, who, we learn, has staged a coup, and now sits on the Inhumans’ throne. He has Medusa next in chains next to him, as a symbol of his triumph (her super-powered hair has been coated with a special chemical, so she can’t use it to fight back). He’s also decked out in some truly crazy silver armor. Crystal is brought before him, and Medusa explains that he defeated the royal family by sapping their will with his high-tech “hypno-potions.” Maximus then reveals Black Bolt, Karnak, and Triton trapped in a big glass cage. I imagine their wills are still sapped, because otherwise Black Bolt and Triton should’ve had no problem breaking out of there. Also, Triton has apparently gotten over his “always has to be in water” problem. He’s not even wearing those tube doo-hickeys anymore.

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The FF take their rocket to the Inhumans’ city, located in the Himalayans, with Ben doing comedy “back seat driver” shtick along the way. They land, where portions of the now-destroyed great barrier are still scattered about. Our heroes make their way into the city, escaping a couple of death traps, and then battling Zorr, a super-powered primitive. Basically, he’s a huge robot gorilla. (Robot gorilla!) While fighting, Zorr catches everyone up to speed, letting the FF know that Maximus is in charge. He manages to knock Reed, Ben, and Johnny unconscious.

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Maximus watches the fight on a viewscreen and of course he gloats about how great he is. Karnak, whose power is to find the weakness in any surface, can’t find one in the cage, saying it’s not glass, but that it’s made out of a substance he’s never seen before. Crystal tries to use her powers on Maximus, but he’s protected by a “sub-ionic” force field. Maximus then reveals his plan – he has a huge “hypno-gun” which is powerful enough to blanket the entire planet in hypno-rays, bringing the whole world under his control. And that’s the cliffhanger.

Issue #83 begins with Reed, Ben and Johnny trapped in similar cage as the Inhumans. Johnny can’t burn his way out, and Reed theorizes that the cage is powered by a hypnotic field, and that they’ve merely been made to believe escape is impossible. Maximus prepares for his coronation, and we see some other Inhumans serving him. We get a return appearance of Aireo, not seen since issue #47, and Leonus, an Inhuman with a blond beard and metal hands. There’s also a centaur-like Inhuman and a plant-like Inhuman with branches growing from his forehead like horns. In other comics, it’s revealed that the Centaur is named Stallior and the plant guy is Timberius. Pun names!

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The Inhuman royal family, still trapped in their cage, pleads with Black Bolt to use his powerful voice to escape, even though that might kill the rest of them. Black Bolt instead concentrates his voice with perfect pitch, shattering just one small part of the wall. This is enough for the Inhumans to escape. This also frees Medusa – so it wasn’t a chemical, but another hypno-trick. The Alpha Primitives attack, and there’s a couple of pages of the Inhumans fighting them. Then, the Inhumans march on, in hopes of destroying the hypno-gun.

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We check in with Sue for half a page. She’s looking after the baby, and says that she and Reed still haven’t chosen a name. (I’ve read ahead a little, so I can tell you that we’re not going to learn the baby’s name for quite some time, so settle in for the long haul on this subplot.) Reed, Ben, and Johnny are still trapped in their cage. Reed convinces them to escape not by punching their way out, but by concentrating. They break the hypno-programming with their strength of their own thoughts, and they’re free. Zorr attacks again, but this time the FF acts quickly, taking him down before his built-in hypnotic inducer could work on them again.

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Maximus fires his hypno-gun and it starts to work, as he can feel the minds of everyone on Earth bending to his will. Then he gets greedy, saying he’ll next aim the gun at space and rule the entire universe. Too bad Crystal shows up and destroys the gun with her powers. The Inhuman populace, no longer under hypnotic control, starts to revolt, but Black Bolt stops them from rioting. Maximus and his followers escape into space on board a spaceship, and Johnny and Crystal reunite with a kiss. (We never find out if the Inhumans gave their permission for Crystal to join the FF. I guess that’s implied.)

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Unstable molecule: So, Reed has got to have some kind of latent telepathic abilities, right? He out-brained Dr. Doom in annual #2, he communicated with Galactus across space with his thoughts in issue #75, and now he breaks free of high-tech hypnotism just by concentrating.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Crystal starts the story needing to be rescued, which isn’t so great, but she ends it by destroying Maximus’s giant weapon in a great “girl power” moment.

Clobberin’ time: Ben is pretty much comic relief in this story, tossing more wisecracks than punches.

Flame on: Johnny has to tell Crystal not to hug him until after his flame has died down. You’d think she’d know that. Also, an earlier issue had her walking through flames unharmed, so why wait?

Commercial break: Not sure what this has to do with James Bond, but here you go:

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Trivia time: The FF were busy during these two issues, as they guest starred in Avengers #60, Silver Surfer #5, and Sub-Mariner #14 at the same time.

Fantastic or frightful? This is basically an Inhumans story guest-starring the Fantastic Four. The closest thing there is to a main character is Maximus, as he’s the only one with any real arc. The other characters are all just running around aimlessly. Describing all the tech with the “hypno” prefix doesn’t help. There are some fun Kirby designs, but other than that, this one’s something of a misfire. The really good stuff starts next week.

Next: Doom… and Dum-Dum!

****

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21 Jump Street rewatch: “Whose Choice Is It Anyway?”

Rewatching 21 Jump Street! Time for another hot-button topic in season three, episode five, “Whose Choice Is It Anyway?”

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What’s goin’ down: An abortion clinic is vandalized. Evidence suggests that it was an inside job, but the protestors outside sure look suspicious. Hoffs poses as a pregnant girl to investigate the place, while Ioki is under cover among the protestors.

Mob mentality.

Mob mentality.

Here’s Hanson/Penhall’s prerogatives/Book ‘em: The subplot has to do with Jump Street’s janitor Blowfish having marital troubles at home, so Hanson, Penhall, and Booker conspire to find a woman to be nice to him, to build up his self-esteem. It goes too far, with Blowfish cheating on his wife. Interesting that Booker is “one of the guys” at the start of this story, and goes back to antagonizing his fellow cops by the end.

Bromancin'

Bromancin’

Undercover blues: Hoffs befriends a pregnant girl, who is torn about what to do. Hoffs eventually breaks down in tears, saying that this is one situation that she doesn’t have all the answers for. She later reveals an incident from her past that explains why this case hits so close to home for her.

Girl talk.

Girl talk.

Goin’ to the chapel: Random junk seen in the background of the Jump Street chapel this week includes a 1950s Coke machine, a tiny metal horse statue on top of a filing cabinet, and a star shaped neon sign.

