Fantastic Friday: Inhumane

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. The last time we saw our heroes, they were under attack by the mysterious Inhumans, whose masked leader Black Bolt made his first appearance. Now, in issue #46, we get a little more about who these Inhumans are and what their deal is.

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In an abandoned neighborhood, which is somehow in the middle of Manhattan, Black Bolt wastes no time duking it out with the FF. No matter how hard Ben fights back, Black Bolt has him overpowered. Meanwhile, Johnny’s flame is snuffed by the hooded, robed Triton. Reed deduces that the robes are actually moisture bags filled with water. Triton is an aquatic, fishman-type, who need to be in water to survive. Triton runs to the nearby docks (where is this?) and dives into the water. Karnak and Gorgon attack Reed and Sue, with a few ominous words about someone called “the Seeker.”

Conveniently, we then cut to the Seeker, a mustachioed large-hatted villain who is in the process of breaking into Fantastic Four headquarters. He says his life has been dedicated to tracking down the Inhumans. Inside, they come across a sedated Dragon Man, whom you’ll remember recently moved in with the FF. The Seeker and his lackeys capture Dragon Man and take him into the Seeker’s blimp-like ship.

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We then get several pages of Ben fighting Black Bolt, again showcasing Black Bolt’s awesome strength, with Ben noting that the Inhuman doesn’t speak a single word during the entire fight. Black Bolt uses his “Master Punch” to stun Ben, but this also uses up the last of Black Bolt’s electron energy, weakening him. The giant dog Lockjaw appears out of nowhere to fight Ben and Johnny, while Karnak and Gorgon continue to pummel away at Sue and Reed.

Finally, Crystal shows up and insists that everyone stop fighting. She says Triton has gone missing, and that could only mean the Seeker has taken him. The Inhumans, who now have Medusa back with them, announce they want to leave the FF behind and pursue the Seeker instead. Crystal wants to stay, worrying about Johnny, but the other Inhumans insist that the FF are still the enemy. Lockjaw, who can teleport, teleports the Inhumans away, leaving the FF behind to sort out what’s happened. Reed describes the Inhumans as a different form of life, adding that they’ve combined use of their powers to live in secret. Johnny doesn’t care so much, he just wants to see Crystal again.

Back at headquarters, the FF discover Dragon Man is gone and security cameras show the Seeker is responsible. Reed says he can use heat particles to follow the Seeker. Meanwhile, we learn that the Seeker has indeed captured Triton, keeping him in a water-filled cage. The Seeker discovers that Dragon Man is not an Inhuman and therefore wants to destroy the big lizard (harsh). The FF arrive at the Seeker’s hideout, which isn’t hidden at all, but a huge futuristic structure in the middle of the city. They confront the Seeker, who goes back on his earlier threat and says he will return Dragon Man to the FF. The Seeker then gets talkative, filling us in on the history of the Inhumans. Back in prehistoric times, when humans were mere cavemen, the Inhumans already developed advanced society, including genetic engineering. Outnumbered by the savage humans, the Inhumans decided to live in secret in the Great Refuge, which is still their home today. Medusa left the Great Refuge to explore the outside world, and all this craziness has been about finding her and bringing her back. (The Seeker lights up a cigarette as he says all this. Some advanced civilization!)

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With all that exposition out of the way, now’s the perfect time for Dragon Man to wake up. He smashes up the place real good and escapes. In the chaos, Triton’s cage is broken, and without water, he’s on the verge of dying. The FF watch, seemingly helpless, as Dragon Man flies out over New York, about to destroy it all.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: Reed spends most of the issue sitting back and theorizing about stuff the reader already knows. His security camera, called an “automatic TV recorder” comes in handy.

Fade out: After Karnak brags on and on about being able find a weakness in anything, Sue shuts him after he can’t find a weakness in her invisible force fields.

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Clobberin’ time: Ben survives for several pages duking it out with the seemingly unstoppable Black Bolt. He also gets the best line of the issue, describing his encounter with the Inhumans as, “like the kinda dream ya have after eatin’ pickles n’ gooseberries!”

Fade out: Johnny continually pines for Crystal, even though they’ve just met. He insists that she’s as human as anyone, despite what anyone else calls her.

Trivia time: We’ll get a lot more about the Inhumans and their background in the next issue, especially with regards to Black Bolt. We’re shown how mega-powerful he is, but nothing about who is or why he’s important.

Aside from an appearance in the next issue, the Seeker pretty much disappears into Marvel continuity limbo. As far as I know, his super powers have never been revealed.