Torn from today’s headlines: There’s probably no more divisive topic than abortion (except maybe whether the Enterprise could destroy the Death Star), and this episode falls mostly on the side of the “Let’s feel bad for the pregnant teens” side of the issue. There were shootings at abortion clinics in the late ‘80s, no doubt an inspiration for this episode. On a lighter note, the English comedy improv show Whose Line Is It Anyway? debuted the same year as this episode. Both are named after a 1972 play, Whose Life Is It Anyway? that was adapted into a film in 1981.

Trivia time: This episode debuts the slick new opening credits sequence, complete with the actors’ names in HUGE LETTERS accompanied by “whoosh” sound effects.

"I didn't kill Laura Palmer, I loved her!"

“I didn’t kill Laura Palmer, I loved her!”

One girl’s skeezy boyfriend is played by Dana Ashbrook, who went on to playing Bobby on my all-time favorite TV show, Twin Peaks. He brings the same wild intensity to this episode as he did in Twin Peaks. Ashbrook is the third Peaks regular to appear on the show, after Sherilyn Fenn and Don Davis.

Jumpin’ or not: The creators do a better job of approaching sensitive subject matter this time, rather than just trying to shock audiences. It’s a heavy episode that almost leaps from drama to melodrama. It’s good, but not up there with the show’s best. Not jumpin’.

Next: Alpha Beta or Lambda Lambda Lambda?

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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James Bond rewatch: From Russia With Love

Rewatching the James Bond films chronologically. The Cold War makes its first appearance, along with a bunch of other Bond firsts, in the second film, From Russia With Love.

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Bond blurb: The evil organization S.P.E.C.T.R.E. is up to no good, with a plot to steal a high-tech cypher machine from a female Russian cryptographer, with their own agents working within both British and Russian intelligence. The villains didn’t expect Bond and the lovely Russian to fall for each other, though. Despite “Russia” in the title, most of the film takes place in Istanbul, complete with a side visit to a gypsy carnival.

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Bond background: Bond is still dating Sylvia Trench, who romanced him briefly in the previous movie. She’s somehow devolved from seductress to clingy girlfriend, which is probably why we never see her again. Bond is much more upbeat and cheery in this film than in the last one, perhaps to make him a more romantic figure rather than a cold and ruthless “license to kill” agent.

Bond baddies: There are tons of villains in this one, all working for S.P.E.C.T.R.E. You’ve got the hulking blonde muscleman Red Grant, knife-shoed Russian sourpuss Rosa Klebb, and various other henchmen. The villain to care about, though, is introduced as “Number One,” seen only as a pair of hands stroking a white cat. You and I both know it’s Blofeld, but this won’t be revealed until future movies. Nice to know that Marvel didn’t invent this type of seed-laying.

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Bond babes: The main love interest is Tatiana Romanova, played with maximum hotness by Daniela Bianchi. This is one Bond film where the romance is central to the story rather than tacked on, and I like that. Sylvia Trench is back for a cameo, and there’s a subplot about two competing gypsy girls, who first have a sexy catfight and then both spend the night with Bond. (Yowza!)

Bond best brains: Bond gets a new briefcase lined with hidden weapons, secret compartments, and a tear gas canister that explodes upon anyone opening it the wrong way. He also has a camera with a built in microphone recorder. (Hey, I bet my iPhone can do that, too.) Let’s not forget that this movie is the first appearance of the great Desmond Llewelyn as Q.

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Bond bash-ups: Villains shoot up the gypsy camp, and there’s a neat bit where a baddie gets taken out with a sniper rifle. Stealing the cryptographer involves shooting up an office with tear gas and escaping through a rat-filled tunnel. The latter part of the film takes place aboard a train, where there is, of course, sneakiness and double-crosses. It ends with a two-part finale with some truly impressive helicopter stunts followed by a boat chase with tons of great practical effects.

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Bond baggage: Dr. No was surprisingly non-political. Bond was an “agent” and Dr. No was a “criminal.” In this film, though, the ever-present Cold War of 1960s makes its appearance, as tensions involving the Russians give the whole movie its drive.

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Bond babble: There’s an odd structure to the movie in that so much of it is setup. Bond doesn’t appear until 17 minutes in, and he doesn’t meet Tatiana to kick off the plot until 53 minutes in. The first hour is devoted to moving the pieces around the board, and it takes a lot of mental dot-connecting to keep track of who’s outfoxing who. Then we get all the stuff on the train. I’d always thought “the one where they spend the whole movie on the train” was the boring one, but on this rewatch, I really got into the watch-your-back suspense of it all. You could argue that the movie’s too long, but it still has a lot of great moments.

Next: He’s the man, the man with the Midas touch.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: The exquisite elemental

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #81 introduces a new status quo for heroes. (Or does it?)

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We begin with a splash page of Crystal wearing a blue FF uniform, rather than usual yellow costume. She says now that Sue is home with the baby, someone has to take her place on the team. Then we get this issue’s variation of the “excuse for the character to show off their powers in the first few pages” thing, except this time it’s Crystal showing off her powers. Nonetheless, her power set remains frustratingly ambiguous. She throws Ben and Johnny around the room with a gust of wind, saying she can “harness natural forces” and bend them to her will.

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Reed shows up, reports that Sue and the baby are doing well (we still don’t know the baby’s name at this point) and he questions Crystal about the costume. He says she’s too young to join the team, but she says she’s the same age Sue was when the team was formed. This “passage of time” moment is interesting, in that it reveals that the characters have been doing this for years, something that doesn’t quite come across when reading issues in bulk, but did when you picked them up only once a month.

Then we visit the Wizard, in his hideout, where he has built another pair of super-powered gloves, which he says will give him the combined powers of the Fantastic Four. He’s downright obsessed with the FF, going on and on about how he wants to defeat them.

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Inside Reed’s lab, the Wizard’s old gloves, which the team confiscated in issue #78, disappear in an “electro-wave.” Reed knows this is the Wizard trying to bait our heroes into a trap, but Johnny doesn’t listen. He takes off, flying around New York, looking for a fight. He finds the Wizard destroying an abandoned warehouse (Oh, Marvel’s New York, you and your abandoned warehouses). They fight, and the Wizard shows that he’s now faster than Johnny, and he has the strength to tear off a church steeple and throw it at him. Johnny destroys the steeple with a “bullseye heat blast” and worries that the Wizard has become too powerful.

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Reed, Ben and Crystal head to the scene in the Fantasticar. Ben makes a wisecrack about Johnny, but Crystal is so serious she can’t tell Ben is only kidding. They meet up with Johnny and… fighting! The Wizard throws a water tower at our heroes, but Ben wallops it and Crystal deduces that it will fall harmlessly into the nearby river. The Wizard attacks again, but Crystal uses her “elemental force” on his anti-grav devices, sending him flying all over the city. He recovers and sends shock waves after her, which she stops by creating counter-shock waves. She then unleashes lightning bolts down onto him and fills his lungs with smoke. Johnny wraps up the Wizard is a fire lasso and Ben throws a piece of debris at the bad guy. The Wizard falls under the water, knows he’s been defeated, and flees.