Fantastic or frightful: This issue is basically a bunch of dominos that get set up to be knocked over in the next issue. There’s a lot of action in the classic Jack Kirby style, which alone makes this one worth reading. (Don’t forget: Galactus is coming!)

Next week: Circus Maximus!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: The (not-so-dark) Crystal

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. At the end of the last issue, the FF were getting their butts kicked by Gorgon as they tried to protect Medusa, who had come to them for help. We left things off after Dragon Man showed up randomly and flew off with Sue, while Gorgon destroyed the building our heroes were in. That brings us to issue #45, the first appearances of a whole bunch of characters.

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It should come to no surprise that Reed, Ben and Johnny survive the collapsing building. Their doing so gives us this issue’s excuse-for-the-characters-to-show-off-their-powers-for-a-few-pages thing. Johnny catches up to the escaping Dragon Man and blasts the big monster with a “near-nova” attack. This doesn’t hurt Dragon Man, but blinds him, like staring into the sun. Sue urges Johnny not to attack again, saying she can handle Dragon Man herself.

From there we get one page of Medusa’s former partners in the Frightful Four, Sandman and Paste-Pot-Pete, um, I mean the Trapster. They’re cellmates in a high-tech jail they can’t get out of, and they wonder why Medusa hasn’t shown up to spring them. (No idea why this scene is here. Spoiler: This is the last time we’ll see these two guys during this arc.)

Back at FF headquarters, Sue and Johnny return and are reunited with Reed and Ben, along with a now tame and docile Dragon Man. Sue says Dragon Man has the mentality of a child, and doesn’t actually want to hurt anyone. With that, the adventure appears to be over. I had to go back to the first page and re-read the caption to learn that Gorgon succeeded in capturing Medusa and making his escape with her. Odd that we didn’t get to see that.

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Cut to later, as Johnny hangs out around headquarters, bored. He calls his love interest Dorrie Evans, only to have her tell him she’s got a date with some other guy (“I always thought there was something very strange about that chick!” Johnny says.) Dressed in civilian clothes, Johnny goes for a walk through Midtown Manhattan. In a deserted neighborhood (in Midtown?!?), Johnny comes across a beautiful girl, the most beautiful girl he says he’s ever seen, and she looks terrified. He tries to talk to her, but a gust of wind appears out of nowhere, and she disappears with it.

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The next day, everybody’s in Reed’s lab, clearing out a space for Dragon Man, who I guess is moving in. Johnny is distracted, and he and Ben bicker for a bit (as they are known to do), so Johnny heads back out into the city to try to find his mysterious dream girl. In the “desolate neighborhood,” (which is located in Midtown Manhattan, let’s not forget) he finds her. She runs from him, and piles of wood catch on fire as she steps on them. This is no big deal for Johnny, as he shows her he can control the flame. “You’re one of us!” the girl says. She introduces herself – her name is Crystal.

Just as Crystal and Johnny start to get to know one another, a gigantic, ugly-ass dog appears behind Johnny. It’s about the size of a car. This is Lockjaw, Crystal’s friend and companion. Lockjaw uses his antennae (he also has antennae) to open a secret underground passage. Crystal leads Johnny down it, making numerous references to someone named Black Bolt, a person of great power and authority. Crystal announces that she is an Inhuman. Johnny immediately deduces that “Inhuman” means something completely different than “mutant,” dispelling any fanboy hopes that the X-Men will show up.

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At headquarters, Dragon Man is acting up, and he and Ben start to fight. Reed breaks them up and Sue knocks out Dragon Man with a tranquilizer. Sue insists that Dragon Man is innocent and shouldn’t be treated like a monster. Ben then does the self-pity thing, thinking that’s how Alicia must feel about him.

Back the secret underground, Crystal introduces Johnny to another Inhuman, Karnak, an expert hand-to-hand fighter who can find the weakness in any structure, and a mysterious cloaked fellow named Triton, whose face we don’t see. But look who else is here – it’s Gorgon and Medusa. “It all makes sense now!” Johnny says. (It does?) The gist of it is that Medusa is an Inhuman who fled, and now the rest of them want her back, or something. Triton, still keeping his face hidden, traps Johnny in a glass cage and starts filling it with water. Mere glass can’t hold the Human Torch, and Johnny escapes both the trap and the underground lair with ease. He signals his teammates.

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Reed, Sue and Johnny rush to the scene in Reed’s newest invention, an airjet-cycle. We get a great full-page splash of the cycle flying through the air, with a hilarious riff on the classic “It’s a bird/It’s a plane,” thing:

Bystander #1: “Look, it’s a stripped-down whirlybird!”

Bystander #2: “It’s a turbo-powered racing car!”

Bystander #3:  “It’s a flying bicycle!”