Instead of pursuing the villain, Reed just does a “We haven’t seen the last of him!” He then apologizes to Crystal, and welcomes her as a full-fledged member of the team.

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Unstable molecule: Aside from piloting the Fantasticar, Reed does nothing during the fight. I guess he’s being cautious now that he’s got a kid at home.

Fantastic fifth wheel: Crystal is the team’s first alternate member, setting the precedent for all kinds of “fill-in” guest heroes in the future. She reveals that she’s Medusa’s younger sister, which explains her role in the Inhumans’ royal family.

Clobberin’ time: When Crystal confronts Ben about making fun of Johnny, Ben comes clean and admits that he’s really the Torch’s biggest fan.

Flame on: Johnny is awfully eager to fight the Wizard. Remember, though, that the Wizard was Johnny’s arch-nemesis during his solo stories in Strange Tales, so there’s a lot of history there.

Commercial break: Clean AND fuzzy?

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Trivia time: This issue contains an announcement that Marvel won big at the Society for Comic Art Research and Preservation Awards. Fantastic Four won Best Adventure Comic (Group) and Best Super-powered Group. Stan Lee won Best Writer and Best Editor, Jack Kirby won Best Pencil Artist, Joe Sinnott won Best Inker, and Dr. Doom won Best Villain with more than 50 percent of the vote. Way to go, FF!

Fantastic or frightful? The Wizard in this issue is just a generic villain, somebody who’s here just so the heroes have someone to fight. Similarly, the regular FF heroes are made to look weak and uncoordinated, only so Crystal can look awesome by comparison. The good news is that Crystal is pretty awesome. Her powers are still vaguely defined, but her steel intensity during the fight makes her a good balance against Johnny and Ben’s humor. Welcome to the team, girlfriend.

Next: A maximum makeover.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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21 Jump Street rewatch: “Coach of the Year”

Rewatching 21 Jump Street! Huddle up for season three, episode four, “Coach of the Year.” Are you ready for some football?!?

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What’s goin’ down: After a high school football star is seriously injured, the Jump Street crew suspect the coach is up to no good, pushing his players too hard. To investigate, Penhall and Booker are undercover to join the team.

Lettermen

Lettermen

Here’s Hanson: Hanson’s still dating Jackie, a DA, who gets involved in the case. They try, with some futility, to keep their relationship a secret.

Penhall’s prerogatives: Penhall is delighted at the chance of being a football star. He reveals that when he was in high school, he had a lousy coach and therefore never had a chance for the big victory. Booker and the others worry that he’s taking his role on the team too seriously.

Book ‘em: Booker’s job is to let Penhall bang him up real good on the football, so no teens get injured. There’s immediate tension between Booker and Penhall, but Booker’s tell-it-like-it-is bad attitude manages to cut through Penhall’s bluster and get him to see what’s really important.

Friday night pecs.

Friday night pecs.

Undercover blues: Of course it all comes down to the big game, where Penhall’s leg is injured and he must make a choice — either take himself out of the game, or keep playing and risk further injury in the pursuit of glory. He takes himself out, which inspires another player to come clean about the coach’s sinister ways.

Goin’ to the chapel: We’re reintroduced to Councilman Davis, one of the politicians threatening to shut down Jump Street last season. He proves himself to be a real sleazebag, threatening to shut down the investigation because the evil coach is a pillar of the community.

Do the wave!

Do the wave!

On a more “up” note, the entire Jump Street crew attends the big game, cheering for Penhall and Booker. It’s fun to see them all together like this, reinforcing how this group has come to feel like a family of sorts.

Torn from today’s headlines: For several episodes in a row now, Ioki has been wearing shirts with a “Board Fetish” logo and a picture of a surfboard. This has to be a reference to something ’80-specific, but I can’t find out what. (Googling the word “fetish” brings up all kinds of things.)

Why are they all grimy and sweaty before the game? Wait, don't answer that.

Why are they all grimy and sweaty before the game? Wait, don’t answer that.

Jumpin’ or not? Despite all the heady drama of last week’s episode, this one does a much better job of developing Penhall’s character and really letting us know what makes him tick. Also, the production value is still on the rise this season. The football scenes feel very cinematic, with a lot of slow-mo and quick cuts to flashbacks, which keep things interesting and dramatic. It’s jumpin’!

Next: Let’s get clinical.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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James Bond rewatch: Dr. No

Rewatching the James Bond films chronologically. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now. I love the Bond movies, but they all blur together in my head, so that I can never remember what happened in what movie. (The Madonna cameo was in You Only Live Twice, right?) The purpose of this series is not to regurgitate all the trivia, because that’s already out there. It’s to revisit the series with fresh new eyes. Oh, and for fun, of course.

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Here’s how I’ll be breaking down each movie:

Bond blurb: Big-time plot summary.

Bond background: What we learn about our heroic superspy.

Bond baddies: The villains.

Bond babes: Self-explanatory.

Bond best brains: All about the gadgets.

Bond bash-ups: The oh-so-important action scenes.

Bond baggage: How each film represents the era it was made, intentionally or unintentionally.

Bond babble: What I thought of the movie, in the end.

With that out of the way, let’s kick things off with the blockbuster that started it all: Dr. No!

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Bond blurb: Bond travels to Jamaica in search of a missing agent. The clues lead to the CIA, and from there to Dr. No’s hidden island fortress. Dr. No is threatening to disrupt the U.S. space program, on behalf of S.P.E.C.T.R.E., a group of the world’s greatest criminal minds. Dr. No captures Bond, but Bond escapes and fights the villain right over a nuclear reactor.

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Bond background: Our intro to Bond is him at a poker game, tuxedoed, making the moves on a pretty lady – in his element. The theme music accompanies his famous “Bond, James Bond” immediately creating a movie icon. Later, when the bad guys try to kill Bond with a tarantula, Bond doesn’t just smash the thing with his shoe, he goes nuts and bashes it a bunch of times, revealing the stress of always being in danger and having to watch his back.

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Bond baddies: Dr. No is built up a lot before we see him, including an incredibly spooky scene where he bosses around an underling with just his disembodied voice. When we finally meet him, he’s one sneaky, creepy dude. He comes across as always one step ahead of Bond – no small feat.

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Bond babes: Honey Ryder is often credited as the first Bond girl, thanks to the memorable image of her marching onto the beach in that bikini (you know the one). But the distinction really belongs to Sylvia Trench, who woos Bond at the start of the movie. She breaks into his place to seduce him. It’s a cute scene, but it also humanizes Bond, showing a pretty lady can sometimes get the better of the cool superspy. Bond also beds a character named Miss Taro, but that was all an act, for the good of the mission (insert chauvinism rant here).

Bond best brains: The Walther PPK gets a big intro, with everyone at MI6 singing its praises before it’s handed to Bond. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear this was a prequel, with the filmmakers saying, “This is where his famous gun came from!”

Bond bash-ups: Fight scenes are short, because nobody in moviedom can throw a punch quite like Connery. A car chase uses hokey rear projection, but it ends with a great stunt as a flaming car rolls down a cliff. There’s a lot of talk about a “dragon” scaring the locals, only for it to be a huge tank with flamethrowers, which is incredibly awesome.

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Bond baggage: The opening credits sequence is pretty much the 1960s in microcosm, half-mod and half-psychedelic. Plot points about radiation and the space race further show that the ‘60s were in full swing.

Bond babble: It’s fascinating how so much of what we think of as a Bond movie is present in this one. It’s really a “movie that changed everything” movie. It’s also interesting how it starts out relatively realistic, only to get more and more “sci-fi” as it goes along. It slowly eases the audience into over-the-top spy movie stuff, rather than throwing it all up there at once, which is admirable. The first really is one of the best.

Next: Back in the U.S.S.R.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: She’s having a baby

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. It’s time for annual #6, which offers a major change in our heroes’ lives, as well as introducing one of the FF’s most vile villains.

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The story begins and Reed is pissed! We don’t know why he’s so angry, but Johnny and Ben are worried, because he should be at the hospital with Sue, as the baby is due to be born at any minute. Reed reveals that the radiation that gives them all their powers is endangering the baby. He believes that anti-matter from the Negative Zone could be the key to saving her. He wants to enter the Negative Zone alone, but Johnny and Ben insist on joining him. Reed’s whipped up some backpack-like harnesses for them to wear, to protect them from the anti-matter.

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Inside the Negative Zone, a bunch of aliens are on the run from a big blue ship, which kills them all and destroys their world. A hatch opens on the ship, and out comes Annihilus, introduced in one caption as “He who annihilates,” and in another as “The living death that walks!” Why is Annihilus destroying planets? He states in a villain speech that by destroying life he is reborn.

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Reed, Ben, and Johnny enter the Negative Zone and fly through the “distortion area,” which allows for all kinds of crazy pop-art visuals, including two pages of those wonky photo backgrounds. Reed is attacked by alien scavengers, who take him to into a hatch and remove his harness. Then we cut to the hospital, where Doctors tell Crystal that the radiation in Sue’s blood is going haywire, threatening her life, and the baby.

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Ben and Johnny search for Reed, only to become trapped in a big globe and dragged underground, where they come face-to-face with Annihilus. He claims they are his specimens. He further explains that his cosmic control rod – the gold thing on his neck – grants him immortality, and that the only way to keep the rod is to ruthlessly slaughter anyone who might steal it from him before they get the chance. Reed is there, too, in a cage with a bunch of aliens. He somehow knows that the cosmic control rod is exactly what he needs to save Sue’s life. With a single blast, Annihilus kills all the aliens except for Reed, and locks Reed in another cage with Johnny and Ben. He’s spared the FF for his own amusement, and to learn how their powers work before he kills them. There’s several pages of fighting as Annihilus tests the FF’s powers with various death traps. Ben breaks out of the cage and knocks out Annihilus, after which Reed helps himself to the control rod. Similarly, our heroes then hotwire Annihilus’s rail-plane, using the vehicle to escape to the surface.

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Annihilus wakes up and his furious. He throws a switch and summons creatures called borers. These are big lizard-like guys with hook-shaped mouths who come digging up out of the planet’s surface. After more pages of fighting, the borers threaten to overpower our heroes. Reed decides to use the cosmic control rod against them. It works, thanks to Reed controlling the rod’s power with his awesome brain. Just by concentrating, Reed drives back the monsters and levitates the three heroes back to the surface. Annihilus hops aboard a convenient gun ship to pursue the FF. Out in space now, he locates them and fires. Now flung through space, the chase is on, our heroes regroup on another planetoid with Annihilus still looking for them. If that wasn’t bad enough, their planetoid is being drawn toward a destructive anti-matter planet. Reed can’t use the control rod to escape again, because its energy is neutralized in this area.

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Now things get really trippy. Reed surmises that if the planet is anti-matter, then it is made up of particles that are the opposite of Earth particles, and that if there is life on the planet, it is opposite of life on Earth. Therefore, if someone from Earth were to touch someone from the anti-matter planet, there would be a massive explosion that would destroy the entire world. Annihilus interrupts the science lesson and attacks. Back at the hospital, meanwhile, doctors are holding a press conference (!) saying that Sue might die if a cure is not found soon.

It seems that our heroes are at the end of the rope, with Annihilus hovering over them, demanding the control rod. Reed won’t give it up, wondering if it’s possible to drain energy from it. Annihilus decides to negotiate all of a sudden, saying the rod has a nozzle at the tip (wha-hey!) to drain the energy. Reed drains some of the energy into a vial he happens to have on him, and he gives the rod back to Annihilus in exchange for Annihilus returning their harnesses. They go their separate ways, with Reed promising to seal the Negative Zone permanently, so Annihilus can’t follow them to Earth.

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The FF has a big hero moment as they triumphantly return to Earth. At the hospital, Reed, Johnny, and Ben are in the waiting room. The doctors have the cosmic rod’s energy, and the baby is due any minute. (Why isn’t Reed in there with her? Because it’s the ‘60s?) There’s a lot of comedy business in the waiting room with a Mr. Smith, another expectant father, who faints when he learns his wife has twins. Then the doctors and Crystal arrive with the good news – it’s a boy! Mom and baby are just fine. There’s much celebrating. Then, the annual ends with Reed holding his son in his arms and renewing the Fantastic Four’s promise to use their powers and skills to make the world a better place.

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Unstable molecule: Reed’s kind of a space cadet in this story, which I guess we chalk up to him being the soon-to-be dad. I’ve no idea he knows the cosmic control rod can save Sue, and his multi-page reverie about the anti-matter planet is especially weird.

Fade out: Although her life is in danger throughout, Sue only appears on the last page. I’m afraid she’ll be on baby duty for a while, so we’re still a ways off from the “Sue is the team’s most powerful member” era.

Clobberin’ time: Ben manages to knock out Annihilus for a short time, the only real action our heroes manage to make against him. He also brings the fight to the borers in a big way, with Reed worrying that the battle will become “too personal” for him.

Flame on: Johnny doesn’t get as much action, and he’s on the verge of giving up as they’re being drawn toward the anti-matter planet, resigned to the fact that he’s about to die. Don’t be a quitter, Johnny.

Commercial break: Full color?

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Trivia time: It’s the first appearance of Franklin Richards, although we don’t learn his name yet. It’s also the first appearance of Annihilus, who’ll go on to be one of the staples of the FF’s rogues gallery. You could probably put him as fourth after Doom, Galactus, and Namor (if such rankings actually meant anything). Many fans believe that Franklin’s latent superpowers are actually drawing Annilihus toward the FF, but I don’t see anything in this issue to support.