Literary gold.

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Johnny leads his teammates back to the entrance to the Inhumans’ lair, where the Inhumans have set up a trap for them. Karnak and Gorgon attack, knocking our heroes around a little. Ben brags that there’s nothing the Inhumans have that can stop the FF, at which point Karnak says “The time has come!” and he calls for Black Bolt. The last panel is the first appearance of the mysterious Black Bolt, smashing through a wall.

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: Reed blocks one of Dragon Man’s blows by stretching himself into a cube shape. He says this evenly distributed the impact of Dragon Man’s punch. Any physicists out there want to take a crack at nitpicking this one?

Fade out: Sue, ever the heart of the group, decides that Dragon Man should stay at the Baxter Building, and all the big fella really needs is a good home.

Clobberin’ time: Ben thinks some dark, dark thoughts. In his mind, he says he’s going to give up trying to be human again. “Ben Grimm is dead!! Long live the Thing!” he thinks. Dang.

Flame on: This whole is issue a showcase for the Torch, first with him using flame to blind rather than burn Dragon Man. Then, we get his determination to find and help Crystal, and his refreshingly easy escape from the Inhumans. I like this because it shows that despite his being the young kid of the team, he’s no slouch.

Trivia time: Lots of first appearances, most notably Crystal, who’s going to be a major player in the series from here on. Karnak, Triton (sort of) and Black Bolt all debut, as does the concept of “Inhuman,” something Stan Lee and the other Marvel writers will have a lot of fun with following this. As we’ll see, the Inhumans have a crazy background and mythology that’s all their own.

The name “Karnak” comes from a series of ruins in Egypt, dating back to the Middle Period, during the reign of Sesostris I (but you knew that already, didn’t you?). The name was also used for Ozymandias’s arctic hideout in Watchmen, and, of course, for a long-running Johnny Carson sketch:

“Sis Boom Bah.” (opens envelope) “Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes.”

Fantastic or frightful: Goofy comic-book logic aside, this is a fun issue. It has a ton of interesting character moments, and it sets up a lot of mystery surrounding the Inhumans, so much that you can’t wait to read the next issue. Good stuff all around. (Also, don’t forget: Galactus is coming.)

Next week: Inhumane!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Gorgon-zola

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #44 is interesting, in that a typically C-list character gets his one and only shot on the A-list.

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The issue begins with numerous references to Reed and Sue’s recent wedding (I’m assuming the annual was on sale at the same time as this ish). Domestic bliss in the FF means Reed invents an elaborate “full-automated dish-washer mechanism” to help around the kitchen. This leads to wisecracks from Ben and Johnny, and some fighting among them, for this issue’s excuse-for-the-characters-to-show-off-their-powers-for-a-few-pages thing.

Johnny leaves, taking a ride in his cool car du jour, only to have it attacked. It’s none other than Madame Medusa, who was last seen fleeing her former partners in the Frightful Four. Aiming a vacuum gun at Johnny, preventing him from using his flame, Medusa says she has to get out of the city as quick as possible before “he” finds her. When Johnny asks who “he” is, Medusa ominously responds, “Gorgon!”

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At the Baxter Building, the entire structure is rocked by a series of shock waves. Someone incredibly strong is climbing up the side of the building. Reed, Sue and Ben recover, but not in time enough to find the culprit, who escapes in a helicopter. Cut from there to the woods, where Medusa has taken Johnny, as Johnny notes that it’s near the spot where the FF visited State U. a while back. Medusa proclaims she doesn’t need the FF’s help, and knocks Johnny out with a vacuum pellet. The ground erupts under her, and out comes Dragon Man, from where we was last seen in issue #35. (Yes, it’s a total coincidence that he shows up, nothing more.) Dragon Man attacks, but at the last minute, he stops, because Medusa reminds him of Sue.

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The helicopter from earlier lands nearby, and out steps Gorgon. We’re not told much about who he is, except that he’s a huge guy with what might be hooves for feet. Said feet can kick and stomp with amazing power, destroying boulders and creating massive shock waves. He’s still after Medusa, but the now-smitten Dragon Man defends her, and there are a couple of pages of Dragon Man and Gorgon fighting it out. Dragon Man flies off with Medusa, and Gorgon pursues in the helicopter. Johnny wakes up, and goes after them.

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Reed, whose arm was injured in the shock waves, goes off in search of the attacker, with Ben and Sue right behind him. They encounter Medusa and Dragon Man on a nearby rooftop, and more fighting breaks out, with Ben bringing the pain to Dragon Man. Gorgon shows up, and demonstrates his raw power, leveling most of the rooftop with a single stomp, and sending Dragon Man down into the building. Gorgon ominously states that he’s there to take Medusa back to where she belongs, and that Medusa is forbidden to mingle with outsiders.

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Medusa finally caves, asking the Fantastic Four for help. The FF fight back, but Gorgon easily beats them back. He then stomps a super shock wave which rocks all of New York City. (The caption handily tells us that all the destroyed buildings are conveniently deserted, so no one’s dead. I’m not sure how NYC has a whole section of deserted high-rises, but, hey, the ’60s were a different time.) Gorgon says he can destroy the entire city if he wishes it. Dragon Man then comes climbing up out of the building, grabs Sue, and flies off. Before our heroes can react, Gorgon grabs Medusa and stomps another shockwave, bringing down the building everyone’s standing on. And…

To be continued!

Unstable molecule: The sight of the bendy-stretchy Reed with his arm in a cast and sling should be shocking, but it only lasts for a few panels, and then his injury isn’t mentioned again.

Fade out: Sue once again tames the savage beast (sort of), as Dragon Man only has eyes for her.

Clobberin’ time: At one point, Ben proclaims, “Getting’ big bad villains away from of screamin’ females is my specialty!”

Flame on: Johnny’s car in this issue is a 1965 Chevrolet Stingray Coupe.

Trivia time: In old-timey Greek mythology, a Gorgon was a monstrous woman with snakes for hair. Medusa and her two sisters were, in fact, Gorgons. As we’ll see in the next few issues, the Marvel Medusa and Gorgon are not the ones from the myths.

Fantastic or frightful: Here we have Gorgon, who, in his first appearance, defeats the combined powers of the FF and Dragon Man without breaking a sweat, and goes on to demonstrate power levels that can destroy a city. After this issue, though, he’s demoted to background supporting player. I keep waiting for that day when everyone remembers he’s one of the most powerful dudes in the Marvel universe, but it hasn’t happened yet. Beyond that, this issue is all setting up what’s to come. (Galactus!)

Next issue: The (not-so-dark) Crystal.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Wedding bells

Reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Although annual #3 is a historic issue which more or less permanently changed the course of the entire series, not a lot happens in this one. There’s a ton of fighting, then a wedding. It’s a quick read.

wedding1As you can tell from the cover, the goal here is to get as many Marvel characters into one book as possible. We begin with Dr. Doom reading the newspaper, irate over a story about Reed and Sue’s upcoming wedding. Doom, still irate over his being beaten silly in his last encounter with the FF, whips up a new invention, an “emotion charger.” This thingie magically stirs the entire supervillain community into frenzy, causing every masked baddie to decide to attack the FF at once.

Nick Fury and a bunch of SHIELD agents are at the Baxter Building, providing security for the wedding. (How many the country’s secrets are being sold to foreign enemies while all these spies are at a wedding?) A guy shows up and tries to poison the Thing, and it’s revealed this guy is under the control of the Puppet Master. Before we can process this, the Mole Man and his subterranean servants attack, and it’s on.

wedding2The whole rest of the comic is basically one fight scene after another. Did Stan Lee think that the typically all-male comics readership might not be interested in a wedding issue, so he overcompensated with a nonstop onslaught of superhero battles? Or maybe he and Kirby just decided it would be fun to have all their characters in one story. Who knows?

Here are the matchups:

  • The X-Men versus the Mole Man and his henchmen.
  • Dr. Strange versus Red Ghost and the Super Apes.
  • Thor versus the Super Skrull.
  • Daredevil versus Hydra Agents.
  • The Avengers (current lineup: Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, and Quicksilver) and Spider-Man versus the Mandarin, Black Knight, Kang, the Mad Thinker, the Awesome Android, the Grey Gargoyle, Cobra, the Executioner, and the Enchantress.
  • Daredevil versus the Black Knight.
  • The X-Men versus the Mandarin, Electro, the Unicorn, the Beetle, and the Melter (I think they’re running out of bad guys by this point).
  • Quicksilver versus the Human Top (now they’ve run out of bad guys).

wedding3If all this wasn’t enough, then undersea warlord Attuma comes out of the sea with an army of ticked off Atlantis soldiers. I guess this is enough of a problem for the Watcher to interfere. He takes Reed on a tour of the fourth dimension (?!?), and he gives Reed a wondrous device that will allow Reed to remove memories from Doom and the other villains, giving them no recollection of these events. It works (I guess none of this was on the news), and everything goes back to normal.