Fantastic or frightful? I know this annual is famous because of the baby, but how awesome is Annihilus? We’ve seen a lot of villains in the comic up to this point, but most of them have been after power and conquest. This is first flat-out murderer they’ve fought, and that makes it really intense. Annihilus is a psycho killer given godlike powers, and he is really scary. As such, he’s always been one of my favorites. You could argue that all the fighting and the anti-matter planet stuff is filler to pad out the annual’s 48 pages, but it’s all hugely entertaining Jack Kirby action, so there you go.

Next: The wizarding world.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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21 Jump Street rewatch: “The Currency We Trade In”

Rewatching 21 Jump Street! The subplot about Penhall working for another department takes center stage in season three, episode three, “The Currency We Trade In.”

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What’s goin’ down: Penhall makes a huge bust and gets promoted to the major crimes division. He’s then assigned to a difficult child abuse case, in which a local celebrity is a suspect. When he makes some serious missteps in the case and is taken down a few pegs, he starts longing for the good ol’ days at Jump Street.

"I borrowed this jacket from Kurt Russell in Tombstone."

“I borrowed this jacket from Kurt Russell in Tombstone.”

Here’s Hanson: He’s not happy at all when Penhall sets him up on a blind date. They don’t get along at first, but that changes after they bump into each other a second time. Hanson’s love of bowling, established in the first season, is mentioned several times in this one.

Penhall’s prerogatives: Penhall’s wracked with guilt over the mistakes he’s made, and confronts everyone involved in the hopes of making things better. He goes back to Fuller for a nice heart-to-heart talk. After getting put through the emotional wringer, he rejoins Jump Street at the end.

"Benefit from the wisdom of my neon blue bathrobe."

“Benefit from the wisdom of my neon blue bathrobe.”

Book ‘em: Booker is nowhere to be seen this week.

Undercover blues: At the start of the episode, Penhall makes his big bust undercover as a cook in a diner. It’ll remind modern-day viewers of the movie A History of Violence. Anybody know if David Cronenberg is a Jump Street fan?

Goin’ to the chapel: There’s a go-nowhere subplot about repo men taking Captain Fuller’s car. (We can assume it was Harry Dean Stanton, right?) Ioki mentions that he’s been teaching self-defense classes on the side for some extra cash.

Trivia time: Penhall’s new partner is played by Peri Gilpin, who went on to play Roz on Frasier. IMDb lists this as her first on-screen credit.

"No, I'M listening."

“No, I’M listening.”

Jumpin’ or not? Whew. Lots of heavy melodrama in this one. There’s little humor and no teen hijinks, so a lot of it doesn’t like 21 Jump Street, instead coming off as generic cop drama. Not jumpin’.

Next: Are you ready for some football?!?

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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The Dark Crystal scene-by-scene, part 29

I freakin’ love The Dark Crystal! Let’s watch it! The movie’s ending, you guys. It’s the final confrontation, 1:15:48 to the end on the Blu-ray.

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Jen is walking around what looks like another nondescript corridor in the castle, but then he rounds a corner and we see he’s arrived at the Crystal Chamber. He’s at an upper balcony looking down at it. This shot offers us one of the best looks we get of the many symbols on the floor around the Crystal. According to Brian Froud, each of these symbols corresponds to each of the original UrSkeks, from the time before the Crystal cracked. If you’re able to sort out with symbol matches which UrSkek, you’re a bigger Dark Crystal fan then I’ll ever be. “Yes, the Crystal!” Jen says. I know lines like these were added to keep the audience from getting confused by what’s going on, but I would think by this late point in the story, if the audience doesn’t get it by now, they’re not going to get it. Jen looks around, and we get a shot of the triangle-shaped window in the ceiling. This window is our “ticking clock,” in which we’ll see the three suns get closer and closer to converging.

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Elsewhere in the castle, Kira is in a hallway. She ducks behind a pillar as some (all?) of the Skeksis march past. This is an odd little moment for the Skeksis. We’re in the final moments of the movie, where the pacing and tension are cranked up, but the Skeksis are walking very, very slowly in this shot. I know that the limitation of the puppetry means they can’t exactly sprint, but we’ve seen them at least walking with urgency earlier in the film. Instead, this moment shows once again that the Skeksis have become reliant on ritual over the years. In both the movie and the canon, we’ve seen them be ritualistic and living based on their own rituals, big and small. With the Great Conjunction on their doorstep, they’re not freaking out (at least not yet), but are instead playing it out as a great ritual. Also, from their point of view, they’ve defeated the Gelflings, so there’s no need to worry. They believe they’re on their way to truly master the entire planet at the conjunction. It’s strange that the Skeksis are not questioning where the Scientist is. Maybe they’re just assuming he’s taking Kira’s essence right now, and they believe he’ll soon join them.

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Back in the Crystal Chamber, Jen climbs down from the third level to the second. A Garthim is standing on that same level, off to the right of the screen, but it doesn’t make any move, even though Jen is right in front of it. Is it sleeping, or somehow entranced by the Crystal and/or the conjunction. Jen reiterates the plot again, reminding us of the Dark Crystal, the three suns overhead, and the shard in his hand. The idea here is that he’s figuring out the connection between all these things, even though that’s pretty much what he did during the Wall of Destiny scene. I suppose the Wall of Destiny was him learning this stuff in theory, and here he’s learning it in practice. Shots of the Dark Crystal during this sequence have a big orangey spot at its top, as if pointing an arrow for audience (and Jen) saying “this is where the shard goes.” Despite complaints about The Dark Crystal being confusing, reuniting the shard with the Crystal is one point the filmmakers are working hard to emphasize.

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Then the Skeksis arrive, making their slow, methodical march in to the chamber. They don’t see Jen, even though he’s right there, as they silently make their way to their places around the Crystal. A bunch of black-hooded figures appear in another of the alcoves above the chamber. We can all agree that these are the Podling slaves, yet it’s odd that we don’t see their shriveled up little faces. Kira shows up next, in an alcove across from Jen. They whisper to each other, somehow able to communicate from opposite sides of the chamber. Are their funky acoustics at work, or is this some sort of magic in play? The canon makes no mention of either. The Skeksis make similar movements as they did at the start of the film. The Ritual-Master (I think) says, “The Great Conjunction comes. Now we will live forever.” That “live forever” part is an interesting character beat, in that we’ve seen the emperor die, and we’ve seen the General longing to drink essence and be young again. The rest of the Skeksis continue to chant, “We will live forever.”