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Time for the wedding. Sue is decked out in a nice white dress, but the other three FFers are just in their costumes. Break out the tux, Reed! Alicia is Sue’s maid of honor, and The X-Men and a couple of the Avengers are also in attendance, with Nick Fury and the SHIELD guys still working security. At the end, we see the SHIELD agents turn away two “party crashers” who insist they belong at the wedding. In the final twist, these two are, in fact, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. “Let’s get back to the bullpen and start writing the next ish!” Stan says.

wedding5 Unstable molecule: Reed saves the say with a memory-erasing device, very similar to the one he used to outwit Dr. Doom in annual #2.

Fade out: Sue sits out most of the issue, as she’s preparing for the wedding, leaving it up to the men to run around and punch criminals. How much fun would it have been for her to be in the full-on wedding dress battling the Beetle or the Melter?

Clobberin’ time: Ben can be seen crying at the wedding, the big softie.

Flame on: Johnny can be seen flying around during some of the fighting, but he kind of gets lost among all the guest stars.

Trivia time: Spider-Man isn’t drawn by Jack Kirby in this issue! Steve Ditko stepped in and drew Spidey. It’s pretty obvious when you look at it.

A line of dialogue states that neither the Hulk nor Namor are available to appear in this issue. Sure enough, this month in their own titles, the Hulk was locked in battle with the Leader, and Namor was once again battling for the crown of Atlantis, this time against a bad guy named Krang (not the TMNT Krang, but a different one).

If there weren’t enough cameos in this issue, one panel features a character named Patsy Walker, and references another character named Minnie the Model. These two were stars of an Archie-style girls’ comic Marvel produced in the ‘50s. This was Patsy’s first appearance in the Marvel Universe, and she’ll later go on to get her own superhero makeover as Hellcat.

Fantastic or Frightful: There are very few changes to characters in comics that last. Every time there’s a big change, such as a death, costume change, power change, or, in this case, a wedding, it’s usually retconned after a year or two, to return the characters to their “classic” forms. Reed and Sue’s marriage, on the other hand, has mostly lasted since this issue. (There have been a few separations here and there, but they always get back together, those two.) That makes this one worth reading, not to mention the fun of having so many Marvel characters in one comic.

Next week: A C-lister gets his shot at the A-list.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Lo!

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #43 is the conclusion to this long-winded multi-part tale, in which the FF are in danger of splitting up, and the Frightful Four take advantage. When we last left our heroes, both Ben and Johnny had been exposed to the Frightful Four’s “id machine,” and turned evil. Now, Reed and Sue are on the run from both the bad guys and their former teammates. The issue is titled, “Lo, there shall be an ending.” Why don’t people start sentences with “Lo” anymore?

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On the run from the Frightful Four – the Wizard, Medusa, Sandman, and the Trapster a.k.a. Paste-Pot Pete – Reed uses the Wizard’s anti-grav tech against them. Reed and Sue escape with Ben, who can’t fight back while weightless. The Frightful Four bicker amongst each other, with them blaming Johnny for letting the heroes escape.

Reed and Sue return to the Baxter Building with Ben, who starts smashing up the place in his anger. There’s a page of him fighting Reed and Sue until Reed traps Ben in an experimental, escape-proof lab. To undo the damage of the id machine, Reed says he must tamper with Ben’s brain.

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Back at the Frightful Four’s mansion, Medusa deduces that Johnny has been faking his loyalty to the Wizard, and, sure enough, the Wizard discovers the id machine damaged. Another fight breaks out, and it looks like Johnny might escape, but the Trapster knocks him out with a “miniature resonance cap,” which has the power of dynamite. (Sure, why not?)

From there, we get a couple of pages of Reed doing the mad scientist thing, devising some seriously cool-looking Jack Kirby tech. He hooks it up to the unconscious Ben. Reed’s new invention starts to work, but Ben wakes up and starts to destroy it. Ben is bathed in dangerous radiation, and Reed nearly dies absorbing some of it from him, before Sue pulls the main power switch, shutting everything down. Ben is out cold again, and only time will tell if he’s healed.

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Subplot! Abruptly, we’re next taken to Latveria, where Dr. Doom is still fretting over his hands being injured in issue #40. He swears revenge (of course), and he mentions his new invention, an emotion changer. Just like that, the scene ends and we go back to the story proper. What’s this all about? The emotion changer bit is a reference to FF annual #3, on sale the same month as this issue. We’ll get to that one soon enough.

At the Baxter Building, the Frightful Four arrive in their personal flying saucer. (Again, why not?) The Frightful Four sneak inside, and reveal to Reed and Sue that they have Johnny held hostage on a giant anti-grav disc floating outside the building. Instead of surrendering, Reed calls for “Plan R,” which is apparently code for “Hit Medusa with a force field, Sue.”  She does, but it doesn’t slow down the enemies. Just as it looks like Reed and Sue are outnumbered, Ben comes out of his slumber and crushes the Wizard’s high-tech armor. This frees Johnny, who flames on and rejoins the battle. This turns the tide, as Sandman and the Trapster immediately surrender.

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Medusa flees the building, and Johnny pursues. Just as he’s about to apprehend her, he hesitates. This gives her enough time to get back into the flying saucer and take off with it. Johnny says he can’t explain why he let her go, but Reed figures it’s because Medusa is so beautiful and Johnny is, well, Johnny. Then there’s a humorous bit where Reed calls the police and tells them he’s captured the Frightful Four, but the cops don’t believe him.

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Finally free from the Wizard’s id machine, Ben wonders if Reed and Sue hate him now. They don’t, and apologies are spoken. There’s a reminder that Reed and Sue are engaged and Ben is best man. Ben wonders if he might get married someday, if he’s ever free from being… a thing.

Unstable molecule: Reed whips up a huge, crazy-looking, brain-unwashing machine in his lab in no time.

Fade out: Sue and Medusa are evenly matched. Every time Sue deals a blow, Medusa fights back.

Clobberin’ time: Ben takes out the Wizard, which pretty takes down the entire Frightful Four. The resolution is interesting. Apologies are spoken, but the status quo is the same. The frustrations that led Ben to quit the team to begin with are still there, so there can be further stories down the line as Reed searches, and often fails, for Ben’s cure.

Flame on: Johnny was only faking joining the Frightful Four, but he doesn’t do much while undercover, and the baddies see through the ruse pretty quick.

Trivia time: With Medusa’s departure, this is the last time we get a story with the original Frightful Four. Their membership will feature a variety of Marvel B-list villains following this.

Fantastic or frightful? The big multi-part tale ends without any big brawls or cosmic wonders. It’s kind of low-key, considering all the craziness that led up to it. Maybe that’s intentional, though, as Stan Lee and Jack Kirby were always looking for ways to keep readers off guard. (Also, Galactus is coming!)

Next week: Wedding bells.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Ten cent movies wrap-up: The best and worst

A while back, I bought this 50-movie set, Sci-fi Invasion, for five bucks. That added up to ten cents per movie. I went and watched all of them. Here are the highlights:

Favorite speculative spectacle: Battle Beyond the Sun takes place after World War III, in which the Earth’s two surviving factions, “North Hemis” and “South Hemis,” are in a race to put the first man on Mars. The best part: This takes place in the far-distant future of 1997!

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 Favorite sleaze factor: Prey is actually really good. It’s the most successfully artsy of the bunch. Its erotic, kinky love triangle really draws you in, as does its gothic vampire-movie vibe.

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Favorite quantum quotable: From Star Knight: Harvey Keitel: “Sire, surely thou canst not doubt my forceful courage. A hundred trials I have fought and, forsooth, have triumphed over each one. If I were knighted, and made Sir Klever, the vassals would respect me more, and thus would be eased the rigors of your reign.” Medieval King: “Must you speak like that?”

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Favorite what the felgercarb: 1934’s Life Begins centers its finale on actual footage of veterinarians performing surgery on a dog, successfully reviving it after it had been euthanized. It’s supposed to be all life-affirming, but instead it’s incredibly creepy.

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Favorite trivia time: From the three Rocky Jones films. More than 20 episodes of the Rocky Jones Space Ranger TV show had already been made by the time the first one, Beyond the Moon, aired. Then, the same month as the premiere, actor Scotty Beckett, who plays Rocky’s sidekick Winky, was arrested following an armed robbery in Hollywood. He made bail and fled to Mexico, where he got into a gunfight with local cops before being caught again and incarcerated for four months. Holy crap!

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Hey, I only count 48 movies: I skipped two of them, The Creeping Terror and Fugitive Alien, because they were both featured on well-known episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000. He tried to kill me with a forklift!

Favorite poster: One of the most fun things about this series has been looking up the original posters and home video cover art for each movie. The one from 1968’s It’s Alive takes the cake:

WORST ten cent movie: Eyes Behind the Stars, simply because of how boring it is. Nothing happens!

BEST ten cent movie: Future Hunters. It’s everything a B-movie should be. Why? The action doesn’t stop. There’s always something exciting happening, as it rockets from one chase or fight to the next. Next time you want to want to watch a “roller coaster ride” movie, make it Future Hunters.

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That’s that. What should I do next with this blog?