Fizzgig then pops up, late to the party. He rolls over to Kira and starts making a ton of noise. The Chamberlain notices this, but it’s the other Skeksis who cry out “A Gelfling! A Gelfling!” and “The Gelfling must die!” The Skeksis do what we’ve seen them do before, drop their formal ritualistic nature and start freaking the hell out, running around and panicking. The Chamberlain then notices Jen and makes a squawking sound, and now the Skeksis really go nuts, with two Gelflings to contend with. There’s a cool bit of camera work here, as the camera swings around the room from Kira to Jen, keeping the Dark Crystal in the shot the whole time. The Skeksis call for the Garthim, who then spring to live, as more enter the chamber. There are two of them on balconies on either side of Jen, giving the feeling that he’s trapped there. A third Garthim comes up behind Jen and swings a claw at him. Jen ducks, backs away, and then, impressively, jumps off of the balcony and onto the Dark Crystal itself. This is a great hero moment, except that he drops the shard. I don’t know how they filmed this, but the shard lands right on the edge of the shaft, in danger of falling in.

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The General sees the shard, states, “The shard is mine!” So the Skeksis know about the shard and its importance, but how much they know is still unknown. He reaches for the shard, grabs it, only to be attacked by Fizzgig. I guess Fizzgig jumped from above? In true villain fashion, the General calls Fizzgig a “smelly hairball.” With Fizzgig biting his wrist, the General He then, shockingly, throws Fizzgig down into the shaft. We hear Fizzgig’s growl fade into silence as he falls. Whenever I see The Dark Crystal with an audience, this always get a huge gasp from the crowd.

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We don’t get any time to mourn Fizzgig, though, because this is the finale and the pacing is super-quick. Kira lets loose her wings (remember, she has wings) and floats down to the main floor of the chamber. She picks up the shard, as one of the Skeksis exposits, “She has the Shard.” The Skeksis surround her. I’m going to pause for a moment and discuss Kira’s face. In these final moments, she looks different. She’s really pale, with big bags under her eyes, and a big brown streak across her right cheek. Also her hair is really frazzled. Is this the result of being hooked up to the Scientist’s machine earlier, or is this just action hero damage, like how Bruce Willis always looks super-roughed up at the end of any Die Hard movie? Hard to tell.

The stuff of nightmares: The Skeksis crowd in close to Kira, snarling, snapping their beaks, and reaching for her with their long, clawlike fingers. There’s another ticking clock shot of the three suns getting closer, as Jen says “Watch out, Kira!” (Yeah, thanks for that, Jen.) She swings the shard around like a knife, which I suppose is why they don’t actually grab her.

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Although they’ve got the Gelflings outnumbered, the Skeksis try some diplomacy. The Chamebrlain says, “Give us the shard and we’ll let you go free.” Kira knows better than the trust the Chamberlain, and she says no. Jen catches everyone’s attention, though, by shouting, “Yes! Just don’t harm her.” Here Jen faces a choice of whether to save the girl or save the whole world, and he chooses the girl. The is the same dilemma faced by Neo in The Matrix Reloaded, but that movie spent two hours on it, and The Dark Crystal covers it in just these few seconds. Kira does the heroic self-sacrifice thing as tells Jen he has to heal the Crystal. As she says this, the Ritual-Master sneaks up behind her with a knife. Why the Ritual-Master and not our main villains of the Chamberlain or the General? It just shows how during this finale, all the Skeksis have ceased to have individual personalities and are of a singular type.

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Now we get five quick shots that tell a lot of story. Jen sees the knife and says, “Kira!” We see the shard flying through the air (it’s assumed that Kira throws it to him, but we don’t actually see her throw it). Then the Ritual-Master brings the knife down onto Kira’s back, with her making a painful-sounding “ugh!” noise. Jen catches the shard. Then, Kira falls to the floor. This rapid succession of shots is a contrast in positive verses negative. The shard flying to Jen is movement upward, and is heroic and positive. Kira being stabbed and falling is movement downward, it is tragic and negative.

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If your heart hasn’t broken yet, it will in the next shot, of Kira on all fours, surrounded by the Skeksis, barely having the strength to be able to look up at Jen. She then does the “Oscar-bait death scene,” weakly saying Jen’s name and slowly collapsing. The Skeksis watch this quietly, with, as they said in Shaun of the Dead, a hint of sadness. They then turn their attention to Jen, perhaps realizing their fate.

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Jen raises the shard in his best hero pose, and he holds this pose for quite some time. The ticking clock gets its final shot, as all three suns converge, transforming into a single sphere of white light (or, at least, that’s what it looks like). This causes a white beam to shoot downward, right onto the Dark Crystal, right in front of Jen. The Skeksis cry out, “No! No!” Amusingly, you can see a Garthim on one of the balconies swinging its claws back and forth, as if it’s also saying “No!” Jen stabs the shard into the hole on the Crystal. The Crystal turns bright white and some unseen energy throws Jen off the Crystal.

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The lighting in the room changes, so it’s brighter. The Skeksis cover their eyes (it’s not that brighter, guys) and they do their thing, running around in panic. Jen doesn’t pay them any attention, focusing his attention on Kira’s comatose body. He starts crawling toward her. The Garthim fall apart, revealing their armored form to be empty shells. The canon states that the Garthim are powered by the dark light of the Dark Crystal. Now that the Crystal is light again, we can assume nothing is powering them, so they fall apart. Jen holds Kira in his arms while more Garthim fall to pieces behind him. The Skeksis continue to freak out all around Jen, but he ignores them, with Kira his only interest. Does Jen not think the Skeksis might try to kill him? Or, is he so certain that he’s about to die that he doesn’t care anymore? Or, is he so overcome with grief that he doesn’t know what the heck he’s doing? We don’t know.

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More big events all happening quickly. Another Garthim falls apart, and then the walls start to crumble, revealing bright white light behind them. The Mystics show up, slowly walking into the room, apparently not fazed by all of this. Then we see the outside of the castle, rock and grime falling from its frame. Back inside, the Podling slaves pull the black hoods from their faces and they stare around, looking confused as to what’s going on. So, are the hoods some sort of visual representation of their enslavement, that by removing their hoods they’re showing us their minds are now free?

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Listen closely: As the Mystics continue to enter the chamber, one of the Skeksis says “The urRu!” This is the only time in the movie the name “urRu” is spoken, and it’s not in the Blu-ray’s subtitles.

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Another shot of the outside of the castle falling apart, now with a golden light shining down on it from above, from the conjunction no doubt. There’s only a second of that, though, before cutting to the Scientist’s lab. It’s in full earthquake mode, with everything shaking and dust falling from the ceiling. Aughra is there, stumbling about. She hears a familiar growl, and finds Fizzgig, hanging onto the receptor inside the Crystal’s shaft. He’s OK! Aughra says, “How did you get out there?” She grabs a rake-like instrument and reaches out to rescue him.

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Back to the Crystal chamber, where Jen still has Kira cradled in his arms. Oohh, man, you can totally see tears on his cheeks. He finally takes note of what’s happening around him. The Mystics have moved into position in a circle around the Crystal. It sounds like some of them are doing their deep chant, or a variation of it. More of the walls break away as the Skeksis continue to panic. The Podlings are suddenly looking a lot better. They’ve got their color back in both their skin and their hair. I don’t know how their essence could be restored after someone else drank it. Did the Crystal give them new essence?

More shots of the walls and ceiling falling apart, revealing new, gleaming white walls behind them. The behind-the-scenes featurette on the Blu-ray has footage of these special effects shots being filmed. Because each crumbling wall shot involved meticulous model work, each one could only be filmed once, so Henson and company had to get it right the first time. Aughra and Fizzgig hurry through a rubble-filled hallway. A cute bit of puppetry here has Fizzgig roll behind a rock, poke his head up from behind it, and then continue rolling. This was done all in front of the camera, with three separate Fizzgig puppets.

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What happens next is hard to describe. Now that the Mystics are in position, beams of light flow out of the Crystal, into the Mystics’ backs, and then out of their eyes, onto the Skeksis’ backs. Is it too convenient for the Skeksis to be standing in just the right place for this to happen? Between the Crystal’s energy cutting loose and the Mystics’ magic chant, I think it’s safe to say the Skeksis were maneuvered into position. The Skeksis are pulled backwards toward the Mystics as more pieces of ceiling fall. The Mystics then rise up to height taller than the Skeksis (!) and they, um, connect with some golden light between them. This is the last we ever see of the Mystics and the Skeksis. One special effect later, and they’re replaced by the UrSkeks.

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So, the UrSkeks. I’ll do my best to keep this short. This is the third great conjunction. During the first great conjunction, the UrSkeks came to Thra from another world. They brought enlightenment and knowledge, and they advanced civilization in a big way. The Creation Myths graphic novels go into greater detail about what happened next, how Aughra’s son Raunip did not trust them, and revealed that darkness dwelt inside them. If I understand this right, the UrSkeks were actually outcasts from their homeworld, banished because they were neither good nor evil, and that they contained both darkness and light. On Thra, with its three suns, they became obsessed with the idea of balance, thinking that the number three and triangle shapes were the key to balance. Rather than an “either/or” existence, a third option could be what they seek. Their desire to rid themselves of their inner darkness, though, led to chaos during the second great conjunction, in which the Crystal cracked, becoming the Dark Crystal, and they were divided into two beings, the Skeksis and the urRu.

Why is any of this important to know when you’re watching the movie? Well, Aughra shows up in the Crystal chamber, which is now all sparkly and white, and she quotes the prophecy again. “What was sundered and undone, the two shall be made one.” I am totally not a numerologist, but it seems the number in question is not three, as in three suns, or two, as in light versus dark, but in one, as in a singular whole, accepting all sides, no matter how many, in balance. Is this correct? Is this the balance the UrSkeks sought for so long? We’re not told. It’s left open to interpretation.

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On the Blu-ray’s commentary, Brian Froud says the UrSkeks are “unfinished,” and that he wished he had more time to go back and perfect their look. They are angelic, but also plant-like with what look like branches for their fingers and hair. Even in close-up it’s hard to tell what part of them is their clothes and what part is their body. It’s good that they’re mysterious and unreal like this, though, as it gives them the mystical, spiritual feeling of enlightened beings from some other plane of existence.

Only one UrSkek speaks. “And now the prophecy is fulfilled.” Because the prophecy was written after the second great conjunction, this means that the UrSkeks continue to have all the knowledge and memory of their former Skeksis and Mystic selves. “We are again one.” Wait, what about the graphic novel’s talk about the darkness in them? Were they ever truly “one?” There’s really no way to answer this, given how little we know about their lives on their previous world.

The Urskek continues, “Many ages ago, in our arrogance and delusion, we shattered the pure Crystal, and our world split apart.” Again, here they are taking responsibility for actions performed after separating into Skeksis and Mystics. Also interesting that although they’re from another planet they consider Thra “our world.” I guess 2,000 years would make any place feel like home. He then addresses Jen specifically. “Your courage and sacrifice have made us whole, and restored the true power of Crystal.” Jen is standing before them now, holding Kira in his arms. It’s safe to say that by “sacrifice” the UrSkek means Kira. This is reinforced when he says, “Hold her to you.”

Jen holds Kira so her face is right up against his. The UrSkek says, “She is a part of you, as we are all part of each other.” This is as close as the movie gets to actually saying Froud’s ongoing refrain of “All things are alive, and all things are connected.” The musical score swells, and there are male voices singing. Are these supposed to be the other UrSkeks?

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Time for the big happy ending! Kira stirs and her eyes open. She’s alive! She’s OK! Was she dead and the UrSkeks brought her back to life, or was she merely injured and they healed her? Or was it Jen’s energy (essence?) that did it? These questions go unanswered in favor of offering audience the satisfying emotional payoff.

The UrSkek offers the movie’s last line of dialogue: “Now we leave you the Crystal of Truth. Make your world in its light.” This is nicely poetic, but it doesn’t quite match up with the canon. The Crystal was always on Thra, not brought with them from the other world. It’s unknown how the Crystal can be controlled or how its energy can be manipulated, but I suppose the movie doesn’t have to explain all that, just that it can be done. Jen and Kira don’t say anything, they just stare up at the UrSkeks with awe. According to never-wrong internet rumors, Jen and Kira were supposed to kiss right here, but the puppeteers couldn’t get it to work, making it look they were just hitting their faces against each other. So, no kissy-kissy.

It’s the big E.T. moment next, when the UrSkeks transform into a single green beam of light, with blue lights swirling around them. This light form of theirs flies up through the ceiling and, we’re to assume, to outer space. (To visit our old friend J.J. Llewellen of Earth, perhaps?) There’s a final reaction shot from Jen and Kira, a shot of the Crystal looking all bright and shiny, and then the last shot of the movie. It’s the exterior of the castle, except the castle is now gleaming and silver, and it is surrounded by green trees and fields, with a huge river running by it. Did all this transformation happen instantaneously, or are we looking at years later, after the Gelflings did indeed make the world in the Crystal’s light? I’d like to think it’s the latter, but we don’t really know.

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The credits start to roll over the last shot, and then transition to a background that looks like a blurry picture of some white crystal. The music during the credits is, as with most movies, a mix of the score’s most prominent themes. If you bought The Dark Crystal on VHS back in the 1980s, you saw a different credit sequence, which ran over a purple-tinted picture of Aughra, to accommodate the pan and scan format. The ‘80s-era VHS also had after-the-credits ads for First Blood, Frances, Bad Boys, Tender Mercies, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and the Lord of the Rings animated film, along with a generic Thorn EMI promo. Kind of a grab bag, I guess.