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Ten cent movies: Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe

A while back, I bought this 50-movie set, Sci-fi Invasion for five bucks. That adds to up to cents per movie. We’re finally at movie number 50, the Jesse Ventura-led space epic Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe.

abraxas1 Here’s what happens: Abraxas (Ventura) is an alien “finder,” which is some sort of space bounty hunter. His former partner, Secundus, has gone rouge. Secundus flees to Earth, where he magically impregnates a young woman. The child, he believes, will grow up to be the “comater,” who can solve something called the anti-life equation and destroy the universe or some crap. Abraxas shows sympathy for the child and his mother, and vows to protect them.

abraxas5 Speculative spectacle: Lots of technobabble. Abraxas undergoes a painful procedure called “volting,” which makes him able to live thousands of years. He has a built-in computer called an “answer box.” He travels through space via wormholes. Unfortunately, all this sci-fi talk is just setup for two guys wandering around some middle-of-nowhere small town looking for each other.

Quantum quotables: Space bureaucrat: “You’ve endangered the lives of millions of people for the sake of one woman and one child?” Abraxas: “I think you’re over dramatizing the situation.”

abraxas3 Sleaze factor: Secundus impregnates a woman by merely placing his hand on her belly. Stupid aliens take the fun out of everything. Later, in an effort to locate a “birthing species,” Secundus randomly starts a fight in a PG-rated strip club.

What the felgercarb? A lot of aspects of the plot are taken straight from Jack Kirby’s Fourth World comics, like how the movie’s “answer box” is kind of like Kirby’s “mother box,” and how the movie’s “anti-life equation,” is almost similar to Kirby’s “anti-life equation.”

abraxas4 Trivia time: James Belushi shows up in an oh-so-wacky cameo as a school principal. He was married to the lead actress at the time. Some have speculated as to whether this principal is the same one he played in the movie The Principal. IMDb tells me that both characters are indeed named “Principal Latimer.”

Worth ten cents? Silly me. I sat down to watch, thinking I was going to get space battles and Brigitte Nielsen and a young Sam Raimi cameo. No, that movie was Galaxis. Instead, Abraxas promises epic outer space action, but all we get is Jesse Ventura wandering around some crappy small town while trying to act like the Terminator. To think I had such high hopes for this one.

That’s the end! Come back tomorrow for a ten cent movie roundup.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Ten cent movies: R.O.T.O.R.

A while back, I bought this 50-movie set, Sci-fi Invasion for five bucks. That adds to up to cents per movie. Today it’s a trip back to 1989 for the Terminator/Robocop ripoff, R.O.T.O.R.

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Here’s what happens: Heroic police captain Barrett Coldyron (sweet name!) is developing a new robotic police officer to clean up crime on the mean streets of Dallas. He wants four years on the project, but the scumbag politicians give him only 60 days, so he quits. Without him, the project goes haywire, and the mustachioed cybernetic cop R.O.T.O.R. is out on the street.

Speculative spectacle: Because he’s still just a prototype, poor R.O.T.O.R. doesn’t quite get the whole “serve and protect” thing, executing people for minor crimes. Now, Coldyron has to take down his own creation.

rotor5 Quantum quotables: Scientist: “What’s your intent in some little-known alloy? Is there some good vibration to its molecular tonality you can utilize?” Coldyron: “Exactly.”

Sleaze factor: A jive-talkin’ Native American tries to use his ethnicity to impress a woman in a come-on that’s awful in numerous ways. He says to her, “I’m either an Indian or a sissy, so I must be an Indian!”

rotor2What the Felgercarb? Coldyron enlists help from Dr. Steele, a female scientist/bodybuilder with a huge white streak in her hair. I’m very tired.

Trivia time: R.O.T.O.R. stands for “Robotic Officer Tactical Operation Research.” Because “research” is something what we want to see in an action movie.

rotor3 Worth ten cents? This movie is filled with whacked-out dialogue, so much so that it has me wondering whether it’s an intentional comedy. It’s right on the line. Unfortunately, it also suffers from long stretches of absolutely nothing happening (there’s a driving montage every single time any character drives from place to place). So spend your dime on other stuff.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Fantastic Friday: Everybody fights everybody

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #42 finds us still in the middle of a multi-part story in which the Frightful Four turn the Thing against the rest of the team. Hope you like fighting.

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Enraged and mind-controlled by the Frightful Four, Ben is about to pummel Reed, who caught in the Trapster’s super-glue. Reed deflects Ben’s blows by stretching himself into a cushion-like state. Elsewhere inside the same house, Johnny has been hooked up to a device that will douse him with water if he tries to use his powers, he deduces that he can heat up fast enough to destroy the machine before it can react, which works. He frees Sue from the plastic bag she’s trapped in, and they join the fight.