For several years, a sequel was in preproduction, allegedly called The Power of the Dark Crystal, but it was never made. Last year, the Henson company teamed with Grosset and Dunlap to announce a contest to find a writer for a Dark Crystal prequel novel, and, as of this writing, that project is still under way.

And that’s the movie. I’ve been driving myself ger-blonkers trying to come up with the right way to end this blog series, but instead of trying to be all profound and crap, I’ll just say I hope all this has helped your appreciation and enjoyment of The Dark Crystal. Remember, everything is alive and all things are connected.

What should I do next with this blog? Any suggestions?

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Tooma-whoma?

Rereading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #80 brings back an old friend and introduces a new villain.

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We begin with some comedy shtick as Johnny, Crystal, and Ben are hanging out at the Baxter Building. Johnny and Crystal are doing chores (!) while Ben sits around reading. The FF have received a letter from their old pal Wyatt Wingfoot. The last time we saw Wyatt was at a Metro College football game back in issue #61. Now, he’s out on summer vacation, visiting his family on the Indian reservation. It’s not all fun times, because the letter mentions evil spirits and a living totem. Reed shows up and says Sue has asked him to stop “haunting” the hospital, so the three guys are going on vacation out west, to visit Wyatt.

In a desert region (we’re not told specifically where) we rejoin Wyatt, driving around in the Geo-Cruiser the Black Panther gave him back in issue #54. He wanders into what appears to be an earthquake, throwing him around for a few pages, before he confronts a giant inhuman creature, Toomazooma, the living totem. Tooma (as I like to call him) introduces himself as the “totem who walks” and says “My sleep of ages has ended! Those who created me must die!”

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The FF arrive in the desert, flying overhead in their pogo plane. Johnny takes off, flying under his own fire power, only to be fired on by Native Americans, armed with high-tech guns. The wizened elder, Silent Fox (who is quite chatty) believes Johnny is a demon sent by Tooma to kill them all. Johnny scares everyone off except Silver Fox, who stands his ground. Reed lands the plane with my favorite ‘60s sci-fi cliché, with the plane pointing straight up, and he and Ben reunite with Johnny. Johnny explains that Silver Fox is Wyatt’s grandfather, and Wyatt has run off in search of Toomazooma. Reed has heard of Tooma (we don’t know how) which he describes as, “the most fearful legend of all!”

Toomazooma chases Wyatt around, showing super strength, and the ability to breath fire and produce sleeping gas. The gas knocks Wyatt out. Back with our heroes, Silver Fox provides some exposition. Let’s see if I keep all this straight. The tribe has high-tech weapons because there’s oil on the land, making them all rich. The Red Star oil company, which is secretly controlled by the soviets (!) keeps trying to force them off the land, so Toomazooma was created to protect the land.

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There’s an explosion in the distance, and our heroes run off to investigate. The oil fields are on fire, and Tooma is smashing them up real good, Godzilla-style. He fires a “shock blast” out of his eyes, knocking Johnny unconscious. Ben jumps onto Toomy’s back, and he too gets knocked out by the big guy’s power blasts. Reed fires the plane’s weapons at Toomy, but that’s useless, and the totem makes the plane crash.

Wyatt recovers and reunites with Silent Fox. Wyatt insists that this is not the living totem of legend, but a machine built by the tribe’s enemies. What happens next is confusing: Silent Fox uses a cell phone-like “transceiver” to contact the Pentagon, only to tell them that the tribe doesn’t want the Pentagon’s help, and that the tribe can handle the crisis themselves. Reed, Ben and Johnny also recover, and fight Tooma at the local dam, trying to keep the monster from destroying it. Reed agrees that Tooma is not an ancient spirit, but a robot built to take control of the oil-rich land.

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After the FF fight Tooma for a while, the tribesmen show up. They’re driving futuristic cars and wielding laser guns, all while dressed in feathered headdresses and cowboy hats. So, is this offensive or kickass? It’s kind of both. They fight with gusto, but their weapons can’t penetrate Tooma’s surface.

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Reed gets a great idea. He compresses his form into a small ball, and Wyatt loads him into a bazooka. Reed instructs Wyatt to aim for the opening right under Tooma’s eyes (his mouth?). It works. Inside Tooma’s body (ew) Reed manages to short circuit him, which of course causes the big robot to blow up. Reed’s not harmed, though, thanks to his pliable frame. The story ends back on a mystical note, in which a mysterious figure is seen in the clouds. It’s the real Toomazooma, ready to protect the land if the humans fail. Again, there’s no “the end” or “coming next month” caption, it just ends.

Unstable molecule: This is a rare mention of Reed’s mass. Normally, he stretches all over the place without any thought to his weight, but here, when he shrinks down to smaller size, it increases his weight as he compresses. Normally, this type of thing goes unmentioned.

Fade out: Sue doesn’t appear in this issue, but this issue was out the same month as FF annual #6, where she has a more prominent role.

Clobberin’ time: Ben’s in a jovial, playful mood throughout the whole issue, which is strange considering all the drama that went down in the last one. Ben at one point quotes lyrics from the song “Waltz Me Around Again Willy,” which was a hit back in 1906 (!) from singer Billy Murray – not to be confused with the Ghostbuster Bill Murray.

Flame on: Because they’re out west, Johnny decides to play along by wrapping up Toomazooma in a flame lasso. Don’t know how that’s supposed to work, but it’s a nifty visual.

Trivia time: Silver Surfer #4 revealed that Loki present during this story, watching the FF fight Toomazooma, as he was considered making the Thing a pawn in his fight against Thor. Loki went with the Surfer instead.

Not surprisingly, Toomazooma did not go on to become a Marvel icon. The robot Tooma is referenced in Marvel Two-In-One #19, where it’s revealed he was powered by Null Bands, which later ended up in the hands (paws?) of the villain Cougar. In the Heroes Reborn alternate reality, Wyatt Wingfoot piloted a Toomazooma robot, anime mech style. Another alternate universe story had a throwaway gag about a Toomazooma monster movie flopping at the box office. Finally, the internet informs me that Toomazooma shows up in Marvel’s current big crossover du jour Original Sin. Seriously?

Commercial break: Do I dare suggest that this ad might have been a ripoff:

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Fantastic or frightful? Everybody likes to shake their hands at this issue, chiding it for its portrayal of Native American stereotypes. It’s not that awful, all things considered. A lot of Stan Lee stories deal with seemingly old societies secretly having high-tech wizardry at their disposal. We saw it with Latveria, Wakanda, and now with Wyatt’s people. The image of guys with Old West outfits wielding laser weapons is the type of incongruous imagery Jack Kirby would later go nuts with in The Forever People for DC. So, this issue is “off” in a lot of ways, but it’s also Stan and Jack doing what they do best.

Next: She’s having a baby!

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Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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