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The Frightful Four – Medusa, the Wizard, Sandman, and the Trapster (formerly Paste-Pot Pete) – fight back, and it’s a brawl. Johnny is too fast for Sandman, but not for Trapster, who snags Johnny in a cage made out of paste bars (!). Sue takes on Medusa, but gets tangled up in Medusa’s wily hair. Ben takes a few more swings at Reed, unwittingly breaking Reed free of his trap. They fight for the next three pages, tearing apart the Frightful Four’s mansion. Ben finally knocks Reed unconscious. Reed is apparently in a pliable state while out cold, so Ben stuffs him into a tiny metal container (where’d he get that?) and sealing it so Reed can’t get out.

Meanwhile, Sue successfully fends off attacks from Medusa, Sandman, and the Trapster as Johnny escapes from his cage and rejoins the fight. Ben shows up, just in time to add to the battle. Sue escapes while invisible, but Ben and the Frightful Four capture Johnny and knock him out. The Wizard decides to hook Johnny up to his id machine, just like he did with Ben in the previous issue, making the Frightful Four now a frightful six.

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Sue managed to get a hold of Reed’s canister as she escaped. Now in the woods outside the house, it takes all of her strength to force the lid off, so Reed can escape. They make their way back to the house, where the Wizard has left a lot of his high-tech gear sitting around outside (I thought he was supposed to be the smart one). Reed uses tear gas machine and the Wizard’s anti-gravity discs to get the bad guys out of the house. Reed incapacitates Ben with an anti-grav disc, but Johnny attacks, surrounding his former teammates in a wall of flame. And… to be continued, again!

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Unstable molecule: Does this issue mean that Reed turns into a Play-Doh like state every time he falls asleep, or was this just because Ben beat him up so severely first?

Fade out: This issue is pretty much all about Sue. She takes on the whole Frightful Four by herself, managing to rescue her husband as she does so.

Clobberin’ Time: Ben is reduced to merely a monster in this issue, here to throw punches at our heroes. That’s kind of odd, considering that his feeling like a monster is what kicked off this plotline two issues back.

Flame on: During the fight, Johnny creates a “sunburst” with his flame, temporarily blinding his enemies. This is another example of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby always thinking of new ways for the characters to use their powers.

Trivia time: During a brief moment of downtime, Medusa offers Ben some friendship, which upsets Sandman. This could be read as her making the transition from villain to one of the good guys. (Keep in mind, we’re only a few issues away from her kin the Inhumans… and Galactus.)

Fantastic or Frightful: There’s not much to say about this issue. It’s all fighting, and all setup for the next chapter. Because the action is mostly confined to the inside of one house, Kirby doesn’t really get to cut loose with the big action like he usually does. (Trust me, we’ll get to that big action when we get to Galactus.)

Next week: Lo!

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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Ten cent movies: Silver Needle in the Sky

A while back, I bought this 50-movie set, Sci-Fi Invasion, for five bucks. That adds up to ten cents per movie. Can you believe I’m almost done with this series? Only a few movies left to go. Here’s our third and final go-around with Rocky Jones, Space Ranger, in Silver Needle in the Sky. Once again, this is a couple of episodes of the 1955 TV show edited into a feature.

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Here’s what happens: Heroic Rocky Jones and his crew – sidekick Winky (ugh), space girl Vena, and precocious little kid Bobby – are escorting a group of ambassadors to a space station, but they’re captured by the sinister Queen Cleolantha. She plans to hold the ambassadors for ransom, and only Rocky and his pals can stop her.

Speculative spectacle: Cleolantha shuts off the oxygen in Rocky’s ship, and Rocky gets it fixed by using, of all things, Vena’s lipstick. (Maybe it’s high-tech space lipstick.)

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Sleaze factor: None, except for Vena’s ever-present short skirt, of course.

Quantum quotables: “Gallopin’ galaxies!” – little Bobby’s favorite expression.

What the felgercarb? One of the ambassadors walks around with this funky-looking headdress on. Is he an ancient Egyptian pharaoh?

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Microcosmic minutiae: Rocky Jones had a short-lived run in the comics, appearing in issues 15-19 of Space Adventures, published by Charlton. In the comics, the space ranger uniforms are blue and white, but in other promotional materials, they’re red and white.

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Worth ten cents? The other Rocky Jones collections on this set were goofball fun, but this one is dull. What it loses in crazy space adventure, it gains a lot of standing around and talking. If you want the Rocky Jones experience, skip this one and watch The Gypsy Moon instead.

****

Want more? Check out my book, CINE HIGH, now available for the Kindle and the free Kindle app.

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